FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: naysisportscene.com

 

SPORTS QUOTES

 

"Parents have quit raising their children. We need to do a better job of staying with our children and raising them. . . . The biggest difference with players today - aside from their earrings and the way they wear their underwear - is they're bigger." ... Bobby Bowden, Florida State football coach, at the College Football Hall of Fame enshrinement dinner, July 21, 2007.

"Not only is there more to life than basketball, there's more to basketball than just basketball." ... Phil Jackson, NBA former player and coach

"It is what you learn after you know it all that counts." ... Earl Weaver, former manager of theBaltimore Orioles

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ncaabbs.com

 

Good Announcer Quotes from the Tourney so Far  -  MARCH MADNESS, 2008

"Curry took it back door."- Billy Packer

"He traveled on the pass before the pass."- Jim Nantz

"I think they got Nichols from the rear."- Bill Ratery

"When you give the guy the ball with the shot clock running down it is like handing him a hand grenade with the pin pulled out".- Jay Bilas

"They'll get some hands on balls."- Len Elmore

"The tension in the building is building."- Craig Bolerjack

"Justin Hare will go to medical school following graduation. A 3.87 GPA. I'd have him work on me."- Craig Bolerjack

"Bo Ryan has knees of iron"- Dan Bonner

Second Round Update

"Zoubek does not have a wide enough stance to avoid those kinds of turnovers." - Wenzel, getting his Larry Craig references on.

"I think Smalligan's name should be Talligan." - Glenn Consor, on the Westwood One radio call...Not even original, heard that one couple weeks ago

"Backdoor, taking a page from Luke Ford and Belmont!" - Wenzel

"Bob Huggins, coaching in his hometown of West Virginia..." - Wenzel. Now, West Virginia may be rural, but at least call it the state that it is...

"Winner of this game (Purdue-Xavier) takes on the Duke Blue...oops, Duke wishes it was taking on the winner of the game." - Greg Gumbel, botching the transfer slightly.

"And, you can see, the breakfast of champions is popcorn." -Wenzel, as the camera shows Huggins eating popcorn

Second Round Day 2

"You're just like a father figure to me Ian."- Jim Spanarkel

"Howard is one of those guys that just likes to bang you on the inside."- Bill Raftery

"Yep, Johnson from behind" - Jim Spanarkel

"A little bunny hop on Easter Sunday." - Tim Brando

"Well, you might say Campbell is M'm! M'm! Good"- Bill Raftery

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTE \ Source: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cooperstown

SOURCE: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cooperstown
by Mickey McDermott with Howard Eisenberg

Mickey NcDermott, in his semi-autobiography written with
Howard Eisenberg, cites hilarious episodes in his career
involving two Hall of Fame legends, Yogi Berra and Satchel Paige.

Regarding Yogi, Mickey cites the following 2 episodes:

(1) "I wound up, aimed at the eyes, and fired. If he (Yogi)
didn't duck, he would get creamed. But he didn't duck.
Neither did he square to bunt. He just hit a mile to dead
center for a home run. I was furious. I retired the next
two batters and then I trotted in, ranting and raving.
In Fenway, the dugouts were adjacent. I spotted Yogi
on the Yankee bench and detoured.
'What the hell were you doing?' I yelled. 'That was a
bunt situation.'
Still he apologized, 'Gee Mick, I missed the bunt sign.'"

(2) Rooming with Yogi was more fun....
His wife had finally gotten around to the point of this
phone call. Yogi's voice changed. "Whaddya mean
you're pregnant again?" he bellowed. "You can't be.
I bought you a diagram."
Laughter was not the appropriate response at a time
like that, but I cou;dn't help myself.

And, finally, the 2 with Satch:

(1) Satch moved like iced molasses when summoned from
the bullpen (in the minors with Miami), so I asked him
how come it took him so long to get to the mound and
he said, "Bo, it's somepin' I learned a long time ago.
You never rushes into trouble."

(2) ...he was on the short list (for baseball integration), but
Rickey nixed him. "He drinks. He screws anything with
legs and he won't listen. I'm going with Jackie Robinson."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mixmasters.net

 

 

Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports

These are the names that make me uncomfortable when uttered by straight-laced TV announcers. These are the names that could be confused for sex positions, venereal diseases and insults for your worst enemies. These are the Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports:




10. De'Cody Fagg

Junior De'Cody Fagg, the top receiver at Florida State, is on his way to a break-out season this year. The 6'3" wideout from Quincy, Florida has led his team in receiving in FSU's first two games this year, including a big win at Miami. De'Cody's name, however, makes him even more interesting of a player. His first name, an normal American name with a "De" and an apostrophe tagged on, is followed by a slur that would otherwise not be permitted on television.

 

 

 

 

 

9. Homer Bush

This former Yankee, Blue Jay and Marlin takes the number 9 spot on the list. Bush grew into the game as a rookie in 1994, was cut by the Marlins in 2002 and pretty much fell off after that. Bush, always trim throughout his career, never quite reached his hitting potential and managers never quite seemed certain how to use Bush effectively. Bush eventually became obsolete. His first name, Homer, short for Home Run, is the root of the term "all the way," a term youngsters use to describe love-making.

 

 

 

 

 

8. Albert Pujols

Arguably the best hitter in baseball, Pujols represents the only Latin-American on the top 10 list. This is important because if Albert's surname is spoken with a Spanish accent, it is pronounced "poo-holes". This places him in the scatological subcategory of the list with one other athlete (#5). The Dominican slugger has won the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards, which means he's definitely not the shittiest athlete on the countdown.

 

 

 

 

7. Irina Slutskaya

The Russian figure skater, Irina Slutskaya, won the European championship in 1996 and 1997. Although in Russian, her name is probably pronounced differently than it looks, embedded within Irina's last name is one of the more offensive words aimed at women. Slutskaya didn't go all the way in the 1998 Nagano Olympics, finishing in fifth place in her competition.

 

 

6. Ron Tugnutt

Tugnutt enjoyed success as goalie for 16 years and 6 teams in the NHL. Born Ronald Frederick Tugnutt in Ontario, Canada, he played in one NHL All-Star Game and represented Canada in the 1993 Hockey World Championships. His given name, Ron, is average in every way, however, his last name Tugnutt, could be confused for a verb and a noun that when used together, would describe the male act of self-fulfillment.

 

 

 

 

5. Assol Slivets

As the fifth athlete on the list, though lesser-known, Slivets has one of the dirtiest names in the history of sports. The freestyle skier from Belarus competed in the 2006 Olympics in Turin finishing 5th in the women's aerial ski competition. Oh yeah, and her first name is Assol.

 

 

4. Dick Butkus

This football Hall-of-Famer boasts a moniker so dirty that each syllable of his name are individually dirty. Well that's not true. I guess "kus" isn't dirty...unless it comes after "But"! Dick's last name, Butkus, is pronounced "but-kiss" which could mean the physical act of smooching the buttocks or the slangy meaning of being overly flattering. Either way, when "Butkus" is preceded by "Dick", its meaning doesn't really matter. It just becomes the last part of a dirty, dirty name.

 

 

 

 

3. Johnny Dickshot

Born John Oscar Dickshot in Waukegan, Illinois, Dickshot played outfield for 3 teams from 1936 to 1945. Johnny's lastname is one of the more dynamic on the list as "shot" is somewhat sport-related and "dick" is somewhat funny. Johnny also had a nickname, "Ugly", which is strange because the concept of a dickshot is so lovely. Dickshot died in Waukegan in 1997.

 

2. Dick Trickle This is about as good as it gets. Dick Trickle, known as "America's Winningest Driver," began racing on the short-track circuit in 1958. The vile nature of his name made Trickle a common joke on Sportscenter in the 1990s. The idea of a trickle--a slow, irregular flow of a liquid--following "Dick" in a man's name--conjures up themes of bathroom activities and venereal disease.

 

1. Chubby Cox

And the #1 Dirtiest Name in Sports is Chubby Cox. Born John Arthur Cox III, Chubby was a standout at the University of San Francisco in the '70s and was drafted by the Bulls in 1978. Cox only played in 7 NBA games, for the Washington Bullets in 1983. Chubby couldn't cut it on the professional level and spent his post-playing years teaching and coaching youths in the San Francisco area. But what matters most about him is that his name is Chubby Cox.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: collegesports-fans.com

Top Ten Active College Basketball Coaches, 2008:

Click here to view list ----> TOPTEN

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ utterpants.co.uk

Funny Sports Blunders

Funny sporting gaffes from News commentators

Here are several comments made by sports commentators that we think their authors might like to take back...

Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Motor Racing commentator: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Weathergirl: "So Trevor, where's that eight inches you promised me last night? Oh, hell! Are we still on air?" Becky Mantin - BBC weathergirl, the day after it was supposed to snow and didn't, to Black newsreader, Trevor McDonald

Astronomy commentator: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and it looks like he's just come in his shorts." Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage

Golf Commentator on caddy Fanny Sunneson: "Some weeks Nick Faldo likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to play with himself."

Running commentator: "Paula has a quick look between her legs and likes what she sees."

Motor Racing commentator: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix

Cycling commentator: "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing us what balls he has!"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: soundoflife.net

SOCCER QUOTES

 

Let us start with this quote by Maradona,

 

 "The English club proved that miracles really do exist. I've now made Liverpool my English team. They showed that football is the most beautiful sport of all."

 

Ronaldo puts it best when he said, "We lost because we didn't win."

This is what Victoria Beckham had to say about her hubby,

 

 "He walks around the kitchen going 'I'm a gay icon, they love me.' The thing is with David is that he doesn't care. He'll go out in his skirt and his bandana and he doesn't care what people say."

 

Bobby Charlton replied when soccer players were referred to as slaves,

 

"Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence."

 

"I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion. "

On Team Work by Brinna Scurry.

 

George Graham on the goal keeper

 

 "The goalkeeper is the jewel in the crown and getting at him should be almost impossible. It's the biggest sin in football to make him do any work."

 

This is a quote from Ronaldo,

 

 "Everyone tells me that the Italian championship is the toughest in the world, but I'm not afraid. In my career, I've always scored goals, wherever I've been."

 

A quote by Casey Korkus

 

 " It's why we play the game. Anything is possible, anything can happen, and we proved that again tonight."

 

Johan Cryuff on the Italian footballers, "Italians can't win the game against you, but you can lose the game against the Italians"

 

"A million wouldn't buy him, and I'd be one of them." Bill Shankly

 

This one is funny, "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent."

 

Beckham on "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."

 

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: runplanet.com

RUNNERS ONE-LINERS

I go running in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am doing.

• I'm in shape... "Round" is a shape, isn't it?
• The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, it is too far to walk back.
• My first job was in a running shoe company; I tried but I just didn't fit in. So then I got a job in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
• If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If the refrigerator and television weren't so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any walking training at all.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• I have to run early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am really doing.
• The advantage of running every day is that you die healthier.
• It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at 5,000 dollars per month.
• I joined a running club last year to lose some weight, spent about $100. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example: if the advertisement strongly suggests that particular brand of running shoes enabling athletes to perform amazing feats, the advertiser wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
• If you are going to try cross country, start with a small country.
• I don't jog - it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
• If rabbit's feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
• "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again" - Erma Bombeck
• I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
• You know you are stressed if you can achieve "runners high" by sitting up.
• In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels".

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