FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: smartmoney.com

POP WARNER FOOTBALL

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YOUTH SPORTS QUOTES

WHEN TOMMY ZARZECKI JR. considers the money he spends on his 13-year-old son's hockey habit, he can't help but question his own sanity.

In the space of a single conversation, he refers to himself as "nuts," "out of my friggin' skull" and "completely...delusional."

But if he's crazy, so are the other hockey parents in Jefferson Township, N.J.

Everyone there knows that promising puck chasers have to join a competitive travel team ($3,500 a season), attend practice and games four to five times a week at a rink 45 minutes away ($150 a week for gas), and play a 55-game schedule with matches in Boston, Baltimore and Pennsylvania.

Then there's the gear: $200 hockey sticks are standard, as are $400 skates with Kevlar-composite blades. And that's just hockey.

Zarzecki's son also plays baseball, which means additional travel-team fees, more out-of-state trips and $70 lessons with a private batting coach. All told, Zarzecki estimates he blew $10,000 last year on his son's jock life. "You need another job to pay for your kid's sport," he says.

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As any parent who's been around the peewee athletic circuit can tell you, the wide world of kids sports is something to behold these days.

All around the country perfectly normal 10-year-olds now enjoy the attention of their own coaches, nutritionists and personal trainers.

Baseball camp now means hopping a plane to distant locales like Puerto Rico or Australia.

Suiting up for hockey might include a $3,000 goalie uniform with custom-molded padding. How far will it go?

In one of the most publicized — and excessive — examples, Dallas billionaire Kenny Troutt built a million-dollar gym in his home for his preteen sons' basketball teams and carts all the kids to tournaments in a private jet, accompanied by a full-time nutritionist and travel planner.

And the trend has even filtered down to sidewalk sports. In Mason, Ohio, one group of high schoolers is raising $39,000 to fly all the way to Cape Town, South Africa, for a championship competition...in jump rope.

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Spoiled Sports?

Few kids have the DNA of an Eli Manning or a Patrick Ewing Jr. But many parents hope their young athletes can compete on an elite level with papering like this.

PRESEASON CONDITIONING

Average cost: $600 - $750 Maybe Junior scarfed too many Big Macs during the off-season. Or he's lacking in lateral quickness. At Sedona Private Fitness in Cedar Grove, N.J., gym owner Joe Hughes offers a 10-session "scholastic athlete" training program to help your child "peak" at the right time. Of course, says Hughes, "despite not having a personal trainer, I turned out just fine."

HOCKEY GEAR

Average cost: $1,500 - $3,000 Most kids just need comfortable equipment that will protect against injury. Got an elite player? Get ready to invest in high-end gear like ultralight $640 Easton Stealth S15 composite skates, a $170 Nike Bauer helmet complete with "ergo translucent ear covers," custom-molded body pads, and the piece de resistance — a $360 composite hockey stick.

TRAVEL TEAM

Average cost: $1,000 - $3,000 If your budding all-star needs more competitive play than she can get locally, the travel-team tab typically buys access to nicer playing facilities, more-experienced coaching and maybe a fancy uniform. But logging the miles won't guarantee that your child will get her minutes. Unlike rec leagues, most travel squads don't give their members equal playing time.

OVERSEAS ATHLETIC CAMP

Average cost: $2,500 - $4,200 City-hopping with the travel team not enough? Coast to Coast Amateur Athletics organizes camps in Europe, Puerto Rico and Australia. But its Baseball Director Chip Stahl says learning abroad won't necessarily make your kid a world-class talent: "There really aren't any advantages to playing outside the States." But hey, it can be a terrific cultural experience.

HIGH-END BASEBALL BAT

Average cost: $300 - $400 The latest bats cost more because they're fashioned from new alloys and composites that aren't yet in mass production. "We have to do battle with the aerospace industry to get the materials to make those bats," says Louisville Slugger spokesperson Rick Redman. The performance difference from last year's (less-expensive) hot new material? Probably negligible.

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