FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: gambling-guru.com

Image: catchlyts.wordpress.com
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CRICKET QUOTES
Quotes from a sports betting site
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“Shane Warne’s idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.”
- Ian Healy
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Click here to view ===> MORE QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: workinghumor.com

SPORTS \ HEALTH & NUTRITION QUOTES
Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke, Political Journalist
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Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.
(The Bachelor Home Companion)
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
(Modern Manners)
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Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow (an appalling animal to watch at the trotters.)
(Republican Party Reptile)
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Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport - two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.
(Holidays in Hell)
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True, children look up to professional athletes. But children are short and look up to everything.
(Give War a Chance)
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AND, FINALLY, FOR THE NEXT CONFAB AT THE WATER COOLER:
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
(Parliament of Whores)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: carpejam.wordpress.com

Image: toonpool.com

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SKIING \ MOUNTAIN CLIMBING QUOTES

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Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.

(Hermann Buhl)

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Click here to view ===> QUOTES

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golfcoursehumor.com

Image: vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com
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GOLF QUOTES
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"I wouldn't send my mother-in-law out to plow in weather like this."
-- Dave Smith in foggy weather at the 1959 Amateur, before playing Jack Nicklaus
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"One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic."
-- Lee Trevino
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"I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible."
-- Lee Trevino
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"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes, taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
--P.J. O'Rourke
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"There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray."
--Lee Trevino
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"I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction."
-- Lee Trevino
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"One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water."
-- Lee Trevino describing how he shot one under
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"I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it."
-- Jim Dent
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"I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105."
-- Bob Hope
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"A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone."
-- Chi Chi Rodriguez
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"President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes."
-- Bob Hope
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"Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top."
-- Bob Hope
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"Gerald Ford is the most dangerous driver since Ben-Hur."
-- Bob Hope
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"I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals."
-- Bob Hope
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"Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink."
-- Bob Hope
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"Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls."
-- Bob Hope
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"My wife says there are days when I’m closer to shooting my weight than my age."
-- Bob Hope
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportscardforum.com

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AUTO RACING QUOTES
Racing quotes found on a sports card forum
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Click here to view ===> AUTO RACING
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: youtube.com

HOCKEY QUOTES
Florida Panthers radio announcer adds hilarity to goal scoring by Panthers
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Randy Moller Goal Calls:
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Click here to view ===> GOAL - like in them thar hills!!!
Source of video: joblo.com hockey forum
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

BASKETBALL HUMOR
Best Names: College Basketball Players
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Destined To Be Basketball Players
David Baller, College of Charleston
Chris Hoopes, Southern Utah
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No Need for Words
Dominitrix Johnson, Illinois St
Jamar Nutter, Seton Hall
Jahsha Bluntt, Delaware St
Pooh Williams, Utah State
Wayne Chism, Tennessee
Chris Porn, Elon
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Named After Famous People
Damon Jones, Northwestern State—The Cavs backup point guard Damon Jones isn't exactly famous, but I needed an excuse to put LeBron James's nasty dunk on him a few years ago.
Chris Martin, Stony Brook—Isn't this guy the main singer from Coldplay? Um, not that I listen to Coldplay or anything...
Nick Carter, Stony Brook—Whether you'll admit it or not, I know you remember the guy from the Backstreet Boys. Two pop stars on the same team. Kudos, Stony Brook.
David Palmer, Iowa—For you 24 fans, David Palmer was the first Black President of the United States. But just like in horror movies, the show had to knock off the black guy. Damn.
Patrick Ewing Jr., Georgetown—I mean he is Pat Ewing's son.
Picasso Simmons, Murray State—Picasso has a passion for his pallet, proudly painting prominent surrealist masterpieces from Paris to Madrid. Not the best basketball player, but what can you expect from an art major?
JayDee Luster, New Mexico State—Little did JayDee know that he was in the presence of a hip hop producing legend.
Fabio Nass, Miami—He's got great hair.
Mike Jones, St. Louis—WHO?!
Steve Alford, Western Washington
Chris Collinsworth, BYU
Mike Singletary, Texas Tech
Chris Gamble, Mississippi Valley State—Hopefully this Chris Gamble does a little better than a seven out of 50 on his Wonderlic Test.
Andrew Jackson, Mississippi Valley State
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Destined to Be on the Cover of Some Teenage Girls' Magazine
Chris Timberlake, North Florida
Corey Abercrombie, Pittsburgh State
Thomas Abercrombie, Washington State
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Of The Royal Family
Duke Crews, Tennessee
Will Royal, Robert Morris
Rickey Royal, Army
King Cannon, Central Arkansas
J.P. Prince, Tennessee
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Punctuations and Prefixes Perplexing English Teachers around the Country
Ra'Sean Dickey, GT
l'Lonzo Coleman, Presbyterian Blue Hose
LeKendrick Longmire, Oregon
An'Juan Wilderness, Charlotte
K'Len Morris, Michigan
E'Twaun Moore, Purdue
Jay-R Strowbridge, Nebraska
Jon'Tee Willhite, Eastern Illinois
LaceDarius Dunn, Baylor
De'Jon Jackson, San Diego B-Jay Walker, Oakland P'Allen Stinnett, Creighton
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Giving PA Announcers Serious Issues
Qavotstaraj Waddell, Chattanooga
Iman Shokouhizadeh, Centenary
Thanasi Panagiotakopoulos, Northern Colorado Uwemedimo Eshietedoho, UMBC
Philippe Tchekane Bofia, Maine
Yves Mekongo-Mbala. La Salle
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International Flavor
Gordo Castillo, New Mexico State
Oliver Caballero, San Jose State
Ryan Amoroso, San Diego State
Baptiste Bataille, Northeastern
Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, UCLA Pierre Marie Altidor-Cespedes, Marshall
Jean Francois Bro-Grebe, Marshall
Chris De La Rosa, Siena
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Great Last Names
Dionte Christmas, Temple
Derrick Caracter, Louisville—Ironically Caracter is not a man of great character; he was suspended earlier in the season for violating team rules.
David Kool, Western Michigan
Drew McCool, Eastern Kentucky
Julius Allgood, Texas Pan-American
Tyler Hoffmeister. Texas Tech
Cam Thoroughman. WVU—Cam is a diligent, hard-working basketball player. He's thorough, man.
Akeem Hemingway, UMKC
Chief Kickingstallionsims, Alabama State
Jacob Turnipseed, Nicholls State
Soloman HorseChief, Pacific
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Great First Names
Urule Igbavboa, Valparasio
Parfait Bitee, Rhode Island Jazz Henderson, Long Beach State
Jazz Williams, Southern Spongy Benjamin, Marist
Arizona 'AZ' Reid, High Point – Too bad he's from South CarolinaHe Will Kill You
Jasonn Hannibal, Portland
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Feminine Names
Brook Lopez, Stanford—Maybe the real reason Lopez was ineligible for a few games at the beginning of the year.
Hillary Haley, St. Bonaventure—Hillary is 6'6", 210 lb., so after awhile the feminine name jokes probably stopped.
Gaby Bermudez, Samford
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The Holy One
Jesus Verdejo, South Florida—This man certainly has a lot to live up to.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dugoutcentral.com

Image: pro.corbis.com
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BASEBALL POEM
An ode to the National Pastime
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For baseball fans, spring training is the salad to the main course.
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The salad is now being served and the main course will immediately follow.
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Now is the time for one fan's ode to the game he loves!
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A Baseball Love Letter
Published by Michael Walsh on February 14, 2009 12:18 am
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The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love. - Bryant Gumbel, 1981
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This Valentine’s Day I thought that, in the tradition of the great bards, I would write an ode to my one true love. An ode replete with all of the things I hold dear about my one and only. An ode to the one that gives me hope, brings me joy and forever fills me with child-like optimism. Of course, that love is baseball.
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———-
I love opening day and the renewed sense that this year will be the year for my beloved Cubbies.
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I love the way the grass looks greener and the sky seems bluer after the umpire yells, “play ball!”
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I love doubleheaders, double plays, double steals, Double Duty Radcliffe and, well, doubles…
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I love the eephus pitch and the circle change; the splitter, the spitter and the four seamer.
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I love to hate the Yankees.
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I love singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” at the top of my lungs during the seventh inning stretch.
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I love chin music.
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I love Goose Gossage, Ducky Medwick, and Paul Byrd.
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I love the tools of ignorance.
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I love Willie, Mickey and the Duke.
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I love overpriced hot dogs and watered-down beer (both taste great when you’re sitting in the cheap seats in the 104 degree summer sun).
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I love line drives into the gap.
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I love Moose Skowron and Rob Deer.
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I love nasty breaking stuff.
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I love Tinkers to Evers to Chance.
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I love bleacher seats and bleacher bums.
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I love the suicide squeeze.
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I love Murderer’s Row, ‘Dem Bums and The Gashouse Gang.
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I love The Big Donkey, Mule Haas and The Wild Hoss of the Osage.
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I love the Spaceman, the Moon-man and The Rocket.
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I love the Called Shot, the Shot Heard ‘Round the World (but not Marge Schott…).
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I love that no two ball parks are alike.
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I love 60 feet 6 inches.
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I love the crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd and the Champagne celebration.
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I love Steve Bartman, the Billy Goat and the Black Cat (some things you just have to accept).
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I love Rickey talking about Rickey and I love Manny being Manny.
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I love the Big Unit, the Big Hurt, the Big Train, and Big Papi.
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I love Little Luis Aparicio, Little Joe Morgan and the Little Professor.
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I love 6-4-3 double plays.
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I love inside-the-parkers and walk-off blasts.
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I love watching the third base coach give the signs.
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I love knee-buckling 12 to 6 curve balls (good ol’ Uncle Charlie!).
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I love Jackie Robinson for making baseball what it had always purported to be – America’s Game.
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I love King Kelly, Mel Queen and Prince Fielder.
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I love Happy Chandler and Sad Sam Jones.
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I love Lee May, June Greene, Don August and Mr. October.
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I love full counts and Count Montefusco.
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I love the Texas leaguer, the dying quail and the can a corn.
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I love the Bronx Cheer.
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I love the Mendoza Line.
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I love three up, three down.
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I love hustling in and hustling out.
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I love Ryan Church, Preacher Roe and Jesus Alou.
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I love Bud Black and Roy White; Red Schoendist and Shawn Green; Vida Blue and Mordecai Brown.
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I love the Crime Dog and The Big Cat.
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I love extra innings.
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I love Chili Davis, Pepper Martin, and Bob Spicer.
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I love Candy Cummings, Coco Crisp and Sweet Lou Whitaker.
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I love to hear my grandfather say that “none of these guys could hit like Gehrig.”
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I love to hear my father say that “none of these guys could hit like Aaron.”
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I love knowing that none of those guys could hit like Pujols.
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I love the box seat and the box score.
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I love the Bash Brothers (still…).
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I love day games played on real grass in National League parks (so the pitcher has to take his cuts).
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I love that Junior and Senior got to play together.
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I love explaining the infield fly rule to my girlfriend for the fifteenth time.
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I love watching Lou Piniella lose his cool.
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I love plays at the plate.
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I love head-first slides.
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I love that Jamie Moyer is still pitching.
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I love that moment of realization during a perfecto when someone asks, “has anyone been on base?”
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I love being on the road and finding a game on the radio.
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I love the way I feel like a kid again when I am at the ballpark.
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I love the way that the game can break my heart and then make it soar all in the span of a few plays.
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I love that on the worst summer days baseball is there to take my mind off of my troubles, fears and doubts.
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But most of all, I love baseball.
———-
And, no matter what anyone says about my game or my heroes it will always be pure in my heart because love is blind.
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I see none of its flaws and love it for its outer and inner beauty.
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Do yourself a favor this season – forget all of the talk about steroids and collusion and mismanagement and greedy players and just enjoy the game that we all hold so dear.
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Just love the game. You’ll thank yourself later.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.comcast.net

Image: i2.iofferphoto.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Football quotes from a sports forum
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"Franco Harris faked me out so bad one time that I got a 15-yard penalty for grabbing my own face mask." --D. D Lewis
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"The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public."-Phillis Diller
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"I am a firm believer that all sports will be global. Someday we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling."-Paul Tagliabue
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"The Philadelphia Eagles signed wide receiver Terrell Owens despite his reputation as a clubhouse cancer. A few days later, the home of the Eagles, Veterans Stadium, implodes. Connect the dots, people."- Bret Lewis (L.A. radio announcer)
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"I knew it was time to quit coaching when I was chewing out an official and he walked off the penalty faster than I could keep up with him." - George Halas
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"John Riggins, like Joe Namath, is a riddle wrapped in a bandage." Larry Merchant
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"I resigned as the Broncos head coach because of illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of me." --John Ralston
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"It has been my experience that the fastest man on the football field is the quarterback who has just been intercepted." --Barry Switzar
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"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." --- Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: youtube.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
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Captured on video below is the Yankee Clipper's future wife
in Love Happy with Groucho Marx in 1949.
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Dimag's future dilemma is cited by Oscar Levant elsewhere in FSQ!
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Click here to view ===> Thanks for the laughs, Groucho!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: barstoolsports.com

SPORTS PICTORIAL
Web site presents highlights of Playboy's pictorial of Amanda Beard,
the now-married Olympics swimmer.
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If you missed Amanda's original Playboy pictorial, fret not,
since Barstool Sports has highlights of the pictorial for you
to enjoy \ ponder.
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Click here to view ===> AMANDA CLEARS SINUSES - NOW LET US PRAY!!!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mlb.fanhouse.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
Darryl Strawberry's new book is 2009 version of Ball Four
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CAUTION: ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS
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Strawberry has a new book coming out in April, and something tells me his ex-teammates aren't going to appreciate the contents much. Strawberry's claims about all the cocaine they did and the women they had sex with -- sometimes during games -- probably won't sit well.
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"We were the boys of summer. The drunk, speed-freak, sneaking-a-smoke boys of summer," writes onetime home-run legend Darryl Strawberry in "Straw: Finding My Way," out in April from Ecco.
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"[An] infamous rolling frat party . . . drinking, drugs, fights, gambling, groupies."
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Beer "was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle," he writes. "We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke."
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The team's mantra on the road, he writes, was to "tear up your best bars and nightclubs and take your finest women . . . The only hard part for us was choosing which hottie to take back to your hotel room. Lots of times you . . . picked two or three."
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Then there are these little tidbits about how the Mets would kill time between innings.
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Although he doesn't name names, Strawberry relates how team members picked out girls from the stands for quickies.
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He once watched a pitcher march a frisky fan to a private room for oral sex: "I was jealous. When I saw her heading back to her seat, I gave her a sign. She smiled, turned right back around, and met me in that same little room . . . I had to be quick and run back out on the field."
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Another time, "I was in the clubhouse, having one last quickie with this cute little Florida girl. Charlie Samuels, the equipment manager, came in and caught us. He just stood there shaking his head while I finished up."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsillustrated.cnn.com

SPORTS TRIVIA
Sample video from Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Models 2009 Edition
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See below a video of the shakiest NBA dancer featured in
SI's Swimsuit Models 2009 Edition
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Click here to view ===> Do you serve fries with that shake?
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View SI's Swimsuit Models 2009 near bottom of this page.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: instantcast.com
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SOCCER QUOTES
Soccer quotes from the soccer movie The Football Factory
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Plot summary for The Football Factory (2004)
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The Football Factory is more than just a study of the English obsession with football violence, its about men looking for armies to join, wars to fight and places to belong. A forgotten culture of Anglo Saxon males fed up with being told they're not good enough and using thier fists as a drug they describe as being more potent than sex and drugs put together. Shot in documentery style with the energy and vibrancy of handheld, The Football Factory is frightingly real yet full of painful humour as the four characters extreme thoughts and actions unfold before us.
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Written by Wahida Begum
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Click here to view ===> THE FOOTBALL FACTORY QUOTES

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Image: comps.fotosearch.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Sports quotes from the 2/3/09 edition of news.bbc sports
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Click here to view ===> BBC SPORTS QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: answers.yahoo.com

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SWIMMING QUOTES
Swimming quotes from a sports answers forum
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Click here to view ===> DIRTY POOL?
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.gon.com

Image: skyhorsepublishing.com

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HUNTING QUOTES

Hunting and fishing quotes from a hunting sportsmen forum

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Click here to view ===> GOTCHA!

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