FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.timesunion.com

BIG BROWN'S TRAINER, RICK DUTROW

Image: cache.daylife.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Sports loudmouths

June 5, 2008 By DAVID SANCHIRICO

Rick Dutrow Jr. is making quite a name for himself.
The trainer of Triple Crown hopeful Big Brown has been in the media spotlight with his sure-thing guarantees regarding his horse.
Dutrow could be eating his words if Big Brown loses. Otherwise, he’d be justified in telling everyone, “I told you so.”

How do Dutrow’s boasts compare to those of other quotable sports figures? Here is a list of 10 bombastic sports personalities:

10. Rasheed Wallace. The Detroit Pistons forward is always quick to criticize. Quote: “I told (official) Leroy (Richardson) my son could fool him and it ain’t even Halloween.”

9. Ozzie Guillen. Not afraid to speak his mind, the White Sox manager is a favorite of the Chicago media. Quote: “Now, there are just 30 or 40 reporters around to see how big my mouth really is.”

8. Terrell Owens. T.O. is cocky most of the time, but when he’s unhappy, he doesn’t keep it hidden from the media. Quote: “I’ll watch the highlights every now and then but, as far as watching the game, I feel like I am the game.”

7. Joe Namath. With his charisma and self-assured attitude, Namath was the perfect quarterback for New York. Quote: “We’ll win this game, I guarantee it.”

6. George Foreman. Now more known for his business ventures than his boxing, Big George drew a crowd during his time in the ring. Quote: “I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out ofhamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.”

5. Art Shires. The 1930s White Sox certainly was charismatic. He had a wardrobe of 50 suits and 100 hats. Quote: Shires gave himself his own nickname, “The Great.”

4. Casey Stengel. “The Ol’ Professor” was a favorite in New York. He was at his best during his time as the outspoken manager of the Lovable Losers, the 1962 Mets. Quote: “The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets doubleheader.”

3. Chad Johnson. There is no current athlete as quote-worthy and eccentric as Ocho Cinco. Quote: “Tennessee is a very country-type state. Maybe I can practice on some type of country-western dance where they’ll know what I’m doing.”

2. Bobby Knight. One of the most controversial coaches ever, Knight never failed to rankle with his actions and comments. Quote: Speaking about leaving Puerto Rico after the 1979 Pan Am Games, “I stood up, unzipped my pants, lowered my shorts and placed my bare (butt) on the window. That’s the last thing I wanted those people to see of me.”

1. Muhammad Ali. Ali’s impact cannot be overstated. He was the most outspoken athlete during a time when athletes were supposed to be humble. Quote: “I am the greatest!”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

Image: mlb.imageg.net

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Martin's maxims

Baseball Quotes by Billy Martin

"I don't think so because I've got the reputation for being baseball's bad boy and I don't deserve it. But I think I'd make a good manager. For one thing, I know how to handle men. That's the secret of managing. For another, I know enough about the game, not fundamentals, but executing. I think I could get the most out of players with common sense and psychology. I'm fiery enough that I'd have their respect. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get the chance and there's nothing in the world that can change that."--On his chances of ever managing, quoted in Baseball Digest, June 1961

"I believe if God had ever managed, he would have been very aggressive, the way I manage."--As A's manager, quoted in Sports Illustrated, March 30, 1981.

"I've always said I could manage Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Hirohito. That doesn't mean I'd like them, but I'd manage them." --As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"Everything looks nicer when you win. The girls are prettier. The cigars taste better. Thre trees are greener."--As Yankee manager, Quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Sept. 17, 1975

"I get fired because I'm not a yes-man. The world's full of yes men. The first year that I became manager, 1969, with the Twins, I won a division championship. And got fired. The Tigers hired me. I had made $35,000 and the Tigers gave me a big raise. I won another division title and got fired again. Texas hired me, and with a bigger raise. I came in second, and got fired. The Yankees hired me, and tripled my salary. When I got fired there, and Oakland hired me--they gave me an unbelievable raise. I've got a long-term contract now, but if I get fired again, I might run for President."--As manager of the A's, quoted in a New York Times interview, July 15, 1982

"All I know is, I pass people on the street these days, and they don't know whether to say hello or to say good-bye."--As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"The only real way to know you've been fired is when you arrive at the ballpark and find your name has been scratched from the parking list."--widely quoted

"Sometimes I would do just the opposite of what George wanted me to do, because I won't let anyone tell me how to manage. If I'm going down the tube, I'm going to do it my way."--from Number 1

"The two of them deserve each other. One's a born liar, the other's convicted."--On Reggie Jackson and George Steinbrenner, widely quoted

"What does George know about Yankee pride? When did he ever play for the Yankees?"--On Steinbrenner, from Number 1

"I'm getting smarter, I finally punched something that couldn't sue me."--As A's manager on breaking his finger after punching a piece of furniture, quoted in Sports Illustrated, September 6, 1982

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: network.nationalpost.com

Image: amazon.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
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MLB: The (bleepin') best of (bleepin') Guillen
Posted: June 02, 2008, 6:01 PM by Jeremy Sandler
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It seems Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams’ line for supporting Ozzie Guillen stops when his sometimes controversial, often combative and almost always quotable manager levels criticism at his own front office.
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Williams, the architect of both Chicago’s 2005 World Series-winning team — and the squad that entered yesterday with a one-game lead in the American League Central — took issue with Guillen ripping into his team’s offence after a 4-3 extra-inning loss to the Tampa Bay Rays.
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“It’s just not a good idea to throw your boss under the bus, especially when that boss has had your back as much as I have had his,” Williams wrote in an e-mail to the Chicago Tribune. “I expect this team, if the leadership remains positive and the players stick together and continue to play hard, it will be a fun summer.
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“The offence will begin to produce when collectively they say the hell with all the theories, stay loose, pick the pitch you want to hit and hit it hard. It will be nice to see them lighten up and have some fun.”
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Heading into play yesterday, Chicago ranked ninth in the AL with 244 runs, eighth in on-base percentage and 12th in hitting with a .247 average.
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But the White Sox first-place status was not enough to keep the 44-year-old Guillen from launching a verbal tirade after his team scored just four runs in three losses to the Rays.
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“I expect Kenny to do something Tuesday. Because if we don’t do anything Tuesday, there’s [going to be] a lot of change in the lineup,” said Guillen, reportedly spicing his comments with more than an occasional expletive. “It could be me. It could be [hitting coach] Greg Walker, the players, anybody. I’m sick and tired watching this for a year and a half. I’m not protecting anybody anymore.”
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Shooting from the lip has been standard for Guillen over his four-plus seasons managing on Chicago’s South Side:
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May 2008, on the reaction of the fans and media after Chicago was swept by Toronto:
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“They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [bleep] in town. Now we’re [bleep],” said Guillen. “We won it a couple years ago, and we’re horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven’t won in [100] years, and they’re the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we’re good. [Bleep] everybody.”
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May 2007, on Chicago radio host Mike North criticizing his use of catchers A.J. Pierzynski and Toby Hall:
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“Oh, shut the [bleep] up! I know you like A.J. but there’s no reason for you to make lineups and [bleep]. I don’t care what A.J. thinks. I make the best lineup. I want to find out what Toby Hall can do for this ballclub, find out right away how we are going to use him. I never said A.J. was in a platoon. Believe me, I’m tired of you guys and this bull[bleep] every [bleeping] day.”
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June 2006, after Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti criticized Guillen’s handling of pitcher Sean Tracey:
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“What a piece of [bleep] [Mariotto] is, [bleeping] fag. He’s garbage … he’s always been garbage … and he will die garbage.”
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Early 2006, before the World Baseball Classic, when Yankees star Alex Rodriguez said he could not decide between playing for the United States or the Dominican Republic:
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“Alex was kissing Latino people’s asses … He knew he wasn’t going to play for the Dominicans … He’s not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites, he’s full of [expletive],” said Guillen. “The Dominican team doesn’t need his ass...It’s the same thing with [Nomar] Garciaparra playing for Mexico … Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit.”
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2005, after former White Sox outifelder Magglio Ordonez claimed Guillen forced him to play hurt and convinced Chicago not to re-sign him:
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“Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? Why ever talk about me? He doesn’t do [bleep] for me. But if he thinks I’m his enemy, he has a big enemy.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: michaeltyson.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

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Vicious attacks and noble brats: quotes of the year
Compiled by Chris Maume Friday, 20 December 2002
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January
This is me fighting my demons, my way of saying: 'Look, I am sorry for giving into the temptations. I have abused the privileged life I've had, and if this match is anything, it is me paying my debt.'
Niall Quinn, footballer, announcing that his £1m testimonial proceeds would go to charity.

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It's really embarrassing. I'm Chelsea through and through.
Paul Haines, who suffered a head injury playing in goal for Swindon Supermarine and came to in hospital believing he was Fabien Barthez.

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So my wife and I can make love in a different room every night.
Bobby George, darts player, on why his £2.5m Essex mansion has 18 bedrooms.

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There are some bloody good balti places in Birmingham.
Ron Atkinson on why the Midlands is a better national stadium option than Wembley.

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Mine's at home finishing the ironing and washing-up.
Robbie Earle, asked what he thought about the television show Footballers' Wives.

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I am a prostitute.
David Sheepshanks, Ipswich chairman, favours the Uefa Cup having a group stage, in order to boost income.

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I am not a role model or Mr Politically Correct.
Mike Tyson.

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February
You could tell he was a goalie because he was so good with his hands.
Alicia Douvall, tabloid kiss-and-tell girl, after a night with Barthez.

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Martin [Johnson] is not a player who purposely goes out on the pitch to be violent and cause damage to other players, other than in the true spirit of the game.
Neil Back on the England rugby union captain.

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The only place that will be more secure will be the White House.
Al Mansell, president of the Utah Senate, on security at Salt Lake City for the Winter Olympic Games.

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Take your brother's skateboard. Rope it to the back of your mother's car and then ask her to drive it at 80mph round the M25.
Alex Coomber, before winning an Olympic skeleton bronze medal, on what the event feels like.

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I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal.
Mike Tyson at his licence hearing before the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

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The hospitality industry has been down since September 11th and this would be a boost for our economy.
Michael Brown, vice-president of Washington DC's Boxing and Wrestling Commission, on why it approved a boxing licence for Tyson.

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I'm prepared to fight him in any country but I want him to seek help. They might have to put him in a muzzle. I'm a fighter, not a biter.
Lennox Lewis on Tyson.

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There haven't been any.
Graeme Hick, asked who is the best coach he has worked with.

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March
I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side.
Johann Mühlegg, cross-country skiing champion who said he defected to Spain from Germany because aliens told him to.

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Fash the Cash, Fash the Bash. I've been called the lot. I just thank God I wasn't named Hunt.
John Fashanu.

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I can't do anything that would ridicule my perception.
Chris Eubank on why he did not accept a nomination for the Rear of the Year award.

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Terry Biddlecombe says he's Linford Christie without the balls.
Henrietta Knight, trainer of Gold Cup winner, the gelding Best Mate.

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He has a work ethic which has meant a change in attitude for us all. I didn't realise there were two 7.30s in a day.
Budge Pountney, Northampton captain, on coach Wayne Smith.

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I prefer to live one day as a lion, instead of 10 years like a rabbit.
Lorenzo Amoruso, the Rangers captain, not Mussolini.

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Ben was too cool to get old ... He was a beautiful work of art, a classic sculpture.
Adam Hollioake, at the memorial service for his brother, Ben.

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In my mind I'd no reason to get it checked. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
Alain Baxter, stripped of his Olympic skiing medal after testing positive for methamphetamines in a nasal inhaler.

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It's the usual refrain. Have you ever heard of anyone responding to a positive case differently?
Dick Pound, head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

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April
Crap.
Tony McCoy's response to those who consider him the most effective jump jockey in history.

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He's an overrated bum.
Julius Long, after losing to Audley Harrison.

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I'm fed up with football, football every time I open a newspaper. I feel cricket should be back where it belongs, as our No 1 sport.
Michael Soper, chairman of Surrey County Cricket Club.

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He represents something for every woman – father, husband, footballer, icon. In a word, he's the ultimate hero.
Marie O'Riordan, editor of Marie Claire, on David Beckham becoming the first man to appear on the magazine's cover.

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She is a highly patriotic woman who regards it as her duty to watch fixtures where England is on TV, just as she watches any Royal occasion. It is part of her belief in her country. He thought she wanted to watch the England-Albania match because she wanted to ogle the men on the pitch.
Mr David Whitehouse, QC, defending Zena Burton, who killed her boyfriend by strangling him with an aerial flex because he would not let her watch the football. She was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.

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May
He reminds you of Hitler.
Ken Bates, Chelsea chairman, on Adam Crozier, the Football Association chief executive.

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Having an orgasm is like running up the stairs.
Lewis on why he gives up sex three weeks before a fight.

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Forget the championship. There is no chance to stop Michael.
Gerhard Berger, BMW's motor sport director, on Michael Schumacher and the Formula One world title race.

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It's disgusting. You suspect that if they can find a reason not to promote Rotherham then they will.
Mike Schmidt, player-coach of Rotherham RUFC, who were not promoted despite finishing top of National Division One.

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I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w****r and you can stick your World Cup up your arse.
Roy Keane to the Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, during the row that led to his being sent home.

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June
I don't regret what I said, but at the same time I agree that Mick had to send me home.
Keane.

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Oh, I'd have sent him home all right, but I'd have shot him first.
Brian Clough, Keane's former manager.

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I'm just happy that Lennox didn't kill me in there.
Mike Tyson, after defeat in Memphis.

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We burn referees like that at the stake.
Paolo Maldini, Italy defender, on Graham Poll, after his side's game against Croatia.

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F*** You.
Headline in the Argentinian paper Olé after defeat to England.

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I don't feel like a hero. That is someone who wins wars.
Sven Goran Eriksson, England manager, after the win over Denmark.

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That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again... Let him go back to Korea and earn 100 lire per month.
Luciano Gaucci, Perugia president, on the club's Korean international Ahn Jung-Hwan, whose golden goal put out Italy.

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If the Italians speak of corruption it's because they are accustomed to practising it.
Byron Moreno, Ecuadorean referee, after Italians claimed that he was paid off for their game against South Korea.

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July
I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son.
Jason McAteer, asked if he was going to buy Roy Keane's autobiography.

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It would be wrong for me to sit at ringside watching a guy with brain damage that could kill him.
Dr Ray Monsell, who resigned from the British Boxing Board of Control following the decision to re-license Wayne McCullough.

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My mum hits harder... I'm off down the pub now. Maybe I'll get a couple of fights down there.
Dominic Negus, Audley Harrison's latest victim.

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August
I could have been a god, but people only allow you to get so far in this country.
Linford Christie.

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It's a billion-pound business – but, if I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it.
Theo Paphitis, Millwall chairman, after the Football League lost its case against ITV Digital.

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Reluctantly, I am giving the asylum back to the lunatics.
Keith Harris on leaving the Football League.

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September
A goalkeeper should never be beaten from that distance.
David Seaman, on Ronaldinho's 47-yard World Cup goal, shortly before conceding a 43-yarder from Chelsea's Gianfranco Zola.

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If Pete had worked as hard as [Andre] Agassi he would have won 24 Grand Slam titles, not 13.
Peter Fisher, Sampras's first coach.

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I never try to make a right decision. I make a decision and then try to make it right.
Martin O'Neill, Celtic manager.

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October
We got a European butt-whipping.
Curtis Strange, losing Ryder Cup captain.

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Will Arsenal have to field nine men when they play Chelsea – or Pete Sampras have two strings cut from his racket when he meets Tim Henman?
Patrick Head of Williams, on F1 'handicapping' proposals.

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Audley has got to stop fighting dead bodies.
Henry Cooper.

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Some girls will do anything for attention.
Ulrika Jonsson, after a streak at the National Television Awards.

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November
I'm in one piece now, and that's the way I intend to stay.
Adrian Maguire, jockey, announces his retirement.

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A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her so, she forgets she is beautiful.
Arsène 'Swiss Tony' Wenger, Arsenal manager.

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Australia haven't seen the best of English cricket in a long while and it's up to us to put that right.
Nasser Hussain, England cricket captain. However...
I anticipate them wanting to beat us 5-0, them being completely cut-throat. They will show us no mercy at all.
Hussain again.

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Maybe I could come back in a veterans' race.
Dermot Browne, former jockey and trainer, on his 20-year ban from racing.

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It won't happen.
Alex Ferguson on the idea that he will retire without having won any further honours.

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December
Sometimes it is good to bury your ego in Siberia and put your personal ambitions aside for the well-being of the whole team.
Yevgeny Kafelnikov, after giving up his berth to play the last rubber of the Davis Cup final.

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He's one of the first players I have seen sent off without any tackling at all.
Wenger on Sol Campbell's red card against Southampton.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

JOHN MCKAY

Image: i.a.cnn.net

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NFL QUOTES

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"You want a messenger boy, call Western Union."
-Soon to be ex Detroit Lion running back Joe Don Looney said to head coach Harry Gilmer, who wanted him to carry a play into the quarterback

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"Never was man more aptly named."
-New York Jet wide receiver on Joe Don Looney

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"Vicodin and vodka the breakfast of champion's."
-Washington Redskin Head Coach George Allen on cutting defense tackle John "The Tooz" Matuszak

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"A plastic man really, actually no man at all."
-Duane Thomas on his head coach Tom Landry

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"He runs like a camel. A really pissed off camel."
-Baltimore Colt defensive tackle Art "Fatso" Donovan on quarterback Johnny Unita's running ability

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"The best way to die is to sit under a tree, eats lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer and blow up."
-Art Donovan on life

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"Well the frog men finally got Rosie."
-Donovan on death. Specifically Donovan informing Gino Marchetti of the mysterious drowning death of Baltimore Colt/Los Angles Ram owner Carroll Rosenblum.

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"Trade him for a six pack; it doesn't even have to be cold."
-Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Buddy Ryan on running back Earnest Jackson

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"Cap Boso? How could I cut a guy with a name like that?"
-Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka, slurring on booze a bit, about his back up tight end

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"George Halas throws nickels around like man hole covers."
-Chicago Bears tight end Mike Ditka on Bears owner George Halas

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"I'm broke and I'm back."
-Washington Redskins running back John Riggins, morning beer in hand, telling Coach Joe Gibbs his year long hold out was over

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"Come on Sandy, baby, loosen up, your too tight."
-John Riggins—inebriated and laying on the floor at a Washington Press club dinner—to Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
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"Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."
-John McKay after his Buccaneers broke a 26-game losing streak

"That's unfortunate as I plan on attending all the games."
-John McKay when informed his kicker, Pete Rajecki, was nervous about McKay watching him in the preseason

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"Capece is kaput."
-McKay on cutting kicker Bill Capece after he missed a field goal and an extra point

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"He's not twins."
-McKay on the weaknesses of linebacker Hugh Green

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"Let me know if Cain is able."
-McKay on injured Atlanta Falcon running back Lynn Cain

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"It’s shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lost your interest in standing around eating steaks you lose everything."
-McKay on training camp

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"Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn."
-McKay on emotion in football

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"We stunk. We blocked bad; we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me, we ran on the field fairly well."
-McKay after a game against the Minnesota Vikings

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"He's just jealous. You know what they say. Empty tin cans make the most noise, and he's an empty tin can. This game is between the Bears and the Eagles, not Ditka and Ryan. We all know who would win that one. Ditka, hands down."
-Mike Ditka on Buddy Ryan

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"That old fat man been talking a lotta stuff in Philadelphia, hasn't he?"
-Chicago Bear defensive tackle Steve McMichael on Buddy Ryan

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"Ten thousand bucks if ya knock him outta the game. I don't care if ya hit him with a whiskey bottle when he gets off the bus."
Steve McMichael on his offer to his teammates if they could remove San Francisco 49er quarterback Joe Montana from the 1988 NFC Championship game
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"I wouldn’t walk across the street to piss down Don Shula's throat if he was on fire."
-Colts quarterback Johnny Unitas on ex coach Don Shula

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“If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.”
-Oakland Raider defensive end Lyle Alzado on King Kong

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"No. But I know I'm not gonna ask him for a ride to the airport."
-NFL announcer Tom Brookshier on being asked if he had any specific questions for 1980 presidential candidate Teddy Kennedy who was to appear for a half time interview. Brookshier thought he was off air but the live feed was constantly running in Senator Kennedy's box.

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"He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."
-Hunter Thompson on meeting George Bush at Super Bowl VII in Houston, Texas in 1974

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"It's like my ex-wife. 21 different personalities and seven of them hated me."
-Coach Jack Rose on his ex-wife

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: river-runners.org

Image: sequoiabrigadecamp.org
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CANOEING QUOTES
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Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing- absolutely nothing- half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
-- Water Rat From Wind in the Willows
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You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your element in each moment.
-- Henry David Thoreau
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Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. -- Sir J. Lubbock
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"Even at the very bottom of the river, I didn't think to myself, `is this a hearty joke or the merest accident'. I just thought, `it's wet'." -- Eeyore
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Christopher Robin came down from the Forest to the Bridge, feeling all sunny and careless, and just as if twice nineteen didn't matter a bit, as it didn't on such a happy afternoon, and he thought that if he stood on the bottom rail of the bridge, and leant over, and watched the river slipping slowly away beneath him, then he would suddenly know everything that there was to be known.
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"It's little Anxious," he said to himself, "to be a Very Small Animal Entirely Surrounded by Water. Christopher Robin and Pooh could escape by Climbing Trees, and Kanga could escape by Jumping, and Rabbit could escape by Burrowing, and Owl could escape by Flying, and Eeyore could escape by - by making a Loud Noise Until Rescued, and here am I, surrounded by water and I can't do anything." -- Piglet
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I think it much better that...every man paddle his own canoe -- Settlers in Canada
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Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe -- Bumper Sticker
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Anyone who tells you portaging is fun is either a liar, or crazy, or maybe both. -- Bill Mason
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll go canoeing -- Henry David Thoreau (? - unconfirmed )
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What sets a canoeing expedition apart is that it purifies you more rapidly and inescapably than any other travel. Travel a thousand miles by train and you are a brute; pedal five hundred on a bicycle and you remain basically a bourgeois; paddle a hundred in a canoe and you are already a child of nature. -- Pierre Elliott Trudeau
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"The first thing you must learn about canoeing is that the canoe is not a lifeless, inanimate object: it feels very much alive, alive with the life of the river. Life is transmitted to the canoe by currents of air and the water upon which it rides. The behaviour and temperament of a canoe is dependent upon the elements: from the slightest breeze to a raging storm, from the smallest ripple to a towering wave, or from a meandering stream to a thundering rapid. Anyone can handle a canoe in a quiet millpond, but in a rapids a canoe is like a wild stallion. It must be kept on a tight rein. The canoeist must take the canoe where he or she wants it to go, not where it wants to go. Given the chance, the canoe will dump you overboard and continue on down the river by itself." -- Bill Mason
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There is nothing that is so aesthetically pleasing and yet so functional and versatile as the canoe. -- Bill Mason
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The care of rivers is not a question of rivers, but of the human heart. -- Tanaka Shozo
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In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences. -- R. G. Ingersoll
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At times on quiet waters one does not speak aloud but only in whispers, for then all noise is sacrilege. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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Wilderness can be appreciated only by contrast, and solitude understood only when we have been without it. We cannot separate ourselves from society, comradeship, sharing and love. Unless we can contribute something from wilderness experience, derive some solace or peace to share with others, then the real purpose is defeated. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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To stick your hands into the river is to feel the cords that bind the earth together in one piece. -- Barry Lopez
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All the water that ever has been or ever will be is here now. It sits, it runs, it rises as mist. It evaporates and falls again as rain or snow. You cannot pollute a drop of water anywhere without eventually poisoning some distant place. -- Michael Furtman
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The song of the waters is audible to every ear, but there is other music in these hills, by no means audible to all. To hear even a few notes of it, you must first live here for a long time, and then you must know the speech of hills and rivers. Then of a still night, when the campfire is low and the Pleiades have climbed over the rimrocks , sit quietly and listen for a wolf to howl, and think hard of everything you have seen and tried to understand. Then you may hear it - a vast pulsing harmony - its score inscribed on a thousand hills, its notes the lives and deaths of plants and animals, its rhythms spanning the seconds and the centuries. -- Aldo Leopold
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Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever :
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny, nonny.
-- William Shakespeare - Much Ado About Nothing
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsgoblin.com

Image: eoydc.org
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SPORTS HUMOR

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Five signs you spend too much time on sports

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The closing of NFL Europe seriously freed up your schedule

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You bought a special cable/dish package so that you could watch more bowling

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You can name a Tour De France competitor that did not win and was not accused of doping

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You have a fantasy WNBA team

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You use a vacation day to stay home and follow the MLB draft

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fanchatter.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
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I have cork in my arms --- Ted Williams after being accused of corking his bat.
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"Even his hair has muscles." - Lefty Grove on Jimmie Foxx
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Marvin Barnes: "...But when Marvin gets movin', And the crowd gets to groovin', For the Doctor a hospital bed they'll be reserving."
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Marvin "Bad News" Barnes, ABA, about Dr. J: "There once was a doctor named Erving, Whose slam dunks were especially unnerving..."
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A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do.
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Ricky Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.?