FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: famequotes.com

THE "TICKER"

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SPORTS QUOTES

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There's no pressure in baseball. Pressure is when the doctor is getting ready to cut you, take your heart out, and put it on a table."

- Charlie Manuel

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"Ace Running a casino is like robbing a bank with no cops around. For guys like me, Las Vegas washes away your sins. It's like a morality car wash."

- Casino (the movie)

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"Ace In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift bosses. I'm watching the casino manager. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching us all."

- Casino (the movie)

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"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'"

- Art Buchwald

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

- Joan Rivers

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"One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider."

- Damon Runyon

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"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water."

- Carl Reiner

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"The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches."

- e e cummings

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"One's first book, kiss, home run, is always the best."

- Clifton Fadiman

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The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time."
- Catfish Hunter

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"A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them."

- Elbert Hubbard

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"A professional is someone who can do his best when he doesn't feel like it."

- Alistair Cooke

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"Success is never final, but failure can be."

- Bill Parcells

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