FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailymail.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES

TENNIS

"I just couldn't lose to a bloke wearing a shirt like that,"

Lleyton Hewitt following his US Open victory over Dominik Hrbaty, who wore a pink and black shirt with two oval holes cut out of the back.

GOLF

"They don't let you smoke or drink in gyms so you know I'm not going to have any fun doing that."

- John Daly plays it straight as he insists he has no plans to pump iron.


"I am 42 now and supposed to be going downhill. It's nice to go the other way."

- Colin Montgomerie on the resurgence in his game which saw him continue his red-hot form.

FORMULA ONE

"One zigged when he should have zagged"

- Minardi spokesman on a collision between Chanoch Nissany, the first Israeli to drive a F1 car, and Dutch team mate Christijan Albers during a Minardi test at Mugello on an otherwise empty circuit.

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: fun-football.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Jimmy Hill: Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through? Terry Venables: I think it's fifty - fifty

"If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim" Berti Vogts, German coach

"You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey" Arrigo Sacchi, Italy coach, defending a meagre playing record.

"Love is good for footballers, as long as it is not at half-time" Richard Moller Nielsen, Denmark coach

"I was about to say, before something far more interesting interrupted" John Motson, France v Bulgaria

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: sayings.funnyjunkz.com

SPORTS QUOTES

.

Boxing is the only sport you can get your brain shook, your money took and your name in the undertaker book.
- Joe Frazier

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All the time he's boxing, he's thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him.
- Jack Dempsey

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Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Lord Charles Beresford

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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs
- Anonymous

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A mother is neither cocky, nor proud, because she knows the school principal may call at any minute to report that her child had just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium.
- Mary Kay Blakely

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The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
- Billy Graham

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Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
- Jimmy Demaret

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The essence of fencing is to give, but by no means to receive.
- Moliere

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Good shot, bad luck, and hell are the five basic words to be used in a game of tennis, though these, of course, can be slightly amplified.
- Virginia Graham

Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead.
- Jackie Robinson

Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.
- Bobby Charlton

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: 21stcenturypaladin.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Muhammad Ali
"I don't always know what I'm talking about but I know I'm right."

Carmelo Anthony
"It will work out, somehow. That's a hell of a duo right there, Marbury, Crawford and Houston." [Assessing the future of the 2004-05 Knicks.]

Patrick Ewing
"We might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money."

Kevin Garnett
"They're really aggressive. They're like roaches on bread - you drop some on the floor and, boom, they're on it." [On Miami's defense.]

Martina Hingis
"I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier
than all the other women in sports."

John Kerr
"I would get close to him and breathe on his goggles." [When asked how he would guard somebody like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: insidesports.com

"There's only one legend. That's me. That's right, it's me. Everybody says it: black, white. Everybody calls me a legend: Italians, Jews. Everybody."
– Roberto Duran was obviously inducted into the World Boxing Hall of Fame based on his humility.

"It will come down to how the horse performs on the day and how the jockey performs on the day, because you'll know that they'll all be trained to the minute."
– Leading jockey Glen Boss completes a rare cliché trifecta in the lead-up to the Cox Plate.

"Hey, I was having a shit."
– Finn Kimi Raikkonen explains to British broadcaster ITV why he missed Pele's presentation of a gold trophy to Michael Schumacher, who retired after the Brazilian Grand Prix.

“I don’t know what my split was for the 50m, but I’m sure I haven’t swum that fast in years.”– US Olympic swimmer Gary Hall Jr, who survived a shark attack while spearfishing with his sister off the Florida coast

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: insidesport.com

"Beach volleyball in Mongolia is very difficult, because we don't have any beaches."
– Mongolian beach volleyball player Bayarmaa Tsogtbaatar on how she expected her team would fare at the Asian Games.

"The very fact that Mr Mason got in first shows he's a superior fighter; it does not suggest a disproportionate response. It was Mr Mason's belief that he was going to be the victim of an assault by Mr Fielden. It would've been disproportionate if Mr Mason had head-butted, gouged or thrown a flurry of punches."
– Mason's legal counsel, Alan Sullivan, puts it another way. (Not that it mattered: Mason was suspended for one match and fined $5000.)

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: strangesports.com

- Famous "Quotes" From Our Moron Sports Heros

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" -Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert "It's almost like we have ESPN." -Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece. "Tom." -Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966. "I'll always be Number 1 to myself." -Moses Malone

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: strangesports.com

The Top 20 Things You Hear In A Football Broadcast That
Sound Dirty BUT AREN'T

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

17. It's a game of inches.

16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

13. He found his tight end.

12. End around.

11. He had to stretch to get it in.

10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

9. He blows them off (at the line)

8. He bangs it in.

7. He could go all the way.

6. He gets it off just in time.

5. He goes deep.

4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.

2. He beats them off (the line)

1. He's got great hands.

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: finkbine.com

"Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off." -Bruce Lansky

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon

"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'caus I know even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee Trevino

"I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." -Bruce Lansky

"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round." -Ben Hogan

"My best score ever was 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." -Alex Karris

"Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at." -Dave Hill

"Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee, who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes." -Dave Marr

"The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing." -Dave Hill

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill

"Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?" -Ben Hogan

"You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket."-Lee Trevino

"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five." -Paul Harvey

"A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so." -Tom Watson

"I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them" -Harry Tofcano

"Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer." -Tommy Bolt

"Golf is based on honesty, where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?" -Jimmy Demaret

"It's nice to have the opportunity to play for so much money, but it's nicer to win it." -Patty Sheenan

"I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games." -Ben Hogan

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: calvertnews.info

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"The rule was "No autopsy, no foul." ~ Stewart Granger

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"When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do." ~ Darryl Dawkins

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"The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy." ~ Jerry Tarkanian

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"If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming." ~ Charles Barkley

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"There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket." ~ Abe Lemons

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"The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot." ~ Bill Russell

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: predictem.com

Famous Homerun Calls:

Jack Brickhouse: "Hey hey!"

Ernie Harwell: "Long gone!"

Vin Scully: "Forget it."

Harry Caray: "It could be, it might be, It is! A home run!"

Chris Berman of ESPN: "Back, back, back, back... Gone!"

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson: "You can put it on the board.. Yessssssss!"

Dave Niehaus (Grand Slam call in which he emphatically screams:) "Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it's GRAND SALAMI TIME!"

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: well.com

-1992 Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager,

on his team's 7-27 record:

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As

general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

-1987 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,

recounting what he told a player who received four F's

and one D:

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on

one subject."

-1982 Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,

explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous

at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to

be an uncle or an aunt."

-1991 Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator

fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed

20 books:

"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

-1986 Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked

after a loss what he thought of the refs:

"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."

-1991 Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday

nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons:

"It's basically the same, just darker."

-1991 Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former

assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his

11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the

Boilermakers:

"He said: 'Gosh, Dad, that mean's we're not going to any

more bowl games.'"

-1986 LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of

14 children:

"They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: innocentenglish.com

I don't care what the tape says. I didn't say it."
-Football coach Ray MalavasI

"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."
-Doug Collins

"I've won at every level, except college and pro."
-Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of a championship

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good."
-Tom Watt, ex-Maple Leaves coach (his team was not so good)

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
-Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996.

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Funny Sports Quotes \ Source: innocentenglish.com

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
-Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters

"Sure. I'm proud to be an American."
-Cincy Reds rookie pitcher Steve Foster, asked by a Canadian customs agent if he had anything to declare.

"The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don't know what that is."
-Former Yankee outfielder Louos Polonia

"Why does everybody stand up and sing 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' when they're already there?"
-Larry Anderson, major league pitcher

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