FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ryangiggs.org

SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from a soccer forum
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Mar 10 2008
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THE best footballers let their feet do their talking. And when you hear them speak, you understand why.
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But soccer is lit up by hilarious or thought-provoking utterings as often as it is by moments of footballing magic.
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Phil Shaw’s new Book Of Football Quotations has gathered together thousands of them.
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Here is MARTIN PHILLIPS’ selection of some of the best.
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“People used to say that if I’d shot John Lennon, he’s still be alive today.”
-Garry Birtles, former England striker, on his long goalless run at Manchester United, 2004
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“Normally when you swap shirts they are soaked in sweat, but Beckham’s smelt only of perfume. Either he protects himself against BO or he sweats cologne.”
-Ronaldo, Brazil striker after the World Cup quarter-final win over England, 2002
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“Becks hasn’t changed since I’ve known him. He’s always been a flash Cockney git.”
-Ryan Giggs, United colleague, 2003
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“I’m so glad there will now be two good-looking guys at Real. I’ve felt so lonely in such an ugly team.”
-Roberto Carlos, Brazil and Real Madrid defender, 2003, on news that Beckham was joining the Spanish side
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“You score goals as a kid. Then you grow up stupid and become a goalkeeper.”
-Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus and Italy goalkeeper, 2004
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“He’s a smashing professional and a leader. He’s like Bobby Moore in that respect, though he wouldn’t have made it into Bobby’s drinking school.”
-Harry Redknapp, West Ham manager, 2000, on Paolo Di Canio
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“Drogba - the strength of a bull but the pain threshold of a lamb.”
-Clive Tyldesley, ITV commentator, on Didier Drogba’s tendency to fall over, 2007
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‘ I always had a reputation for going missing - Miss England, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World..’
-George Best, 1992
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“We were driving back from Birmingham when Kieron (Dyer) suddenly shouted, ‘Stop the bus! I’ve left my diamond earring in the dressing room.’ Can you imagine in my playing days a player telling Bill Shankly, ‘Stop the bus, Bill, I’ve left me earring in the dressing room.”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2003
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“You could put (Luis) Figo in a phone booth with 11 opponents and he would find his way to the door. He’d beat them all and dribble his way out.”
-Carlos Queiroz, Real Madrid coach, 2003
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“It’s not nice going into the supermarket and the woman at the till is thinking, ‘Dodgy keeper.’”
-David James, then playing erratically in goal for Liverpool, 1997
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“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week. Plus I was out of the side for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
-Clinton Morrison, then with Birmingham, on his disappointing display at Crystal Palace, 2005
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“I reckon he tackles his girlfriend before they eat their tea. The lads tell me he met her in a nightclub, where he crunched her and liked the fact she got up so fast.”
-Ian Holloway, then Plymouth Argyle manager, on his club’s combative midfielder David Norris, 2007
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“You always say something good about players who leave. (Laurent) Robert is leaving. Good.”
-Freddy Shepherd, then Newcastle United chairman, on the French forward’s departure for Portsmouth, 2005
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“There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it’s been a compliment to me.”
-George Best talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, 2004
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“(Wayne) Rooney has signed a deal to do five books. That’s an awful lot of crayons.”
-Johnnie Walker, Radio 2 DJ, 2002
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“If brains were chocolate, he wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie.”
-Former Leicester City striker Alan Birchenall, talking about Robbie Savage
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“Robbie had to come off with cramp - in his hair.”
-Steve Bruce, then Birmingham city manager, on Robbie Savage, 2003
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“We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2004
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“For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle.”
-Ian Wright, Arsenal and England team-mate, 1996
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“At that moment I hated Gordon Banks more than any man in soccer. But when I cooled down I had to applaud him with my heart for the greatest save I had ever seen.”
-Pele after Gordon Banks had saved his header, Brazil v England, World Cup finals, 1970
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‘ My next guest has fulfilled every schoolboy’s dream. He’s won the Double, he’s captained England, and he’s driven a car into a wall at very high speed. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Adams! ’
-Sanjeev Bhaskar, comic actor, on the spoof TV chat show The Kumars at No 42, 2003
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“He’s the only player who, when he’s on the TV, Daleks hide behind the sofa.”
-Nick Hancock, compere on TV’s They think It’s All Over, talking about Peter Beardsley, 1995
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“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around on defense.”
-New York Cosmos executive on the former West Germany captain Franz Beckenbauer’s deep-lying role, 1977
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Michael Parkinson: “What was the nearest to kick-off that you made love?”
George Best: “Er...I think it was half-time actually.”
-Exchange on Parkinson’s TV chat show, 1980s.
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‘ I’m a football fan now. In the papers this morning they said a nation’s thoughts were on Michael Owen’s groin. I thought, "Me too!" ’
-Graham Norton, gay talk-show host, during the World Cup finals, 2002
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“He carried us for so long. It was an honour to carry him.”
-Derek Dougan, Northern Ireland team-mate and a pall-bearer at George Best’s funeral, 2005
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“If Stan could pass a betting shop the way he can pass a ball, he’d have no worries.”
-Ernie Tagg, Crewe manager, who launched compulsive gambler and 70s England star Stan Bowles on his career
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“For my next film role, I would love to play a psychopath or an unpleasant person.”
-Eric Cantona, 2000
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“I’m very pleased for Paul, but it’s like watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car.”
-Terry Venables, then Tottenham manager, after Paul Gascoigne finally joined Lazio, 1992
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“I’m no hero. Doctors and nurses are heroes. Surgeons, people like that. We had a real hero born right here in Stoke-on-Trent: Reginald Mitchell, who designed the Spitfire. He saved Britain. Now that’s what I call a hero.”
-Sir Stanley Matthews, 1995.
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“Eyal is a professional and clearly wants to earn as much money as possible. But he is Jewish and I am Scottish so it will be difficult for us to reach a financial agreement.”
-Graeme Souness, then Blackburn manager, on the possibility of Israeli Eyal Berkovic, on loan crom Celtic, becoming as permanent transfer, 2001
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“He was a magician on the park. He could have put a size-five football in an egg cup.”
-Sir Alex Ferguson on the late Jim Baxter, 2006
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Q: “Most embarrassing moment?”A: “Trying to follow Craig Burley’s instructions on the park when he didn’t have his teeth in, and getting it hopelessly wrong.”
-Malky Mackay, Norwich defender, on his former Celtic colleague, 2001
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“When he sold you a dummy you had to pay to get back in the ground.”
-Jim Baxter, Scotland team-mate, on Chelsea winger Charlie Cooke, 1976
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“When he plays on snow he doesn’t leave any footprints.”
-Don Revie on the Leeds and Scotland midfielder Eddie Gray, 1970
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