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CRICKET (Baseball On Valium, Robin Williams)
Cricket quotes, 2005
(quotes courtesy: http://www.cricinfo.com/)
Mr. Humility:
"It took us so long to win a Test ourselves, and I don't feel qualified to make a statement on their cricket"Stephen Fleming remembers New Zealand cricket's dark ages when asked to comment on the current Zimbabwe side
After apparitions, Aussies court superstitions.
"Guys were being made to stay in the same seat so they didn't cause the fall of another wicket. You could dash to the toilet between overs but you had to be back in place before the next ball."Michael Slater reveals what went on - or, rather, what didn't - in the Australian dressing room during the last stages of the Old Trafford Test
....and irritation...
"I really get annoyed with this reverse swing term. It's either an outswinger or an inswinger, isn't it?"Former Australian captain Ian Chappell refuses to get to grips with reverse swing
Not all viewers are overjoyed by the zip-zap-zoom of this Ashes 2005:
"We were brought up watching opening batsmen score nine before lunch. If Geoffrey Boycott flashed at a ball outside off stump in the first over of a Test match, questions were asked in Parliament. If he flashed at two, the ravens abandoned the Tower of London."Brian Viner writes about the frenetic pace of the current Ashes series and wonders what happened to Test cricket as he knew it
Shane knows that LIFE 'finds a way', while wondering whether the same is applicable to other things rhyming:"Find a way to get back in to the game, find a way to build a partnership, find a way to bowling partnerships, find a way to catch a ball, find a way to stop it. "Shane Warne feels that "finding a way" should be the Aussies' slogan as they prepare for the Trent Bridge Test
Down Under they are finding more reasons for the unforeseen embarassment in the Ashes than they have scored runs.
Blame it on *.*:"Our blokes could go back and play the rest of the Test countries over the next two or three years and still average 55, and they'd do that standing on their head, because there is no other decent attack"Kim Hughes blames the poor bowling attacks around the world for Australia's ineptness against the pace of England
But some Aussies remain as impolite as ever - hard to believe that the speaker nearly cost Australia the epic 1999 WC semi-final by dropping Klusener in the penultimate over:"England are playing pretty well, but I'm just not sure they know how to win yet" Former Australian medium-pacer Paul Reiffel zeroes in on the problem.
A handful of Brits are no less mouth-shooters when the subject of discussion is one of the eternal enemy: "Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body" Former England captain Bob Willis fires away.
You can hardly blame these fans though..."Most teams, you know, only the next player to bat puts pads on. With Zimbabwe, everyone puts pads on." A Zimbabwe supporter half-jokingly comments on his national team.
And then there are the customer-oriented broadcast companies who think nothing of eating hats: "We felt it would better suit smoother scheduling for our customers if we switched matches." Carol Wong, a spokeswoman for telecom company PCCW in Hong Kong, explains the rationale behind the decision to cut short the final moments of the Edgbaston Test to switch to the epic between Zimbabwe and New Zealand at Harare.
Customer service is not exclusive territory of broadcasters - some can be pretty 'unitary' in their approach and make things real customised for 'appealing' men..."Freddie is a big unit and likes to get very animated when he is appealing, which puts extra duress on the crotch area of his trousers." Andrew Flintoff's trouser manufacturer explains why the big man needs a reinforced crotch.
Pigeon finally lets out his mysterious method of success in the excitement of getting 500 (wickets, I meant):"I just try to bore the batsmen out. It's pretty simple stuff but the complicated thing is to keep it simple". Glenn McGrath reveals his formula, after marching into the exclusive 500 club. Did that sound easy?
Listen to this and you'll know that 600 is a 'pizza' walk compared to 500:"My diet is still pizzas, chips, toasted cheese sandwiches and milkshakes. I have the occasional six-week burst where I stick to fruit and cereal: it bloody kills me."Shane Warne on the not-so-secret ingredients to his success.
Failures can be easy to take when you have a caring family: "He said he feels rather honoured to have jokes made about him. It's quite funny really. For us it's hard to hear - he's not the worst-ever English wicketkeeper, he's my brother." Geraint Jones's sister Mari Vines wonders what all the fuss is about.
Not all cricketers though are (f)ready to let family into the game...or the name:"I did call him Freddie once, but he said: 'No, you can't call me Freddie. I'm Andrew to you'." Rachel Flintoff on life in the Flintoff household.
..but only a few must think of more innovative ways to welcome new entrants to the family than Strauss: "[Kevin Pietersen's] only real weakness he has shown so far in his England career is an ability to come up with some ridiculously stupid comments, which has added great value to the dressing room." Andrew Strauss speaks for the nation.
It's pretty hard to walk the talk - or even talk the walk: "I wouldn't nick it." Adam Gilchrist's response to whether he would walk if Australia were two short of victory in the final Test with one wicket at hand.
Boycs on the origin of Twenty20: "We can get a man on the moon, yet we can't find a white cricket ball that lasts 80 overs." Geoff Boycott shoots from the hip during the annual Cowdrey Lecture.
Pre-Ashes talk:
An Aussie or two somehow saw it coming...."This England attack is a really nasty mob - and they mean business."
Rodney Hogg, another Australian hardman, on the current England side...amidst a pigeon - er, legion of old-world kangaroos: "We find it both amusing and amazing how they always talk it up with about 12 months to go, telling everyone that they've finally got the team to beat us."
Glenn McGrath remarks on the unsurprisingly enormous hype before the Ashes.
"England talk themselves up every time and obviously they've got a bit better this year but our side's still proven." Tennis star Lleyton Hewitt backs his Aussie mates to bounce back.
We also have an Englishman who still doesn't know if he was right or wrong to predict...."I think England will win a Test. My concern is Australia will probably win two." Geoffrey Boycott reveals his deepest fears.
A typical Aussie response to the Pommie bouncers flying fast and furious since their B'desh loss: "One day we'll lose the Ashes and it will be as horrific as waking up after a night on the drink in a room full of images of Camilla Parker Bowles." Sydney's Daily Telegraph hits out at the 'gloating pommies' who have been rubbing it in since the Bangladesh defeat.
And the English skipper issues a certificate on his 'big'gest weapon: "Yes, Freddie's got a big wrist. He's got a big everything ..."
Michael Vaughan laughs off speculation about Andrew Flintoff's bowling action..while skipper-before-last conjures up the advice for seven ages: "I played seven Ashes series against Australia and lost all seven but before every one of them I always went in with the attitude, `We can win this.' " Alec Stewart's opinion on the right attitude to take on Australia. That's the spirit, Alec - times do change for the better.
And we'll have an Aussie vouch for that -"When I first started they put the beers on ice. Now they put the players on ice."Former Australia international Darren Lehmann remarks on how Australia's pre-match preparations have improved over the years.
And to finish with in the sub-continent, Some Sri Lankans really meant it when they said they missed Lara - Murali excluded: "My disappointment at not seeing Lara this time is bigger than an elephant."
Percy Abeysekera, the most well-known Sri Lankan fan, is not overjoyed with the West Indies team currently touring his country and Shahid's 'Cain'y understatement..." At times, even two brothers can have a little fight."Shahid Afridi's take on his dressing-room clash with Younis Khan at Barbados.
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