FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: home.earthlink.net

VOLLEYBALL SLANG

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Roof: An excellent block that ignites barking from the crowd, as in "Roof! Roof! Roof!"

.

UC State: An unconscious state where a player or team can do no wrong.
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Click here to view ===> VOLLEYBALL SLANG

===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cricinfo.com

Image: 2.bp.blogspot.com
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CRICKET QUOTES
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It's just a bloody game of cricket and we are in a war.
A shocked ICC umpire Simon Taufel recalls the terrorist attack in Lahore Mar 5, 2009
.
We were pelted with bullets and the windows started smashing in. Our driver was shot dead ... I really thought that was the end of it. I thought that was our moment
Steve Davis, the umpire, recalls the terror in Lahore Mar 4, 2009
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Click here to view ===> CRICKET QUOTES
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: canoemarathon.com

Image: farm4.static.flickr.com
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CANOEING QUOTES
Quotes about using the canoe on waterways
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Never trust a person who's feet are dry and he is paddling a canoe.
- Anonymous
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Click here to view ===> CANOEING
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: newboatbuilders.com

Image: istockphoto.com
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BOATING QUOTES
.
Charles Brower
"You cannot sink someone else's end of the boat and still keep your own afloat."
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Click here to view ===> BOATING QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: qwipster.net/wimbledon.jpg

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TENNIS QUOTES

Quotes from the movie Wimbledon

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Plot summary for Wimbledon (2004)

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Peter Colt, an English tennis player in his thirties whose ranking slipped from 11th to 119th in the world, considers he never really had to fight for anything as his wealthy but all but close family easily put him trough studies and allowed him to pursue his tennis ambitions, bravely exchanges jokes with his German sparring partner Dieter Prohl, in a similar position, but feels it's about time to admit he's getting too old to compete with fitter coming men (or boys) and intends, after a last Wimbledon, to take a job with the prestigious tennis club instead.

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Just then, by accident, he bumps into Lizzie Bradbury, the American rising star of female tennis, falls in love with her and finds her interest in him changes his entire perception, even gives him the strength to win again.

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But where will it lead them, especially when her overprotective father-manager Dennis Bradbury proves determined to nip their relationship in the bud, believing it detrimental to her career?

.

Written by KGF Vissers

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Click here to view ===> WIMBLEDON QUOTES

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thehormonezone.blogspot.com

Image: comps.fotosearch.com
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RACQUETBALL HUMOR
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The article's author cites her attempts to defeat her hubby at her favorite game.
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Click here to view ===> RACQUETBALL
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===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sun-sentinel.com

NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES

.

Top 50 Miami Dolphins quotes of all time

Source cited by NFL forum at footballsfuture.com

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"I'm the idiot that hired all the geniuses."

- Former owner Joe Robbie after the team's fifth Super Bowl

(two wins, three losses) in 1985

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"Now when I go to the bathroom I find out who my friends are."

- Jake Scott after both broken hands were in casts following the 1972 season

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Click here to view ===> DOLPHINS QUOTES

=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: just-quotes.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
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Well, that's baseball. Rags to riches one day and riches to rags the next. But I've been in it thirty-six years and I'm used to it.
- Casey Dillon Stengel
.
I ain't ever had a job, I just always played baseball.
- Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
.
The only change is that baseball has turned Paige from a second class citizen to a second class immortal.
- Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
.
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
- Erma Bombeck
.
Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
- Henry Louis Mencken
.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

DEVON AOKI, SUPER MODEL

Image: 4.bp.blogspot.com

.

EXERCISE QUOTES

Part 1: Source: foxnews.com

.

Given the constraints of the couture world it comes as no surprise that the 26-year-old stunner recently decided to strut off the runway and focus on an acting career and as her latest role in "Mutant Chronicles" attests, it’s a far cry from the glamour of Givenchy or the posing in Prada.

"I had to pump my arms up quite a bit. They were a little on the weak side when we started and by the end of filming, I was pretty rock solid," Aoki said. "The funny thing was most the boys got dummy guns that weigh very little, and I got the real McCoy! I was running around with a 30-pound gun under my arm for the entire film. That might have been their way of telling me I needed some muscles!"

.

------------------------

.

Part 2: Source: curezone.org

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If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

~Joey Adams

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Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.

~Cher
.

Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states.

~Carol Welch

.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

~Marsha Doble

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A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.

~A.A. Milne
.

Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.

~Author Unknown

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Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.

~Norman Mailer
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I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.

~Alec Yuill Thornton

.
Better to hunt in fields, for health unbought,

Than fee the doctor for a nauseous draught,

The wise, for cure, on exercise depend;

God never made his work for man to mend.

~John Dryden

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People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem.

~Chris Adams

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If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor.

~Christian Barnard

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Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.

~Barbara Ehrenreich

.

======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ignatiuschicagocrew.org

Image: olympics.org.uk
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ROWING QUOTES
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"It's not the chariot - it's the horses" -- Will Perkins
.
"Fight one more round - when your arms are so tired you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard - fight one more round."
.
"When your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired you wish your opponent would crack you one in the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round, remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped."
.
===============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: en.wikiquote.org

SURFER GIRLS (I THINK!)

Image: filmwad.com

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SURFING QUOTES

.

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."

- Jeff Spicoli, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

.

"Your done, once you're a surfer you're done. You're in. It's like the mob or something. You're not getting out."

- Kelly Slater, Step into Liquid

,

"It was so big [the wave], it didn't even know we were there."

- Daniel Webber

.

"It's just the best way to start your day. Surfers eat pizza. People who surf, they know the object is to have fun. You work hard, but you work hard to have fun."

- Cynthia Derosier

.

"When you're surfing, you're living. Everything else is just waiting."

- Josh Mitchell

.

"Show me an underwater earthquake and I'll show you an excuse to surf."

- Jarrett Sullivan

.

"In one place we came upon a large company of naked natives, of both sexes and all ages, amusing themselves with the national pastime of surf-bathing. Each heathen would paddle three or four hundred yards out to sea (taking a short board with him), then face the shore and wait for a particularly prodigious billow to come along; at the right moment he would fling his board upon its foamy crest and himself upon the board, and here he would come whizzing by like a bombshell!"

- Cliff "The Grimer" Grimes

.

None but natives ever master the art of surf-bathing thoroughly."

- Mark Twain

.

"The idea that an individual can find God is terribly self-centered. It is like a wave thinking it can find the sea."

- John Templeton

.

"How would you like to stand like a God before the crest of a monster billow, always rushing to the bottom of a hill and never reaching its base, and to come rushing in for a half mile at express speed, in graceful attitude, until you reach the beach and step easily from the wave?"

- Duke Kahanamoku

.

"Out of the water, I am nothing."

- Duke Kahanamoku

.

"Then, after I've gotten rid of Batman and Robin for good, I will rule the waves. Me, the Joker, king of the surf and all the surfers. Then, Gotham City! Later, the world!"

- The Joker from Batman

.

==================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: readbookonline.net

WINTER SPORTS POEM
A poem about skating, sledding, etc.
.
T S Arthur's poem: Saturday In Winter
.
Click here to view ===> SATURDAY IN WINTER
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

Double click on graphic to view entire graphic above.
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Image: conservativefront.com
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HOCKEY QUOTES
Quotes about the violent nature of hockey
.
"Anybody who says they don't like fighting in the NHL have to be out of their minds."
-Don Cherry
.
"Hockey is figure skating in a war zone."
-Author Unknown
.
"High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing...everything else is just figure skating."
-Author Unknown
.
"Hockey is a tough game. With all the talk and everything that's going on right now, it frightens me a little bit that we are giving our players an excuse not to hit. I just hope that we don't take that out of our game at the pro level."
-Bobby Orr
.
"Hockey is our national religion: We have ice in our blood and blood on our ice."
-attributed to a number of people
.
"By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game One of the NHL playoff series."
-Steve Rushin
.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

Image: physique.co.uk
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SPORTS TRIVIA
10 Most Common Sports Injuries and Ways to Treat Them
.
Many sports injuries are due to an improper warm-up or stretching routine or because the level of intensity of the workout was increased too quickly. Therefore, the best way to avoid sports injuries that can keep you out of the game for weeks or months is to stretch adequately before and after your workout, and to pace yourself according to your level of skill and experience in the sport.
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Click here to view ===> 10 MOST COMMON SPORTS INJURIES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hfboards.com

HOCKEY QUOTES
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"You're not really a hockey player till you've lost a few teeth"
- Bill Gadsby
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"Hockey is 60 minutes of action with no easy way of avoiding a good clobbering"
- Emile Francis
.
"We must stamp out brawls or we will have to print more tickets"
- Conn Smyte
.
Click here to view ===> HOCKEY QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pointsincase.com

CURLING HUMOR
Humor about the sport many describe as hockey in slow motion
.
In Defense of Curling
.
02/16/06
.
I’ve noticed that curling has gotten kind of a bad rap around here lately. It’s actually quite understandable; it is one hell of a dorky-looking sport.
.
Between the brooms and the matching warm-up suits, it’s tough to look at curlers and call them athletes while keeping a straight face.
.
In fact, if aliens are secretly spying on us, they better not stumble across curling footage. If they do, Earth might be in a lot of trouble in the form of some kind of intergalactic, planetary wedgie. That’s how stupid curling looks.
.
As a one-time mocker, reluctant participant, and now, devoted enthusiast, I’m here to set the record straight.
.
Curling is not as stupid as it appears. No, really. I know you might be tempted to dismiss this as the syrup-drenched rambling of yet another beaver-molesting Canuck.
.
Hear me out. I don’t live in Moose Turd, Saskatchewan, but a city of over 5 million people. I have dual citizenship with the United States, and I like freaky sex and violent sports. I think it’s safe to say, if I can be won over by curling, almost anyone can.
.
I want to address the more common objections to curling. If I can convince some of you of its non-suckitude, that’s great! If not, that’s okay too, but it probably means you’re a eunuch. I’m just saying....
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It’s Challenging
.
The reason a lot of fans enjoy watching sports is because they can appreciate the difficulty of what the athletes are doing. Even if you’ve spent your entire life strapping butter and gravy to the inside of your skin, you can still point your motorized wheelchair toward the TV and admire the skill it takes to run, jump, or throw.
.
Curlers, traditionally, aren’t given a lot of credit for the skills they have. Sliding and sweeping might not be the stuff of VHS tapes hosted by Emmy winner/animated corpse Roy Firestone, but they require balance, timing and co-ordination.
.
Those same skills are critical when it comes to not getting caught m*st*rb*t*ng in the air duct above the girls locker room, so you know how important they are.

I remember my first time passing a stone. The catheter hurt so much, I almost didn’t make it to the rink . That’s an old curling joke. Be warned, there are many more.
.
It’s Strategic
.
Some people refer to curling as "Shuffleboard on ice,” but that’s like calling chess “Tic-Tac-Toe in a pit of broken glass and scorpions.”
.
In other words, it’s not the playing surface that really matters. Curling is a battle of wits, pure and simple.
.
Imagine if some kind of defensive strategy was added to darts or golf, and you could block your opponent’s shots, or blast them out of the way. That would kick a$$!
.
With curling, you have to take this sort of thing into consideration, along with your opponent’s weaknesses, which likely include chronic alcoholism. More on that later.
.
If you have a strategic mind, there aren’t many sports where you can personally excel. You need the right connections to become a football coach, and rock-paper-scissors hasn’t been approved by the Olympic Committee yet.
.
Curling appeals to those with a decent mix of brains and brawn. Sun Tzu might have defeated a million armies with The Art of War, but if curling had been around in his era, you can bet he would have traded in his machine gun for a broom.
.
It’s Sexy
.
Those rinks are pretty cold, and if you enjoy the sight of a stiff nipple as it strains against its polyester captor, then curling’s for you.
.
Also, it’s not as common anymore, but women’s curling used to feature uniforms that could only be described as “naughty schoolgirl.”
.
Since throwing a rock forces you to almost do the splits, the voyeur potential is formidable. More casual players tend to wear tight jeans, and there’s a lot of prolonged crouching involved.
.
I can tell you that in the time I’ve been curling, I’ve seen more crack than Marion Barry.
.
And if that’s not enough to get you excited, check this out. Regarding hot female curlers, our own Dan Opp said something about wanting to put his stones in their ends. And as clever as that pun is, it doesn’t go far enough.
.
(Editor's note: "far enough" example went "far enough" for a merciful edit.)
.
It’s Therapeutic
.
I won’t insult anyone by insisting that curling is a good form of exercise. It actually can be, for some people, but Canadians are born with the innate ability to traverse ice using only the power of our minds.
.
That said, the sweeping gets pretty strenuous in close matches. A lot of people think that when curling was invented, somebody’s little brother must have tagged along, and been allowed to be the “sweeper,” just so he would have something to do.
.
In truth, the sweeping makes a big difference in how far a shot goes. And it’s never a bad thing for women to get a little extra practice for the housework they’ll need to do after the game.
.
You’ve surely noticed how curlers scream at each other during the course of a shot. In today’s society, there aren’t too many contexts when it’s acceptable to scream, literally, at the top of one’s lungs.
.
The next time someone is helping you do something, try screaming at them to do it faster. Then you’ll understand the kind of power that curlers wield.
.
The most common thing to scream when you want sweeping is the phrase "Hurry hard!"
.
So, any blind guy that wanders into a curling match might theoretically mistake it for some kind of frozen Eskimo porn.
.
I’ve also heard the phrase being screamed in the rink’s bathroom, but I suspect it was in reference to some guy’s bowel movement.
.
It’s Hardcore
.
I forgot to mention, feel free to smoke and drink while you play. If you enjoy a party kind of lifestyle, curling won’t slow you down a bit.
.
What other sport can make that guarantee? I know basketball and football players are known for their wild ways, but not during the actual games.
.
I’ve never seen Dennis Rodman light up a joint under the opposing team’s basket, or Michael Irvin punch out a hooker on the 50-yard line.
.
But in curling, if you’re guzzling a beer and lighting up as you sweep, no one will bug you except moochers who want you to share. A good 4-man curling squad typically gets through 2 or 3 pitchers per game.
.
It’s also a deeply ingrained part of curling tradition for the winning team to buy the losing team a round, following the game.
.
Conventional wisdom says that losers ought to treat the winners, but I like this tradition better. You might not have your team name engraved on a trophy, but at least you can get drunk enough to have it engraved on your body.
.
And you don’t even have to leave the building; most curling clubs double as fairly passable bars. No, scratch that—they all do.
.
If you’re curling in a place that doesn’t serve liquor, you’re probably at a figure skating arena by mistake.
.
Conclusions:
.
Curling is definitely on the rise. It got a lot of good exposure at the recent Winter Games, which in terms of publicity, is a definite improvement from a mediocre 2002 feature film starring Leslie Nielsen of Naked Gun fame.
.
It’s definitely a slower sport, but I think that’s part of curling’s appeal. The players don’t wear helmets, or visors, or stern masks of emotionless bravado, so it’s possible to read their emotions as their fortunes change over the course of a game.
.
And, as I’m sure you know, sport is the only context in which guys are allowed to care about emotions.
.
If you live in the south, don’t be surprised if a curling rink springs up in your town soon.
.
Also, and this is for your own benefit, it’s enough with the chewing tobacco already.
.
And at the risk of sounding politically incorrect, if these guys can do it, your non-crippled a$$ can do it too.
.
Just show up at a rink with some beer money and a clever team nickname, like “Sweeping Disorder,” or “The Legion of Broom.”
.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: home.hia.no

Image: keithhirsch.com
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SPORTS QUOTES FOR MASTER ATHLETES
Sample quotes that help drive athletes to maximum athletic achievements
.
"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work"
--- Thomas Edison
.
"Man is not cut out for defeat. Man can be destroyed but not defeated."
--- E. Hemingway
.
"Never a horse that couldn't be rode. Never a rider that couldn't be throwed."
--- Some old cowboy from Texas with a chronically sore butt
.
"Trample the weak. Hurdle the dead."
--- unknown (but apparently a very tough dude who liked obstacle courses)
.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blog.syracuse.com

Shalin Zulkifli, World Bowling Champion

Image: thestar.com.my

.

BOWLING SLANG

Notes \ quotes about bowling slang

.

Greek Church: any split on which there are three pins on one side of the lane and two on the other such as the 4-6-7-9-10.

.
Messenger: a single pin that rolls across the lane and knocks out a standing corner pin for a strike.

.
Mixer: a light hit in which the ball scatters the pins and results in a strike. A ball with a lot of action.

.

Click here to view ===> BOWLING SLANG

===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bbclubhouse.com

Image: amazonaws.com
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BASEBALL HUMOR \ TRIVIA
.
BILL JAMES' TEN COMMANDMENTS OF BASEBALL
The baseball analyst cites baseball truisms for winning baseball strategy
,
Click her to view ===> ==============THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF BASEBALL

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: theonetwopunch.com

BOXING QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> BOXING QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: flyfishthedelaware.com

Image: thefishingnews.com
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FISHING QUOTES
.
"Smoked carp tastes just as good as smoked salmon when you ain't got no smoked salmon."
-- Patrick F. McManus
.
"I think I fish, in part, because it's an anti-social, bohemian business that, when gone about properly, puts you forever outside the mainstream culture without actually landing you in an institution."
-- John Gierach
.
"Creeps and idiots cannot conceal themselves for long on a fishing trip."
-- John Gierach
.
Click here to view ===> FISHING QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES

Sports quotes from 1998

.

Mike's not all that bad. If you dig deep . . dig real deep, dig, dig, dig, dig. Dig deep, go all the way to China ... I'm sure you'll find there is a nice guy in there.

--- George Foreman on Tyson.

.

Click here to view ===> OLDIES BUT GOODIES

=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: gambling-guru.com

Image: 1.bp.blogspot.com
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RUGBY QUOTES
.
Rugby World Cup Quotes
.
“Remember that rugby is a team game; all 14 of you make sure you pass the ball to Jonah.”
Sean Fitzpatrick to the All Blacks before the 1995 World Cup semi-final.
.
“There’s no doubt about it, he’s a big bastard”
Gavin Hastings on Jonah Lomu at the 1995 Rugby World Cup.
.
“We want consistency, but we don’t want a consistent referee to consistently blow the whistle.” Murray Mexted
.
“If you can’t take a punch, you should play table tennis.”
French skipper and coach Pierre Berbizier.
.
“In my time, I’ve had my knee out, broken my collarbone, had my nose smashed, a rib broken, lost a few teeth, and ricked my back; but as soon as I get a bit of bad luck I’m going to quit the game.”
J.W. Robinson
.
“Colin Meads is the kind of player you expect to see emerging from a ruck with the remains of a jockstrap between his teeth.”
Tony O’Reilly
.
“I’m just off for a quiet pint. Followed by fifteen noisy ones.”
Gareth Chilcott
.
“I think you enjoy the game more if you don’t know the rules. Anyway, you’re on the same wavelength as the referee.”
Jonathan Davies
.
“Of course they don’t play to any sort of pattern and if you’re not careful you will start playing to that pattern.”
Mike Davies
.
“Look what these bastards have done to Wales. They’ve taken our coal, our water, our steel. They buy our houses and they only live in them for a fortnight every 12 months. What have they given us? Absolutely nothing. We’ve been exploited, raped, controlled and punished by the English - and that’s who you are playing this afternoon.”
Phil Bennett in a team talk before facing England in 1977
.
“I’m still an amateur, of course, but I became rugby’s first millionaire five years ago.”
David Campese
.
“Nobody ever beats Wales at rugby, they just score more points.”
Graham Mourie
.
“The French are predictably unpredictable.”
Andrew Mehrtens, after the All Blacks lost to the French in the 1999 Rugby World Cup.
.
“I don’t know about us not having a Plan B when things went wrong, we looked like we didn’t have a Plan A.”
Geoff Cooke, after England were beaten by New Zealand in the 1995 Rugby World Cup semifinal.
.
“Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous.”
Chris Laidlaw
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

SPORTS PICTORIAL
.
TOP TEN FEMALE ATHLETES FROM PLAYBOY PICTORIALS
.
Special Notes:
.
- No. 9 on the list now hosts an ESPN talk show in Baltimore, my hometown.
.
- No. 1, a perennial no.1, is now very married - sorry, admirers, she's now taken!!!
.
Click here to view ===> EYE CANDY
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: truecowboy.com

Image: 1.bp.blogspot.com
.
COWBOY QUOTES
.
Will Rogers Quotes:
.
If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
.
Click here to view ===> COWBOY QUOTES
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: grinningplanet.com

Image: farm4.static.flickr.com
.
GAMBLING QUOTES
.
"I don't gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn't give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off."
— Alex Trebek
.
"In Louisiana, we don't bet on football games, we bet on whether a politician is going to be indicted or not."
— Mark Duffy
.
"Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people."
— Samantha Bee
.
"Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face."
— VP Pappy
.
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
— Unknown
.
"When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table."
— Dean Martin
.
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
— Stephen Wright
.
"Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed."
— Mark Twain
.
"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
— Steven Wright
.
"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."
— Terry Pratchett
.
===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: archive.deseretnews.com

Image: martin_bradford.tripod.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
.
- Boxing manager Fred Berns, responding to charges that his fighter, Craig Houk, took a fall 79 seconds into a bout against all-time super lightweight great Julio Cesar Chavez:
"Like that fight would require fixing."
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mcsweeneys.net

BASEBALL HUMOR
.
Subtopic: A "Dear Jane" letter from a Kansas City Royals Fan
.
Be prepared for this one - this guy would fit well as an IRS auditor!
.
HOW ME BREAKING UP WITH YOU IS LIKE JON LESTER
PITCHING A NO-HITTER AGAINST THE ROYALS.
.
BY MICHAEL NELSON PRICE- - - -
.
Well, listen, judging by all the phone messages you've left, it seems like you're having some problems dealing with this. No, I'm not going to call you back, but I do hope this e-mail brings you some closure.
.
I think once you realize how much me breaking up with you is like Jon Lester throwing a no-hitter against the Royals, you'll be on the road to recovery.
.
Here's the thing: I get that you're sad. I really do. It seems like your No. 1 goal with the sometimes angry, sometimes whimpering messages is to convince me that you're upset.
.
You seem to think that I can't understand your loss. You accuse me of being "incapable of feeling." You call me a "robot."
.
So, I just have to let you know that I do know how you feel, kiddo. I can empathize completely with your sense of loss. The way you feel about the breakup is the way I feel about the Royals getting no-hit last week.
.
Yes, I know we were together two years. Did you know the Royals hadn't been no-hit for 35 years?
.
Yes, I know how much you've committed to the relationship. Do you have any idea how much my collection of George Brett jerseys cost?
.
Yes, it will be awkward for you to see me at work. You know what will be really awkward? The Royals finishing a four-game series against a team that just no-hit them.
.
Can you step outside your own selfish world and imagine that for a second? Yes, I'm aware that things seemed better between us lately. That's what makes this so difficult. The Royals have been playing much better baseball lately, our pitching has been topnotch, and I had general faith in our young guys before the no-hitter. Then this. It's almost too much to take (the no-hitter).
.
The whole thing just gets worse and worse. The media are making an especially big deal about the no-hitter because the pitcher, Jon Lester, turns out to be some kind of a cancer survivor. So it's an even bigger story than a regular no-hitter.
.
I can't escape it. You might feel that way about the all-staff e-mail I just sent out about the breakup. I just thought everyone should know. No big deal. I'm hoping this will all make you see how similar our situations really are.
.
You must be able to see the irony of Jon Lester recovering from cancer to throw a no-hitter, while I've risen from an insecure loner to dating Sandy from accounting (see the all-staff e-mail).
.
Two years ago, people were counting me out, just like they counted Jon out when he had some sort of cancer. Jon threw a no-hitter; I went out with Sandy. I hate to compare myself to the pitcher who no-hit the Royals, but I'm sure you can see that the parallels are downright eerie.
.
That brings me to my next point.
.
I really hesitate to bring this up, because I'm not sure it fits completely in the empathy category. But I think even you would have to admit that I no-hit you during the breakup.
.
Every point I was making, all the examples I was using, everything was executed perfectly. You just sat there. Inept, clumsy, impotent. Just like the Royals.
.
Every once in a while, you would try to say something, but it never went well. You were just flailing away, looking for my fastball all night, but you never found it.
.
I could see you trying. Alex Gordon was trying to hit, too, but it wasn't enough. I had all my pitches working, and my command was spot-on. I had you guessing all night, and, when I did make a mistake, you were too disoriented to take advantage of it.
.
So, anyway, I hope this e-mail illustrates how emotional I actually am (about the no-hitter). I'm sure you can see how our situations are alike. Well, until I start comparing myself to Jon Lester, at least. I'm Jon Lester, not you; you're more like the Royals in that analogy.
.
Anyway, I've got to go. Please stop leaving messages, and remember that the great thing about baseball is that there's always another game around the corner. (That doesn't apply to us, though; we're completely done.)
.
P.S. I copied "all staff" on this e-mail as well
.
-----------------------------
.
SHORTY IS IN BIG TROUBLE NOW!
LADIES DON'T PLAY THAT!!!
.
Can I get an "Amen, brother!"
.
I wonder how things are in Antarctica - the writer's next missive
will probably be from there.
.
The killer move for Shorty: the all staff emails!!
.
Well, if you are going to checkmate yourself, you
might as well make it a killer move and he did!
.
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