funny sports quotes \ Spurce: sportsillustrated.cnn.com

They Said It in 2004

What was that you said about my daddy? Al Bello/Getty

Make sure you buy your father a pair of sneakers so he can run to the ring and pick up the pieces after I'm finished.
-- Boxer Ricardo Mayorga to his opponent Felix Trinidad at a news conference to promote their Oct. 2 fight

 

I had something really, really super sexy, but they wouldn't let me wear it.
-- Serena Williams on the Wimbledon fashion police

 

That's the problem with him. Nobody has ever really grabbed him and given him a good beating.
-- NASCAR car owner Ray Evernham on rival driver Tony Stewart after Stewart spun out Evernham's driver Kasey Kahne in the Tropicana 400

 

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got a tub.
-- Andy Roddick on Roger Federer after Federer beat Roddick in four sets in the Wimbledon final

 

If a coach takes his team to the Finals four of the next five years, I'll kiss his feet on Fear Factor -- with cheese on it.
-- Shaquille O'Neal, questioning the Lakers' decision to let coach Phil Jackson go

 

Stay healthy, park in the right place, and if any teacher even mentions an exam, take it.
-- The offseason advice given by Florida State coach Bobby Bowden to controversy-plagued quarterback Chris Rix

 

If Al Michaels wants to give his political opinions, tell him to come on Crossfire.
-- Democratic strategist James Carville, reacting to Michaels' "flip-flop" joke during the Sept. 9 Patriots-Colts broadcast

 

I missed him like I missed my dog that ran away after eight years.
-- 49ers RB Kevan Barlow on playing without teammate Fred Beasley, a Pro Bowl fullback

 

The guy has a haircut like Davy Jones, and he has a New York accent. I mean, please.
-- Pete Rose on how Tom Sizemore portrayed him in the ESPN movie, Hu$tle

Now kids, don't forget to floss. AP

I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities -- I'm proven to be good.

-- Shaquille O'Neal, when asked about his continued effectiveness at age 32

What can I say? I just tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy.
-- Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez after blowing an eighth-inning lead in a loss to New York

 

Do you want to go work with some little young kid who's just out of college?
-- Steelers guard Alan Faneca on rookie QB Ben Roethlisberger's first start

 

Shave your legs, take estrogen and work your way up through the Futures Tour.
-- LPGA pro Cristie Kerr on one way a man could arrange a round of golf with her

 

I wouldn't see him ordering a beer anytime soon. He's over there with the champagne and caviar and the strawberries and chocolate.
-- Fox broadcaster (and ex-NFLer) Tony Siragusa on Lions QB Joey Harrington

 

I just picked up my wheelchair and pushed myself to the end zone.
-- Arizona's 35-year-old Emmitt Smith on his TD run in the Cardinals' 34-10 win over the Saints

 

I'm not sure I can think of any scenario more enjoyable than making 55,000 people from New York shut up.
-- Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling, fanning the flames in the playoff series against the Yankees

 

I hope the guy sells two million books because I'll probably buy 100,000 copies and pass them out for free.
-- Shaquille O'Neal on ex-Lakers coach Phil Jackson's new book, which is critical of Kobe Bryant.

 

The people who do those stats, half the time they're spilling ketchup on themselves and trying to wipe it off.
-- Dolphins DE Jason Taylor, disagreeing with the stats that showed him with no tackles last week

 

I got your bad boy right here, pal. AP

I liked Rodman on the court, as a hustler. Not when he kicked the cameraman.
-- Indiana's Ron Artest, explaining why he'll wear No. 91 this season in honor of Dennis Rodman

 

We got Babe Ruth's ghost a hooker and now everything's cool.
-- Curt Schilling, reading off the No. 1 secret of the Red Sox comeback on David Letterman's Top 10 list.

 

At breakfast this morning I told the guys, "When I get into the end zone stand back and let me dance first."
-- Deion Sanders, who high-stepped 30 yards into the end zone celebrating his first interception return for a touchdown with the Ravens

 

Is he talking about the infield? -- Red Sox pitcher Derek Lowe, when told that hitting coach Ron Jackson said Lowe had power to all fields

 

I'm not sure what we're going to talk about now.
-- Red Sox fan Bill Ryan, after the team ended its 86-year World Series curse

 

It's like my kids have been kidnapped.
-- Bruins season-ticket holder Paula Mattaliano on the NHL lockout

 

I'll never give you the secret ingredient to the cookies that are making me a millionaire.
-- Browns WR Antonio Bryant when asked to pinpoint the "soft spots" he says can be found in the Steelers' secondary

 

You could say that it was pretty close to pornographic.
-- Bears coach Lovie Smith on ABC's racy Desperate Housewives lead-in skit on Monday Night Football.

 

We have a couple of guys who we literally picked up off the street.
-- Indiana coach Rick Carlisle on his suspension- and injury-riddled Pacers, who put only eight players in uniform after the infamous brawl with Pistons fans

 

It boggles my mind how Gary has kept his job.
-- Phoenix Coyotes player rep Shane Doan on NHL commissioner Gary Bettman

This is a Hollywood soap opera, and I'm not going to be a star in another Bryant soap opera.
-- Former Lakers forward Karl Malone, on accusations by Kobe Bryant that Malone hit on Bryant's wife, Vanessa

 

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