FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: martialdevelopment.com

The Twenty Best Martial Arts Quotes of All Time

Mohandas Gandhi

Where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.
~ Mohandas Gandhi

The nation that will insist upon drawing a broad line of demarcation between the fighting man and the thinking man is liable to find its fighting done by fools and its thinking by cowards.
~ William Francis Butler

He who is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.
~ Ben Jonson

The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
~ Mark Twain

Courage first; power second; technique third.
~ Author unknown

Joe Louis

Everyone has a plan until they've been hit.
~ Joe Louis

Seek not to follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought.
~ Matsu Basho

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
~ Napoleon Bonaparte

Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
~ John Milton

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
~ Henry David Thoreau

Of old the expert in battle would first make himself invincible and then wait for his enemy to expose his vulnerability.
~ Sun Tzu

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.
~ Bruce Lee

Plato and Aristotle

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
~ Aristotle

A warrior may choose pacifism; others are condemned to it.
~ Author unknown

I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger.
~ Mencius

Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit softly.
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Should you desire the great tranquility, prepare to sweat.
~ Hakuin

Cry in the dojo. Laugh on the battlefield.
~ Author unknown

In times of peace, the warlike man attacks himself.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There are two rules for being successful in martial arts. Rule 1: Never tell others everything you know.
~ Author unspecified

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

TRASH TALKING IN SPORTS

Sports Insults

Some athletes are media loudmouths, while others are intimidating trash talkers. Unlike loud mouths who fire up the media with priceless quotes -- Terrell Owens comes to mind -- the sickest trash talkers are athletes who save their antics for opponents and talk smack in order to distract their nemesis and get him off his game.

One of the greatest trash-talking moments occurred in the 1997 NBA Finals between the Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz. With Game 1 tied at 82, Scottie Pippen came through in the clutch: The game was played on a Sunday, and as Karl Malone stepped to the free-throw line, Pippen walked behind The Mailman, Karl Malone, and muttered, "The Mailman doesn't deliver on Sunday." And he was right; The Mailman choked by throwing up two bricks. On the ensuing play, one of basketball's greatest trash talkers, Michael Jordan, won the game with a buzzer-beater.

Number 10

Mike Tyson

As a character foil for Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson is the man. Where Ali was boxing's greatest ambassador and trash talker, Tyson personified the many problems with the sport. But there is little question that, like Ali, Tyson's brain has been altered by the beatings he received. As a trash talker, Tyson was at his best when his boxing skills were on the decline. In one of his more memorable moments, Tyson had these words for Lennox Lewis after a tune-up fight that lasted 38 seconds: "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable. And I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I wanna eat his children. Praise be to Allah." As trash talking goes, his words make no sense, which is precisely why they are so frightening. When it came time to fight, Tyson was knocked out in the eighth round of what was, at the time, the highest-grossing pay-per-view event in history.

Number 9

Deion Sanders

Widely recognized as the greatest NFL cornerback of all time, Prime Time was a hot-dogging showboat with some of the slickest skills in the business. In his spare time, Neon Deion was an exceptional baseball player. As a shut-down cornerback, Deion Sanders was one of football's most gifted physical specimens and one of the biggest trash talkers in the sport. He was so gifted, as a player and trash talker, that he kept himself involved in the game by barking at his opponents the entire time. Then, after distracting the attacking wide receiver, Sanders would intercept the quarterback and gracefully high-step his way down the sideline for a defensive touchdown. And that's when the trash talking would really kick into high gear.

Number 8

Juan Pablo Montoya

Like all trash talkers, Juan Pablo Montoya has an ego the size of Everest. Loose-lipped and confident in his driving ability, this Colombian trash talker rarely speaks in banal sports cliches. And in the racing world, where interviews are the only venue for trash talking, few drivers are willing to lambaste their opponents. Montoya, however, is the exception. Back in his Formula 1 days, with Michael Schumacher sitting right next to him, Montoya half-jokingly referred to the legendary German as "either blind or stupid." Since then, Montoya has brought his bombastic personality to NASCAR, where his attitude and opinions are helping him win both races and fans. Too bad Montoya doesn't realize that stepping from F1 to NASCAR is a demotion.

Number 7

Charles Barkley

Known variably as Sir Charles and The Round Mound of Rebound, Barkley was a menace on the basketball court, yapping at opponents with legendary eloquence. Like a few other athletes on this list, Barkley's trash-talking bravado has landed him a job as a TV analyst, which provides him the opportunity to continue voicing his insightful opinions. Not only is Barkley among the greatest trash talkers, he is also a great joker: At the 2007 NBA All-Star Game, Barkley raced against 67-year old referee Dick Bavetta, claiming in the pre-race build-up that Bavetta is old enough to have "parted the Red Sea with Moses." For his part, when asked if Barkley might be twice his size, Bavetta fired back with, "Try three times. I'm only 160 pounds." Booya

Number 6

Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

Floyd Mayweather, aka Pretty Boy Floyd, is widely considered the best pound-for-pound boxer around. After a banner 2007, in which he beat Oscar de la Hoya and mopped the floor with Ricky Hatton, Mayweather is now being mentioned in the same breath as Ali and Sugar Ray Leonard. Long before the Hatton fight, Mayweather had these savage words for the British champion: "When I retire, I'll get Ricky Hatton to wash my clothes and cut my lawn and buckle my shoes. Ricky Hatton ain't nothing but a fat man. I'm going to punch him in his beer belly. He ain't good enough to be my sparring partner."

Number 5

Gary Payton

During his years with the Seattle Sonics, The Glove was a suffocating defender who would get in the face of his opponent and relentlessly spit verbal abuses at them. As he yammered, he would grin and gesture wildly, secure in the knowledge that no matter what comeback he heard, he would always have an answer. Unfortunately for Payton, he never led his team to the Promised Land, even if he won a title as a role player in Miami. Like Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, and Reggie Miller, Payton and his foul mouth could never muster enough venom to slide past Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls.

Number 4

Shannon Sharpe

Retiring with three Super Bowl rings and the NFL record for most receptions by a tight end, Shannon Sharpe has earned his right to brag and boast. As a dominant receiver with the Denver Broncos in the mid-'90s, Sharpe was known to get pretty creative with his on-field banter -- in part because of his unique and clever sense of humor. On Ray Buchanan, "I'm not gonna get into a peeing contest with a skunk -- you'll lose every time." On the Colts' run defense, "Home Depot doesn't sell enough nails and plywood to fix what's wrong with that defense."

Number 3

Larry Bird

Larry Bird may have been as great as Michael Jordan. Equipped with the same undaunted pride and confidence in his own ability, Bird was a great showman. Like an assassin, Larry Legend took an almost sadistic pleasure in massacring opponents. After demonstrating his basketball greatness on the floor, Bird would often finish the job by recapping his exploits, bragging in order to rub salt in the wounds he had exposed and exploited over and over again.

Number 2

Michael Jordan

In the '80s and '90s, trash talking was high art, and Michael Jordan was the king of the castle. In a game against the Denver Nuggets, Jordan stepped to the foul line and told rookie Dikembe Mutombo that he would shoot the free throw with his eyes closed. Before he did, he looked at Mutombo and said, "This one's for you." Then he closed his eyes, hit the shot and told Mutombo, "Welcome to the NBA."

Throughout his career, Jordan craved a psychological edge, and trash talking helped him see opponents as potential victims that he could demoralize by winning both the game and the war of words. Most importantly, there was always a purpose to Jordan's trash talking, as if predicting something was the catalyst he needed to just do it. The most humbling part for opponents must have been the trash-talking aftermath, when Jordan would get in his defender's face with a big grin and recap the great move he had just made at their expense

Number 1

Muhammad Ali

As Shannon Sharpe once put it, Ali is the trash talking "gold standard." But unlike many boxers today, including Floyd Mayweather, Ali insulted his opponents with a wink that acknowledged his insults as part of the show. During the glorious Ali-Frazier era of the early '70s, Ali regularly mocked Frazier's intelligence and looks, noting that "Joe Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the U.S. Bureau of Wildlife." In addition to everything else, Ali was a comedian. Then, in the build-up to the notorious Thrilla in Manila, Ali prophesied that, "It will be a killer, and a chiller, and a thriller, when I get the gorilla in Manila."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: oldwgms.bonnit.net

Feminizing Football

(Indianapolis - AP) -Carol Stout says women won't be stuck in the kitchen on Super Bowl Sunday making nachos. She says the ladies will be watching the game-and making bets just like the guys.

Stout is the author of "The Chick's Guide to Football: A Complete Guide to Tight Ends." The Indianapolis author says a growing number of women have a new appreciation for the game of football. Stout believes football really is for women. She asks whey else would they have the players wear such tight pants?
--

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: strangecosmos.com

SPORTS HUMOR

CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT, THE SPORTS PSYCHIC!

Johnny Carson's classic Carnac the Magnificent is resurrected for this sports trivia game!

=====================

Carnac foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan."

Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockey puck."

=============================

Carnac: "Catch-22."

Ed: "Catch-22"

Carnac (looking at Ed with disdain): "May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your short."

"Catch-22...What do the Los Angeles Dodgers do with 100 pop flies."

=================================

Carnac: Touchback.

Ed: Touchback

Carnac: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

==================

Carnac: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.

ED: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.

(Another look of disdain for Ed from Carnac )

Carnac: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.

======================

"A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton"

"Name two big hits, two big mitts.....and a famous country singer!"

==============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: movietome.com

SPORTS QUOTES \ TRIVIA

CELEBRITY FOCUS: Steve McQueen . Motion Picture Actor
Sports Interests: Motorcycles, Dirt Bikes, Martial Arts



Jack Linkletter: I flew to Munich during my Here's Hollyood show to do interviews with Steve and the cast while they were making The Great Escape. On a free night, Steve got a hold of three Harleys for him, me and Jim Garner to go to Obermensing for a folk fest. Neither Garner nor I had many cycle hours and the narrow streets, humped in the middle and made of cobble stones would have been scary enough, but then to have cars flying by within inches, made Garner and I think it was our last trip anywhere.

In 1999, he was inducted into the Motorcycle Hall of Fame.

In his collection Steve owned 210 motorcycles, 55 cars, 5 airplanes and over 10,000 miscellaneous items. Most of which was auctioned off by his family in 1984.

He appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated on August 23, 1971. He was pictured riding a motorcycle barechested.

He was good enough to be considered a class three Black Belt in martial arts. However, he never had his skills tested for fear of being sued if he actually hurt someone. His personal instructors included Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris.

Steve McQueen made a brief appearance as a dirt-bike rider in the 1976 film Dixie Dynamite. He was a stuntman, not an actor.

Director Peter Yates was thankful for Steve's proficiency at the wheel during the filming of "Bullitt". When Yates was shooting close-ups with the camera attached to the outside of the car, and he was on the back-seat floor, running it by remote control. During the chase sequence he ran out of film and called to Steve to slow down, but Steve shouted that we had run out of more than just film - they had also run out of brakes. He proceeded with great skill to downshift the car and although the engine strained the vehicle began to slow up and weaved from side to side finally slowing down enough to bring it to a stop. What a time to run out of film!

While working in a New York City garage in the early 1950s, he repaired a motorcycle that belonged to James Dean.
According to military records released by the Pentagon in 2005, was confined to base for being absent without leave. McQueen as confined for 30 days and fined $90 after being AWOL from Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. He joined the Marines Corps at 17 and worked as a tank driver and mechanic, which the documents indicated may have spurred a lifelong interest in vehicles, especially motorcycles.

Steve McQueen: "When a horse learns to buy martinis, I'll learn to like horses."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pithypedia.com

SPORTS QUOTES BY DAVE BARRY

I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet trucks. But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.

Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire.
What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: home.hawaii.rr.com

Image: shuttercock.com

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SPORTS QUOTES \ INSULTS
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I don't believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick a thing up and put it back down. To me, that's indecision.
~Paula Poundstone, comedienne
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That went 5-4-3 if you're scoring at home - or even if you're watching by yourself.
~Keith Olbermann, ESPN SportsCenter anchor, describing a highlight double play.
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I feel good.
~James Brown, soul singer, when asked how he felt after taking a few handoffs during an Atlanta Falcon practice.
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I married a female. I think they're good people.
~Andrew Lang, Milwaukee Bucks center, on the NBA hiring female referees for the first time.
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I developed osteoporosis of the personality. My thought processes became brittle.
~Mac O'Grady, explaining that he would play in fewer PGA tournaments after discovering that competing every week caused too much stress.
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Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.
~Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics.
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My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
~Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating."
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Anytime you lose your head, your ass goes with it.
~Willie the Shoe.
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The older I get, the longer my drives used to be.
~Chi Chi Rodriguez.
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I'll moider da bum.
~Tony Galento, heavyweight boxer, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare.
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People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000.
~Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990.
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My performances have finally caught up with my ego.
~Ato Boldon, Trinidad sprinter, bronze medalist in the men's 100 and 200 meters, Atlanta Olympics, 1996.
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That's great - I'm only seven wins away from my first grand slam title.
~Justin Gimelstob, UCLA freshman, ranked 1,154 in the world, upon gaining a wildcard bid to the U.S. Open Tennis Championships, 1995.
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They run like deer, they jump like deer, and they think like deer.
~Charles Barkely, commenting on the new crop of NBA players being churned out by colleges.
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
~Steven Wright
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Si.
~Jack McKeon, Cincinnati Reds manager, when asked if he spoke French.
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If you have some deformity. I'll talk about it.
~Shannon Sharpe (Tongue), Denver Broncos trash talking tight end, on how he throws his opponents off their game.
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I was a little worried about the drinking, but they assured me they would be drinking anywhere they went.
~Roger Neilson, Flyers coach, on allowing his players to spend a four day break in New Orleans.
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She's probably out for the season.
~Brad Scott, South Carolina football coach, after his wife Daryle broke her leg while leaving a game.
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My game is like a cross between karaoke and rap: crap.
~Nick Faldo
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Wouldn't it be funny if Latrell Sprewell saved his coach's neck?
~Argus Hamilton, after Sprewell led the Knicks and embattled coach Jeff Van Gundy to a 3-2 Eastern Conference finals lead.
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It replaced the Kentucky Derby as the most exciting two minutes in sports.
~Dave Baker, WSB radio, after Braves pitcher Greg Maddux legged out a triple.
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The San Francisco 49ers are shaping up to be an all-around team, they always had good defenders, and with the signing of Lawrence Phillips, they will have a good offender.
~Pat E. Fogger.
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As soon as Agassi lost that 130 pounds, he became a man again.
~Pat E. Fogger.
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I've always prided myself on not striking out four times in a game. And I still haven't.
~Scott Rolen, Phillies third baseman, after striking out five times against the Padres.
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I just don't have that first-step explosion anymore.
~Lou Piniella, Seattle Mariner's Manager, who stormed out of the dugout to argue a call, but tripped on the steps and fell face first onto the field.
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When he didn't remember our anniversary, I knew he was OK.
~~Lisa McCaffrey, wife of Denver Bronco wide receiver Ed McCaffrey, on his latest concussion.
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He's been in a mental asylum most of his life.
~Mickey Clayton, Florida A&M coach, after seeing his brother Craig holding up a "We Want Duke" sign at the MEAC Tournament.
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That was the nail that got the coffin going.
~Bob Toledo, UCLA coach, on Wisconsin's interception return.
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That's as good as it gets.
~Danny Ainge, Suns coach, to Jack Nicholson, after Phoenix beat the Lakers in its final game at the Forum.
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How I would love to be 16 again. Then again, I would also love to be 58 again.
~JoAnne Carner, LPGA Hall of Famer, who was paired with a 16 year old amateur golfer.
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Are there enough criminals to support two leagues?
~Jay Leno, on the recent announcement that the XFL will begin playing pro football.
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I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
~Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
~Jason Kidd, after being drafted to the Dallas Mavericks.
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They're like roaches when the lights are turned on.
~Warren Sapp, Tampa Bay defensive tackle, on St. Louis Rams receivers.
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That's way back in the 90's.
~Philadelphia Flyer's Captain Eric Lindross, on the 8 game losing streak his team finally broke in January 2000.
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If I gave you an eye, you'd be a Cyclops.
~(Ragging the ump.)
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Never trust a dog to guard your food.
~Paul Ellering, Iditarod musher, on the first thing he learned.
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I don't care. I'm too old for that stuff.
~Mookie Blaylock, Warriors guard, on whispers that age is catching up with him.
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You dead yet?
~Yogi Berra, upon telephoning Whitey Ford after hearing reports that Whitey had a recurrence of cancer.
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Every man is jealous of Kobe. Usually you have to be 43 or 44 in L.A. before you can do that.
~John Salley, Los Angeles Laker, commenting on young teammate Kobe Bryant's 18 year old girlfriend.
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Show up, keep up, and shut up.
~Bruce Summerhays, Senior PGA Tour golfer, relaying instructions he received before caddying for his daughter at the U.S. Women's Open.
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We have the greatest fans in the world. We raise more money per win than any school in the land.
~Lou Holtz, South Carolina Football Coach, whose team was 0-11 last season.
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I'm definitely willing to do it. But it is a scary thought.
~No-field slugger Jose Canseco, letting manager Joe Torre know that he is able to play outfield for the short-handed Yankees.
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I make plays.
~John Keith, San Francisco 49ers safety, explaining how he got his nickname "Shakespeare."
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I walk by the fried catfish in the dining hall, and it seems like it's talking to me.
~Texas Longhorns' 366 pound offensive tackle Leonard Davis (Contributed by C. Chapman).
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Citius, Altius, Fortius, Urinalysis.
~Bob Verdi, Chicago Tribune, of the new Olympic motto.
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The best way to travel is with a good team.
~Dick Tomey, former University of Hawaii football coach.
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If you want to be a winner, you need two things: Balls.
~Anon.
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When scouts drool, checkbooks rule.
~Blackie Sherrod, Dallas Morning News columnist.
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All men are equal before fish.
~Herbert Hoover.
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Benny From Heaven!
~New York Daily News Headline on Benny Agbayani's game-winning, 13th inning homer in the 2000 National League Division Series.
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It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
~Pat Hill, Fresno State football coach.
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I like the moment when I break a man's ego.
~Bobby Fischer
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I am so excited that I do not have enough English to explain.
~Maja Gustin, University of Hawaii volleyball player from Slovenia, upon making the Final Four in 2000.
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I think I'm going to take him out on the first road trip, get him drunk, and talk contract.
~Bob Boughner, Pittsburgh Penguin, on team owner Mario Lemieux's return to skating.
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The doctors tell me that when I start coughing, it's pretty much over for me in three days..... so I don't cough.
~Al McGuire, former basketball coach and broadcaster, on his incurable leukemia.
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It's not whether you win or lose, but who get's the blame.
~Blaine Nye, former Dallas Cowboy lineman, on his philosophy of football.
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I hit too many lips. It was a case of liprosy.
~Tiger Woods, on his 9th place finish at the 2001 Mercedes Championship on Maui.
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You'll see nothing on my office walls. Even my name is up there on velcro.
~Bob Francis, NHL coach, on job security in a league where 6 coaches have already been fired this season.
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That should keep the snoring down on couches everywhere on Super Bowl Sunday.
~Tom FitzGerald, San Francisco Chronicle, on the Breathe Right nasal strips that will be sold in the colors of the Baltimore Ravens and New York Giants.
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It's the road signs....."Beware of Lions."
~Bernard Lagat, Kenya, when asked why his country produces so many outstanding runners.
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I don't know, I'm not in shape yet.
~Yogi Berra, when asked during spring training, what size cap he wore.
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I loved it when we made that football. The Giants had just made a football, and we came right back.
~Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, Maryland's Lt. Gov., when asked what her favorite play was during the 2001 Super Bowl.
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Ray Lewis is the MVP of the Super Bowl, and Allen Iverson is the MVP of the NBA All-Star game. This can mean only one thing: John Rocker for MVP of the World Series.
~Ron Rapoport, Chicago Sun-Times.
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We went from a team where no one could get a date to guys getting married and having kids. I didn't think some would ever get married. We've got some ugly guys on this team.
~John Boles, Florida Marlins Manager, after 7 of his players were married in the off-season.
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I fell asleep in the middle of the round, but at my age, I need a nap.
~Jack Nicklaus, 61, on the three straight bogeys as he was making the turn.
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I love it. I don't do a damn thing, and I don't start till noon.
~Don Haskins, former UTEP basketball coach, on his recent retirement.
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If he's going to be as good as Terry Bradshaw, he's gonna need a lot more concussions.
~Jay Leno, on Troy Aikman becoming a TV sports analyst.
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Of course, the team was 3-9 last season, so let's hope they're not asked to stop anybody.
~Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel, on UH football players working security at the 2001 Asian Development Bank Convention in Honolulu.
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Hey Lasorda, is that your belt or the equator?
~Heckler, to former Dodger Manager Tommy Lasorda.
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I think it's a good idea.
~John McKay, Late Tampa Bay Coach, when asked about his team's execution.
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Half basketball and half nelson.
~Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune columnist, describing the contact sport of pro basketball.
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Closed.
~Yogi Berra, when asked how he liked school.
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He wants to know if it's legal to grab an opponent's throat.
~Interpreter for Sumo Grand Champion Wakanohana, who is training with the Arizona Rattlers of the Arena Football League in an attempt to play pro football.
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There's a lot of dead grass out there. It looks like Uncle Fester's head.
~Gary McCord, on the bone-dry conditions at the 2001 Senior Players Golf Championship.
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Today's players, they do not know how. If you are going to throw it, you break it. You have to show commitment.
~Goran Ivanisevic, 2001 Wimbledon Champion, on throwing rackets.
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I've watched a lot of All-Star games on TV but cannot feel it. But today being in the game, I got a lot of feeling with the whole of my body.
~Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners, on playing in the 2001 All-Star game.
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Golf is a good cart ride spoiled.
~Bernie Lincicome, Rocky Mountain News columnist.
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I'm not going hunting with anyone who plays the same position as me.
~Derrick Coleman on why he wouldn't go hunting with then teammate Jayson Williams.
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I'm scared. I think I'm the best player here.
~Scott Hastings, basketball player
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I figure if I kill the first one, word will get around.
~Charles Barkely, on how he plans to handle his 12 year old daughter's future boyfriends.
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We're going to be exciting. Of course, it was exciting when the Titanic went down.
~Bob Weiss on Atlanta's '92 prospects.
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That was my fault. I should have read it before it came out.
~Charles Barkley on being misquoted in his autobiography.
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I like pressure. Pressure is what creates diamonds.
~John Salley.
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B.J. does not eat beef. B.J. is a vegetarian, so I don't think he has any beef at all.
~Chicago coach Phil Jackson when asked if B.J. Armstrong had a beef with how he is used.
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Maybe he's just trying to put some English on it.
~Jim Durham, broadcaster, trying to explain why Karl Malone was talking to the ball prior to a free throw shot.
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We really didn't deserve to win. They didn't either. It should have been a tie.
~Sam Cassell on a 114-104 New Jersey loss to Atlanta.
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I thank my teammates for letting their men blow by them.
~Alonzo Mourning on winning the Defensive Player of the Year award.
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I cannot do the finger wave to the guy after I block a shot, I have to do it to the crowd. I did it to the crowd, but the referee said there was a bench in front of the crowd.
~Dikembe Mutombo on his technical for wagging his finger after a block.
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They're really aggressive. They're like roaches on bread - you drop some on the floor and, boom, they're on it.
~Kevin Garnett, on Miami's defense.
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I get up about the time I used to come in.
~John Daly, PGA's reformed alcoholic.
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Coach told us, 'Don't get into a track meet.' We got into a track meet with Marion Jones and Carl Lewis - and we're running like Bill Cosby.
~Olden Polynice, after losing to Dallas.
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We're prepared. Now, if we lose our beer vendors, then you've got a problem.
~Art Modell, Ravens owner, on using replacement refs for the 2001 NFL season.
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It's not tough to play on the road. It's tough to win on the road.
~June Jones, University of Hawaii football coach.
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He took care of the kids for a while, and he was chasing the nannies around pretty much the rest of the time.
~Jesper Parnevik, on his house guest Sergio Garcia.
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I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, "Every time I hear that song I have a bad game."
~Jim Leyland.
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The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
~Casey Stengel.
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The halo with just a little slippage, could become a noose.
~Bobby Bowden, Florida State football coach, on his team's 4-2 record in 2001.
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Ain't nobody else buying it, so I might as well eat it.
~Rod Smith, Denver Broncos wide receiver, endorsing his "Hot Rod's Poppin Popcorn" which he eats every day.
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I wouldn't even do that to a quarterback.
~Michael Strahan, New York Giants defensive end, in a public service announcement warning pet owners not to leave their dogs tied up outside in cold weather.
.
Men, I want you thinking of just one word all season long, one word and one word only: Super Bowl.
~Bill Peterson, when he was head coach of the Houston Oilers.
.
It's the gravy on the loco-moco.
~University of Hawaii offensive lineman Manly Kanoa, on being selected to the 2001 WAC first team.
.
You don't bring Kool-Aid to a vodka party.
~Alex Shorts, Miami (Ohio) center, explaining his aggressive drive to the basket.
.
Kurt would first like to thank his wife for everything he's ever done.
~Brenda Warner, wife of St. Louis Rams quarterback Kurt Warner, who did the talking at the 2001 MVP award news conference, because her husband was under doctor orders to rest his ailing vocal cords.
.
I'd like to have both, but if they had both, they'd be at the University of Southern California.
~LaVell Edwards, former BYU football coach, when asked if he preferred speed or quickness in his wide receivers.
.
He has junk in the trunk, he uses his assets well.
~Pat E. Fogger, on how Charles Barkely cleared space under the basket.
.
"The Big Wiesy."
~Tom Lehman, describing 12 year old Hawaii golf sensation Michelle Wie, who stands 5'9".
.
Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.
~Kevin's T-shirt.
.
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.
~Ted Ray.
.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
~Will Rogers.
.
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
~Anon.
.
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
~John Updike.
.
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
~Jim Murray.
,
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~Jim Bishop.
.
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
~Henry Beard.
.
Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
~Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball high.
.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
~Renee Hicks.
.
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~Jimmy DeMaret.
.
There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is, "You never know."
~Joaquin Andujar, baseball pitcher.
.
You know, you never know.
~Rick Sutcliffe, ESPN baseball commentator.
.
All last year we tried to teach Fernando Valenzuela english, and the only word he learned was "million."
~Tommy Lasorda, Dodgers manager.
.
Eighty percent of the people who hear your troubles don't care, and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them.
~Tommy Lasorda, Dodgers manager.
.
When we win, I'm so happy I eat a lot. When we lose, I'm so depressed, I eat a lot. When we're rained out, I'm so disappointed I eat a lot.
~Tommy Lasorda, Dodgers manager.
.
1% of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other 99% are followers of women.
~John McGraw, baseball manager.
.
Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
~Casey Stengel, Yankees manager.
.
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike.
.
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~Horace G. Hutchinson.
.
He is big enough to eat hay. He is enormous. Sooner or later, you've got to put in a law against guys that size.
~Dick Vermeil, Kansas City Chiefs Coach, on Leonard Davis, Arizona's 372 pound tackle.
.
The last time we won here, Snoop Dogg was still a puppy.
~Coach Rudy Tomjanovich, after the Houston Rockets broke an 11 year losing streak in Orlando in 2003.
.
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
~Bruce Lansky
.
The older you get the stronger the wind gets.....and it's always in your face.
~Jack Nicklaus
.
I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
~Bruce Lansky
.
The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.
~Dave Hill
.
I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.
~Harry Tofcano
.
You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.
~Sam Snead
.
Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well.
~Craig Stadler
.
Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.
~Harvey Penick
.
If you grow up normal, you'll only be normal.
~Michelle Wie
.
I don't think they would have shorts big enough.
~Boris Becker, on making a comeback.
.
Last question.
~Yao Ming, when asked what were his favorite English words.
.
You know what pressure is? It's when the cheerleaders are jumping and you don't notice their breasts.
~Al McGuire.
.
I felt like a little kid, 'Hey I'm in a Grand Slam final,' and then I played like a little kid.
~Martina Navratilova, 2003 U.S. Open.
.
I've got my faults, but living in the past is not one of them. There's no future in it.
~Sparky Anderson.
,
A Bookie of the Month Club Selection.
~Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune columnist, on Pete Rose's 2004 autobiography.
.
You gotta wear the blue blazer when you go to the big dance.
~Al McGuire, coach of Marquette, 1977 NCAA Basketball Champs, responding to a reporter's question on whether he would be wearing his lucky blazer in the tournament, thus giving the NCAA Tournament its nickname.
.
So I can retire early.
~Aree Song, 17-year-old LPGA Tour rookie, when asked why she turned professional so early.
.
Nope, I'm just here to play with you.
~Davis Love, when asked by his Wednesday pro-am amateur partner if he was playing in the tournament.
.
I looked in the mirror and said "Charles, you are too handsome to be fat."
~Charles Barkley, on why he lost weight.
.
I never played the game for money. It's obvious by my record.
~Mary Bea Porter-King, who won once during her 20-year LPGA career, at her induction into the Hawaii Golf Hall of Fame.
.
The Very Good One.
~Charles Barkley's nickname for his pal Wayne Gretzky.
.
I asked my priest if it was a sin to play golf on Sunday. And he said, "It's a sin for you to play anytime."
~Nick Saban, LSU football coach, on his lack of golf prowess.
.
That's why I never played defense. You could get hurt playing defense.
~Charles Barkley, after a player was injured in a playoff loss.
.
The 2 and 3 irons are like my mother-in-law. I'd like to hit it but I just can't.
~Sammy Rachels.
.
Albuquerque is the greatest city the Lord ever made. My wife is going to be pregnant - she doesn't know this yet - and I'm going to name the kid Al B. Querque.
~Jimmy Valvano, after North Carolina State upset Houston to win the 1983 NCAA Basketball Championship in Albuquerque.
.
You can't walk off the island.
~Anon, on why Dominican Republic baseball playeers are sluggers.
.
I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican golf pro.
~Lee Trevino
.
This year we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score.
~Billy Tubbs, Oklahoma's basketball coach in 1979.
.
One good thing about rain in Scotland. Most of it ends up as scotch.
~Peter Alliss, TV golf commentator
.
I prefer fast food.
~Rocky Bridges, San Francisco Giant's coach in 1985, on why he refused to eat snails.
.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
~Satchel Paige
.
He's more likely to die on a 16-foot yacht with a 60-year-old mistress.
~Betsy Cronkite, 1986, when told that her husband, Walter, wished to die on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress.
.
Sometimes you'll feel stuck in a rut, if it's serious, you might even want to quit. What you have to do to break out of the doldrums is take it to the next level by experimenting with different positions.
~Pat E. Fogger, on the similarity between golf and sex.
.
No, but they gave me one anyway.
~Elden Campbell, 1991, when asked if he earned his degree from Clemson.
.
She said "no" to Racquel.
~Gerald Welch, University of Hawaii slotback, on his wife naming their second child Vanessa.
.
He was pretty good. He actually kept up with me.
~The Big Wiesy, on her father caddying for her at the 2005 SBS Open.
.
Sometimes I go without eating or toilet paper.
~Ruben Santamaria, who spends about $2000/month on his Air Jordan collection, and who won a contest for the best collection of rare Nikes.
.
No lose composure, lose count.
~Tommy Nakajima, when asked if he lost composure after taking a 13 on the 13th hole in the 1978 Masters.
.
Sorry lady, you lose.
~Bruce Crampton, in response to his pro-am partner who said that a friend bet her $10 that he wouldn't say 5 words to her.
.
Retail Therapy.
~Michelle Wie, on how she planned to recover from missing the cut at the 2005 Sony Open in Hawaii.
.
When his statue goes up, it'll be in his spitting image.
~Tim Kawakami, San Jose Mercury news writer, on Gaylord Perry's number being retired.
.
Ask him, I don't know what he's doing either.
~Michelle Wie, when asked about playing with her father who was her caddy at the 2005 British Open.
.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
~Bob Hope
.
I don't use computers. Yeah, I have email. But what's so hard about email. It's just "delete, delete, delete."
~Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox manager, during their 2005 World Series sweep.
.
That's what drove her to the convent.
~Bob Costas, after Joe Paterno told him that he once dated Joe Torre's older sister, Sister Marguerite.
.
I have never used steroids. Period.
~Rafael Palmeiro, testifying before Congress
.
Apparently she met a guy with a car.
~Jay Leno, on the split between Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow
.
Florida got a congratulatory phone call from President Bush.. UCLA shot so poorly, it got a call from Dick Cheney.
~Jay Leno, on the 2006 NCAA basketball championship game.
.
Because every club needs a good pharm team.
~Greg Cote, Miami Herald writer, on why Major League Baseball plans to sell supplements to players.
.
Course Whisperer.
~Nickname of Roger Maltbie, TV golf commentator.
.
He won them over the first time he puked during a game.
~June Jones, University of Hawaii football coach, on transfer quarterback Colt Brennan's popularity with the team.
.
It looks like he has a divot over each ear.
~David Feherty, TV golf commentator, on John Daly's mullet.
.
I was sending mental signals for the ball not to come my way, because during that time of day it's impossible for me to see the ball, so I lacked mental signals.
~Ichiro Suzuki, explaining why he dropped a fly ball.
.
His press corps is bigger than mine. And we both have trouble answering questions in English.

~President Bush, on Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.
.
When it's third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
~Max McGee, hard-partying Green Bay Packers receiver.
.
I didn't want to bounce it, that's for certain. That's why I came in with high heat.
~President Bush, explaining the high first pitch at the opening of the Nationals Park.
.
==========

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.aol.com

AUTO RACING
.
Related topics: Drag car racing, funny car racing, motor sports
.
COMMERCE, Ga. (April 27) - Ashley Force beat father John on Sunday in the NHRA Southern Nationals to become the first female driver to win a national Funny Car event.

Ashley had a run of 4.837 seconds at 320.36 mph at Atlanta Dragway in her Castrol GTX Ford Mustang to take a 59-point lead over Tim Wilkerson in the season standings.

"I'm just happy to win an event. That was the main thing," Ashley said. "Being a female, that's exciting as far as the records and everything, but my team, we just wanted to get our first win. We went a whole year last year and got close a few times. To finally get it done, we're just so excited."

John, seeking his 1,000th career round win, lost traction at the start, finishing way behind Ashley with an 11.223-second run.

"It's great for her that she gets that win and gets that out of the way," John said. "I'm a little disappointed that my car didn't run a little bit better.

"I'm proud of her. She did her job. She didn't do anything stupid at the starting line. ... I love her."

The historic, set up by round victories over Del Worsham, Jim Head and Ron Capps, came seven days after Danica Patrick became the first female winner in IndyCar history.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jimpoz.com

SPORTS QUOTES

"Life is like football: don't flinch, don't foul, and hit the line hard."
Theodore Roosevelt

"It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who errs and comes short again . . . who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at least knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while doing greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


Of course, there are worse things that can happen in life than losing a game, but we all know the pain we can feel after a difficult loss, or even the joy we feel after a great win. This game is one of joy and pain. If you want to feel the joy, you must be willing to suffer; like taking the final shot, planning a different strategy, etc... This game is not a matter of life and death -- it only feels that way sometimes!

Anonymous \ Source: hoopsu.com

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: freewebs.com

SPORTS QUOTES

by Robin Williams

Robin Williams: The poor Canadian snowboarder, in the 1998 Olympics, they took away his medal because he tested positive for marijuana, which is kinda redundant number one, number two, they said that marijuana was a "performance-enhancing drug".
[buzzer sound]
Robin Williams: Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"

Robin Williams: "I go to boxing to watch the sport of boxing." That's like saying, "I go to stock car races to see people take left turns all day." No, you go to boxing to see somebody get the FUCK beaten of 'em.

---

Robin Williams: Now we get to see Tanya Harding fight Paula Jones in an all white trash weekend.

---

[On Mike Tyson biting somebody]
Robin Williams: I'm saying "You're lucky he just bit somebody. Mike just got out of prison; you're lucky he didn't FUCK him."

---

Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: script-o-rama.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Excerpts from:

Robin Williams Live On Broadway Script - Dialogue Transcript

Everybody's worried about people playing baseball on steroids.
Here's one quick way you tell:

on steroids, your balls shrink and your head grows.
So if someone steps up to the plate

with a Mardi Gras head and Raisinettes, you're out!

Poor Barry Bonds! They won't pitch to him
and when they do it, they're trying to kill him.

I'm very excited because this is my time
when I was watching World Cup Soccer, my man.
I saw world cup, baby.

There's a few soccer fans, the rest of you are going:
"Uh, that's like football without pads, right?"
For the rest of the world, it's football.
For us, it's "A strange sport, played by damaged people."

We made it in the World Cup. Everyone plays it.

Not like the World Series, 'cause the French don't have a baseball team.
If they did, they would only have left field and no one would be safe.

You know what I'm saying?

What can you do, huh? It is Bastille day, alore.
The day that Marie Antoinette gave the ultimate head. Look out!

We are French. Fuck you, Americans, I don't care!

My friend Lance Armstrong is racing right now in The Tour du France.
And every year the French go, "He is on chemicals."
"It's chemotherapy, you little toad suckers."
Okay, he has one testicle, he's aerodynamic.
Everyone, cut off your balls. You'll be quicker.
Do it. Don't be afraid."

When you look at the World Cup, America finally made it.
We made it to the sixteenth, baby!
We're no longer in the "Special Olympics" category.
They used to see us coming: "Give it to them, they're damaged people"!
Thank you for the ball. I got a ball. I kick the ball!
Unlike the Brazilians. When they play is like...
And the fans...
Brazilians are going: "Look, I'm playing soccer...
Look, I'm scoring!
And now I'm kicking the ball."

Soccer is kinda mellow, you know. Is a little passive aggressive though.

I didn't do anything... What are you looking at?

It's not like hockey, when someone comes up with a stick and goes:
"Bang, mother fucker!"
That's why there are no Spanish hockey players.
When a white guy takes a stick and goes...
"Motherfucker, I'm going to cut you off now!

And you, Freddie Krugger bitch, take off the mask, mother fucker!
Coming in there! Katami

Sometimes guys do this weird thing... They fall down and pretend like...

I've been killed... I've been blinded...
There's nobody near me, huh? OK, I'm kidding!
And the referee comes over: "Yellow card!"
Two yellow cards. "Red card!"
Three cards. "Green card!"
And the referee is so sweet, too.

"What's your name? Turn around.
Why didn't you call me after the Mexico game ?

Not like football referees: "Too much commercial time"
Mad white man dancing on the field.
Moving away. Moving away.

In the World Cup they always claim there's bad refereeing,
someone may have been paid off.
Oh, shit, say it ain't so!

The worst referee was in Winter Olympics with a French judge.
Once again, the French fucked with us!
The Canadians skate perfectly. "We did it perfect, huh!"
And then the Russians they come and fuck up

and the French judge: "They fucked up, I give it to them"

At that point I'm going: "Where's Tonya Harding when you need her?"
Tonya would've been on that judge like shit on Velcro.
"Give me that medal, you French whore!"
"I won!"

You remember the Winter Olympics. They had them in Utah. Great place!
What, was Amish country booked, what happened?
Common down to Salt Lake! We're gonna party like it's ..........

About the Olympics once again,
we're talking about the figure skating.
I find the figure skating to be kinda sexy.
Not ice dancing, which is polka on Valium. That's not good.
That's that pair figure skating. There's one very special lift.
Where the male skater goes...
Right here!
Where even a gynecologist would go: "Put on a glove, man!"
Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?
And I'm going: "Let's cut the foreplay,
let's have ice fucking, come on!"
Nipples aroused...
And she holds on without her hands!
Even the French judge would go: "I like it!"

"I don't care. I'm giving them the medal. Fuck the Canadians!"

They have weird sports like the Biathalon
which is like Norwegian Drive-By.

The Canadians won the gold medal in hockey.
God bless you Canadian people.

You're so fucking nice eh.
It's your only fucking sport, come on!

That and a mutant form of football.
"We've got men, we have a longer field"
You have fun, enjoy!

Everyone was so happy that at the Olympics the security was so tight.
Security was amazing at the Olympics.
You chose the whitest fucking State in the Union!
An Arab in Utah is like an albino at the Apollo. You would notice!
- I found one! - It's just Ted. Everybody out!

That's my idea of a sport!
The manly sport of golf,
where you can dress like a pimp and no one will care.
Even a gay blind man would go: "Oh, dear Christ!"
"Those are loud. This is no carnival. What a fuck are you on?"
Even the alligators are going: "Asshole!"
It's such an athletic sport: whack the ball, get in the car.
Whack the ball, get in the car.
And the commentary's electrifying.
Just this side of Curling, for really getting me going.

Third hole.
Could people be quiet, I'd like to hear the grass grow.
I'd like the guy who does Mexican soccer to do golf one time.
The ball is ready.
Hole!

Just to see al those waspy mother fuckers going:
"Oh, dear Christ!"
"My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh, shit!"
What a hell we gonna do? That was their last domain of dominance

It was their area. They were the kings.
Up until Tiger!
Son of a black man and a Thai woman.
Not even a German geneticist could've thought than one up!
Black athletic ability, Buddhist concentration.
Crouching Potter.
And than he goes to the British Open,
and he plays at Saint Andrews, who the fucking invented the sport.

And after the fourth round, he's under par.
And there's only fucking holes.
And all the old men going: "My God, we're doomed!"

"How did he learn to play? We wouldn't have let him join."

And they start having nightmares of golf carts going...
Y:i Yo, yo, yo I'm playing through
Y:i Whether you're gentile or a Jew
Y:i Mother fucker!

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: memory.loc.gov

BASEBALL QUOTES

Game Day in the Majors

This sampler of baseball images conveys the experience of attending a major league game about 1910 to 1920: from waiting in line and buying hot dogs, to viewing a game in a large stadium, or from a perch on a pole. Although different cities and teams appear in the photographs, many relate to New York City, where the photographer, the Bain News Service, had its headquarters.

The game would be worth the wait for Brooklyn fans on this World Series day. The home team Brooklyn Robins shut out the Cleveland Indians 3-0. (The Robins officially became the Dodgers in 1932.)

Crowds waiting in line at Ebbets Field, Brooklyn for World Series Game, October 6, 1920. Photographic print by Bain News Service, October 6, 1920. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-92826 (b&w))

'Hot Dogs' for fans waiting for gates to open at Ebbets Field, Brooklyn. Photographic print by Bain News Service, October 6, 1920. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-58784 (b&w))

Concessionaires are selling hot dogs and "ice cold lemonade" to fans at a World Series game in Brooklyn, New York.

Shibe Park, exterior view of the entrance, Philadelphia. Photographic print by Bain News Service, ca. 1913. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-79895 (b&w))

Shibe Park opened in 1909 and was later known as Connie Mack Stadium, in honor of the Athletics' long-time manager and owner. The park was torn down in 1976.

President Woodrow Wilson throwing out the first ball, opening day, 1916. Photographic print, 1916. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-9981 (b&w))

Having the President throw out the first pitch to open a new baseball season is a tradition dating to 1910. This practice has also come to include World Series games and the All-Star game. Several residents of the White House have been closely associated with the National Pastime: George Bush was an accomplished first baseman at Yale, Jimmy Carter an enthusiastic pitcher for his softball team, and Ronald Reagan played Grover Cleveland Alexander on the screen.

Perhaps President Eisenhower summed it up best: "When I was a small boy in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and as we sat there in the warmth of the summer afternoon on a river bank, we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a real major league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he'd like to be president of the United States. Neither of us got our wish." (Quotation from Paul Dickson's Baseball's Greatest Quotations; used by author's permission.)

"Spectators at Pittsburg[sic]-Detroit game." Photograph by Bain News Service, October, 1909. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-103768 (b&w))

Fans have climbed a tall pole to watch a World Series game between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Detroit Tigers.

Polo Grounds, New York City, during World Series Game. Photograph by Bain News Service, 1913. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division. Reproduction number: LC-USZ62-69242 (b&w))

In this scene at the Polo Grounds, the New York Giants are playing the Philadelphia Athletics, who won the World Series. The New York Yankees also played at the Polo Grounds until they built their own stadium.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

WOMEN'S SOCCER QUOTES

QUOTES FROM THE CHAMPS
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE FOUDY

"No doughnuts, no love" - Julie Foudy, the doughnut queen of the World

When I was a kid, I'd quit a lot of games because I hated losing so much. I thought if I'd quit before the game was over then I really didn't lose." - Mia Hamm

"You can never get tired of this and you can never get used to it, because it's always incredible." - Tiffeny Milbrett on the fans

"It was awesome. Really awesome." - Kristine Lilly on playing in front of 79,000 people in the World Cup 1999

"We're part of each other's lives. We're in each other's stories." Michelle Akers on the team

"Mac has one, if not THE hardest shot on this team and she has a knack for making the ball 'dance' or move. As a goalkeeper this makes your job hard and can lead to numerous jammed fingers...I know first hand." - Tracy Ducar

"You see Mia's true personality come out on the soccer field. Coupled with her athletic ability and talent, when she pulls it together, she's a dynamo." - Tony DiCicco

"First, is team chemistry. Second, is everyone really cares about one another. Third, is Mia Hamm." - Tiffeny Milbrett on what makes the team work

"I know I'm going to get killed. I'm going to wear arm pads, knee pads, all the protecting padding I can get. I'll probably need a helment by the end. I just hope I don't break anything." - Brianna Scurry on the indoor games

"Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would play in sellout stadiums like this stadiums like we did this summer. It's a great opportunity to connect with local kids and get them excited about their potential and what they can do." Mia Hamm

"When people ask how often I've been home since the World Cup, I say, 'Home? Where's home? What's home?' I'm in a whole other world. It's weird." Brandi Chastain

"She's a little demented. She's not all there. She's a few feathers short of a duck. She's like one of those really smart people who's pretty dingy. She's always tripping into things. She's a total klutz. That's a common joke on the team." Julie Foudy on Kate Sobrero

"Soccer isn't brain surgery, have fun." - Michelle Akers

"Julie was trying to tell me to get this funny dance or do something. I didn't know what to do. So, I just kind of ran around in circles. There was no real choreography to it. But they (her teammates) made me feel real special." - Mia Hamm about her 100th goal celebration

"She cracks me up all the time. Everyone thinks she's this quiet, reserved person because that's how she comes across in the media. But she is hilarious." - Julie Foudy about Mia Hamm

"Shannon's personality is about having fun and creating an environment around her that others can have fun in. She is the team prankster and is always joking and likes to nutmeg players in practice, and that is what she brings to the field. She tries tricky moves and tries to get the ball behind the defense and make things happen for everyone." - Brandi Chastain on Shannon MacMillian

"I grew up in a big Irish family, where everyone played the traditional sports, and I remember my grandfather saying to me, 'Why are you playing that communist game? You won't get anywhere with it.'" - Danielle Fotopoulos


"She's all about blood, sweat and tears and working her tail off, she's just awesome." - Kate Sobrero on Kristine Lilly

"I cannot keep myself away from ice cream. I have two flavors that are my favorite: chocolate chip cookie dough and vanilla swiss almond. I can eat a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting, no problem!" - Brandi Chastain

"We wanted to give back to the fans what they've given us, and that is unbelievable support thoughout the World Cup" - Carla Overbeck on the Victory Tour

"I hate it. The girl can shoot, the ball moves around, it knuckles, it dips. I feel bad for the other goalkeeper." Brianna Scurry on Shannon MacMillian's goalkicks

"If you've got hips, you can't be a gymnast or dancer. That ruled me out." - Mia Hamm

"Do you have the heart to push yourself? If you don't, find a way to get it because talent will only get you so far. You've got to be hungry. You've got to have heart. That's just reality." Tiffeny Milbrett

"In terms of history and sports, I don't think people will forget." - Kristine Lilly on the World Cup

"I play for the intense challenges that the game on the highest levels present. The whole team enjoys playng exciting soccer for the fans and my part in that makes me feel good about myself. The whole concept of teamwork is what keeps us all going. It's my role to create scoring chances, and to come through for my teammates is extremely satisfying." - Mia Hamm

"I just pulled up my shirt, stood off to the side and did it. Everybody was pretty mature about it." - Joy Fawcett on halftime breast-feedings

"The crowd was absolutely unbelieveable, it was awesome playing in front of 79,000." - Mia Hamm

"Most of us didn't have soccer role models growing up. We played because it was fun, and maybe if we got good, soccer could be a ticket to college. But the Olympics, the World Cup, a professional league, those were dreams you kept to yourself. Now we have a whole generation of girls who could actually become professional soccer players. They're our future, and it's up to us to instill in them the same love of the game we have." - Shannon MacMillian

"You develop a bond that comes from spending too much time together." - Julie Foudy

"We have the best flank midfielder in the world with Kristine Lilly, and this system gives us an opportunity to use her out there." - Tony DiCicco

"When we were these guy's age we really didn't have dreams to grab on to. Kids can now dream big and if they want, they can be a national team player and an Olympian as well." Tiffeny Milbrett

"Winning the World Cup, breaking record crowds and becoming part of society's little dream girls lately has been kind of nice." Kristine Lilly

"I'm not someone who goes around the locker room before a game trying to motivate my teammates. I don't say a lot before the game. I don't say a lot in general. It takes too much energy to do that." - Mia Hamm

"I actually had to get two fillings. Yeah, I swear. My teeth had been bugging me because I had been eating so much junk food on the road. I was the worst on teh team because I always had a bag of candy with me. I never had any cavities before, but yesterday, I took two for the team." - Tisha Venturini

"We're here to kill the soccer chicks!" - Julie Foudy to the gate guard at Brandi, Mia & Tisha's place

"Loves her dog Molson and has pictures of him in her locker, wallet, and probably on her bedroom wall too." - Michelle Akers about Kristine Lilly

"Goals have never defined me as a player. What has defined me is my impact on the team. If that means passing or playing defense to win, I'll do it." - Mia Hamm

"She's one of the nicest people on the team. She's unassuming, she's caring, she's always got a smile. She's very coachable. She's a joy to coach quite honestly. And she could be the best athlete on the team" - Tony DiCicco on Christie Pearce

Carla is a stud. She is a great leader and a great motivator. Carla is someone who makes you want to live up to her expectations and standards -- which are exceptional." - Michelle Akers on Carla Overbeck

"Known as the team exhibitionist (evey team has got to have one)." - Michelle Akers on Brandi Chastain

"Has 45 pierced body parts. Has pictures of Slater (from Saved By the Bell) in her locker." - Michelle Akers on Sara Whalen

"We wear heart-rate monitors at times to measure the intensity of the workout and the reaction of the body. TR's heart rate sometimes gets up to 100. That's inhuman. For most people they are either having a heart attack at that point, or gasping for breath with their hands on the knees. Only the elite of the elite athletes get up to 100 without dying. Well, for her, that's a normal occurrence. She can hit it, maintain it for a few seconds, and then keep on performing with little or no recovery time needed. Amazing. Oh to be young again." - Michelle Akers on Tiffany Roberts

"We decided that Joy Fawcett's daughter Katey, who's 4, miight play alongside Aly & Susan someday. Michelle, of course will still be on the team." - Julie Foudy

"Knows the model, make, and year or evey (military) jet or helicopter ever made by the sound of the engine, smell of the jet fuel, or shadow on the ground. PS. Her husband, Christiaan is a Marine pilot." - Michelle Akers on Mia Hamm

"...can eat more than an elephant." - Michelle Akers on Julie Foudy

"She's still overlooked and still so underrated, but the people who are really soccer gurus know that she's a workhorse and someone who plays more minutes and more games than anyone. The thing aobut it is that's fine with her. She knows what she contributes and her team knows how much she contributes, and that's what matters to her. She's on of the most honest, true people I know off the field." - Tisha Venturini about Kristine Lilly

"Looking for the meg!" - Shannon MacMillian on her personality trait that can be troublesome on the field

"Is the damn monkey off?" - Mia Hamm to Julie Foudy after ending her scoring slump

"For all you fans out there, the way to the hearts of the US Women's National Team is through their stomachs... particularly with desserts." - Michelle Akers

"a tiny little gnat running up and down the sidelines." - Julie Foudy on Kristine Lilly when they first played together in 1987

"Joy's SUPERWOMAN" - Julie on Joy Fawcett

"I think she's cool. She has that 'cool' quality for which not many people can qualify. It's more than being nice, or stylish, or charismatic. She's just cool and unique. I also know my brother's friends think she's 'hot.' That cracks me up. Not because I think she is a dog by any means, but because the publice sees my teammates, my buddies - as hot. HA" - Akers on Tisha Venturini

"The thing I love about Millie is you always know where you stand, and she is who she is. What you see is what you get. I love that." - Akers on Tiffeny Milbrett

"Holdes record for biggest shoe size on the team. Big and strong as an ox. Players fall and fly off her like gnats." - Akers on Danielle Fotopoulos

"What stunned me was how well Tracy competed from the first day of practice. She worked herself to death." - Anson Dorrance who says Tracy Ducar may be the most determined player he has ever encountered.

"I'm personally offended when I am scored on" - Brianna Scurry

"I like Kate a lot. I think she's great. Besides being a great soccer player, she's a total nut. She fits in perfectly. She's just a goofball. Kate's always giggling, and giddy." - Julie Foudy on Kate Sobrero

"If you can only play one position, you'd better be the absolute best at that position." - Christie Pearce

"Whatever role is given to you, you'll embrace it, because it is just an honor to be on this team." - Lorrie Fair


"I eat healthy most of the time, but I love chocolate. I can't help it!" - Carla Overbeck

"My dad gets tickled watching me." - Tiffany Roberts

"We didn't even do anything. We just walked into the stadium." - Brandi Chastain on the cheers from the opening ceremonies of the 1996 Olympics

"I told them I was in China winning the world soccer championship. They said, 'Great. Did you study for the chemistry test?'" - Julie Foudy on her return to Stanford after the first WWC

"After practice all I can do is collapse on the couch with a bag of potato chips." - Cindy Parlow

"When I first made the team I didn't even know there was a national team. So to me it was all new. When I got asked to go on the trip to China I was 16. I said, 'well you know what I have to ask my parents.' So I called home and I am like, 'Mom and Dad can I go to China?' They were like 'sure.'" - Kristine Lilly

"If you are quiet on the bench you will just get swallowed up. It is like a mosh pit." - Tisha Venturini - who was considered the bench captain

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

Fencing Quotations

"Swashbuckler. 1560. One who makes a noise by striking his own or his opponent's shield with a sword. A swaggering bravo or ruffian. A noisy braggadocio. The swashbuckling manners of a youth of fashion in the reign of Elizabeth I."
~ The Shorter Oxford English dictionary ~

"The entire secret of arms consists of only two things: to give, and not to receive."
~ Moliere 1671 ~

"Foil fencers talk about the techniques of fencing. Épée fencers talk about the esoterics of fencing. Sabre fencers talk about themselves."
~ Nick Evangelista 1996 ~

"If you want to find out about fencers, go up behind one as he faces a practice target. Burst a balloon behind his back. The foilist will immediately lunge at the pad. The épéeist will stand his ground, immobile but alert. The sabreur will swing round and assault you."
~ Hungarian axiom ~

"...it has been written that 'Sword is the man,' I would rather say: Man is how he behaves sword in hand."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Young man, you must never be touched. Otherwise, the blood now coming out of your arm may instead be spurting from your chest..."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Fencers only recognize fencers, potential fencers and hopeless invalids."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"The meanes whereby men from time to time have bene preferred even to the highest degrees of greatnes and dignitie, have ever bene and are of two sortes, Armes and letters: Weapons & bookes, as may most plainly bee proved out of antique and moderne histories..."
~ Vincentio Saviolo 1595 ~

"(The fight in hot blood) appertains to all ages, and will no doubt endure until at least man has been civilized out of all manhood."
~ Ted Huber ~

"Who despises me and my praiseworthy craft
I'll hit on the head that it resounds in his heart."
~ Augustin Staidt ~

"Put up your sword, you fool, for if you kill me you will not smell any better, and if I kill you, you will smell a damn sight worse."
~ Saint-Foix, upon being challenged for informing a man "He smelled like a goat." ~

"The French duel is the most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. I would rather be the hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptred monarch."
~Mark Twain, 1880 ~

"A bullet, you see, may go anywhere, but steel's almost bound to go somewhere."
~ Dorothy Sayers, 1936 ~

"Fencing Dad says 'Don't look at the lights!'"
~ Fencing Dad (Big for Our Britches)~

"When you can score five hits that no referee can deny you, when you are so far ahead of your opponent that your supremacy is undeniable, then you will deserve your place."
~ Béla Bay, 1956 ~

"Steel true / blade straight"
~ Inscription on the gravestone of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, by Robert Louis Stevenson ~

"Gone While your tastes were keen to you,
Gone where the grey winds call to you,
By that high fencer, even Death,
Struck of the blade that no man parrieth."
~ Ezra Pound ~

"Pray you, be gentle with my scabbard here – She'll put her tongue out at you presently!"
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"You are so modest, you might blush before a sword naked."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"But I have no gloves! A pity too! I had one – the last one of an old pair – and lost that. Very careless of me. Some Gentleman offered me an impertinence. I left it – in his face."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"Dragoon, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback."
~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

"Duel, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.

~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

That dueling's a gentlemanly vice
I hold; and wish that it had been my lot
To live my life out in some favored spot-
Some country where it is considered nice
To split a rival like a fish, or slice
A husband like a spud, or with a shot
Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot
And ready to be put upon the ice.
Some miscreants there are, whom I do long
To shoot, or stab, or in some such way reclaim
The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners,
I seem to see them now - a mighty throng.
It looks as if to challenge me they came,
Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!
Xamba Q. Dar."

"Redder's Lick: The stroke which one often receives in endeavouring to part combatants."
~ John Jamieson's Etymological Scottish Dictionary 1808 ~

"I tried to sit him down, think things through,
But swashbuck-a-lin' in Brook-a-lyn is all he wanna do."
~ Fun Lovin' Criminals 2001 ~

"Go ahead, wear white after Labour Day, we dare you!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"The sword is one of the few implements that can penetrate both the imagination of man, and his vital organs."
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for escrime!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Tournament Weird: The general condition of nervous energy, fatigue, and absent-mindedness afflicting fencers immediately preceding, during, and immediately following competition. As in: 'I think Vanessa has gone a bit tournament weird!'"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"In Germany, students join fraternities to drink beer and participate in a centuries-old form of ritualistic combat. In Canada students join frats to drink beer. Try something new! Join the U of C Fencing Club!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"If you can't hit your friends with swords, who can you hit?"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Keep distance, extend your arm, take control of the opponent's blade."
~ Domokos Laszlo ~

"Notwithstanding all the assistance listed above, there are sure to be lacunae, mistakes, and other shortcomings in this book. As any past fencer will quickly recognize, such errors are solely the responsibility and fault of... the referee."
~ Richard Cohen, 2002 ~

"Real sharpness comes without effort."
~ Li Mu Bai, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Calligraphy is so similar to fencing."
~ Yu Shu Lien, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it."
~ Samuel Butler ~

"Let none presume to tell me that the pen is preferable to the sword."
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

"He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawn off shotgun."
~ Steady Eddy ~

"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword."
~ Benjamin Dana ~

"If you ain't never pick up the sword, you ain't never have to worry about fallin' on it."
~ Meldrick Lewis ~

T"he pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink."
~ Anonymous ~

"Those who beat their swords into ploughshares may one day find themselves ruled by those of us who kept their swords."
~ Unknown ~