FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: johnfmurray.com

Below are Some Great Sports Quotes by and about Coaches: Don Shula "The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others." Ken Loeffler: "There are only two kinds of coaches -- those who have been fired, and those who will be fired." Blanton Collier: "You can accomplish anything you want as long as you don't care who gets the credit for it." Darrell Royal, when an assistant coach said argued against benching a talented but inconsistent quarterback because he had so much potential: "Potential means you ain't done it yet."  Casey Stengel: "The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided." Sparky Anderson: "Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I'll win a pennant every year." John Madden: "The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break." Casey Stengel: "Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em." Casey Stengel: "The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it." Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." John Heisman: "Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football." Jim Leyland: "I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'" Toe Blake: "All I know is I have a job here as long as I win." Kevin Keegan: "As a manager, you always have a gun to your head. It's a question of whether there is a bullet in the barrel." John Madden: "Coaches have to watch for what they don't want to see and listen to what they don't want to hear." Bob Lemon: "The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen." Jim Valvano: "I asked a ref if he could give me a technical foul for thinking bad things about him. He said, of course not. I said, well, I think you stink. And he gave me a technical. You can't trust em." Jimmie Dykes: "The manager's toughest job is not calling the right play with the bases full and the score tied in an extra inning game. It's telling a ballplayer that he's through, done, finished." Dan Birdwell: "You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four." Fred Shero: "We know that hockey is where we live, where we can best meet and overcome pain and wrong and death. Life is just a place where we spend time between games." Dorothy Shula, on the career dedication of her husband, the Miami Dolphins' coach: "I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral." Fred Shero: "Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor."  Dean Smith: "If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." Toe Blake: "If the day ever comes when I swallow defeat, I'll quit." Bill Shankly, soccer coach: "The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game." Don Cherry: "There has never been a successful team that did not take the body." Abe Lemons: "Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor." Hugh Campbell, football coach at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., after his team had defeated Whitman 70-30: "It wasn't as easy as you think. It's hard to stay awake that long." Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" George Raveling: "When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team." Duffy Daugherty: "My only feeling about superstition is that it's unlucky to be behind at the end of the game." Danny Murtaugh: "Why certainly I'd like to have that fellow who hits a home run every time at bat, who strikes out every opposing batter when he's pitching, who throws strikes to any base or the plate when he's playing outfield and who's always thinking about two innings ahead just what he'll do to baffle the other team. Any manager would want a guy like that playing for him. The only trouble is to get him to put down his cup of beer and come down out of the stands and do those things." Johnny Kerr: "If a coach starts listening to fans, he winds up sitting next to them." Tom Curle: "Excuses are like rear ends. Everybody has one and they stink." Johnny Oates, after his team left 14 runners on base in an 8-3 loss to Oakland: "We set the table, but no one ate." Mike McDowell: "..it (coaching basketball) is kind of like wrestling a gorilla, you don't quit when you're tired, you quit when the gorilla is tired." Brenden "Buff" Blackler: "If you've got nothing to do, don't do it here." Casey Coleman: "Your toughest competition in life is anyone who is willing to work harder than you."  Conrad Burns: "In life you are given two ends, one to think with the other to sit on. Your success in life depends on which end you use the most. Head you win, tails you lose." Ron Guidry: "If you approach Billy Martin right, he's Okay. I avoid him altogether." Matt Keough, on a game between teams managed by Billy Martin and Earl Weaver: "It's like you came to a controversy and a ball game breaks out."  Pittsburgh Penguins coach Kevin Constantine, when asked if his team had potential: "Potential is synonymous with getting your ass kicked." Bill James, on Maury Wills: "Letting him manage in the major leagues is like sending Bo Derek through cellblock A without a bodyguard." Gene Mauch, Phillies manager, on how to handle Richie Allen: "Play him, fine him, and play him again." Ernie Harwell, on Sparky Anderson: "Sparky's the only guy I know who's written more books than he's read." John Madden: "Winning is a great deodorant." Bill Parcells, on his expectations for the Cowboys in his first season as head coach: "My expectations are greater than the average fan's but, I'm more realistic than the top prognosticators." Abe Lemmon, on why he didn't impose a curfew on his players: "You always catch the wrong players." Jim Valvano, on assistant coaches who take over for a fired head coach: "Are you saying that the assistant had the answers all along, he just wasn't telling anyone?"  Tommy Lasorda: "About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure."  John McKay, commenting on his coaching debut with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "We didn't tackle but, we made up for it by not blocking."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: all4humor.com

THE LAWS OF GOLF

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law 3). LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sayings.funnyjunkz.com

HORSE RACING QUOTES

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
- Jeffrey Bernard

Money, horse racing and women, three things the boys just can't figure out.
- Will Rogers

Horse racing is animated roulette.
- Roger Kahn

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers

Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse.
- Richard Sasuly

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseball-fever.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

"They put me in the Hall of Fame? They must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel!"
-Eppa Rixey, upon learning of his induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

"Well, there's nobody on base. I think I'm doing okay!"
-Paul Foytack to manager Bill Rigney after surrendering 4 straight homers in a start in 1962.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseballcatchers.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

"Bob Gibson's the luckiest pitcher I've ever seen. . . .He always picks the night to pitch when the other team doesn't score any runs."
(Tim McCarver, catcher)

"God was never a catcher because, if He was, there would never have been a knuckle ball pitcher."
(Contributed by Captain Jack Kirby, U.S. Navy Dental Corps)

Mike Macfarlane, Kansas City Royals catcher, after K.C. beat the Oakland A's 3-1 on only one hit:
That was a maximization of a minimization of hits. April 27, 1992

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: telegraph.co.uk

BOXING QUOTES

" Lie down so I can recognise you"
Willie Pep, the American featherweight boxer, when asked by an old opponent if he remembered him

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"He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem"
Eddie Shaw, the boxing coach, on Herol "Bomber" Graham, the British light-middleweight

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"Frazier's got two chances. Slim, and none. And Slim just left town"
Muhammad Ali on his comeback fight at Madison Square Garden, New York in 1971 against Joe Frazier. Smoking Joe knocked Ali down in the last round and won easily on points

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"I give them the head, choke them, hit them in the balls.You're fighting, not playing the piano, you know"
Fritzie Zivic, the dirtiest fighter ever known, who was never disqualified in 232 professional fights from 1931 to 1949

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"I'm so fast I can hit the light switch and be in bed before it is dark"
Muhammad Ali, the Louisville Lip, in his prime

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"You're damn right I do. I'm in Madison Square Garden getting the s*** knocked out of me"
American light heavyweight Willie Pastrano (when asked by the ring doctor if he knew where he was)

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"If you control it, you can make good use of it. But if you lose control, it will kill you"
Puerto Rican Jose Torres, the former world light-heavyweight champion, on the fear a boxer feels during a fight

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pic6.piczo.com

   SOCCER QUOTES:

 

I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wattpad.com

BASKETBALL QUOTES

"I hate it. It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air." Norm Sloan, on zone defense.

"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors." Weldon Drew.

"The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief."" James Naismith.

"I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes." Tommy Tune, on why he never considered playing basketball.

"A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating." Nik Posa.

"When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do." Darryl Dawkins.

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