SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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=====================

Sunday, May 30, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: barstoolsports.com


Image: losingtouch.co.uk
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SPORTS HUMOR \ QUOTES
Sports blogger includes sports movie quotes in a movie-quotes-laden commencement address
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I might have not paid attention in school or done anything with my Bachelor’s Degree, but I can deliver the wisdom, philosophy and inspiration of a lifetime squandered renting movies.
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---------------
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My movie-quote laden commencement address:

Students, faculty, parents, citizens of Rock Ridge [1]. Thank you for inviting me to speak today. I’m sure many of you are wondering why a nightclub comic who writes for a smutty sports paper was chosen to deliver this address. Fair enough. While you may say I’m a clown, we can’t all be lion tamers. [2] A man’s got to know his limitations. [3] As the Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. And a donut with no hole, is a Danish.' [4] And on that note, my goal here today is to set you on the path to your future with some of what I’ve learned on my own journey.

You come here today at the end of your college careers. And while you’ll miss the times you’ve spent here, fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. [5] Since I graduated, I’ve learned two incontrovertible facts. There is a God. And I’m not him. [6] In this life you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody but yourself. [7] Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. [8] Sure, it's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans. [9]

There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese. [10]

A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness. [11] There’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. [12]

I’m sure a lot of you, as you leave school are uncertain about your future. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. [13] There isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. [14]

But I’m here today to give you a message of hope. Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. [15] I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. [16] See your future, be your future. May, make, make it, make it. Make your future. [17]

Perhaps some of you don’t know what you’re going to do for a career now that you’re out of school. My advice is that you should look for a “dare to be great situation.” [18]. Don’t sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. Don't sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. [19]

But if the almost two decades I’ve been out of school have taught me anything, it’s that making money is a good thing. Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any. [20] There’s no nobility in poverty anymore. [21] Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. [22]

Many of you will have children, and believe me, nothing you do in your life will be as rewarding as having a family. The only wealth in this world is children; more than all the money, power on earth. [23] A man doesn’t spend time with his family he can never be a real man. [24] Life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. [25]

Americahas its challenges, but it’s still the Land of Opportunity. The greatest country on Earth. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. [26] We are a nation at war, but Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. [27] And we must be ready to face threats to our nation. Because those who come looking for trouble have never been much of a problem for those who are ready for it. I suppose it’s always been that way. [28] We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us. [29] Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. [30]

We’ve got many challenges in the years ahead as the world shrinks by the day. As many of you know, it's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits. [31]. But we must work to solve our global problems, because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. [32]

So in conclusion, thank you, Dean Martin and members of the graduating class, I have only one thing to say to you today. It's a jungle out there. You gotta look out for number one. But don't step in number two. And so, to all you graduates... as you go out into the world my advice to you is... don't go! It's rough out there. Move back with your parents! Let them worry about it!!! [33]
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---------------------
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Editor's note: Sports-related movies are highlighted in red below.
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1. Blazing Saddles
2. Lawrence of Arabia
3. Dirty Harry
4. Caddyshack
5. Animal House
6 & 7. Rudy
8. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
9. Naked Gun
10. Teen Wolf
11. Repo Man
12. Star Wars
13. Fight Club
14. Scent of a Woman
15. Shawshank Redemption
16 & 17. Caddyshack again
18 & 19. Say Anything
20. Boiler Room
21 & 22. Wall St.
23 & 24. Godfather Trilogy
25. Toy Story 2
26. Stripes
27. Patton
28. Road House
29. Rounders
30. LOTRs: The Two Towers
31. Kingpin
32. Star Trek 2: Wrath of Kahn
33. Back to School
.
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: voices.washingtonpost.com


DINNER IS SERVED - YAMS, BEANS, AND RICE
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Image: gazette.net
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RUNNING QUOTES
Sports blogger presents quotes by and about track star Usain Bolt.
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Related topics: Olympics, Track and Field, Health, Nutrition, Diet
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Great Britain's Christian Malcolm:
"Haha. All Jamaicans' parents will always tell you it's the food, it's always the hard food. You know, my mum always brought me up on good food, even though I'm quite slim, myself. But, you know, it's the good food. It's pure, it's good....I eat yams. I don't know if it's the yams, but I eat yams."
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(Jamaicans apparently refer to vegetables, yams, green bananas, etc as 'hard food')
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Jamaican assistant track coach and former sprinter Bertland Cameron:
"The yam and the banana, jah mahn. The food in the ground. We don't use fertilizer. It just grows natural....Giant, mahn."
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES ABOUT USAIN BOLT
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: findarticles.com


Image: img2.glowfoto.com
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DRAGSTER RACING QUOTES
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"I don't feel sorry for John. I can't feel sorry for a guy who has won 12 championships."
- Tony Pedregon, after Force's first-round loss in Las Vegas
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"Don't stand near me; I'm afraid a plane's gonna fall on me."
- Force, after losing in the first round in Chicago, his fourth first-round loss in 10 races
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"This is the leg that kicked ass today."
- Reggie Showers, as he raised one of his prosthetic racing legs over his head following his victory in the K&N Filters Pro Bike Klash
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"If there were a chuck wagon in the other lane, it probably would have out-60-footed us this weekend."
- Warren Johnson, after failing to qualify in Las Vegas
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"I guess Al finally got even with me."
- Force, referring to former Funny Car rival Al Hofmann after cutting his hands on a crystal trophy that Force won upon beating Hofmann in a final
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Click here to view ===> DRAGSTER RACING QUOTES
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: laxmagazine.com

AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
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Lou Holtz Offers Laughs, Inspiration to Laxers
at Baltimore Convention Center, May, 2009
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"Holtz's humor was the catalyst. The slender, bespectacled 72-year-old and current ESPN analyst recalled telling quarterback Steve Beuerlein he wouldn't throw seven interceptions in a season, "cause once you throw six, you ain't playing anymore,"
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And a retort he had for a wisecracking waiter who said the difference between Cheerios and Notre Dame is that Cheerios belong in a bowl and Notre Dame doesn't - "What's the difference between Lou Holtz and a golf pro? Golf pros give tips."
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Click here to view ===> LOU HOLTZ AT LACROSSE CONVENTION
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: virginiasports.com


Image: issaquahpress.com
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LACROSSE HUMOR \ SLANG
Women's lacrosse blogger presnts slang lacrosse terms used by her team.
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Click here to view ===> LACROSSE SLANG
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-------------
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BONUS:
Plot summary and movie trailer for the lacrosse film Warrior
(released in December, 2009) are presented below.
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Plot summary for Warrior:
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In shock and denial over his Marine father's death in battle, star Lacrosse player Conor Sullivan, always a maverick and a hothead, starts acting out in self-destructive ways that have his mom, Claire, at her wit's end. But arduous training in a wilderness Lacrosse camp under the tutelage of his dad's old combat buddy, Sgt. Major Duke Wayne, opens Conor's eyes to the true meaning of maturity, sportsmanship and manhood... Written by Anonymous
.
Source: imdb.com
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Click here to view ===> MOVIE TRAILER FOR WARRIOR
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Source: youtube.com
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================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mcsweeneys.net


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BASEBALL HUMOR
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Opening Day Genesis.
BY GLENN BIRKEMEIER
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void.
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God separated the dirt from the grass.
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He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield.
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God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines.
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He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.
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And God divided the players into two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, to play The Game on His field.
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God called some of these players Pitchers and some of them Hitters.
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He placed a Pitcher precisely 60 feet 6 inches from a Hitter.
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Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the ol' Ballgame.
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And God granted jurisdiction of The Game to lesser Gods, whom He called Umpires.
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God said the Umpires are infallible, blessed with Heavenly authority, whose judgment is not to be questioned under penalty of expulsion from The Game.
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And God looked at his creation and He was pleased.
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Then God created the Infield Fly Rule to confuse nonbelievers.
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And God said, Let there be light beer, and there was.
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And, God said, let there be peanuts and hot dogs and overpriced souvenirs and let there be frosty chocolate malts with little wooden spoons that you can buy nowhere else except at this Heaven, which God called a Ballpark, and there was.
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God looked at His creation and it was good.

And the Lord God formed, from the dust, a collection of elite players in His own image.
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The Lord God then breathed the breath of life into His creation. God called this creation the National League.
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And God said, It is not good for the National League to be alone. The Lord God shall make it a mate. And thus, while the National League slept, God took several of its top players and created the American League.
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And God blessed The Game, saying, Be fruitful and multiply. Put teams in every city with deserving fans, God added, even if this occurs at the expense of starting-pitching depth.
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From time to time, God understood, The Game would be corrupted by the Serpent. The Serpent was more cunning than any other beast and he would take many wicked forms:
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the Black Sox, segregation, the Designated Hitter, the Reserve Clause, dead balls, juiced balls, spit balls, corked bats, George Steinbrenner, AstroTurf, the 1981 strike, collusion, lockouts, Pete Rose, the 1994 strike, greenies, cocaine, HGH, Andro, steroids, $20 parking, corporate mallparks, Scott Boras, Donald Fehr, and Bud Selig.
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But, God said, the goodness in The Game shall always prevail.
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As needed, the Lord shall bestow upon The Game a Savior. And the Savior, like the Serpent, can take many forms. The Savior shall remind Fans how blessed The Game truly is.
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The Savior shall be called by many names, including Cy, Matty, Honus, Big Train, the Babe, Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Lou Gehrig, Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, Buck O'Neil, Hank Greenberg, Red Barber, Harry Carey, Vin Scully, Jack Buck, Satchel Paige, Bill Veeck, Roberto Clemente, Ernie Banks, Hammerin' Hank, Cool Papa, Dizzy, Lefty, Whitey, Stan the Man, Big Klu, the Say Hey Kid, Campy, Duke, the Mick, the Splendid Splinter, the Gas House Gang, the Big Red Machine, the Damn Yankees, Pudge Fisk, Pudge Rodriguez, Yaz, Pops, the Wizard of Oz, Fernando, George Brett, Moonlight Graham, Roy Hobbs, Wild Thing Vaughn, Bingo Long, the Ryan Express, Donnie Baseball, Rickey, Eck, the Big Unit, the Cactus League, Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, Camden Yards, Rotisserie Drafts, Web Gems, Derek Jeter, Dontrelle Willis, Vlad Guerrero, and, from the Far East, Ichiro.
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And, God guaranteed, there are many more to come.

God looked upon His creation and He was very pleased. And God spoke, yelling, PLAY BALL!
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======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baller-in-chief.com



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SPORTS TRIVIA \ HUMOR \ QUOTES
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Presidents use sports to enhance public image and influence some political policies
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From George H.W. Bush’s speed golfing to JFK’s touch football, presidents have long sought escape in the sports world.
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By some estimates, FDR spent nearly a quarter of his four-term presidency on the water, pursuing his beloved yachting avocation.
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Ronald Reagan lifted weights as president and bragged of saving 77 lives as an Illinois lifeguard to his last day.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS HUMOR
=================

Sunday, May 23, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: examiner.com

BASEBALL ANALOGY: CAUGHT LOOKING!

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BASEBALL HUMOR \ QUOTES
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Related topics: slang, lingo, jargon
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List of baseball analogies at the workplace
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Click here to view ===> BASEBALL ANALOGIES IN THE WORK PLACE
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: web.orange.co.uk

SOCCER QUOTES
Web site presents a slide show of humorous soccer quotes
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"I remember getting beaten at Bolton last year and looking at the bench. I think two of them were asleep with hats pulled down and blankets over them. I said 'I'm sorry to drag you up here, I know it's f****** cold and you could be at home with the missus with a cuppa tea. It's hard for 30 grand a week to watch a game"
-- Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp hits back at the modern-day footballer
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Click here to view ===> SOCCER QUOTES
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailymail.co.uk


SHARON STONE, MOVIE ACTRESS
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Image: 4.bp.blogspot.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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The List: Top 50 Managerial Quotes of All Time
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Tottenham’s Ossie Ardiles after losing out on Philippe Albert to Newcastle
'We tried everything to get him. Maybe they offered Sharon Stone.’

Chelsea’s Gianluca Vialli
‘The only way to stop Thierry Henry? With a gun!’
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Click here to view ===> TOP 50 MANAGERIAL QUOTES
================


FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ocregister.com

SPORTS QUOTES
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They said it: April's best sports quotes
(Slide show presentation)
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"He said ouch."
Phil Mickelson, when asked what a spectator said when he was hit by Mickelson's shot on the eighth hole at the Masters, April 11.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thesandtrap.com


Image: 1.bp.blogspot.com
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GOLF TRIVIA \ HUMOR
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Nicknames of Professional Golf Players
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Craig Parry - Popeye (big forearms)
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Greg Norman - The (Great White) Shark
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Loren Roberts - Boss of the Moss (as one of the world's best putters)
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Click here to view ===> GOLF HUMOR
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cricinfo.com


image: fooducate.com
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CRICKET QUOTES
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Is that Ranatunga? Strewth, he's not missed many lunches has he?
Sky Sports' David Lloyd as the camera turns on a rather portly looking Arjuna Ranatunga in the stands at Kandy.
Dec 10, 2007
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I tried to spin the ball one way and it went the other way. But it's a special wicket."
Muttiah Muralitharan admits his record-breaking dismissal of Paul Collingwood didn't quite go to plan .
Dec 9, 2007
.
Muppets? They're clowns as well.
Mark Waugh doesn't think much of the Sri Lanka selectors' decision to leave out strike bowler Lasith Malinga in the first Test .
Nov 15, 2007
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Click here to view ===> CRICKET QUOTES
=================

Sunday, May 16, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com


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PAINTBALL HUMOR \ QUOTES
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Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story
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Plot of the movie Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story:
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Caught cheating and banned for ten years, Bobby Dukes, paintball's first superstar, returns to reclaim his title and erase the memory of his tainted past.
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Movie Trailer:
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Click here to view ===> BLACKBALLED TRAILER
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Movie Quotes:
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Bill Henry: You have two days bobby dukes, to get yourself back on the saddle of your formal self. You will not achieve that goal by splashing around in the lower end of your pool of self esteem...
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Bobby Dukes: [under his breath] What does that mean?
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............
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Bill Henry: Oh, Bobby Dukes, please kick their ass so hard that their ass goes up their own ass
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Click here to view ===> BLACKBALLED QUOTES
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User review on imdb.com:
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Hilarious movie, see it first chance you get, 14 June 2005

Author: Jeff Beachnau (beachna9@msu.edu) from Omena, Michigan

I was lucky enough to catch this at the Waterfront Film Festival in Saugatuck, Michigan. I loved it so much, I saw it twice, and I never do that at festivals.

This hilarious film stars Rob Corddry from The Daily Show. The film is about Bobby Dukes, a famous paintball star that was caught "wiping" during the championship match. After ten years, Dukes returns to the game, assembling a new team and hoping to gain back his title.

The mockumentary is well done, though the laughs don't come right away, when they show up they don't leave. The teammates are all hilarious, and the side characters add to the comedy. Though the games are fun to watch, the comedy comes from training for the games. When Bobby gets his team together you can't help but laugh. Each member has their own great qualities, especially Rob Riggle and Paul Scheer. Writing this review, it's been two days since I last saw it, and I still keep laughing at some of the jokes.

I really hope this movie makes it to theatres, I know people will check it out and love it. I saw the director after the film and he said he had a lot of great extra footage shot that he would love to include on the DVD, so I can't wait, I'll buy it first chance I get.

See the movie, spread the word.
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-------------------------
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BONUS ALERT FOR SPORTS \ COMEDY FANS:
.
Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story can be viewed free online on
hulu.com.
.
To access the movie, log onto hulu.com, find the movie on the
movies menu and watch the 90-minute comedy for free on your PC.
.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golfcoursehumor.com


Image: britamtvdvd.com
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GOLF HUMOR
Web site presents a printout and video of a Beverly Hillbillies golf episode
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Part I: Beverly Hillbillies opening theme music video
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Click here to view ===> BEVERLY HILLBILLIES THEME
.
-----------------------
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Part II: Printout of script highlights and video of entire golf episode.
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Click here to view ===> BEVERLY HILLBILLIES GOLF EPISODE
,
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikipedia.com

BASKETBALL QUOTES
Web site presents quotes by Abe Lemons., basketball coach
.
"You may be big in New York, but in Walters, Oklahoma, you're nobody."
to broadcaster Howard Cosell
.
"If you had come with me, you could be the principal of a high school by now."
to Johnny Bench, whom he tried to recruit with at Oklahoma City University.
.
"Damn referees. I'll miss them less than anybody."
after losing his final game by one point, in a bid for victory No. 600
.
"Hey, some places this would be a foul!"
while at the scorers' table holding up a tooth that had been dislodged from the mouth of his player, James Washington
.
"That foul wouldn't have killed a gnat."
after losing his final game on a free throw after a disputed foul
.
"How hard is it to coach track? Tell 'em to stay to the left and get back as fast as you can."
after being fired by Texas Athletics Director and former Kansas State track coach DeLoss Dodds
.
"I never substitute just to substitute. I play my regulars. The only way a guy gets off the floor is if he dies."
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"At Pan American one year the only player coming back was named Tree McCullough. But hell, his name could have been Stumpy."
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"It was the toughest seven man zone we faced all year."
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"I'm not playing favorites. All my favorites have graduated."
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"We ran all over Texas-Arlington last season, 84-83. Ozie and Rich scored 71 points for us. After the game a reporter asked me how I thought we'd have done without them. I said, "Figure it out for yourself. We'da got beat 83-13."
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" We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year."
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"I was at OCU 23 years and today I can give you the addresses of every kid who played for me, and what he's doing now. To me, that's what coaching is all about."
.
When asked how to stop illegal recruiting Abe said, "Just give every coach the same amount of money and tell them they can keep what’s left over."
.
"It was a hole in one contest and I had a three."
.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: metro.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES

'Voice of boxing' Harry Carpenter dies at 84
.
However, the broadcaster himself also had many fine - and not so fine - moments behind the microphone.
.
Boxing bloopers

- 'This boxer is doing what's expected of him, bleeding from the nose'

- 'Magri has to do well against the unknown Mexican, who comes from a famous family of five boxing brothers'

- 'They said it would last two rounds - they were half right, it lasted four'

- 'Marvellous oriental pace he's got, just like a Buddhist statue'

Sporting slip-ups and Wimbledon wobbles

- 'Ah, isn't that nice - the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew'

- 'We haven't had any more rain since it stopped raining'

- 'It's quite clear Virginia Wade is thriving on the pressure, now the pressure on her to do well is off'
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cyclingtipsblog.com


.
CYCLING HUMOR \ QUOTES
.
Murphy's Laws of Cycling
.
Click here to view ===> MURPHY'S LAWS OF CYCLING
=================

Saturday, May 15, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: greatesthockeylegends.com

HOCKEY HUMOR \ QUOTES
.
Top Ten Worst Hockey Players Of All Time
.
Click here to view ===> TOP 10 WORST HOCKEY PLAYERS
.
--------------------------
.
Endorsement:
.
For all sports fans who have an interest in knowing more about
hockey, the web site greatesthockeylegends.com offers one of the
best reference sources on the Internet for upgrading your knowledge
of the sport.
.
The blog editor must recommend this site highly because of that one
major attribute.
.
---------------------------
.
Disclaimer:
.
The blog editor endorses the site greatesthockeylegends.com without
any prior consultation with or compensation from the endorsed site.
.
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: running.about.com



Image: everymantri.com
.
RUNNING HUMOR \ QUOTES
.
Related topics: Track and Field, Outdoors
.
Winter running:
.
You know you're a runner when the people who drive the snowplows know your name and where you live.
.
Click here to view ===> RUNNING HUMOR
================

Sunday, May 9, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: podiumsportsjournal.com


.
BASEBALL TRIVIA \ QUOTES
.
Babe Ruth’s Secret Revealed
.
“The scientific ivory hunters of Columbia University discovered that the secret of Babe Ruth’s batting, reduced to non-scientific terms, is that his eyes and ears function more rapidly than those of other players; that his brain records sensations more quickly and transmits its orders to the muscles much faster than does that of the average man.
.
The tests proved that the coordination of eye, brain, nerve system, and muscle is practically perfect, and that the reason he did not acquire his great batting power before the sudden burst at the beginning of the baseball season of 1920, was because, prior to that time, pitching and studying batters disturbed his almost perfect coordination.”
.
Click here to view ===> BABE RUTH'S SECRET REVEALED
.
------------------
.
ENDORSEMENT:
.
Highest recommendation!!!
.
The site podiumsportsjournal.com is an exceptional sports
psychology site that serves as an outstanding reference
for sports professionals, amateurs and laymen on the mental
aspects of all sports-related activities and behavior patterns,
all presented in non-technical terms and link-based formats
to facilitate assimilation of the concisely presented data.
.
This site provides such a wealth of information regarding
sports psychology and sports participation in such layman's
terms that all who reference the site from administrators to
coaches and athletes, professional and amateur, will benefit
from accessing the site's articles.
.
Again, this sports psychology site deserves "highest recommendation".
.
-----------------------------
.
Disclaimer:
.
The editor of this blog offers the above endorsement on my own
without any consultation with or compensation from the endorsed site.
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: outdoorlife.com


ISOROKU YAMAMOTO, NAVAL MARSHAL GENERAL, JAPAN
(WORLD WAR II)
.
Image: outdoorlife.com
.
OUTDOOR SPORTS QUOTES
.
Related topics: Hunting, Fishing, Camping, Owning guns
.
Part I: Greatest Outdoor Quotes You've Never Heard Before
.
You cannot invade mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass.” Admiral Yamamoto
.
Hell, if I'd jumped on all the dames I'm supposed to have jumped on, I'd have had no time to go fishing.” Clark Gable
.
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living.” Julius Boros
.
“If you believe in your heart that you are right, you must fight with all your might to do it your way. Only dead fish swim with the stream all the time.” Linda Ellerbee
.
Click here to view ===> OUTDOORS SPORTS QUOTES
.
------------
.
Part II - 15 Celebrity Outdoorsmen
.
Click here to view ===> CELEBRITY OUTDOORSMEN
.
===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message



Image: s3.amazonaws.com
.
HOCKEY QUOTES
.
Part I: Goalie Quotes
.
Goaltender Quotations

"You try to squeeze a little more Charmin in the pads when you face him." " - Kevin Hodson on facing Al MacInnis

"Because the demands on a goalie are mostly mental, it means that for a goalie, the biggest enemy is himself. Not a puck, not an opponent, not a quirk of size or style. Him. The stress and anxiety he feels when he plays, the fear of failing, the fear of being embarrassed, the fear of being physically hurt, all the symptoms of his position, in constant ebb and flow, but never disappearing. The successful goalie understands these neuroses, accepts them, and puts them under control. The unsuccessful goalie is distracted by them, his mind in knots, his body quickly following." - Ken Dryden, goalie, Montreal Canadiens

"Most fans go wild when they see a goalie make what looks like a great save, but the chances are what they are seeing is a save that was made from being out of position." - Mike Richter, goalie, New York Rangers

"It's pretty tough for a goalie when you look at it. You're always the last line of defense. If you let a goal in, you can't go to the bench and hide between the guys or anything." - Kirk McLean, goalie, Vancouver Canucks

All From Don Cherry:

"Little Alan Bester, I've often said, has seen more rubber than a dead skunk on the Trans-Canada highway"

"Patrick Roy. If there's anybody worth a million bucks it Patrick" (in '89)

There is no such thing as painless goaltending. If they could get enough padding to assure against every type of bruise, you'd have to be swung into position with a small derrick."


"It's all part of the game, part of sticking up for your team. It's happened before and I'm sure it'll happen again. I saw (Daniel) Lacroix charging (Larry) Murphy, I was trying to stick up for him. I happened to look down the ice and Hexxy was coming down, I just tried to get ready for him. I've heard of him before and I was just trying to stick up for my team." - Felix Potvin after kicking Hextall's butt, goalie, Toronto Maple Leafs

"Playing goal is like being shot at" - Jaques Plante, yet again

"The goalie is like the guy on the minefield. He discovers the mines and destroys them. If you make a mistake, somebody gets blown up" - Arturs Irbe, Dallas goaltender

"We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular" - Terry Sawchuk, former Red Wing goaltender

"In Biblical times, I stoned people to death. Now they are repaying me by hurling pucks at my head" - Giles Gratton, former netminder

"It's the only way I can support my family. If I could do it another way, I wouldn't be playing goal" - Glenn Hall

"Any discussion on hockey goaltenders must begin with the assumption that they are about three sandwiches shy of a picnic. I can prove this. From the moment Primitive Man first lurched erect, he and those who came after him survived on the principle that when something hard and potentially painful comes at you at great velocity, you get the hell out of its path. Goalkeepers throw themselves into its path. I rest my case." - Jim Taylor, columnist

"How many people in life spend eighteen years getting shot at?" - Kevin Constantine, hockey coach

"Goalies are fine fellows when you meet them at center ice. They are fine fellows off the ice too. But don't think this cordiality is going to apply when you skate by the front of his cave. He'll slice you up if you come in close" - Chandler Sterling, writer

"Goaltending is a suffering position. Your equipment protects you from injury, but not from pain, every time you go out there. And if you allow a goal, the red lights go on for everyone to see. But you get to be a hero too." - Kevin Constantine

"Roses are red, violets are blue, they got ten, we only got two" - Gerry Cheevers after his team got demolished

"Because there wasn't enoguh time to play 54" - Grant Fuhr, after being asked how could he play 36 holes of golf in the middle of the Stanley Cup Finals

"He doesn't look like the paperboy. He looks like the paperboy's little brother" - Bryan Murray about Chris Osgood

"He farts a lot" - Bernie Parent's reply when asked what made Ed Van Impe such a good defenseman

"Only God saves more than Parent" - Philadelphia bumpersticker
.
Source: msu.edu
.
----------
.
Part II: NHL Quotes (General)
.
Click here to view ===> NHL QUOTES
.
Source: theglobeandmail.com
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.yahoo.com

BASEBALL TRIVIA \ QUOTES
.
The 'Code': Ten unwritten baseball rules you might not know
.
Click here to view ===> THE CODE
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sloshspot.com

JUDY LANDERS
MOVIE \ TV ACTRESS
WIFE OF TOM NIEDENFUER
RETIRED MAJOR LEAGUE PITCHER

.
Image: lh5.ggpht.com
.
BASEBALL PICTORIAL

The Hottest Wives of Baseball

"Women have always been attracted to baseball players. Whether it's their athleticism, high social status or - let's face it - the money, baseball's top stars never seem to have much trouble with the ladies. That said, some players clearly have a leg up on their teammates. Here are the hottest baseball players' wives who are being generating a lot of attention this spring."

Click here to view ===> HOTTEST WIVES IN BASEBALL
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thedailycontributor.com


.
BOWLING HUMOR \ QUOTES
.
How To Use Quotes From The Big Lebowski At Work
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES FROM THE BIG LEBOWSKI
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES Source: footbo.com

SOCCER QUOTES
.
(TREVOR BROOKING) "You have got to miss them to score sometimes."
.
(DAVE BASSETT) "Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead."
.
(TOM FERRIE) "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."
.
Click here to view ===> SOCCER QUOTES
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES Source: goaltube.org

BASKETBALL QUOTES
.
Funniest NBA Playoff Interviews
.
Click here to view ===> NBA INTERVIEWS VIDEOS
================

Monday, May 3, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hubpages.com

SOCCER QUOTES \ INSULTS
.
I don't think there's much doubt about who's the smuggest bastard among football's TV star's. Yes it's got to be that well known wildlife slaughterer,Jimmy Hill........Take that chin away to the Natural History Museum where it belongs.
When Saturday Comes
.
Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home.
Arsene Wenger's reply to Sir Alex Ferguson in 2002 when the United manager claimed his side were the best team in the Premiership.
.
The average English footballer could not tell the difference between an attractive woman and a corner flag.
Walter Zenga Italian goalkeeper
.
He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right.
George Best on David Beckham
.
When Rioch came to Millwall we were depressed and miserable.He's done a brilliant job of turning it around.Now we are miserable and depressed.
Danny Baker, Millwall fan
.
The human Scotwieler!
Former player about Tommy Docherty
.
Porto are a bunch of girls that go down too easily.
Gary Neville
.
Well. We’ve had cocaine, bribery and Arsenal scoring two goals at home. But just when you thought there were no surprises left in football, Vinnie Jones turns out to be an international player.
Jimmy Greaves, when the Wimbledon hard man is selected for Wales.
.
Twenty two grown men chasing a piece of leather round a field.
Bernard Levin, describing football in the New York Times
.
Jimmy Hill is to football what King Herod was to babysitting.
Tommy Docherty

If David Seaman’s dad had worn a condom, we’d still be in the World Cup.
Nick Hancock after the defeat by Brazil in the 2002 World Cup
.
The local girls are far uglier than the ones in Belgrade. Our women are far prettier and they don't drink as much beer.
Georgi Hristov upsets the locals at Barnsley
.
I would like to have signed Rio Ferdinand for 10 million less.
Arsene Wenger thinks United paid too much for him.
.
He wears a number 10 jersey .I thought it was his position ,but it turns out it's his IQ.
George Best
.
Peter Shilton would not know a footballer if he saw one. All he is interested in is getting enough players back to protect his selfish hide.
Alan Hudson former Stoke team-mate on Shilton's managerial ambitions
.
====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.surfermag.com

SURFER MAGNETS???

Image: goldcoast.com.au
.
SURFING QUOTES
Surfers forum presents Murphy's Laws of water surfing
.
Forum Entries:
.
When you receive a new board, you will have to suffer spring
tides, 20 knot onshores and water pollution for at least a
week before.
.
- During long periods without surf, improved conditions will
not arrive until you have to be out of town or otherwise
preoccupied with your wife's, child's or mother-in-law's
birthday.
.
- When you let the "first" wave of a set go by, it ends up being the ONLY wave of that set.
.
- No matter how good your last wave was, as soon as you are on the beach, you see a set come in that's better than anything else that came in all day. AKA the F*ck You Set.
.
1. if you buy a new board the surf goes flat
2. if you get a great ride, you take the next set on the head
3. if you don't like the conditions, wait a bit, it will get worse
4. Always leave on a good wave
5. your first wave will set the tone for your session
6. one jerk in the water can ruin/sour a whole crowd
7. smiles can set the tone in the crowd
8. Ian's rule: don't worry about the sharks, they always bite the other guy
Chuck's variant: Don't be the other guy
9. if you move inside to get a smaller wave, a big set will come
10. 60/40 rule: i'm over 60, i'm not going out if the water is under 40
.
- The one kook that you actually give a wave to will not only remember your kindness but will expect it everytime he paddles out at your spot. He will also remember you possibly by name and everyone in the water will say "oh the kook that's his buddy he must have brought him"
.
- You're walking up the beach after a sesh and you see your roomates hot girlfriend and her roomate laying on the beach. You stroll up and say "what'zz up ladies, how ya doin?" and have what you think is a killer conversation in your favor only to "check ya later" walk away and realize you had the biggest gnarliest boogie smeared across your face!! You see your roomate later and all he can do is laugh his face off.
.
-----------
.
If you skip out of work to surf: the wind turns onshore.
If you stay at work: surf fires.

If you're out there enjoying a solid session, some dude will paddle over and tell you, "it was better yesterday!"

As soon as you think you're even a bit of a ripper, some guy will completely demolish a wave and you'll remember that you're actually a tranny kook.

As soon as you start thinking you surf a lot, you remember Daily Dale.

You get all psyched because you pull up to the local point at 5:50 AM and there is nobody out. You paddle out all frothing... then three pickup trucks that you recognize pull into the parking lot.. 5 of the local heavies paddle out before you get your first wave and you're suddenly facing a wave-starved sesh for yourself - plus icy vibes from the locals.
.
--------
.
1. You will always have concrete plans to do something else on the stand-out day of the year.

2. The morning you sleep in (or otherwise indisposed), your good for nothing friend who barely surfs because he is stoned all the time and living off his elderly mother will come by your place at 10 AM and tell you how great it was from 6AM to 9AM, how many fantastic waves were had and how it is blown to sh*t now.

3. You will come down with a raging headcold on first macking swell of the season.

4. Spring break, a week off from school, and crap for surf every single goddamn day for the duration.

5. Meet a beautiful person at a party, really connect and have great chemistry, spend the night together, great follow up in the morning complete with delicious breakfast at the cafe down the street, can see a long future ahead with this person and realize it is all just a dream that played out a few months back and had gone completely wrong due to your "surfing lifestyle"...what doesn't help is that you are playing it over and over in your head as you bob about in hacked up half foot "swell" with upwelling cold water making mincemeat of your 5 season old wetsuit.

6. The first ding on the custom board that you waited months for (and saved up for even more months before that) shall occur before you leave what passes for your residence.

7. Your friends will always have a better session without you than with you, and they'll never tire of telling you "how it just isn't as good as that time when you couldn't make it last swell/week/month/etc".
.
---------
.
If you are in the lineup and mention to others around you that you are a decent - maybe even advanced skilled surfer - the next wave that you catch, you will flail like a donkey and nosedive in a horrific wipeout.
.
====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsjabber.net

SPORT QUOTES
Sports blogger presents sports quotes \ catchphrases from selected ESPN staff announcers.
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
=================

Sunday, May 2, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: triplem.com.au

SPORTS QUOTES
Web site presents a slide show of 49 sports quotes
.
"Yep, no medal again; maybe I will pop down to the shops and see if I can buy one."
- Marco Buechel, downhill skier from Liechtenstein, on his fifth Winter Olympics with no medal.
.
Just seeing them come out and pour beer all over me, it was a great feeling. I've always seen it on TV and I've always wanted people to pour beer on me."
- Golfer Michelle Wie after winning her first LPGA Tour title. Apparently it's some kind of tradition, but when do we get a turn.
.
"Jermaine is really generous - he bought me some Christain Louboutin shoes for Christmas which I love. But the best present he ever got me is priceless - a tattoo of my face on his forearm."
- Jermaine Jenas' fiancee realises that committment from a footballer isn't a wedding ring and flowers, it's a tattoo and new shoes.
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: petcaretips.net


Image: farm4.static.flickr.com
.
HORSE RIDING QUOTES
Web site presents Murphy's Laws pertainig to horsemanship
.
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most
recent injury.
.
The least useful horse in your barn eats to most, requires
corrective shoeing every three weeks and requires the servces of the vet a minimum of once a month.
.
The horse you really want you can't afford. The horse you
can afford isn't for sale.
.
No one really learns how to swear until they learn how to
ride.
.
Click here to view ===> HORSEMANSHIP QUOTES
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


.
GOLF POEM \ QUOTES
.
Part I:
Web site presents a brief biogrpahy of the poet Edgar Guest and
a copy of his humorous golf poem, Yesterday.
.
Click here to view ===> YESTERDAY (GOLF POEM)
.
Source: golfpoet.com
.
----------
.
Part II:
Web site presents golf quotes by golfers and other celebrities.
.
Bolt, Tommy:
“Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you’re dead.”
.
Murphy, Tom:
“Let’s face it, 95 percent of this game is mental. If a guy plays a lousy golf he doesn’t need a pro, he needs a shrink.”
.
Nelson, Byron
“The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back into the bag.”
.
Click here to view ===> GOLF QUOTES
.
Source: golfingsuccess.info
.
=============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


Image: superman1224.files.wordpress.com
.
MARTIAL ARTS QUOTES \ HUMOR
Web site presents a humorous view of Chuck Norris' martial arts persona
.
Click here to view ===> MARTIAL ARTS HUMOR
.
Source: ehow.com
.
-------
.
Bonus: Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Quotes
.
Stephen Quadros: How long have you had that mustache?
Don Frye: Since I was 5. I got it from my mom's side of the family. She's not a pretty woman.
.
.....
.
Stephen Quadros: You should come and visit us in the US.
Mirko Filipovic: Only if Cameron Diaz will be there. I decided that I'm going to marry her.
.
Click here to view ===> MMA QUOTES
.
Source: fightforum.com
.
======================