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GOLF HUMOR
TV talk show hosts unleash a barrage of comical quotes
and jokes at Tiger Woods after the problems in his
marriage are revealed.
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"Last Friday Tiger Woods hit a tree, and a bunch of ladies fell out."
-- Seth Meyers, on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.
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"Safely land golf cart in the Hudson River."
-- From David Letterman's Top 10 Ways Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image.
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"Friend of mine was shopping for a present for a boy, he saw a Tiger Woods action figure and said to his wife, 'Let's get him this, and 11 Barbie dolls.' "
-- Scott Ostler, sports columnist.
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"Thanks for changing your grip."
-- From Letterman's Top 10 Text Messages Sent By Tiger Woods.
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"Starting to feel bad for Tiger Woods. This has become almost as hard to watch as golf."
-- Stephen Colbert, of The Colbert Report.
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"One of Tiger's mistresses was a British broadcaster. His nickname for her was 'The British Open.' "
-- Conan O'Brien.
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"In terms of the temperature going up and up, we are making some progress today. Over in Copenhagen, they put a cap on the number of hot girlfriends for Tiger Woods."
--Letterman.
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"Rapper 50 Cent is saying that Tiger Woods never would have been caught if he had been more 'gangster.' In response, Tiger said 50 Cent would have never been shot nine times if he had been more 'golfer.' "
--O'Brien.
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"ABC News is reporting that Tiger's wife Elin is planning to file for divorce, citing irreconcilable waitresses."
-- Jimmy Kimmel.
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"Swiss watchmaker Tag Heuer is re-evaluating their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. Which is ironic, because in order to schedule a career, a wife and 14 mistresses, you need a really good watch."
--O'Brien.
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"When Tiger is running around, does he wear Nike sneakers?"
--Ostler.
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