SPORTS HUMOR
Sports-related Jokes
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Mitch Hedberg:
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I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore." But I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."
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I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
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I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up."
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I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
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Emo Philips:
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"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
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Mark Russell:
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I'm shocked, shocked. Virtues czar, William Bennett, admits to having lost $8 million in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Virtue is its own reward - unless you roll snake eyes.
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Bennett says that gambling is not a sin. As it says in the Bible, love thy neighbor, but first cut the cards.
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W.C. Fields:
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(Invited to play golf by someone he didn't like, Fields responded:) "When I want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own."
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