FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: city-data.com

WARREN SPAHN, HALL OF FAME PITCHER

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Image: somaxsports.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES

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I said 'no guts' to a kid who went on to become a war hero and one of the greatest lefthanded pitchers you ever saw. You can't say I don't miss 'em when I miss 'em.

--- Casey Stengel, who farmed out Warren Spahn as a nervous rookie who declined to brush a hitter back with the 1942 Boston Braves . . . and managed him again, when Spahn turned up opening the 1965 season as a Met.

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I played for Casey Stengel before and after he was a genius.

--- Warren Spahn, for his part. (Stengel, of course, managed twelve pennant winners and ten World Series champions with the Yankees, 1949-60.)

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We try every way we can to kill this game but for some reason nothin' nobody does never hurts it.

--- Sparky Anderson.

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Don't matter if you're ugly in this racket---all you got to do is hit the ball, and I never saw anyone hit one with his face.

--- Yogi Berra.

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By the time you learn how to play this game properly, you can't play anymore.

--- Frank Howard.

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Jesus H. Christ himself couldn't get me out!

--- Ted Williams.

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On my tombstone it will read, "Cause of death: Boston Red Sox."

--- Cleveland Amory.

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For most baseball fans, the saddest words of tongue or pen are, "Wait 'till next year."

For us Cub fans, the saddest words are, "This year is next year."

--- George F. Will.

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There are twenty thousand people in the stadium and a million butterfilies.

--- Vin Scully, the longtime voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers, during the ninth inning of Sandy Koufax's perfect game.

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Jesus is the Answer! What was the question? Who's Felipe and Matty's kid brother?

--- Graffiti in San Francisco, when the Alou brothers played for the Giants.

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The fans love home runs, and we have assembled a pitching staff that will please them.

--- Clark Griffith, owner of the Washington Senators.Washington.

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My idol was Bugs Bunny, because I saw a cartoon of him playing ball - you know, the one where he plays every position himself with nobody else on the field but him? Now that I think of it, Bugs is still my idol. You have to love a ballplayer like that.

--- Nomar Garciaparra.
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I don't use foreign substances. Everything I use is made in the U.S. of A.

--- George Frazier, when accused of putting foreign substances on his pitches.

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I'd love to be my wife for one day---so I can see how wonderful it is to be married to me.

--- Andy Van Slyke, center fielder and wit.

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Hell, Killebrew was lucky. If I had to face our pitching staff, I'd have hit ten.

--- Dick Stuart, Boston Red Sox, after the 1963 season ended in a set between the Minnesota Twins and the Red Sox and all that was left for either team was to see whether Harmon Killebrew---who hit a few bombs during the series---or Stuart (who hit a couple fewer) would end up the American League's home run champion. (Killebrew won the race.)

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Forget it. You guys are trying to figure out in fifteen minutes what nobody figured out in fifteen years.

--- Yogi Berra, happening in on a meeting of American League All-Star pitchers as they began discussing how to pitch Stan Musial.

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No. Leave me alone. I want to spend ten minutes in the same place with this guy without him busting up a ball game on me.

--- Casey Stengel, touring Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in England, visiting its baseball exhibit, and coming upon a wax likeness of Musial, when urged by a member of the Yankees' touring party to move along and not hold up the lines. (Stengel had managed the Boston Braves in the early 1940s . . . ).

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Can you imagine finding Jesus Christ in Las Vegas?

--- Belinsky, who converted to Christianity while working for an automotive distributorship in Vegas, a few years before he died of a heart attack brought on by a battle with bladder cancer.

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I only won 28 games in the big leagues and I bet I got more mileage out of that than Steve did with three hundred wins.

--- Belinsky, after appearing at an autograph show seated next to Hall of Fame lefthander Steve Carlton.

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Tommy John versus Don Sutton. If anyone can find one smooth ball from that game, they ought to send it to Cooperstown.

--- Unknown sportswriter, after a game between the Yankees and the Angels, pitting suspected spitballers Tommy John and Don Sutton against each other.

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Sandy has only two flaws. He can't park, and he can't hit.

--- Whitey Ford, after the 1963 World Series---in which the Dodgers swept the Yankees (and Koufax had beaten them twice)---when Koufax was awarded a spanking new Corvette as the Series' most valuable player . . . and found a $15 parking ticket on the windshield, because Sport (which awarded the prize) had had the car parked on the sidewalk outside the banquet where Koufax was presented the award.
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In 1967 I set a major league record for passed balls, and I did that without playing every game. There was a game, as a matter of fact, during that year when [knuckelball specialists] Phil Niekro's brother and he were pitching against each other in Atlanta. Their parents were sitting right behind home plate. I saw their folks that day more than they did the whole weekend . . . .

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[T]his conglomeration of greats that are here today, a lot of them were teammates, but they won't admit it. But they were. And a lot of them were players that worked in games that I called. They are wonderful friends, and always will be. And the 1964 World's Championship team. The great Lou Brock. And I remember as we got down near World Series time, Bing Devine, who was the Cardinals' general manager at that time, asked me if I would do him and the Cardinals, in general, a favor. And I said I would. And he said, "We'd like to inject you with hepatitis. We need to bring an infielder up" . . .

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I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.

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Bat orders? I would order a dozen bats and there were times they'd come back with handles at each end. You know, people have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, we all know that, how long a dozen bats would last me? Depending on the weight and the model that I was using at that particular time I would say eight to ten cookouts.

--- Bob Uecker, during his Hall of Fame induction speech. (He was inducted as a broadcaster.)

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Bet you didn't know:

We tried everything. Fastballs, curveballs, inside, outside, nothing worked. Bob Uecker owned Sandy Koufax.

--- Jeff Torborg, a Koufax catcher, remembering how the Hall of Fame lefthander would sweat trying to find ways to get the light-hitting Uecker out---Bob Uecker, of all people, owned a .400 batting average against Koufax in 1965.
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