SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timesonline.co.uk.com

 
From
December 11, 2007

Top 50 greatest sporting animals

No 1. Red Rum. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times

 

No 1. Red Rum. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times

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We pride ourselves as a nation of animal lovers and many creatures have captured our imaginations on the field of sport. Often the animal is seen merely as a beast of burden. Sadly, on many occasions they are victims - live pigeons were even used as targets at the 1900 Olympic Games.

However, sometimes it is the horse or dog that grabs the headlines, the bull that wins the fight, the bird that claims the plaudits - and here is a celebration of some of those animals that have grabbed the limelight and pushed the humans into the shadows.

I have tried to avoid too many obviously cruel sports and although horses dominate looked for as much variety from the animal kingdom as possible. You may have some of your own favourites - let us know.

50. BRYN (dog)

This police dog saved Torquay United's league status in 1987 when he bit player John McNichol and stopped the game for four minutes. By the time the game restarted, the Devon side knew they needed a goal to stay up which they duly scored to send Lincoln City into the Conference on goal difference. Bryn became a local hero and Torquay gave him a season ticket for life. When he died the club had him stuffed and he now stands in the boardroom.

49. HERBIE (duck)

This pet Aylesbury duck was featured skateboarding on the BBC's magazine show Nationwide on May 24 1978. The clip became a firm favourite and has been repeated many times. The term "skateboarding duck" is often used to describe the kind of quirky item at the end of a broadcast.

48. CANADA'S DOG-SLED TEAM (huskies)

A demonstration dog-sled race was contested at the 1932 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, United States, with five teams from Canada taking on seven from the home nation. Emile St Goddard's team of six were triumphant after the two runs on a 40.5km course.

47. BENITO (horse)

The Palio races have been held in the Italian town of Siena every year since 1701 on an earth and sand track laid in the Piazza del Campo. Benito set the record of 1 min 14 secs for the three-lap course, measuring 1,070 metres, on August 16, 1987 when he won with jockey Cianchino on board.

46. RED RAM, GOLDEN FLEECE, SHEARGAR, LITTLE PULLOVER, WOOLLY JUMPER, ALDERKNITTI (sheep)

Sheep racing is not big business but in Bideford, Devon, it's about all they've got. The racers, who participate with knitted jockeys on their backs, negotiate Shepherd's Brook, Bo Peep's Bend and Ewe Turn on the track at the Big Sheep, a theme park dedicated to the ruminant quadrupeds. How come I know so much about them? Sadly, I've been there.

45. MINORU (racehorse)

Became the first horse to win the Derby when owned by a reigning monarch with success in the 1909 race for King Edward VII. However, it was not the King's first taste of glory - he had already won the Derby as Prince of Wales with Persimmon (1896) and Diamond Jubilee (1900).

44. DEVON LOCH (racehorse)

Not such good news for royalty. The steeplechaser looked a certain and popular winner for the Queen Mother as he galloped towards the finishing post in the 1956 Grand National. Just 45 metres from the line he inexplicably seemed to half-jump and half-collapse, allowing ESB to romp to victory. The Queen Mum's stiff upper lip was tested to its limit as she said: "Oh that's racing." Dick Francis, the unlucky jockey, became a bestselling novelist.

43. BESSIE (cow)

We've all been there - cricket match stalling into a stalemate, so what can you do to break the monotony? Bessie took matters into her own mouth in 1955 by eating the ball when it rolled into her field, which was adjacent to Pentenstall CC in Bedfordshire. It was the only one they had and the match had to be abandoned.

42. ALDANITI (racehorse)

If the story of Aladaniti's 1981 Grand National victory had been submitted as a movie script nobody would have believed it. Not only was the horse a hero, returning from a career-threatening injury, but his jockey was back on board after recovering from cancer. They won and the film was duly made, Aldaniti starring as himself with John Hurt appearing as Bob Champion.

41. UMBRA (dog)

This black labrador has smashed records around the world as a pioneer of canine swimming. With an ability to paddle four miles in 73 minutes, Umbra would place in the top 25 per cent in human long-distance competition. In 1997, she competed in an annual Turkish race and finished 40th out of a human field of 200.

40. BLACKIE (rodeo horse)

Blackie's claim to fame was doing absolutely nothing. After a sporting career as a cutting horse in the rodeo, he retired to a field in Tiburon, California. He then stood in the same spot, rarely moving and always facing in the same direction, for some 14 years, becoming a local landmark. There is now a life-size statue of the swaybacked horse in what is now known as Blackie's Pasture.

39. GOLDEN MILLER (racehorse)

A champion steeplechaser who is the only horse to win the Cheltenham Gold Cup and Grand National in the same season - 1934 - when he set a record for the Aintree course. His 1934 Gold Cup triumph was part of five consecutive victories, a record for the race. He died in 1957, aged 30.

38. DOMINO (sparrow)

Domino became a cause celebre after flying into the Frisian Expo Centre in Leeuwarden, Holland. The little bird was shot and killed during preparations for Domino Day 2005 causing a backlash from animal rights organisations. Domino's crime? He had landed on a domino and sparked an avalanche of some 23,000 of the four million laid out for the benefit of the televised record attempt.

37. BRIGADIER GERARD (racehorse)

A popular British horse who won 17 of his 18 starts in a golden era for the sport. He beat Mill Reef in the 1971 2000 Guineas before securing victories in the St James's Palace Stakes, Sussex Stakes, Goodwood Mile, Queen Elizabeth II Stakes and Champion Stakes. He continued to thrill the crowds and collect the silverware as a four-year-old, becoming the British Horse of the Year in 1972. However, he was not a success at stud and died in 1989.

36. CHARLIE-O (mule)

Charles Oscar Finley was dubbed the "PT Barnum of Baseball" when he bought the Kansas City Athletics in 1960. One of his first acts was to buy a mule which he named after himself and made him the official mascot. Finley also installed a mechanical rabbit at the stadium, opened a children's zoo and put multi-coloured sheep in the outfield to help keep the grass short.

35. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (racehorses)

The mounts of Frankie Dettori on the day he went through the card at Ascot on September 28, 1996. The 25,091-1 accumulator was the first time any jockey had won all the races on a seven-race card. The animal heroes on that special day were Wall Street, Diffident, Mark Of Esteem, Decorated Hero, Fatefully, Lochangel and Fujiyama Crest.

34. TWIGGY (squirrel)

What do you do with a baby squirrel after it has been blown from its nest in a hurricane? It's obvious, teach it to water-ski. Twiggy took to the sport like a squirrel to water-skiing and has performed around the world for 27 years as well as appearing in a commercial for Dunkin' Donuts. She even has her own website.

33. SEABISCUIT (racehorse)

Seabiscuit became an unlikely hero and symbol of hope for Americans during the Great Depression. After a poor start to his racing career, the bay stallion slowly became a winner, culminating with victory over the great War Admiral at a packed Pimlico track in 1938. Seabiscuit's story has been made into two films with the 2003 version being nominated for seven Oscars.

32. ISLERO (bull)

The Miura bull shot to fame when he killed the leading bullfighter Manolete on August 28, 1947 in Andalusia, Spain. The bullfighter had already stabbed Islero with a sword but the giant bull responded by fatally goring Manolete in the thigh.

31. NORTHERN DANCER (racehorse)

Born in Ontario, Canada in 1961, he became the 20th century's greatest sire. As a three-year-old, Northern Dancer became the first Canadian-bred colt to win the Kentucky Derby but it was in retirement that he really made his mark. He excelled at stud and in 1981 was worth more than $40m. His bloodlines are now estimated to extend to more than half of all thoroughbreds. He died in 1990.

30. CHALLENGER (bald eagle)

Challenger has been a regular at sport stadiums throughout the United States since 1993. He is the first bald eagle to be trained to free-fly during the national anthem at games and has graced five MLB World Series and three NFL Pro-Bowls, as well as appearing on the David Letterman Show.

29. GODOLPHIN ARABIAN, BYERLY TURK, DARLEY ARABIAN (Arabian horses)

The three stallions who were the founders of the modern thoroughbred racing bloodstock were brought to England in the early 18th century. In 2005, research showed that in 95 per cent of modern racehorses the Y-chromosone could be traced back to Darley Arabian.

28. CETANE (cheetah)

The arrogance of man in his relations with the animal kingdom knows few boundaries as demonstrated by Bryan Habana, speed junkie and rugby union wing. The Springbok challenged the fastest land mammal on earth to a race and despite a 30-metre head start was easily beaten by the three-year-old unknown. Chasing a leg of lamb tied to a teddy bear, Cetane passed Habana in a blur but the World Cup star demanded a rematch and surprise, surprise lost again. The cheetah was heard to mutter: "Forget the kebab, one more race and I'll eat the little so-and-so."

27. SHERGAR (racehorse)

The bay colt with a distinctive white blaze was famous enough as the champion of the 1981 Derby, his ten-length winning margin the greatest in the race's 226-year history. He became a front-page story two years later when he disappeared from the Ballymany Stud, near The Curragh in County Kildare, Ireland. He was never found but many believe he had been kidnapped and killed by the IRA. His story has been told in several books, documentaries and even a film.

26. RALLY MONKEY (capuchin monkey)

The monkey is the mascot of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim major league baseball team and appears only on a video screen played by Katie, who shot to fame as Ross's pet in the TV series Friends. There are strict rules on the use of Rally Monkey - a clip can only be shown when the Angels are tied or trailing by three runs or less in the seventh inning or later, with a runner on base.

25. HERCULES (bear)

Hercules became a firm favourite on the UK wrestling circuit during the late 1970s and 1980s, matching up to the likes of Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks at a time when 15 million grapple fans tuned in to World of Sport on ITV. The bear, bought as a cub from a wildlife park in Scotland, went on to play numerous cameo roles on TV and even wrestled with Roger Moore in the Bond movie Octopussy in 1983.

24. ASHLEY (whippet)

Ashley not only starred in her sport, she invented it. Ashley and owner Alex Stein, a college student from Ohio, jumped the fence at a Los Angeles Dodgers v Cincinnati Reds baseball game in 1974, stopping the action for eight minutes as they played with a frisbee. Ashley's antics so entertained the crowd and TV audience that the Frisbee Dog World Championships were born soon after and still flourish today.

23. JOHN L SULLIVAN (elephant)

Named after the former world bare knuckle champion, the male Asian elephant performed a boxing act with his trainer, Eph Thompson, by wearing a glove on the end of his trunk. He was believed to be more than 70 when he died in Sarasota, Florida in 1932.

22. BILLIE (horse)

The FA Cup final is littered with folklore and legend but there are few more enduring images than the white horse at the first Wembley match in 1923. With crowd control negligible, thousands poured into the new ground until the pitch was covered with people and it seemed the match would have to be abandoned. However, a few mounted policeman, with PC George Scorey and his giant grey leading the way, managed to clear the pitch to allow Bolton to beat West Ham 2-0. The crowd was estimated to be anywhere between 200,000 and 300,000 and the match has become known as the White Horse Final. Billie got further recognition when the White Horse Bridge was named after him at the new stadium, just pipping Sir Alf Ramsey in the vote.

21. HUASO (horse)

Set the world high jump record of 2.47m in Vina del Mar, Chile, on February 5, 1949 to establish one of the longest-running unbroken sports records in history. The chestnut stallion's mark is two centimetres higher than Javier Sotomayor's human equivalent - and the Cuban did not have a Chilean army captain sitting on his back.

20. PETER (cat)

He became a firm favourite at Lord's in the late 1950s and early 1960s to such an extent that on his death in 1964 he became the first cat to have his obituary appear in Wisden. There was even a solemn tribute from Billy Griffith, the secretary of the MCC.

19. FOINAVON (racehorse)

Foinavon was a plodder but like the tortoise that beat the hare, he kept on going and pulled off one of the most unlikely Grand National victories in 1967. The leaders ran into stray horses at Aintree's innocuous 23rd fence and soon there was carnage with the majority of the field fallen, stopped or refused. Foinavon, the 100-1 shot, was so far behind he managed to weave through the destruction and scraped round ahead of 17 remounted horses hot on his heels.

18. BOB and ROY (border collies)

Two superb sheepdogs who helped Welshman Aled Owen become the International Sheepdog Society Supreme Champion in 1999, 2000 and 2007, the first handler to achieve the feat with different dogs. Roy was also crowned world champion in 2002.

17. BIRD WITH NO NAME (sparrow)

The little bird played a small part in the history of cricket by being killed by a ball from Jehangir Khan in the MCC v Cambridge University match at Lord's in 1936. The sparrow was stuffed, mounted and now forms part of the displays at the MCC Museum, seen by some 50,000 visitors each year.

16. SCOTLAND ELEPHANT POLO TEAM (elephants)

The Duke of Argyll's team earned some unlikely success for Scotland by winning back-to-back world championships in 2004 and 2005 in Nepal. It is a four-a-side game with the larger elephants used as defenders and smaller, nippier ones forming the attack. It is an offence to let an elepahnt lie down and block the goal.

15. BANDOG DREAD (American pit bull terrier)

With a fearsome name and even more terrifying look, Dread has helped change the perception of his notorious breed by becoming the most decorated dog in history. He has won more titles by any dog of any breed in a wide variety of skills, including conformation, competition obedience, Schutzhund, weightpull and herding.

14. BODACIOUS (bull)

The 1800lb Charbray rodeo bull threw 129 of the 135 cowboys who rode him competitively, earning him the title of the World's Most Dangerous Bull. Bodacious retired in 1995 and was inducted into the Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame, acquired his own agent, starred in beer commercials and released his own line of belt buckles and accessories.

13. PHAR LAP (racehorse)

The New Zealand-born horse became an Australian legend because of the manner of his performances on the track and the nature of his mysterious death. Phar Lap enjoyed a stunning career with victories in the Melbourne Cup, AJC Derby, Victoria Derby and WS Cox Plate but went in search of even greater rewards with a trip to the US. He won his first race by two lengths but died suddenly in California, fuelling rumours that he had been poisoned by gangsters. His amazing story was made into a 1983 film and his stuffed and mounted hide is a popular attraction at the National Museum of Melbourne.

12. MILL REEF (racehorse)

One of the outstanding middle-distance horses of his or any other generation. The American-owned and bred horse made his mark in the UK with a superlative three-year-old season that saw him triumph in the Derby, Eclipse Stakes, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Stakes, and Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, with second place in the 2,000 Guineas for good measure. He died in 1986 and a statue commemorates his outstanding career at the National Stud in Newmarket.

11. MURCIELAGO (bull)

Murcielago survived 24 sword strokes during a battle at a Cordoba arena in Spain in 1879 and fought with such passion and spirit that the matador took the extremely rare option of sparing his life. The legend of Murcielago lives on in the name of a Lamborghini car.

10. PICKLES (dog)

The real hero of England's World Cup in 1966 was a little black and white mongrel - without him Bobby Moore would not have been able to lift the Jules Rimet trophy. The gold-plated statuette was stolen on March 20 during a public exhibition at Westminster Central Hall but seven days later, Pickles saved the nation's blushes by sniffing it out from a garden hedge in Upper Norwood, south London. Sadly, Pickles choked to death when his lead snagged on a fallen tree while chasing a cat.

9. PADDY (pigeon)

Paddy was a real speed-endurance hero who flew 230 miles across the English channel in just four hours and five minutes, becoming the first pigeon to arrive back in England with news of the success of the D-Day invasion on September 1, 1944. It was the fastest recording of the distance and earned Pigeon number NPS.43.9451 the Dickin Medal, which was sold at auction in 1999 for £7,000.

8. STROLLER (pony)

The 1968 silver medal for showjumping was hung around the neck of Britain's Marion Coakes. Most people liked Marion, but everyone loved little Stroller, a Connemara who stood only 14 hands high and remains the only pony to compete in the Olympics. In 1965, the pair had won the women's world championship and picked up the Hickstead title in 1967 and 1970. Stroller enjoyed 15 years of retirement before dying in 1986 at the grand age of 36, and is buried at Barton-on-Sea golf club in New Milton, Hampshire.

7. ARKLE (racehorse)

The Irish-bred bay gelding became the first superstar of steeplechasing in the mid-1960s when he won the Cheltenham Gold Cup three times in succession in 1964-66. Arkle was such a freak of nature that the Irish authorities invented special weights rules for races in which he participated. It didn't stop him winning the 1964 Irish Grand National despite carrying two-and-a-half stones more than his rivals. Injury cut short his illustrious career and he died aged just 13 in 1970.

6. BALLYREGAN BOB (greyhound)

Born in 1983, Bob is possibly the greatest greyhound in history. After losing his first four races, he went on to triumph in 41 of his next 43, breaking 15 track records on the way and never being handed odds greater than 4-9. He needed to win his final race at his home track in Hove on December 9, 1986 to notch up a world record 32 consecutive victories and duly bounded home in the 695-metre 9.19pm to end a glorious racing career on top. The next morning after a hearty breakfast, he began life as a stud dog with the same gusto he had shown on the track. Bob's stuffed body is now housed in the Walter Rothschild Museum in Tring, Hertfordshire.

5. NIJINSKY (racehorse)

This Canadian-bred son of Northern Dancer stunned the racing world with his three-year-old season in 1970 that saw him win the 2000 Guineas, the Derby, the Irish Derby, the King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Stakes, and the St Leger. With Lester Piggott on board, he became Europe's leading horse and one of the world's greatest ever flat racers. In 1970, a film was made about his career narrated by Orson Welles and his connections won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year team award. After retiring to stud, Nijinsky sired 155 group winners before dying in 1992.

4. DESERT ORCHID (racehorse)

Unmissable on the course, this dashing grey became a true legend of the sport despite unpromising performances in his early races. He improved rapidly as a two-mile steeplechaser and won the King George VI Chase at Kempton four times in 1986, 1988, 1989 and 1990. But his finest hour came at Cheltenham in 1989 when he bounded to Gold Cup victory despite the extra distance, the heavy going and the left-hand course all counting against him. Simon Sherwood, his jockey that day, said: "I've never known a horse so brave." Dessie died in 2006 and his ashes were buried at Kempton Park close to his statue.

3. FOXHUNTER (showjumping horse)

It's the final day of the 1952 Olympics and the Great Britain team have failed to pick up a single gold medal. Success in the showjumping team event is our last chance but after a disastrous first round in which Harry Llewellyn and Foxhunter have knocked down three fences, refused once and incurred one-and-a-quarter time faults, things look bleak. The team scrambles back to third place but when Foxhunter enters the Helsinki arena for the final round nothing short of a clear will do. A nation held its breath and when the mighty Foxhunter's hooves touched down for the final time all the fences were intact and Britain had another golden equine hero. Winston Churchill and the new queen sent telegrams of congratulations and Foxhunter remains a legend. He died in 1959.

2. MICK THE MILLER (greyhound)

The Irish-born phenomonem is seen as greyhound racing's greatest champion who despite his short racing career helped to popularise the sport in the UK. From 1929-31, he won five classic races becoming on the way the first dog to capture the English Derby twice. But it wasn't just the gongs that captured the nation's imagination, Mick the Miller had a verve and spirit that packed stadiums all over the country. After his death in 1939, Mick was stuffed and displayed for many years in the Natural History Museum in London. He now stands alongside Ballyregan Bob at the Walter Rothschild Museum in Tring.

1. RED RUM (racehorse)

Another animal who was so much more than mere statistics, Red Rum tops this poll by a good few lengths. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times (1973, 1974 and 1977), he also finished second twice in 1975 and 1976. Nobody remembers his jockeys, few his colourful trainer. Everybody remembers Rummy. He showed his courage and tenacity in more than 100 races, winning 21 steeplechases, three over hurdles and three on the flat but always saved his best for Aintree. After retiring in 1979, he continued to thrill his admirers by making appearances at charity events, opening supermarkets and betting shops, and receiving coachloads of visitors to his stable. He died in 1995 and was buried at the winning post on his favourite course where there is also a life-size statue of the great horse.


 



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