Image: scottfertig.com.
OLYMPIC SPORTS HUMOR
Humor by Jay Leno about the Winter Olympics, 2002
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The Olympics are under way! The opening ceremonies were tonight. Why does the parade have to be three hours long, though? These are athletes – come on, pick it up a little, jog, run in there!
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The Olympics have started! It was exciting to see the opening ceremony – there were 77 nations in all that came walking through. The line was so big it was like the line at the Department of Motor Vehicles here in L.A.!
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There were 77 countries represented in the Parade of Nations, including India. There was one person on the Indian team, one person, and India has a billion people! Think of the pressure that guy must be under!
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Mexico brought four competitors to the games. Good luck getting them to go home after the games.
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Did you see Sweden walk in? There's something you don't see here in L.A. – natural blondes!
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There were over 1,000 security guards at the ceremony tonight – and that was just to keep Tonya Harding out!
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There are more troops in Salt Lake City than there are in Afghanistan. This is true. Can you believe that? Hey, why do we have to compete? We've got the men there, let's just take all the medals!
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The wind was bad today, they had to cancel some of the ski-jumping practice. The wind was so bad that it would blow your face back and you'd look like Greta Van Susteren.
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It was so windy that Katie Couric had to be tied down to Al Roker!
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They have five-foot snow drifts out there – do you think we'll ever see Bob Costas again?
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I think the strangest event is the biathlon. That involves skiing and guns. How do you practice that? Do you go skiing during a weekday when there's no one around?
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Over a quarter million condoms will be handed out at the Olympics. I don't want to know what event that's for!
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There was one embarrassing moment during the ceremony when the Germans came walking in. They kept on walking and they now occupy Idaho and Montana.
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A member of the Pakistan team has defected – he can now be found at the downtown Salt Lake City 7-Eleven!
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There was a big snowstorm in Salt Lake City last night. Visibility got down around zero. I guess that’s why those skating judges couldn’t see anything!
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A lot of people were upset about that. I think it was quite obvious that the Canadians should have won. People were upset, even the Mormons were cursing. Even Don King was saying, "Fixed!”
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The female hockey team won today! Forty women with sticks and missing teeth. More commonly called - Kentucky!
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There was a surprise in curling today – people watched! Curling is like the Al Gore of sports.
Women like curling though. They get to see men pushing brooms.
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