SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Sunday, March 30, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: signonsandiego.com


The silly and the serious: NCAA violations
 
February 10, 2008
Schools self-report and self-punish several minor violations each year. Many are paperwork glitches or recruiting contacts outside of the permitted time frame. Some seem downright silly, others more serious. But where do you draw the line? Each of the following sampling was an NCAA violation:

THE SILLY ...

UTAH
In 2006, a women's soccer player was cited for buying a $1.83 Christmas card from FedEx Kinko's with money to be used for recruit hosting. To resolve it, money was returned, and rules were reviewed.
In 2005, three football recruits were lent warmup gear because of cold weather during a visit. NCAA rules were reviewed by staff as punishment.
WASHINGTON STATE

In 2005, the volleyball staff sent a letter to recruits on cardstock paper instead of normal letterhead. A letter of admonishment was sent to assistant coach by school.
In 2005, a volleyball coach was cited for taking a recruit to a restaurant outside of a 30-mile radius from campus. Letter of admonishment to coach, recruit declared ineligible temporarily.
In 2005, WSU noticed that the school had paid $1 of a $14 pay-per-view movie watched by men's golfers at a hotel on a road trip. The players had paid the rest, but they were declared ineligible until repayment of $1 to charity.
WASHINGTON
In 2006, a men's tennis coach called a recruit to plan an in-home visit. Two days later, he called the recruit back for directions to his home. The coach received a letter of caution for his violation of making more than one call to a recruit in one week. Coaching staff was forbidden to call prospect for two weeks.
In 2005, the women's golf team sent a newsletter to recruits with color ink on it. Only white paper and black type is permitted. Staff was sent letters of caution.
FRESNO STATE
In 2007, a ninth-grader e-mailed a volleyball coach, who replied to it thinking the inquiry was from somebody else who was a high school senior (and eligible to communicate with). Volleyball staff was banned from recruiting this younger prospect for first two weeks of her junior year.
In 2002 and 2003, women's soccer coach Stacy Welp and an assistant were observed watching pick-up games among players, an offseason no-no. Twelve student-athletes were interviewed as witnesses. Team was docked two spring contests, 23 spring practices. Welp's contract wasn't renewed.
COLORADO STATE
In 2005, a faculty member joined the volleyball coach for breakfast with a recruit to discuss the school's veterinary medicine program during the recruit's official visit. Incident was reported and rules were reviewed by the coaching staff.
ARIZONA STATE
In 2005, a football player received free $5 parking from parking attendant, apparently because he was a football player. Player was temporarily ineligible until he repaid the $5 to charity.
In 2005, a men's track athlete signed a contract with a modeling agency and posed for Web site. The athlete had to cancel the contract and give back the T-shirt he wore for the shoot before regaining his eligibility.
ARIZONA
In 2006, a gymnast appeared in a TV commercial for a restaurant where she worked. A cease-and-desist letter was sent to the restaurant. Gymnast was temporarily ineligible.
UCLA
In 2004, players in an unspecified sport kicked the ball around during summer camp with an assistant coach for 20 minutes. As a result, the coach was banned from first two practices and received letter of admonishment.
NEW MEXICO
In 2006, the school sold 100 women's basketball cards for 25 cents each, unbeknownst to the players on the cards. To resolve the violation, the school donated the proceeds to charity ($25). The staffers involved in the sale went through an education session.

... AND THE MORE SERIOUS

UTAH
In 2006, a tutor typed football player Paul Soliai's three-page paper. As a result, the tutors were to be periodically quizzed, with possible further action, as of recently.
In 2006, $1,012 in impermissible meals was given from donors to football team. As punishment, the athletes were declared ineligible until they paid $7.50 each to charitable organization (135 individuals involved).
WASHINGTON STATE
In 2003, assistant marketing director Dawn Keen provided extra benefits to athletes, allegedly including giving money to a men's basketball player to gamble at casino, a $20 loan, snacks and dinner. Athletes ineligible until they repaid benefits. Keen was reprimanded and later resigned.
In 2007, a men's basketball staffer provided NCAA Tournament tickets to two men's basketball players, valued at $50 each. The players were declared ineligible until $50 paid to charity. Letter of admonishment sent to Ronnie Wideman, the staffer.
FRESNO STATE
In 2004, women's basketball coach Stacy Johnson-Klein invited three players to a neighbor's house, where each was given a Christmas gift to unwrap with $50 in cash. One player declared ineligible until repayment. Others were post-eligible.
WASHINGTON
In 2005, former UW football player Tank Johnson said he would provide one of his Chicago Bears jerseys to the Washington basketball player who scored the most points in a game. Player declared ineligible until jersey returned.
CAL
In 2005, a booster provided impermissible plane travel for the use of recruiting. Penalty was payment for the plane rental and a letter of admonishment to the staff member who set it up.
UNLV
In 2005, a football transfer knowingly was involved in the arrangement of receiving fraudulent academic credit and false transcripts. The player was declared ineligible and required to reimburse the school for tuition, books and fees.
ARIZONA STATE
In 2006, a football player offered a pawn shop his bowl ring as collateral for a $75 loan. When he didn't pay it back, the ring later ended up on eBay. Player was declared ineligible until loan repaid.
In 2007, entire baseball team received occasional meal from donors at a restaurant. Players ineligible until repayment to charity.
ARIZONA
Administration auctioned player jerseys with number, name and autograph. The staff was admonished and student-athlete eligibility was restored.
NEW MEXICO
In 2005, boosters paid almost $300 for greens fees and transportation for two golfers in Dallas. Golfers declared ineligible until repayment. One was withheld from two dates of competition.
In 2005, an anonymous caller alleged tobacco use among baseball players. The coaches were issued letters of admonishment.
AIR FORCE
In 2004, men's tennis player accepted $350 in prize money from summer tennis tournament. Player was suspended, money repaid to charity.




 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source:dodgerprofiles.blogspot.com



Jay Johnstone

There's absolutely no way that they'd make it a thought-provoking, tear-jerking documentary.

Nope.

Chances are if some Hollywood movie studio ever decides to purchase the rights to Jay Johnstone's life story, they would make it a knee-slapping, side-splitting, fall-out-of-your-chair-laughing animated cartoon.

Ten-to-one odds says that everyone's favorite lovable prankster, Bart Simpson would be chosen for the lead role. Bart is a dead ringer for Johnstone. He even has Johnstone's toothy smile.

As you probably know or perhaps guessed by now, Johnstone was a completely zany, off-the-wall character, who simply loved to play practical jokes on his unsuspecting teammates.

He pulled off a number of infamous pranks during his playing days, including placing a soggy brownie inside Steve Garvey's first base mitt, cutting out the crotch area of Rick Sutcliffe's underwear, dressing up as a groundskeeper and sweeping the Dodger Stadium infield in between innings, and replacing the celebrity photos in Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda's office with pictures of himself, Jerry Reuss, and Don Stanhouse.

Johnstone was also a pretty darn good hitter. But, that wasn't always the case. At least, not at first.

After seven big league seasons, Johnstone sported a rather pedestrian .245 career batting average. The most troubling and frustrating part of his game, was his lack of consistency with the bat. He was as reliable as a local weatherman suffering from dyslexia or an alcoholic with amnesia.

In 1972 Johnstone batted .188 in 107 games for the Chicago White Sox and was subsequently waived.

Ironically, baseball's funny man had been laughed out of the league. His career appeared to be over at the age of 27.

And then the unexpected happened.

Baseball's clown finally started taking the game seriously. During the winter of 1972, Johnstone worked with a batting coach and began the slow and tedious process of remaking what would later turn out to be a picture perfect line drive swing. A veritable workaholic, he seemd to spend every waking moment hitting tennis balls off a tee.

Unfortunately, Johnstone did not see immediate results at the big league level, batting just .107 in 28 games for the Oakland A's in 1973, and was released once again.

However, Johnstone would not be out of work for long.

His hard work, dedication and preserverance eventually paid off. In the ensuing four years, he batted .295, .329, .318 and .284 for the Philadelphia Phillies.

Johnstone was not surprised by his new found success. "You see, the more you practice, the more you can do things without thinking about it," Johnstone explained at the time. "And when you can do it, react without thinking, you cut down on the time it takes the brain to send messages to the parts of your body that has to react. And that little minute time makes all the difference."

A native of Manchester, Connecticut, Johnstone was originally signed as an amateur free agent by the Los Angeles Angels in 1963. He played in the big leagues for parts of 20 seasons with eight different teams, including the Los Angeles Dodgers twice from 1980 to 1982 and again in 1985.

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stevetheump.com

 
Earls' Pearls

 Earl
 Quotes from Earl Weaver:

"You win pennants in the off season when you build your teams with trades and free agents."

"A manager's job is simple. For one hundred sixty-two games you try not to screw up all that smart stuff your organization did last December."

 "A manager should stay as far away as possible from his players. I don't know if I said ten words to Frank Robinson while he played for me."

"Bad ballplayers make good managers, not the other way around. All I can do is help them be as good as they are.

"Coaches are an integral part of any manager's team, especially if they are good pinochle players."

"Don't worry, the fans don't start booing until July."

"Economics played a role. Raleighs have gone from six fifty to nine dollars a carton, but there's a three-quarter cent coupon on the back. You can get all kinds of things with them, blenders, everything. I saved up enough one time and got Al Bumbry."

"Every time I fail to smoke a cigarette between innings, the opposition will score."

"I don't think, in all the years I managed them, I ever spoke more than thirty words to Frank and Brooks Robinson."

"If you know how to cheat, start now."

"I never got many questions about my managing. I tried to get twenty-five guys who didn't ask questions."

"I think the National League has better biorhythms in July."

"I think there should be bad blood between all clubs."

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

"Nobody likes to hear it, because it's dull, but the reason you win or lose is darn near always the same - pitching."

"No one's gonna give a damn in July if you lost a game in March."

"On my tombstone just write, 'The sorest loser that ever lived.'"

"The job of arguing with the umpire belongs to the manager, because it won't hurt the team if he gets thrown out of the game."

"The key step for an infielder is the first one, to the left or right, but before the ball is hit."

"The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three run homers."

"The only thing that matters is what happens on the little hump out in the middle of the field."

"This ain't a football game, we do this every day."

"We're so bad right now that for us back-to-back home runs means one today and another one tomorrow."

"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and five the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all."

"You got a hundred more young kids than you have a place for on your club. Every one of them has had a going away party. They have been given the shaving kit and the fifty dollars. They kissed everybody and said, 'See you in the majors in two years.' You see these poor kids who shouldn't be there in the first place. You write on the report card '4-4-4 and out.' That's the lowest rating in everything. Then you call 'em in and say, 'It's the consensus among us that we're going to let you go back home.' Some of them cry, some get mad, but none of them will leave until you answer them one question, 'Skipper, what do you think?' And you gotta look every one of those kids in the eye and kick their dreams in the ass and say no. If you say it mean enough, maybe they do themselves a favor and don't waste years learning what you can see in a day. They don't have what it takes to make the majors, just like I never had it."

 







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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: republicanherald.com



Track and field covers wide range of abilities
 
03/10/2008
 
Last Monday marked the beginning of the rites of spring for high school spring sports teams across Pennsylvania.

Click Here!
On baseball, softball and soccer fields, boys' and girls' teams began their first official practices of their 2008 seasons. While these athletes focus on skills that require hand/eye coordination and aptitudes few possess, other athletes of all shapes, sizes and abilities began their season the same way the ancient Greeks did over 2000 years ago: honing their running, jumping and throwing skills in the sport of track and field.

It is fitting that the civilization which brought democracy to the world would create such a democratic sport. There are no goals, points or earned runs. Simply, the athlete who runs the fastest, jumps the highest or throws the farthest is the winner.

Log more miles than your opponent, spend hours fine tuning your technique, or spend the winter in the weight room building your strength, and you are creating a winning formula for the sport.

There is no prototype track and field athlete. Sprinters are chiseled, muscular and fast. Long distance runners are lithe and gaunt. Jumpers have legs up to their necks. Throwers are built like offensive linemen, and pole vaulters are just plain crazy.

A high school track meet in Pennsylvania consists of running events of 100, 200, 400, 800, 1600 (the metric mile) and 3200 meters (approximately 2 miles). Three relays are contested: the 4 x 100 meters, 4 x 400 meters and the 4 x 800 meters. All are run on a 400-meter oval.

Cinder tracks have largely been replaced by all-weather surfaces. In the Schuylkill League, Pottsville, Blue Mountain, Shamokin, Schuylkill Haven, Mount Carmel, Pine Grove and Mahanoy Area have all-weather surfaces.

In a regular dual meet, contested between two teams, competitors receive five points for a first-place finish, three for second place, and one point for a third-place finish. In the relays, the winning team receives five points and the losing team none.

Hurdlers compete in the 110-meter high hurdles (100 meters for girls) and the 300-meter intermediate hurdles. These are grueling events. The high hurdles require speed, precision timing and proper steps; while the intermediates require brute strength to go along with speed.

Jumpers compete in the long and triple jump, the high jump and the pole vault. A long jumper is fast, but must also master a technique which allows him or her to maximize their speed while making sure their steps remain fluid and avoid fouling. The triple jump is really a hop, step and a jump, which requires a great deal of speed and coordination.

In the high jump, the competitor must get vertical without knocking off the bar. Practicing one's technique for hours is the only way to master the high jump.

The other vertical jump is the pole vault. A pole vaulter must utilize speed while carrying a 14-foot pole the length of the runway. Planting the pole in a small box, the vaulter must then propel his body skyward and twist over the bar, without knocking it off its standards. A pole vaulter has strong thighs, as well as biceps.

A shot putter achieves speed within a shot put circle, then propels a steel ball for distance. Shot putters are big and strong.

The ancient Greeks threw a frisbee-like object which we call the discus. Lighter than the shot put, the discus is also tossed for distance.

The javelin is a spear. It is tossed for distance, often by the quarterback of the high school football team. The point of the javelin needs to break the ground in order for a score to occur. Yes, there have been javelin accidents. In fact, some states have outlawed the javelin competition.

Track meets are a compilation of many activities, and can be confusing to watch. While events on the track seem to be most prominent, the other events are integral parts of the meet and factor enormously in the scoring of the meet. A total of 150 points are awarded in a high school meet, thus a team must earn at least 76 points in order to win the meet.

A track team consists of athletes who possess many different skills. However, a person who has displayed athletic ability in another sport may often join a track team and pick up an event or two on athletic ability alone. From there, coaching and hours of practice take over.

Schuylkill League track and field teams begin competition at the end of the month. Their season ends in May, with the Schuylkill League Track and Field Championships on May 7 at Mahanoy Area and the District 11 Track and Field Championships to be contested May 14-15 at Blue Mountain. Top athletes will compete in the PIAA Championships at Shippensburg.


 

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