FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: steelersfever.com

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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES

Pittsburgh Steeler Quotes

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"Now that I'm here, I don't want to just be here, I want to be here for a long time." Hines Ward, 1998 4th round draft pick.

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"If that boy billionaire thinks he can shut me up, he should stick his head in a can of paint." Steelers announcer Myron Cope, after Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder sent someone into the broadcast booth during a game to tell Cope to stop referring to his team as the "Wash Redfaces" (2000).

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"It's like what they said about the raptor in Jurassic Park - one of us gets your attention, the other one gets you." Greg Lloyd.

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"Chuck and I hit it off the first day we met. We had an argument." Art Rooney. (Ed.'s note: Referring to Chuck Noll)

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"Who is Joe Namath? This is a guy who, if he played in the league today, I'd probably just go hit him late and see what he did, just for the hell of it. Joe Namath can go to hell; he can kiss my ass." Greg Lloyd, after NBC commentator Joe Namath accused Lloyd of playing dirty (1991).

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"I am very aggressive and very physical. On the field I guess I am just plain mean." Jack Lambert.

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"We're coming from everywhere. We play with 15 guys in the huddle. We have guys parachuting from airplanes, fans coming from out of the stands to help us go after people." Kevin Greene.

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"I hated putting on that purple uniform, and I hated that raven bird. What really ticked me off is when we played Pittsburgh our whole stadium seemed to be filled with Pittsburgh fans." Tackle Orlando Brown, on playing in Baltimore for Art Modell's Ravens (1999).

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"Going after the QB is like playing king of the mountain. When you get the QB, you're on top of the mountain." Joe Greene.

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"To be honest, the fans pay our bills. They pay my bills. They pay for my house and everything else. That's the best feeling in the world to come out and see 60,000 people at a football game." Lee Flowers, on what motivates him (1998).

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"I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play." Jack Lambert.

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"He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there." Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).

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"I'm not out there to pussyfoot or be your friend. I have a lot of friends around the league. But I don't know you when you're on the field. I play the game." Greg Lloyd

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"They say that when you're the champs, everybody will try to beat you. Well, I'm glad we're champs, so bring 'em on, bring 'em all on. If we die, we ain't gonna die running. It's gonna be a fight." Joe Greene

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"It's time to plant some seeds. What that means is, hit them in the mouth. Ya know, plant some seeds. Show 'em what time it is." Levon Kirkland

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"The Steelers drafted guys who were bigger, stronger and faster than I, but they never found one who could take my job away from me." Jack Lambert

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"The only thing I want to see different is that there were a lot of Steelers fans there, which is great for the Steelers, but this is our home." Mike Holmgren, Seahawks/Steelers Game (2003)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: idolforums.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

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"A missed shot is not always a bad thing."- Allen Iverson of the 76ers (now with the Nuggets)

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"The ship be sinking."-Michael Ray Richardson of the Knicks
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"Howard Ballard is the biggest non-fat guy I've seen in my life."-John Madden

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"Matt Millen leads the league in stuff hanging."-John Madden

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"I don't know if Tom Brady is cute or not, but I know one thing, he's tough."-John Madden

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"I believe that the Vikings will make the playoffs today because if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, eventually they'll write 'War and Peace,' at some point."-Steve Young on ESPN

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"Do you have a question that's worth answering?"-Bob Knight, Indiana head coach (now with Texas Tech)

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"Men, you have to do everything you can to get yourselves mentally ready for this game. Now, for some of you, that will mean a lot of sex, and for others it may mean none at all."-Bill Walsh, 49ers head coach

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailynebraskan.com

PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON

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SPORTS QUOTES OF THE YEAR, 1998

College Sports Quotes

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"I'm in reasonably good shape. I'm not going to keel over right in front of you or anything like that."
Head Football Coach Tom Osborne, on his heart troubles

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"They kicked our ass."
Iowa State Quarterback Todd Bandhauer, on his team's loss to the Huskers.
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"I dove and I had both my hands out firmly, but the ball was just a couple inches from the ground. It was just a couple inches from no national championship."
NU freshman split end Matt Davison, on "The Catch" that beat Missouri

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"That guy hasn't missed a field goal since - well, we're talking Germany here - since Hitler was a corporal."
Texas Tech Football Coach Spike Dykes, on Nebraska place kicker Kris Brown

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"The chances of Jonah running for us this year are slim, and Slim is on his way out of town."
NU Cross Country Coach Jay Dirksen, on the odds of Jonah Kiptarus running this year

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'Think about it. You have to be nuts to get on that board and do what they do."
NU Diving Coach Jim Hocking, saying his divers aren't like average people

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"I was like, 'Well, geez, I suck.'"
Nebraska volleyball player Jamie Krondak, on hitting below .220 in the Husker's first four games

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"It just came up ... I tried to walk and then I was like, 'Oh man, I'm throwing up in front of 70,000 people.'"
Akron outside linebacker George Cameron, who tossed his cookies on Memorial Stadium turf

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"If we're not in the top 64 in the country, then we belong in Russia."
NU Men's Basketball Coach Danny Nee, on the possibility of the Huskers being invited to the NCAA Tournament

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"I really wanted to go to UCLA, but my mom told me there were too many earthquakes out there."
NU long jumper Chris Wright, on why he came to Nebraska
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"Seeing how it's sunny outside, maybe we should go out and settle this whole thing right now."
President Bill Clinton, on the Michigan and Nebraska football teams' visit to the White House to be recognized for winning the national championship

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: media.www.mainecampus.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

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Jack Cosgrove: "Who won the match between coach Whitehead and Cosgrove?"

Maine Campus: You weren't there?

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JC: "We never got to duke it out."

MC: Who would you have liked to have paired up with?

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JC: "'I've got a size adavantage on Whitehead. Although, he's a feisty guy."

MC: Do you think he'd fight dirty?

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JC: "Absolutely, he's a hockey guy."

MC: Would you wear pads.

JC: "I would wear my cup, I know that."

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The Maine Campus and Jack Cosgrove

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"The best thing I ever did was tell [Shawn Walsh] to stop playing and become a coach."

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Michigan State University men's ice hockey coach Ron Mason

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"When you go out and get your ass kicked for three hours every day, you hate it. But after you're shown that you can win, you won't quit."

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UMaine senior volleyball middle blocker Adrienne Poplawski.

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"He's a man's man. Off the court he's far more of a man than he is a college kid.

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He's in that category of players that a coach hopes his daughter marries someday.

UMaine men's basketball coach John Giannini on Jamar Croom.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wrestlingforum.com

PRO WRESTLING INSULTS
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Ric Flair to Sean Waltman in WCW: "Kid, I've had more world titles than youve had pieces of ass".
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Scott Steiner while working for WCW: "WCW SUCKS".
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Dusty Rhodes: I've wined and dined with kings and queens and slept in alleys eating pork & beans".
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Terry Funk after being bucked by a horse on live PPV: "You fucking horse, I'll kick your ass!".
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Jim Cornette on Hulk Hogan:
Yea, you're a household name. So is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.
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"I'M THE MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE....AND I AM THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION....AND YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!"
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"I'm going to bitch slap ya, Triple H! And steal your wife!"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: articles.latimes.com

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SPORTS INSULTS

November 22, 2005

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For teenagers, Chocolate Thunder probably sounds like an exotic candy bar or some concoction at an ice cream shop.

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But the nickname has a different meaning for those in the 40-something-and-up range. Who else could it be but Darryl Dawkins, the cape wearing, backboard shattering human dunk machine.

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GQ magazine writer Jason Gay, attempting to “revive” his love of the NBA, recently caught up with Dawkins, now coaching the Pennsylvania ValleyDawgs of the United States Basketball League. He apparently hasn’t changed, still ranking as a veritable quote machine.

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Here are a couple of tidbits:

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On his toughest matchup: “Bob Lanier. Left-handed, lazy eye, size-22 shoe, 7 feet, 300-something pounds.”

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The easiest: “Mel Turpin. Anytime you saw Melvin Turpin, you knew all you had to do was run up and down the floor 10 times fast because he’d just left Burger King.”
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All T.O., all day: Fox NFL analysts Jimmy Johnson, Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long went back and forth Sunday about the Eagles’ suspended wide receiver, Terrell Owens.

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Johnson said he was tired of talking about “this selfish troublemaker.”
Of course, they went on to talk some more about Owens.
Bradshaw: “You would take him back in a heartbeat and play him if you thought he would win you a football game. Am I right?”
Johnson: “Only if we were in the playoff hunt! Hey, he’s using us, so we’ll use him.”
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T.O. Part II:

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San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler, on the massive guy in Owens’ entourage at his meeting with the media:

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“He wasn’t visible in all the TV shots of the Terrell Owens-Drew Rosenhaus press conference, but a huge, hulking bodyguard stood next to the two superstars. Who can blame T.O. for hiring some muscle? He could have been torn apart by that snarling pack of foam-lipped pencil-necks.”

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Gator power: Golfer Greg Norman looked outside of his sport for a long-term business role model and found it in a famous French tennis player, Rene Lacoste.

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“Not many people know him for what he was – a good tennis player, not a great tennis player,” Norman told Business Week magazine. “But he created a brand that lives on.”

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Selectivity is important, too.
“I could have endorsed car washes and underwear, but things like that don’t build up your brand.”
Yeah, Shark for Fruit of the Loom just doesn’t have that ring.
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And finally: Mike Ditka, speaking on ESPN’s “Sunday NFL Countdown” about Randy Moss:

“You’ve got to say one thing about the guy, he’s consistent. He hits everybody the same. I want to say one thing: When a man is all wrapped up in himself, he makes a very small package. Remember that.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: gamblingiq.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

SPORTS BETTING: THE QUOTES AND THE QUOTABLE

June 17, 2008

From an NFL player alleged to be so cruel to dogs it should make you cringe, to an NBA referee who went on a sports betting binge, to a Tour de France rider with a syringe, it's been an interesting gew months in the world of sports and sports betting.

If there is a silver lining to these abuses it is that these sordid revelations have inspired journalists, athletes, administrators and just plain ordinary folks to be witty, innovative, humorous and, in some cases, just plain silly.

See for yourself…

“Now, granted he (Michael Vick) might have been to a dogfight a time or two, maybe five times, maybe 20 times, may have bet some money, but he’s not the one you’re after. He’s just the one who’s going to take the fall.”
–Former Cowboys great Emmitt Smith, offering his view on the Vick allegations

“If O.J. (Simpson) get can get away with murder, Michael Vick can get away with a few hurt dogs.”
–Maal Clayton, who identified himself as a graduate of the same high school as Vick

“Had the weirdest dream last night. Dreamt that Pacman Jones was bitten by Michael Vick’s dog while trying to steal Tank Johnson’s gun.”
–Greg Cote, the Miami Herald

“To describe Tim Donaghy as an isolated case, then, is optimism bordering on naivete.”
–Tim Sullivan, The San Diego Union-Tribune

“By trying to sneak doping practices past cycling officials, the riders are playing Russian roulette.”
–Christian Prudhomme, director of the Tour de France after Vinokorouv and Rasmussen were eliminated from the race. For the record, neither Vinokorouv (Kazakhstan) nor Rasmussen (Denmark), are from Russia.

Speaking of syringes…
“He’s a little midget man who absolutely knows jack shit about baseball, who never played the game before.”
–SF slugger Barry Bonds, after broadcaster Bob Costas raised suspicions that Bonds had used steroids

“As anyone can plainly see, I’m 5-6½ and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally. I regard Barry as one of the greatest players of all time who got an inauthentic boost and then became a superhuman player.”
–Costas, answering Bonds

“How do you know?”
Bonds, demonstrating why you should never argue with people who buy ink by the barrel, responding to Costas saying that he came by his physique naturally.

“On at least three occasions (in strip clubs), fights have broken out with other patrons and employees, and on two of those occasions the end result has been gunfire. All I know is what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas, sometimes for several years in a prison cell.”
–Scott Ostler, the San Francisco Chronicle, on the possible fate of Titans cornerback Pacman Jones

“The weirdest part is probably that they were back-to-back-to back. I mean, there was a distinct time between all of them but there wasn’t a musician thrown in there.”
–Actress Alyssa Milano, telling SI.com about her one-time dating rotation of pitchers Carl Pavano, Barry Zito and Brad Penny