The Top 14 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football Quotes
- "Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary -- the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians."
- "I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun."
- "The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop."
- "I've seen women pee standing up with better aim."
- "Somebody call Janet Reno -- I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!"
- "That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche."
- "I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet."
- "Hey, Cunningham -- Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi."
- "He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house."
- "Hey Deion, Bubbelah -- maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe?"
- "When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb."
- "That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena."
- "Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island."
and the Number 1 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football Quote...
- "Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!"
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