FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballbabble.com

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES
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"The only bowl Rutgers is going to is the one I just got off of."
(Boston College QB Glenn Foley)
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“When in doubt, punt!”
(John Heisman)
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“There are two things every man in America thinks he can do: work a grill and coach football.”
(Greg Schiano)
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“When I get the ball, for some reason I see holes. I’m not really sure how.”
(Mike Bass of the University of Hawaii)
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“Don't cuss. Don't argue with the officials. And don't lose the game.”
(John Heisman)
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“You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network.”
(Jay Leno, commenting on the NCAA plans to reach college athletes by launching an anti-gambling campaign on the Cartoon Network)
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“I've decided that if we play our very best and make no mistakes what-so-ever, we will definitely make a first down!”
(John McKay)
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“If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.“
(Lyle Alzado of Yankton College)
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“All those who need showers, take them.”
(John McKay’s postgame message to his team following a 51-0 loss)
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“I haven’t heard from Elvis since his daughter married Michael Jackson. I think it killed him.”
(Jerry Glanville)
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“I guess I'll retire someday if I live that long.”
(Bobby Bowden)
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“Physically, he's a world-beater. Mentally, he's an egg-beater.”
(Matt Elliot describing Ohio State linebacker Alonzo Spellman)
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“When I look in the mirror in the morning, I want to take a swing at me.“
(Woody Hayes)
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“Hey, we're like soldiers. Would you go to the Roman army and ask them if they thought they were going to win the battle? If I didn't think we could win, I wouldn't be here. I'd stay home and get fat.”
(OSU tailback Ken Simonton)
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“We were sitting around figuring out how this team came together and we realized that we are a collection of southern California rejects and Oregon white trash.”
(OSU quarterback Jonathan Smith)
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“I recruited a Czech kicker, and during the eye exam, when asked to read the bottom line, the kicker replied, ‘Read it? I know him.’”
(Woody Hayes)
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“I have yet to be in a game where luck was involved.“
(Urban Meyer)
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“You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.”
(Paul Dietzel of LSU)
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“When people used to see Wake Forest on the schedule, they used a pen to mark down a `W.' We're at the point now where we at least make them use a pencil.”
(Jim Grobe)
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“Here's a twenty, bury two.“
(Bear Bryant after being asked to contribute ten dollars to help bury a sportswriter)
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“I don’t hire anybody not brighter than I am. If they’re not brighter than I am, I don’t need them.“
(Bear Bryant)
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“He's a leading leader on this football team.”
(Bill Curry)
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“The secret to a happy life is to run out of cash and air at the same time.”
(Bobby Layne)
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“We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“Take this, Pepe!”
(Texas Tech coach Mike Leach recounting urinating on a neighborhood dog which tormented him as a child)
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“It’s a good thing Brian was a 3rd child, or he would have been the only one.“
(Kathy Bosworth)
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“Most players don’t mind drug testing once they realize they don’t have to study for it.”
(Mack Brown)
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“He’s as quick as a hiccup.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“We’re as average as everyday’s wash.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“On game day, I'm as nervous as a pig in a packing plant.“
(Darrell Royal of Texas)
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“If you don't make a total commitment to whatever you're doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It's tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his jacket on.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“Broadcasting is easy; you just talk until you think of something to say.“
(Lou Holtz)
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“I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven't done anything today.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“Absolutely. There are a 1000 better coaches in the cities, but I’m the best in the country.“
(Lou Holtz, when asked if he was the best coach in the country)
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“To my wife…I told you I was sick.“
(Lou Holtz, when asked what he would want carved on his tombstone)
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