 All-pro TE? Super Bowl-winning head coach? Nope. Jake Gantz remembers Ditka as running the best press conferences... |
Athletes often find themselves in front of a microphone. And thankfully for the casual viewer, many of the things that come out of their mouths are worth repeating… again and again. Let's take Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder for example. Just this week he gave a revealing sound byte relating to just how much he knows about the location of London (the city where he will be playing his game this week), the language spoken there and a lot about his University of Florida education. Whether Crowder meant to or not, he got me thinking… what else has been said by these athletes?
To begin, here are Crowder's motivating words about London:
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that. I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
Couldn't have said it better myself Channing.
#10 – Randy Moss
"When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey."
Moss gave us this little gem during an impromptu interview in a parking lot. He was referring to the fine handed down to him by the NFL for "mooning" the Green Bay Packers fans after scoring a touchdown. Moss refused to be the butt of the joke on this one and just had to give us this crack about his flourishing bank account.
#9 – Mike Tyson
"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."
I'm never really sure what Tyson is referring to, but I make sure not to argue with him. Despite his losses and downfall, he's still the last person I'd want to see staring at me across the ring… even if it's with that stupid tattoo over his eye.
#8 – Lee Elia
"They're really, really behind you around here...my f*ckin' ass. What the f*ck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my f*ckin' players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the f*ckin' nickel-dime people who turn up? The motherf*ckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the f*ckin' game. They oughta go out and get a f*ckin' job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a f*ckin' living. Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here."
This speech is quite underrated. The Cubs manager went off in 1983 about the caliber of fans that show up at the ballpark and how much he enjoys their company and support. In the realm of coaches going off, this one is near the top.
#7 – Mike Ditka
"See that? That's your IQ buddy, ZERO!"
Da Coach didn't like what he was asked at a press conference, so he dropped this bomb on an unsuspecting media member. Coach was always great at press conferences, and this was one of the best.
#6 – Allen Iverson
"If I can't practice, I can't practice. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about practice. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about practice. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we're talking about practice."
Practice makes perfect, but not for Mr. Iverson. When asked about his attendance record at team workouts, Iverson said, "We're talking about practice" a record 53 times in one sitting. Good thing he wasn't asked about mini-camp.
#5 – Yogi Berra
"You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours."
The great linguist Yogi Berra with one of his patented Yogi-isms. What else can be said about Berra? Either you understand what he's saying or you probably are confused by what he said. Either way, it's not your fault.
#4 – Dennis Green
"If you want to crown them, then crown their ass!"
After the Chicago Bears came back to beat the Arizona Cardinals, Green went off during his post-game interview. It was probably the best sound byte of the season.
#3 – Devil Rays GM Chuck Lamar
"The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level."
Funny thing is that he remains to be right. Lamar also said the New York Yankees are only famous for World Series in October…
#2 – Orlando Magic GM Pat Williams
"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road.. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
A true problem that many GMs face.
And #1 – Mike Tyson (again)
"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"
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