FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

1. GOLF QUOTES:

1. Harry Vardon:  "If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes.  It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head."

2. Huxtable Pippey:  "Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver.  The sand wedge is far more effective."

3. Winston Churchill:  "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 

5. Don Carter:  "One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball."

6. Lee Trevino:  "I'm a golfaholic, no question about that.  Counseling wouldn't help me.  They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play."

7. Henry Longhurst:  "If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf."

8. George Deukmejian:  "The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie."

9. Unknown:  "It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."

10. Tommy Armour:  "Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result."

11. Ben Hogan:  "Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing."

12. President Woodrow Wilson:  "Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."

13. Seve Ballesteros:  "I look into their eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, 'I am going to bury you."

14. Bruce McCall:  "No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul."

15. Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball so high:  "Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt."

16. b:   "Golf is not a game, it's bondage.  It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."

17. Gardner Dickinson:  "They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. golf is more complicated than that."

18. Sam Snead, about golf :  "I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles."

19. Lee Trevino:  "Columbus went around the world in 1492.  That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."

20. Will Rogers:  "Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."

21. Roger Simon:  "The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

22. Henry Beard:  "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf.  The other is "Wear it if it clashes." 

23. Bob Hope, about his golfing :  "I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."

24. Larry Nelson:  "If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?"

25. Adlai Stevenson:  "Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses."

26. Unknown:  "When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit."

27. Martha Beckman:  "Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one."  

28.  

---

Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.