FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poems2remember.blogspot.com

Image: blogcritics.org
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SPORTS POEM
Poem by Ogden Nash
.
Confessions of a born spectator
.
Click here to view ===> POEM
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballforums.net

SOCCER QUOTES
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sparkpeople.com

LIFE IS SHORT! EAT DESSERT FIRST!

Image: lacucinacatering.com

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FITNESS QUOTES

.

Click here to view ===> QUOTES

-----------------------------------

.

References to:

.

Rita Rudner

George Bernard Shaw

Eubie Blake

Totie Fields

Joey Adams

Joan Rivers

Ellen DeGeneres

Erma Bombeck

Bob Moawad

.

=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: amusingquotes.com

Image: usaplaza.com
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EXERCISE QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Colin Farrell
Joan Rivers
Robert Maynard Hutchins
Pete Postlethwaite
Anthony Hopkins
Peter OToole
.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: reellifewisdom.com

Image: georgejgoodstadt.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
.
Article: The 10 Best Football Movie Quotes
.
Click here to view ===> FOOTBALL
---------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Almost Normal
Remember the Titans
Back To School
We Are Marshall
Any Given Sunday
Horse Feathers
Trouble Along the Way
Flirting
Varsity Blues
Little Giants
Steve Emtman
James Van Der Beek
Noah Taylor
John Wayne
Groucho Marx
Al Pacino
Matthew McConaughey
Rodney Dangerfield
Denzel Washington
Virginia Smith
.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: reellifewisdom.com

Image: flickr.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
.
Article: 10 Best Movie Quotes about Baseball
.
Click here to view ===> BASEBALL
--------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Zelig
Eight Men Out
Bull Durham
Major League
For the Love of the Game
The Forgotten
Stolen Summer
Field of Dreams
The Sandlot
Mike Vitar
James Earl Jones
Aidan Quinn
Dominic West
Vin Scully
Bob Uecker
Ray Liotta
Susan Sarandon
John Cusack
Woody Allen
.
===========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stracka.com

GOLF QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> FORE!
---------------------------------
.
References to:
.
George Deukmejian
A.A. Milne
Ted Ray
George Archer
Paul Harvey
Davis Love, Jr.
Howard Keel
Nick Faldo
Henry Cotton
Bruce Lansky
Bruce Crampton
Jimmy Demaret
Craig Stadler
Dr. Bob Rotella
Harry Vardon
Dave Hill
Sam Snead
Ben Hogan
Jack Nicklaus
Mark Twain
Tiger Woods
The Caddie's Code
Lee Trevino
Winston Churchill
Peter Dye
Bobby Jones
Walter Hagen
John Daly
.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: rapidsmoviedownload.wordpress.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the movie Jerry Maguire
.
PLOT SUMMARY: Jerry Maguire (1996)
.
Jerry Maguire used to be a typical sports agent: willing to do just about anything he could to get the biggest possible contracts for his clients, plus a nice commission for himself. Then, one day, he suddenly has second thoughts about what he's really doing. When he voices these doubts, he ends up losing his job and all of his clients, save Rod Tidwell, an egomaniacal football player. Can Jerry resurrect his career while still staying true to himself?
.
Summary written by Jean-Marc Rocher {rocher@fiberbit.net}
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: hdtvsolutions.com
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NFL QUOTES
Quotes from the movie North Dallas Forty
.
Click here to view ===> NFL
===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: tvsquad.com

Image: itsalreadysigned4u.com
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OLYMPICS SPORTS TRIVIA
.
Seven Olympic athletes who transitioned to television - VIDEO
.
Click here to view ===> OLYMPICS
---------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Muhammad Ali
George Foreman
Mitch Gaylord
Bruce Jenner
Michelle Kwan
Sugar Ray Leonard
Mary Lou Retton
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: oxymorons.info

SPORTS TRIVIA
List of sports oxymorons
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS OXYMORONS
==================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quoteland.com

RUGBY QUOTE
.
Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squalch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellowman which, if done elsewhere, would result in fourteen days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench.
.
~P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves, 1930
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: shroomery.org

Image: bigpondmusic.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from year 2006
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
-----------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Jim Mora
Terrel Owens
Dennis Green
Kenny Williams
Frank Thomas
George Teague
Al Michaels
Lamar Thomas
Raja Bell
Jay Mariotti
Ozzie Guillen
Nick Harper
Ben Roethlisberger
Joey Porter
Troy Polamalu
Pete Morelli
Peyton Manning
Jim Boeheim
Gerry MacNamara
Phil Mickelson
Kobe Bryant
Kenny Rogers
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forums.iseekgolf.com

JACK NICKLAUS

Image: sportsartifacts.com

.

GOLF QUOTES

Quotes from an Internet golf forum

.

Click here to view ===> GOLF QUOTES

============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Image: ohio-nature.com
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SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from year 2002
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballoutsiders.com

Image: pbase.com
.
NFL QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> NFL QUOTES
-----------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Albert Haynesworth
Jevon Kearse
Champ Bailey
Larry Johnson
John Herrera
Lane Kiffin
Tim Kawakami
Channing Crowder
Jeff Fisher
Tony Sparano
Brady Quinn
Romeo Crennel
Vince Young
MERRIL HOGE
Damon Huard
Herman Edwards
David Bowens
Brian Griese
JON GRUDEN
Matt Millen
William Clay Ford
Bill Ford
Frank Gore
MIKE MARTZ
Allen Rossum
Josh Brown
Richie Incognito
Julian Peterson
Darren Sharper
Jared Allen
Adewale Ogunleye
Tommie Harris
Charles Tillman
Jeremy Trueblood
Felix Jones
Leonard Davis
Bradie James
Mike Holmgren
Charlie Frye
Matt Hasselbeck
Julius Jones
.
=============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: leaguelineup.com

BOMB DISPOSAL #1

Image: pumptruck.co.uk

.

BASEBALL QUOTES

.

"Coaching third with a pitcher on base is like being a member of a bomb disposal squad. The thing could blow up in your face at any moment."

--Rocky Bridges

.

It can be life or death in the fire service and it definitely felt like life and death on the ballfield.

--Allen Anderson on training to become a firefighter

.

"I can't conceive of either team winning a single game."

--Warren Brown (Chicago writer), when asked for a prediction as to the outcome of the 1945 World Series between the Cubs and the Tigers and an obvious reference to the wartime look of both teams.

.

"The best place to catch a baseball hit by (Mark) McGwire is definitely not within the confines of the playing field, or sometimes even the ballpark. Other players dial '1' for long distance. McGwire has to ask for an international operator."

--Thomas Boswell, writing in the Washington Post

.

"There were only two Bash Brothers (Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco), and one's in Boston now. Maybe I can be a Bash Stepchild."

--Oakland's Scott Brosius, who has 10 homers, after suggestions he's ready to become a Bash Brother.

.

"A lot of long relievers are ashamed to tell their parents what they do. The only nice thing about it is that you get to wear a uniform like everbody else."

- Jim Bouton, NY Yankees pitcher

.

"Last year [1986], in 415 at bats, he had 27 homers and 80 steals. That's 40 home runs and 120 steals for a full year. [...] This year [1987], in 93 at bats, he's hitting .409 with those 12 homers, 27 RBI, 28 runs and 13 steals. For a full year, that projects to ... well, it doesn't project to anything. It's nonsense. More than 70 home runs, 170 RBI, 180 runs, 80 steals. Wayne Gretzky stats for baseball."

--Thomas Boswell on Eric Davis

.

"Nobody's gone after Reds with this much vigor since Joe McCarthy."

--Jeff Blair of the Montreal Gazette, on the Expos' Shane Andrews, who hit .471 (16-for-34) with six homers and 21 RBI against Cincinnati in August 1996

========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

FIGURE SKATING QUOTES
Quotes by and about Olympics Medal Winner Debi Thomas
.
Where are they now? Debi Thomas
.
Click here to view ===> DEBI THOMAS
===========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

Image: blogs.riverfronttimes.com
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SPORTS QUOTES \ TRIVIA
Quotes and trivia about Paul Newman's sports-related roles in movies
.
Click here to view ===> PAUL NEWMAN, R.I.P.
==================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: southernvipers.com
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HOCKEY QUOTES
Quotes about minor league hockey from the movie Slapshot
.
SLAPSHOT, 1977 (Plot summary)
.
The player-coach of a small town minor professional league hockey team must deal with hostile crowds and on-ice thuggery in this warm-hearted and only slightly farcical look at minor league ice hockey.
.
Quotes from Slapshot:
.
Click here to view ===> PAUL NEWMAN, R.I.P.
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

BILLIARDS QUOTES
Quotes about billiards \ pool from the movie The Color of Money
.
The Color of Money (plot symopsis)
.
Pool hustler Fast Eddie Felson finds the young, promising pool player Vincent in a local bar and he sees in him a younger version of himself. To try and make it as in the old days, Eddie offers to teach Vincent how to be a hustler. After some hesitations Vincent accepts and Eddie takes him and Vincent's girlfriend Carmen on a tour through the country to work the pool halls. However, Vincent's tendency to show off his talent and by doing so warning off the players and losing money, soon leads to a confrontation with Eddie.
.
Quotes from the Color of Money:
.
Click here to view ===> PAUL NEWMAN, R.I.P.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

TENNIS QUOTES
Quotes by and about John McEnroe
.
Article: Words of Wisdom from The Brat
.
Click here to view ===> THE BRAT
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: members.optusnet.com.au

TENNIS QUOTES
.
"I know I look ferocious, but I never forget my mother's birthday."
- Australian tennis standout Mark Edmondson in 1977.
.
Click here to view full article===> TENNIS
===============================
.
References to:
.
Jack Kramer
Mats Wilander
Jim Courier
Louise Evans
Margaret Smith Court
Davis Cup
Neale Fraser
Andre Agassi
Richard Krajicek
Steffi Graf
Jennifer Capriati
Ion Tiriac
Boris Becker
Wimbledon
Fred Perry
Ilie Nastase
Rod Laver
Sue Barker
Edward James
Pete Sampras
Martina Navratilova
Chris Evert Lloyd
Evonne Goolagong Cawley
Arthur Ashe
Kathy Rinaldi
Pat Cash
Jimmy Connors
John McEnroe
.
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: in.reuters.com

FANTASY SPORTS TRIVIA
.
FACTBOX: Statistics on U.S. fantasy sports
.
Click here to view ===> FANTASY
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: propeller.com

SPORTS TRIVIA

.

Surgeons Use Ping-Pong Ball to Save Little Girl's Life

.

It costs as little as $2 and until now has been considered just a toy, but a simple ping-pong ball is keeping liver transplant patient Mackenzie Argaet alive. In a world first, an Australian surgeon has used the radical method in a transplant operation, which has won him international accolades.

.
Dr. Albert Shun, from The Children's Hospital at Westmead, used the unorthodox approach when confronted with a medical problem while operating on the 2-year-old girl. Born with a rare gastrointestinal disorder known as biliary atresia, Mackenzie needed the life-saving operation earlier this year.

.

After inserting a portion of an adult-size liver in the little girl, Shun discovered it was too big and was placing pressure on her blood vessels which could have been fatal. Having heard about the use of ping-pong balls in operations overseas, he decided to test their suitability in transplant surgery.

.
"I was using a sponge as a back-up purpose but there was no way I could close her up the way it was,” he said. Instead he inserted the ping-pong ball and closed up his lucky patient.

.

=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: famousquotesandauthors.com

Image: europosters.net
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SPORTS QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
-----------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Jim Fixx
Fats Domino
Tim Conway
Yogi Berra
George Will
Joe DiMaggio
Joe Theisman
Vince Lombardi
Rita Rudner
Lee Trevino
Jerry Feliciotto
Sam Snead
Miller Barber
Arnold Daly
Jacob Braude
Bob Hope
Scotty Brown
John Adams
Rod Powers
Phyllis Diller
Jim Bishop
Richard Bull
Arlene Powers
Joe E. Lewis
Alex Karras
Wendy Morgan
Larry Miller
Virginia Micka
Steven Wright
Jason Chase
Robert Benchley
Dizzy Dean
Johnny Bench
Casey Stengel
Gordie Howe
Steve Wheeler
.
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: eatgolf.com

Image: cartoonart.livejournal.com

.

GOLF HUMOR

.

David Letterman's Top Ten List

Top Ten Reasons Golf is Better Than Sex

.
#10 A below par performance is considered damn good.

.
#9 You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

.
#8 It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

.
#7 Foursomes are encouraged.

.
#6 You can make money doing it as a senior.

.
#5 Three times a day is possible.

.
#4 Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.

.
#3 If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

.
#2 You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

.
And the #1 reason why golf is better than Sex..
If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jokewallpaper.com

Image: pioneer.net

.

SOCCER HUMOR

.

ARTICLE: Ten Reasons Soccer is Better Than Sex

.

Click here to view ===> SOCCER

------------------------------------
.
BONUS included in article:
.
JokeWallpaper.com allows you to download funny
desktop wallpapers for your computer, all for FREE!
.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: themomblog.freedomblogging.com

Image: storage.people.com
.
CHEERLEADING HUMOR
Quotes about cheerleading activities
.
ARTICLE: Cheerleading is not a sport
.
Click here to view ===> CHEERLEADING
=============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cnn.com

SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes by soccer coach Mourniho
.
Click here to view ===> IAMTHEGREATEST!
================================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: kidchess.com
.
CHESS HUMOR
.
It's not just the moves that matter, in coffee-house chess it's how you make the moves. The object is always to disconcert, intimidate or infuriate the opposition. Some well-known moves noted by Norman Lessing (The World of Chess, Anthony Saidy and Norman Lessing, 1974) include:
,
'The Hammer' - the piece is lifted high in the air and brought down on the square with great force, designed to terrify the opponent; it is exceeded only by;
.
'The Sledgehammer', used only in dead lost positions: the piece is slammed down so violently that the other pieces are sent flying, foiling all efforts to reconstruct the game.
.
The answer to 'The Hammer' is 'La Deli-catesse' - finger outstretched in the air, the piece is not lifted at all but delicately slid into its new square, just so.
.
In 'The Screw', designed to give an air of solidity and Dermanenee the piece is screwed firmly down into the square as if it will never be shifted (favored, it is said, by former World Champion Vassily Smyslov).
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: usuarios.lycos.es
.
CHESS QUOTES
.
Famous quotes from the experts:
.
"Black's reply to 1.e4 with 1..e5 leaves him always trying to get into the game."
-- STAUNTON
.
"After White's reply to 1.e4 e5 with 2.f4 the game is in its last throes."
-- STAUNTON
.
"I have never in my life played the French Defence... the dullest of all openings."
-- STEINITZ
.
"Chess is mental torture."
-- KASPAROV
.
"When in doubt -- play chess."
-- TEVIS
.
"Life is too short for chess."
-- BYRON
.
"The loser is always at fault."
-- PANOV
.
"Chess is a curse upon a man."
-- H.G.WELLS
.
"Chess is the art of analysis."
-- BOTVINNIK
.
"I hate anyone who beats me."
-- LISA LANE
.
"Chess was Capablanca's mother tongue."
-- RETI
.
"Let the perfectionist play postal."
-- SEIRAWAN
.
"A good player is always lucky."
-- CAPABLANCA
.
"There are no heroes in chess."
-- CORY EVANS
.
"One bad move nullifies forty good ones."
-- HOROWITZ
.
"The older I grow, the more I value Pawns."
-- KERES
.
"A wood-pusher overlooks the ranks."
-- RUSSIAN SAYING
.
"The hardest game to win is a won game."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Actually, the hardest game to win is a lost game!"
-- DAVE REGIS
.
"There just isn't enough televised chess."
-- LETTERMAN
.
"Some part of a mistake is always correct."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"Pawn endings are to chess what putting is to golf."
-- PURDY
.
"There is no remorse like the remorse of chess."
-- H.G.WELLS
.
"You can't play chess if you're groggy from pills."
-- KARPOV
.
"All chess masters can play one game blindfolded."
-- KOLTANOWSKI
.
"When the going gets tactical, the computers get going."
-- HYATT
.
"Morphy was probably the greatest genius of them all."
-- FISCHER
.
"No price is too great for the scalp of the enemy King."
-- KOBLENTZ
.
"There are two types of sacrifices: correct ones and mine."
-- TAL
.
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
-- CARNEGIE
.
"The life of the American chess master is a `vale of tears'."
-- FRIAS
.
"Fame, I have already. Now I need the money."
-- an elderly STEINITZ
.
"It's always better to sacrifice your opponent's men."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"An isolated Pawn spreads gloom all over the chessboard."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"The first principle of attack--Don't let the opponent develop!"
-- FINE
.
"When you see a good move--wait--look for a better one."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Chess is played with the mind and not with the hands!"
-- RENAUD and KAHN
.
"To avoid losing a piece, many a person has lost the game."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"The blunders are all there on the board, waiting to be made."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"On the chess-board lies and hypocrisy do not survive long."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Why must I lose to this idiot???"
-- NIMZOVICH
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: devilbunnies.org
.
CHESS HUMOR
.
Moments when you should sense DANGER in chess
(from David Letterman):
.
There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has 8 and you don't have any.
.
Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.
.
You have a position won but your opponent has a gun.
.
The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game.
.
Before the game begins you notice your opponents 1st initials are 'GM'.
.
After completing your development your opponent starts playing the endgame.
.
Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.
.
You don't control any squares at all.
.
Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.
.
Your opponent has 3 bishops.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: faculty.msb.edu

BOATING HUMOR
Sailing versus Powerboating
.
Click here to view ===> HUMOR
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: ukquad.com
.
BOXING QUOTES
Quotes from the movie When They Were Kings
.
Click here to view ===> ALI-FOREMAN
===============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ithaca.edu

Image: clown-ministry.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes from baseball movies
.
"Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say that he was less than a God, but more than a man. Like Hercules, or something."
- Mike Vitar as "Benny 'the Jet' Rodriquez" in "The Sandlot"
.
"So Horoshii 'Kamikaze' Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself out for the second time this week. Maybe in Japan that's actually better than catching the ball. Personally, I think he's just trying to get out of the lineup."
- Bob Uecker as "Harry Doyle" in "Major League II"
.
"...I believe there should be a Constutional Amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter..."
- Kevin Costner as "Crash Davis" in "Bull Durham"
.
"Do you know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? That's 25 hits...25 hits in 500 at bats is 50 points...ok. There's 6 months in a season. That's about 25 weeks, that means if you get just one extra flair a week, just one. A gork, you get a ground ball, you get a ground ball with eyes! You get a dying quail, just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium."
- Kevin Costner as "Crash Davis" in "Bull Durham
.
"I coulda broke every record in the book..and then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said 'there goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game."
- Robert Redford as "Roy Hobbs" in "The Natural"
.
"Say it ain't so Joe, say it ain't so."
- Little Boy pleading to Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Eight Men Out"
.
"Ty Cobb wanted to play. But none of us could stand the son of a ***** when we were alive so we told him to stick it! HAHAHAHA."
- Ray Liotta as "Shoeless Joe Jackson" in "Field of Dreams"
.
"There are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary. And there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance."
- Susan Surandon as "Annie Savoy" in "Bull Durham"
.
"Excuse me. I hafta take my first steps toward the Hall of Fame."
- Wesley Snipes as "Willy Mays Hayes" in "Major League"
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: muse.jhu.edu

RICKEY HENDERSON

Image: padresnation.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
.
"Base-stealing has fallen into limbo and the thrills that go with it are no more.
But it’ll return, as surely as I’m writing these words."
Ty Cobb
.
“Some baseball is the fate of all of us.”
Robert Frost
.
“The Big Trouble is not really who isn’t in the Hall of Fame, but who is. It was established for a select few.”
Rogers Hornsby
.
“If you want to survive in New York, you better only read the box scores.”
Billy Martin
.
“The Dodgers are such a .... team that if there was a way to split a three-game series, they’d find it.”
Vin Scully
.
"I don’t know a lot about politics, but I know a lot about baseball.”
Richard Nixon
.
“I pitched ... Major League games in twenty-two years, and I never had a sore arm until the day I quit. My arm went bad in .... when I was in spring training, and I guess it was about time.”
Cy Young
.
“Only in baseball can a team player be a pure individualist first and a team player second, within the rules and the spirit of the game.”
Branch Rickey
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: insidehoops.com

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a basketball forum, 2008
.
NBA legend Charles Barkley has taken up boxing as a way to lose some weight, according to The Philadelphia Daily News.
.
He has been training at Joltin' Jabs in Manayunk. Joey "Joltin" DeMalavez recently trained Vai Sikahema prior to a fight against Jose Canseco, which the former Eagles' punt returner won impressively.
.
"My doctor told me I was a Happy Meal away from diabetes," Barkley said Friday. "I have to get my fat ass back together."
.
Barkley says he was 330 pounds but is now closer to 300.
.
I remember reading an article back in 92 in some health magazine that mentioned Barkley as an athlete with bad eating habits.
.
Charles said something in response but the best part that I have always remembered was when he said:
.
"Something has got to kill you, it might as well be chicken wings."
==============================================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: faniq.com

Image: cdn.faniq.com
.
SPORTS HUMOR
.
Vandals Fans Eliminate The Best Thing Going In Moscow
.
Click here to view ===> HOT PANTS!!!
==============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: newretirement.com

Image: cardmine.co.uk
.
SPORTS TRIVIA
.
Retirement? It seemed like a good idea at the time!
.
Click here to view ===> AARP?
----------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Ricky Williams
Bob Cousy
Wilt Chamberlain
Bjorn Borg
Pele
George Foreman
Charles Oakley
Jim Thorpe
Muhammad Ali
Martina Navratilova
Brett Favre
Floyd Mayweather Jr
Roger Clemens
Lance Armstrong
Michael Jordan
.
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes of the week (23 September 2008 edition)
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Robinho
Paul Fletcher
Phil Gould
Antoine Sibierski
Andy Murray
Marcus Trescothick
Simon Hackney
John Ward
Tony Pulis
Dave Whelan
Steve Bruce
Gabriel Agbonlahor
John Carew
Michael Chopra
Roy Keane
Sir Alex Ferguson
'Big Phil' Scolari
Stephen Hunt
Nigel Bannister
Aidy Boothroyd
Nick Faldo
Ryder Cup
Boo Weekley
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: 121s.com

Image: profile.myspace.com
.
NBA QUOTES
Quotes by and about Bill Walton
.
Click here to view ===> GRANDMAMA
==============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: trade-post.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES, 2003
------------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Lennox Lewis
Tony Adams
Robin Reid
Dennis Wise
David Gill
Clive Woodward
Mike Tindall
Will Greenwood
Jonny Wilkinson
Muttiah Muralitharan
Paul Ridley
Nigel Worthington
Goran Eriksson
Hernan Crespo
Claudio Ranieri
Steve McManaman
Artim Sakiri
Chris Eubank
Martin Corry
Florentino Perez
Claude Makelele
David Leadbetter
Bill Sweetenham
Ray Harford
Paolo Di Canio
George Foreman
Neal McDonald
Frank Bruno
Clive Woodward
Justin Wilson
Robbie Williams
Peter Hill-Wood
Alex Best
Barbara Cassani
Ken Bates
Yuri Luzhov
Roman Abramovich
Henk Potts
David Felgate
Mathew Ellis
Audley Harrison
Bernie Ecclestone
Ryan Giggs
Jorge Valdano
Stephanie Beacham
Andy Caddick
Cherie Blair
Matthew Pinsent
Arsène Wenger
Martin Tyler
Florentino Perez
Hootie Johnson
Augusta National
Tiger Woods
Barry Geraghty
Wayne Rooney
George Best
Peter Ridsdale
Sanjeev Bhaskar
Alex Ferguson
Shane Warne
Dick Pound
Henry Olonga
Andy Flower
Margaret Johnston
Jean-Paul Gaultier
Djibril Cissé
Zong Bohong
Annika Sorenstam
Hal Sutton
Naseem Hamed
Barry McGuigan
Uri Geller
Bruno Cauvy
Hubert Auriol
Nathan Bunce
Margaret Court
Graham Westley
Nasser Hussain
Imran Khan
Jonathan Moyo
Jordan
Victoria Beckham
Dwight Yorke
.
===========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: aaaugh.com

Image: joshipuroresu.blogspot.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
Date: Wed, 21 Feb 96
.
Amy Perinutter of Manchester (N.J.) high school after pinning Hawthorne's Catrina Carriales in the state's first all-female wrestling match:
"I was pumped up for this match. I didn't want to lose to a girl."
.
The Star's Rick Fraser, in a story setting up a fight between heavily favoured Billy Irwin and outclassed opponent Lee Cargle, whose record read 29 wins and 46 losses:
"They might need to keep playing the national anthem to keep this guy on his feet."
.
Dennis Rodman was sued by a former Atlanta Hawks cheerleader, who alleged the basketball star gave her herpes. During the trial, Rodman told the court:
"I'm very particular about who I sleep with."
.
During the baseball strike Cleveland traded five replacement players to Cincinnati for future considerations. That prompted this response from then Reds manager Davey Johnson:
"Cleveland got the better of the deal. They didn't get anybody."
.
Russian defenceman Viacheslav Fetisov took in his first major league baseball game in Arlington, Texas, this year but didn't stay long:
"Two innings. One hour. I leave."
.
A similar story unfolded when another Russian, Alexei Zhamnov, took in a minor league ball game in Winnipeg. Midway through, Zhamnov asked incredulously:
"Do they shower after this?"
.
A sign at the San Jose Arena near the end of the 1994-95 regular season:
"All the Kings' goalies and all the Kings' men couldn't get Wayne to the playoffs again."
.
Pirates broadcaster Steve Blass on Pittsburgh replacement pitcher Jimmy Boudreau, who last played professionally in 1986:
"He should have been better, pitching on 3,195 days rest."
.
New York Ranger forward Nick Kypreos was asked by customs officials if he had anything to declare upon re-entering the U.S. after the lockout ended. His response:
"No, the owners took it all."
.
Figure skater Toller Cranston, 45, who broke an ankle in warmups, on why he won't let it end his career:
"I have no intention of retiring in such a modest, inconspicuous way. If I break my leg, it's gotta be at least in front of television cameras."
.
Brent Gates of the Oakland A's heard his teammates talking before Dennis Eckersley recorded his 300th save and asked:
"Do you think they'll stop the game for it?"
.
Orlando's Shaquille O'Neal responding to Dennis Rodman's charge that O'Neal doesn't rebound as well as he should:
"My responding to Rodman is like talking to a Bugs Bunny doll. I don't like to talk to Loony Tunes."
.
Cedric Ceballos of the LA Lakers when asked about his chances of being voted a starter in the NBA all-star game:
I don't know. But I know my hands are tired, from stuffing the ballot box."
.
Charles Barkley on why he wants to beat the Philadelphia 76ers by 100 points:
"Ex-teams are like ex-wives. Deep, deep down, you know you can't stand them."
.
Someone asked replacement player Brian Ahern if he was the ace of the Blue Jays staff after Toronto named him to start their first pre-season game. Ahern's reply:
"I don't know. Maybe it's because my last name starts with A."
.
George Foreman, when asked whether he worries about brain damage:
"Anybody going into boxing already has brain damage."
.
Jim Riggleman, new manager of the Chicago Cubs:
"I try to have respect for people in general, whether it's baseball players or low lifes like the media."
.
Former boxer Art Aragon, the original Golden Boy:
"I'll never forget my last time at Madison Square Garden. Hundreds of people were screaming for me. I must have sold 250 hot dogs."
.
Comic Robin Williams after watching his first hockey game between Vancouver and San Jose:
"It's so quick and so brutal and I'm just in shock. I'm amazed that people don't keep screaming: `911!'"
.
San Francisco 49ers linebacker Gary Plummer on his team's awesome offence in the Super Bowl:
"Most offenses take what the defence gives them. Ours takes what it wants."
.
John Andretti, after finishing 492 gruelling laps at the tough North Carolina Speedway in Rockingham:
"Racing 492 laps (at Rockingham) is like going to a gang fight, and your gang doesn't show up."
.
When New York Ranger defenceman Ulf Samuelsson was asked who he thought was the dirtiest player in the NHL, he responded:
"Can I vote for myself?"
.
LPGA player Elaine Johnson, after her shot hit a tree and rebounded into her bra:
"I'll take a two-shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going play the ball where it lies."
.
The Brewers held a Jim Gantner day this year and someone remembered the former major league star once said:
"I hung around the house last winter, but I did take a hunting trip to one of those Canadian proverbs."
.
Detroit Lions quarterback Scott Mitchell underwent tests after feeling lightheaded in a game against Minnesota and later reported:
"They checked my head out and found I had a brain. That was real encouraging."
.
Tim McDonald, San Francisco 49er strong safety, on why he does not wear an earring:
"My mother said that's the first step to becoming a woman.
.
Jane Fonda after the Atlanta Braves won the World Series:
"It's the most exciting day I've ever had with my clothes on."
.
Pittsburgh coach Rich Donnelly, when asked if the Pirates were a young team:
"We had our father-son game the other day. Our guys thought they were supposed to call their fathers to come in for the game."
.
Ruth Wysocki, 38, who finished seventh in the women's 500 metres at the world championships, once said of rival Mary Decker Slaney:
"I've beaten her under three different names -- Kleinsasser, Caldwell and Wysocki."
.
Jack Nicklaus, on growing old:
"Trouble is, I want to play like me -- and I can't play like me any more.
.
Chicago Bulls coach Phil Jackson, when told that parents were complaining about buying their kids No. 45 Michael Jordan jerseys only to have Jordan switch back to No. 23, replied:
"Buy them books."
.
A public address announcer for a Jacksonville, Fla., hockey team had this advice for fans after two deceased octopuses sailed on to the ice:
"For the fans who are throwing the octopus, we have no problem with you doing that but before you bring them out please boil them ahead of time so they don't stick to the ice."
.
Cleveland Browns broadcaster Doug Dieken, who played 14 years with the team, on the team's move to Baltimore:
"It's too sad to even be a country-western song."
.
Toronto Maple Leaf coach Pat Burns had this to say on the flat terrain of Winnipeg:
"It's the only town where you can watch your dog run away for three days."
.
Mickey Mantle, near death before receiving a liver transplant, said one person who called him was former Yankee teammate Yogi Berra:
"Yogi said he was gonna come to my funeral because he was afraid I wasn't going to come to his.
.
When Mike Keane was traded to Colorado along with goalie Patrick Roy, someone remembered Keane's prophetic quip when he was named the Canadiens' captain last April:
"Around here the C stands for see ya later!"
.
Martina Navratilova, on her exhibition match with Monica Seles, who was making her first appearance in a tennis event since being stabbed:
"She beat me, and I ain't no slouch potato."
.
Josee Chouinard, who has a history of falling, had this to say after failing twice at Skate Canada in November:
"I felt like a Zamboni out there."
.
Shortly after Mark Lamping was named president of the St. Louis Cardinals, he proudly told his 12-year-old son, Brian, about his new job. Brian's response:
"Dad, (the Cards) stink. All of the kids at school are going to make fun of me."
.
Britain's Nick Faldo is back on the PGA Tour for the first time since 1989 and said he misses European beer.
"Drinking American beer is like making love in a boat. It's close to water."
.
When author Bud Shrake suggested to Harvey Penick, the late, great golf teacher, that they collaborate on a book, Penick was sceptical. Later, Shrake called to say:
"Good news! They say they'll publish it! Seventy five thousand dollars!" Penick looked worried and said: "I don't think I can afford to pay that much."
.
Manager Jim Leyland of the financially strapped Pittsburgh Pirates:"People ask me why we didn't sign (pitcher) David Cone.
"Heck, we can't even afford an ice cream cone."
.
Dr. Phil Rizzuto, after the former Yankee shortstop was awarded an honorary degree by Hofstra University:
"This is out of my realm. My God, they speak the King's English I'm from Brooklyn."
.
Former Blue Jay Todd Stottlemyre when he joined the Oakland A's:
"I'm amazed at how quick they've made me feel welcome. I mean, there's a lot of guys on this ball club I've probably hit."
.
Maria Bottone on her finances as she trains for the U.S. Olympic fencing team:
"There's always too much month at the end of the money."
**********************************************
Compiled byBob Finlay
====================



-o-

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pr.tennessee.edu

SPORTS QUOTES

Quotes by sportscaster Lindsey Nelson

.

How he began at NBC:

"I was hired by Gallery [Tom, NBC sports director] as an administrator, not as an announcer. I stayed at NBC 10 years and never had a contract as an announcer. I never even had an agent; I didn't need one because I was hiring myself to announce the weekend events. When Gallery would say 'Who do you think we ought to use on this event?',

I would say, 'Me.' "

.

On his trademark flashy jackets:

"We (the New York Mets) were going to be televising 120 games in color . . . . I walked into a New York clothing store and told the clerk, 'Let me see all the jackets you can't sell.' He brought out seven, and I bought all of them.

.
"People don't always recognize me but they know my outfit."

.
On the early New York Mets:

"It was my job to set the broadcast policy. I told our broadcast team, 'This is a very inept group of players, and we're not going to try to hide their ineptness. We're also not going to make fun of them.' We simply described what they did, and what they did was hilarious."

.

The last time I saw him, he was served lunch at the assisted living facility where he was residing. The main dish was roast beef.
Lindsey had very little strength left, and using his hands was difficult because of the Parkinson's. He attacked the meat as vigorously as he could with knife and fork, but it remained intact. After two or three minutes he leaned back in his chair and said:
"This looks like a tie game to me."
.

======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: msu.edu

HOCKEY HUMOR
.
TOP TEN REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX:
(author unknown)
.
10. It's legal to play hockey professionally
.
9. The puck is always hard.
.
8. The protective equipment is reusable, and you don't even have to wash it.
.
7. It lasts a full hour.
.
6. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
.
5. Your parents cheer when you score.
.
4. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon.
.
3. Periods last only 20 min.
.
2. You can count on it at least twice a week.
.
1. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: msu.edu

Image: nancarrow-webdesk.com
.
HOCKEY HUMOR
.
The Goaltender's Psalm
by anonymous
.
The puck is my shephard;
I shall not ice.
It maketh me save in unnatural positions;
It leadeth me into leg splits;
It restoreth my fans' faith;
It leadeth me in the paths of odd-man rushes.
Yea, though I skate in the valley of the shadow of the net,
I will fear no sniper;
For my stick is with me;
My facemask and pads they comfort me;
They annointeth my body with SportsCreme;
My back-up tippeth over!
Surely coaches and trainers shall follow me
All the games of my life.
And I shall dwell in the house
of the Montreal Forum forever.
.
====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseball.about.com

Image: triumphbooks.com
.
BASEBALL TRIVIA
Quiz on Yankee Stadium
.
Click here to view ===> QUIZ
=======================
.
Editor's note:
This baseball expert chose the expert level (12 for 12)
and discovered my expert days are over (7 for 12)!
.
TEST YOURSELF!
Good luck!
.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thegolfchannel.com

Image: golfwallpapers.net
.
GOLF QUOTES
Quotes of the Week - 09/22/2008
.
Click here to view ===> RYDER CUP
----------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Lee Westwood
Boo Weekley
Paul Azinger
Padraig Harrington
Anthony Kim
Ryder Cup
Tiger Woods
Michael Jordan
Kenny Perry
Nick Faldo
Anthony Kim
Phil Mickelson
Viking Classic
Will MacKenzie
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golf365.com

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes from the completed Ryder Cup competition
.
Click here to view ===> RYDER CUP
----------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Boo Weekley
Justin Rose
Oliver Wilson
Nick Faldo
Paul Azinger
Jim Furyk
Kenny Perry
Paul Casey
Hunter Mahan
Sergio Garcia
Anthony Kim
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: sportsmoviesfanatic.com
.
BOWLING QUOTES
Quotes from the movie Kingpin
.
Click here to view ===> KINGPIN
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotatio.com

Image: dailyheadlines.uark.edu
.
FOOTBALL QUOTE
.
Gerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.
- Lyndon Baines Johnson
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: texarkanacollege.edu

Image: discoversouthcarolina.com
.
FISHING QUOTES
.
My hook is baited with a dream, I fish for peace
-- Robert Service
.
Whoever said 'Even a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work' never had their boat sink.
-- Unknown
.
'Carpe Diem' does not mean 'fish of the day'.
-- Unknown
.
The difference between fly fishers and worm dunkers is the quality of their excuses
-- Unknown
.
Something to think about: If you fish the wrong fly long and hard enough, it will sooner or later become the right fly.
-- John Gierach
.
I think a lot of us fish day after day as much for what could happen as for what actually does happen.
-- John Gierach
.
Any time a man ain't fishin' he's frittering his life away.
-- Patrick F. McManus
.
Don't bless the fish till it gets to the land.
-- Irish Proverb
.
If you wanted a fish that could sip wine and discuss Italian poetry, you'd look for a trout. If you needed a ditch dug, you'd hire a carp.
-- John Gierach
.
I mean, it's just fishing, and the best the big non-angling world can say about any of us is that we're harmless.
-- John Gierach
.
Fishing is one of the few ways I know of to let go of the past, forget about the future, and live in the moment.
-- John Gierach
.
If we carry purism to it's logical conclusion, to do it right you'd have to live naked in a cave, hit your trout on the head with rocks, and eat them raw. But, so as not to violate another essential element of the fly-fishing tradition, the rocks would have to be quarried in England and cost $300 each.
-- John Gierach
.
I don't know exactly what fly fishing teaches us, but I think it's something we need to know.
-- John Gierach
.
To capture the fish is not all of the fishing.
-- Zane Grey
.
Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut.
-Unknown
.
If a man is truly blessed, he returns home from fishing to be greeted by the best catch of his life.
-Unknown
.
Fishermen are born honest, but they get over it.
-- Ed Zern
.
Of all the liars among mankind, the fisherman is the most trustworthy.
-- William Sherwood Fox
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: des.emory.edu

Major League Record: 0 wins 16 losses

Image: nochickenescapes.blogspot.com

.

SPORTS TRIVIA

"Don't give up the ship" sports figures

.

An expert said of Vince Lombardi:

"He possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation."

Lombardi would later write,

"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up."

.
Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were each cut from their high school basketball teams. Jordan once observed,

"I've failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed."

.
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot ... and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed."

~ Michael Jordan

.
Babe Ruth is famous for his past home run record, but for decades he also held the record for strikeouts. He hit 714 home runs and struck out 1,330 times in his career (about which he said, "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.").

.

(John Wooden once explained that winners make the most errors.)

.
Hank Aaron went 0 for 5 his first game at bat with the Milwaukee Braves.

.
Stan Smith was rejected as a ball boy for a Davis Cup tennis match because he was "too awkward and clumsy." He went on to clumsily win Wimbledon and the U. S. Open. And eight Davis Cups.

.
"I never learned a thing from a tournament I won."

~ Bobby Jones

.
Tom Landry, Chuck Noll, Bill Walsh, and Jimmy Johnson accounted for 11 of the 19 Super Bowl victories from 1974 to 1993. They also share the distinction of having the worst records of first-season head coaches in NFL history - they didn't win a single game.

.
Johnny Unitas's first pass in the NFL was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

.

Joe Montana's first pass was also intercepted.

.

And while we're on quarterbacks, during his first season Troy Aikman threw twice as many interceptions (18) as touchdowns (9) . . . oh, and he didn't win a single game.

.

In his first professional race, cyclist Lance Armstrong finished . . . drumroll . . . last. He made up for this lackluster first effort by being the only man to win the Tour de France six consecutive times. And still counting.

.
After Carl Lewis won the gold medal for the long jump in the 1996 Olympic games, he was asked to what he attributed his longevity, having competed for almost 20 years. He said, "Remembering that you have both wins and losses along the way. I don't take either one too seriously."

---------------------------------

.

Editor's note about the pitcher above.

.

Terry Felton pitched in at least 16 games

( 0 wins, 16 losses) in the major leagues.

.

This means he had some ability, that's why

he had several chances to pitch in the majors

- the worst pitchers are shown the door from

the majors much earlier!

.

==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: time.com

BASEBALL TRIVIA PICTORIAL
Photo gallery of Yankee Stadium
.
FAREWELL TO YANKEE STADIUM
.
Click here to view ===> PICTORIAL
============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: time.com

OLYMPICS SPORTS PICTORIAL
Photo gallery of 2008 Beijing Olympics highlights
.
[ Includes Track and Field Sports ]
.
Click here to view ===> PICTORIAL
============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: weblogs.cltv.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the movie Major League
.
Click here to view ===> MAJOR LEAGUE
================================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: skin.bebo.com
.
NASCAR QUOTES
Quotes from movies
.
Click here to view ==> NASCAR
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes of the week (26 August 2008 edition)
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
------------------------------------
.
References to
.
Chris Hoy
Jeff Stelling
Gus Poyet
Gretar Steinsson
Tyson Gay
Michael Johnson
Aaron Cook
Steve Ovett
Ian Chappell
Kevin Pietersen
Roy Keane
Harry Redknapp
Cesc Fabregas
Ricardo Fuller
Usain Bolt's
taekwondo
Rebecca Adlington
Ricky Rubio
Paddy Barnes
Shanaze Reade
Leudis Gonzalez
Ruth Jones
Beijing
James DeGale
Boris Johnson
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: faculty.quinnipiac.edu

BASEBALL QUOTES
.
"Your chances of winning, I've got to believe are really, really small when you score one run in 18 innings."
Clint Hurdle
.
"They (the Rockies) don't look like a major-league baseball team, but more like a Wednesday night Industrial Softball League team with every player supplying his own uniform."
Woody Paige
.
I learned a lot, but I don't want to learn it again."
Matt Keough, after 18 straight losses.
.
"There are peaks and valleys in this game. We're in a valley - Death Valley."
Kirby Puckett
.
"You can't sweep if you don't win the first game, and it's tougher to win two out of three if you lose the first one."
Todd Helton
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

NASCAR QUOTES
Quotes About Kyle Busch
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: creativewit.com

HORSE RACING QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: creativewit.com

FISHING QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: groups.google.com

SOCCER QUOTES
Top Ten Bill Shankly Quotes
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: 2ue.com.au

Image: crimeboss.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from the week (09/19/08 edition)
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
------------------------------------
.
References to:
.
Tiger Woods
Ryder Cup
Stewart Cink
Kenny Perry
Sergio Garcia
Molly Meldrum
Bruno Cullen
Liz Ellis
Alan Didak
Eddie McGuire
Tom Harley
Rodney Eade
Judy Spence
Darren Lockyer
.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: archive.salon.com

Image: findnostalgia.com
.
SPORTS HUMOR
.
June 23, 2005 The American Film institute this week celebrated what it called the 100 greatest movie quotes of all time.
.
What's amazing is how many great movie quotes were actually spoken in real life by figures from the sports world.
.
A sampling:
.
Click here to view ===> HUMOR
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsbybrooks.com

GEORGE H. W. BUSH & TIGER WOODS

Image: images.sportsbybrooks.com
.
GOLF QUOTES
Quotes from 2007
.
WARNING FROM THE ARTICLE:
.
Turns out the article is a collection of some of the more guffaw-inducing golf quotes from the past year. Better get some duct tape, because your sides will be splitting after reviewing these remarks:
.
Click here to view ===> GUFFAWS
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

CRICKET QUOTES
Quotes from 3 Bleacherreport.com articles
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nilslofgren.com

Top image: huffingtonpost.com
.
Center Image: mceer.buffalo.edu
.
Bottom image: taringa.net
.
BASEBALL SONG
Tribute song (free download) to Yankee Stadium by Nils Lofgren
.

“Yankee Stadium” written by: Nils and Amy Lofgren

Click here to view and download ===> THE HOUSE THAT RUTH BUILT

=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: math.ucdavis.edu

Image: upcomingdiscs.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
"Never trust a woman who was a guest on the Jerry Springer Show and who has a t-shirt with "NEXT" printed on the front of it."
-- UC Davis assistant coach Duane Kouba, just thinking out loud. (12/99)
.
"It's tough when you lose by three or four touchdowns."
-- Sacramento State men's basketball coach Tom Abatemarco, after his Hornets lost 98-57 to 16th-ranked Minnesota. (12/98)
.
"I said earlier they were the best 1-6 team around."
-- Head Coach Henry Clark of Cal State Bakersfield after UC Davis beat his 22nd ranked Roadrunners 69-65 to go 2-6 in CCAA league play. (1/03)
.
"When I walked out, I couldn't feel my legs. I tried to act cool, but but I was afraid I might trip over a line. I was just glad to get to the bench and sit down."
-- Interim Indiana Hoosier basketball coach Mike Davis on his first game after replacing legendary Coach Bobby Knight. (12/99)
.
"For 16 years I've lived every kid's fantasy. It's unfortunate I didn't come to Houston until I was on the downside. I wish I could have played my entire career here. Basketball doesn't owe me anything. I owe everything in my life to basketball, everything. I'm 37 years old. I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams. I have great material things. I've been all over the world, and it's all because of basketball."
-- retiring Houston Rockets poer forward Charles Barkley, after he walked off the NBA hardcourt for the last time. (4/20/00)
.
"I can't let him hit me and get away with it. My grandma would be mad at me if I let him get away with it. I had to defend myself."
-- Houston Rockets forward Charles Barkley, after he and Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O'Neal were ejected for scuffling in an NBA game won by the Lakers 89-88. (10/99)
.
"I still feel funny looking at it. You're not supposed to have a statue when you're alive."
-- baseball Hall-of-Famer Willie Mays, after seeing a replica of the statue of himself which will soon grace the entrance of the San Francisco Giants new Pacific Bell Park. (10/99)
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"I wouldn't give Charles Barkley an apology at gunpoint. He can never expect an apology from me. If anything, he owes me an apology for coming to play with his big fat butt."
-- soon-to-be ex-Houston Rockets forward Scottie Pippen, on his beloved teammate Charles Barkley. (10/99)
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"You want to contain yourself and not get too caught up in the moment. There's a certain honor in playing the game, and I try to stay within that. I was running around the bases, wanting to jump up and down like I was an 8-year old kid and enjoy the moment. But you have a certain responsibility to conduct yourself as a professional. I was taught that by my father."
-- Baltimore Orioles third baseman Cal Ripken after hitting the 400th homerun of his career. He became the 29th member of the 400-homer club. (9/99)
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"This is the same Bill Walton that was at UCLA smoking pot and ... if that's the way Bill feels, that's fine."
-- New York forward Larry Johnson, after Walton said Johnson was a "disgrace to the human race." This was in response to Johnson's comments that his team had "a lot of rebellious slaves" after the Knicks lost 96-89 to the San Antonio Spurs in game four of the 1999 NBA Finals. (6/99)
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"I don't care if anybody likes me or not. I play basketball."
-- New York Knicks forward Larry Johnson, after an 89-81 win over the San Antonio Spurs in game 3 of the 1999 NBA Finals. (6/99)
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"How can he get a technical just for blowing a kiss ?"
-- Los Angeles Lakers head coach Kurt Rambis, after Dennis Rodman was given a technical foul for, well, blowing a kiss to the bench of the Dallas Mavericks after making a free throw. It gives a whole new meaning to "love hurts" ! (3/99)
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"Fire Bowlsby ! Fire Bowlsby ! Fire Bowlsby !"
-- the chant from the students section at Carver Hawkeye Arena as 19th-ranked Iowa beat Northwestern 65-48 in Coach Tom Davis' last home game as the Hawkeye Coach. Coach Davis is being fired by athletic director Bob Bowlsby after 13 seasons at Iowa for his "lack of success." In 13 seasons at Iowa, Davis has a record of 267-137. For you math fans, that's an average season record of 20.5 wins and 10.5 losses ! (2/99)
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"I wasn't the cancer. The cancer is still there. He has white hair. And until they get rid of him, they are going to keep having lapses like this."
-- former Los Angeles and current Denver guard Nick "Benign Tumor" Van Exel, with a thinly veiled attack on his former coach, Del Harris, after the Nuggets beat the slumping Lakers, 92-89. (2/99)
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"I thought the referees did an awful job tonight. I felt like they cheated tonight. And you can quote me on that. And if David Stern and them want to fine me, try to control people with money, they can take double and take triple, but you can't control me with no money. I've been taking this same abuse for seven years. So (expletive) them, I don't care. Fine me. Period. That's all I've got to say."
-- Los Angeles center and most famous NBA player who has never won anything Shaquille O'Neal, after the Lakers lost to Seattle, 92-89. (2/99)
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"There are people who get up at 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning and work five straight days. We don't have it bad, do we ?"
-- Toronto Raptors forward Charles Oakley, after hearing of numerous complaints from other NBA players about playing games on three consecutive nights. (2/99)
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"I stunk like old fish grease."
-- Sacramento small forward Corliss Williamson, after making only 2 of 10 shots on opening night in the NBA as the Kings lost to the San Antonio Spurs 101-83. (2/99)
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"They are better than us. They came to our house and proved they were smarter, had more patience, and didn't get rattled. Until we become more cerebral, they will always kick our butts. That's the bottom line."
-- Sonoma State men's basketball coach Pat Fuscaldo, after the Aggies rallied to beat the Cossacks 62-55 in Rohnert Park. (1/99)
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It's beautiful. It was whiter than white, and it was everywhere."
-- 29-year old Anntonett Gomez of Bakersfield, after measurable (6 inches) snow fell in the Southern California town-- for the second time in recorded history. (1/99)
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"I am two or three hours from believing that I shot a 59."
-- PGA golfer David Duval, after shooting a 59 in the final round of the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic and coming from seven strokes down on the final day to win by a single stroke over Steve Pate. It was the best closing round in PGA history, and tied for the lowest round ever in PGA history with Al Geiberger (1977) and Chip Beck (1991). (1/99)
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When I first got here (from Yugoslavia) even for the first couple of years it was a dream. I didn't know what I was and it was not real. Now I'm looking at the NBA with open eyes and realizing that it's an opportunity not too many people get. I thought I was supposed to be here. Now I know that it's a privilege."
-- 7-1 NBA veteran center Vlade Divac, after signing with the Sacramento Kings for $62.5 million for 6 years. (1/99)
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"Their team unity and will to win is very impressive. They don't care about their hair, or if their shorts are long enough. They just play their butts off."
-- Grant High School (Sacramento) guard Stephen Walton, on the No. 1 ranked Oak Ridge (Sacramento) boys basketball team. Grant's only two losses are to Oak Ridge. (1/99)
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The main reason I'm disappointed in the young people in this league is because they look at Michael and they don't understand him. They see the greatest, but they don't know why he was so great. They miss the point. They don't remember or realize that when he first came into the league all he did was drive and dunk on everybody. He worked hard to add a jumpshot, the three-point shot, the post-up moves, the passing, the defense, and the leadership. There are so many guys in the league who don't understand the progression of his greatness. They don't realize that he evolved into what he is now through hard work and tremendous dedication."
-- former NBA great Magic Johnson, on the Chicago Bulls' Michael Jordan, who announced his retirement from basketball. (1/99)
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"I'm not the great big idol with the golden head. I'm John Thompson who's fragile and weak and has to address things that pertain to him also."
-- Goergetown University's coaching icon John Thompson, who unexpectedly and abruptly resigned his coaching position, citing marital and personal matters, after 27 years on the sidelines for the Hoyas. (1/99)
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"I'm trying to think of something nice to say about us. We were lethargic. We missed 10 layups right away and got nothing from the bench."
-- Cincinnati head coach Bob Huggins, after his No. 4 ranked Bearcats squeaked by the lightly-regarded Dayton Flyers 53-51. (12/98)
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I made the first few guys miss and ran downfield. I was so excited, I didn't know what to do in the end zone. I hadn't scored since high school."
-- UC Davis Aggies return specialist Artemus Jones, on his first collegiate touchdown scored in a 48-16 win over Western Oregon. (11/98)
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"It's an old record and I am proud to have a piece of it."
-- Denver Bronco kicker Jason Elam, after kicking an NFL record-tying 63-yard field goal in 37-24 victory over Jacksonville. New Orlean's Tom Dempsey set the record in 1970. (10/98)
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"It's another hill to climb."
-- New York Yankee right fielder Darryl Strawberry, after being unexpectedly sidelined by colon cancer during the American League playoffs. (10/98)
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He knows what that piece of wood is for, and it's not to clean off his shoes."
-- Texas manager Johnny Oates, on the bat swung by rookie sensation Shane Spencer of New York during the Yankees 3-1 win over the Rangers in the second game of their playoff series. Spencer hit a homer and a single in the win. After spending eight years in the minor leagues, Spencer was called up by the Yankees on August 31. He hit eight homeruns including three grand slams-- tying a club season record held by Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and Joe DiMaggio-- during the month of September. (10/98)
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Usually, the doctors check a fighter's heart, but with Larry and me, they're just going to see if we have a pulse."
-- former heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman, on his upcoming fight with former heavyweight boxing champion Larry Holmes. Holmes turns 49 on November 3. Foreman turns 50 on January 23. (9/98)
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"First time I cry in my life."
-- 20-year old LPGA golfer Se Ri Pak, after becoming the youngest winner of the U.S. Women's Open by beating another 20-year old, Jenny Chuasiriporn, by one stroke in a 20-hole playoff. Chuasiriporn is an amateur. (7/98)
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"Deep forest, great forest, something forest. Maybe stay out of the woods."
-- amateur golfer Wannalee (Jenny) Chuasiriporn, when asked by a reporter the meaning of her first name. (7/98)
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"I feel like a criminal. Each rider had two police officers. They put me under pressure for four or five hours. They took everything. I undressed. They could see all of me. I went in to a cell with a wooden bed. But I feel better inside because I have told the truth. Perhaps it is good for the sport."
-- Tour de France cyclist Armin Meier, after being banned from the race for admittedly taking the drug EPO, a hormone that increases the red blood supply. (7/98)
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"You get so nervous, you want to throw up."
-- PGA golfer Tom Lehman, who has played in the final group of the fourth round of the U.S. Open for the past four years. (6/98)
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"It's totally out of hand. I feel like a caged animal."
-- St. Louis Cardinal's slugger Mark McQwire, on his reluctance to take batting practice before games. His swings and distances of his drives have been shown on the pre-game scoreboard in some ballparks. (6/98)
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"The only person I'm intimidated by is my ex-wife."
-- Chicago Bulls' Dennis Rodman, when asked if he was intimidated by Utah Jazz' Karl Malone. (6/98)
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"I get really sick of turning on 'America's Most Wanted' or 'Cops' and seeing someone wearing our stuff being busted."
-- Morris Bradshaw, director of marketing for the Oakland Raiders. (6/98)
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"This will go down in Chicago history with the other big massacres, like the Valentine's Day Massacre and all the rest of them."
-- Utah forward Adam Keefe, after the Chicago Bulls defeated the Jazz 96-54 in Game 3 of the NBA Finals. (6/98)
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"Considering my age, you'd think they'd want to put my face on a bottle of Geritol."
-- '60's space hero and Ohio Senator John Glen, after learning that fellow lawmakers want his picture on a box of Wheaties after Glen flies in another space shuttle in October 1998. (5/98)
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"Right now, I hate his guts."
-- Los Angeles Lakers point guard Nick Van Exel, on Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton. Utah leads the best of seven Western Conference Championship series 2-0. (5/98)
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"I ate too many Frosted Flakes. I don't remember what I said last night."
-- Laker center Shaquille O'Neal (5/98)
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"Anyone who thinks this has been an overnight success story, and that this has been an easy journey, obviously hasn't rode on the same train as we have."
-- UC Davis men's head basketball coach Bob Williams, on his team's success this season. (3/98)
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"We played like we had everything to lose and nothing to win."
-- UC Davis men's basketball coach Bob Williams, after his team's shaky effort in a playoff win over Cal State Stanislaus, 62-52. (2/98)
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"I hope five to 10 years from now, if I'm still able to play golf, the PGA will lean back and scratch their heads and say, `Why did we fight this guy ?' "
-- professional golfer Casey Martin, after a federal court ruled that as a disabled golfer, Martin can ride a cart on the PGA golf tour. (2/98)
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"They're at the graduate level, and we're still in Basketball 101."
-- Phoenix Suns coach Danny Ainge, on the 25-6 Seattle Supersonics. (1/98)
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"He's a first-class human being. He represents all the things that most of the great runners represent, because most of the great runners don't dance after scoring touchdowns. We hand the ball to the referee."
-- Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown, on Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders. (12/97)
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"His majesty Jordan had no fouls in 38 minutes when he's hammering people. So we have a lot of things to overcome. It's almost like the world heavyweight boxing champion. You can't win on points."
-- Miami coach Pat Riley on Chicago's Michael Jordan, after the Heat lost to the Bulls in a game where Miami had 8 more fouls than Chicago. (12/97)
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"Are you kidding ? We just got back from a long road trip. I miss my wife a lot more than I miss Larry."
-- Phoenix Suns coach Danny Ainge, when asked if he would get together with former Boston Celtics teammate and current Indiana Pacers coach Larry Bird when the Pacers recently played the Suns. (12/97)
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"It's kind of scary. You don't buy that magazine to look at someone like me."
-- University of Washington junior Todd MacCullough, on being named to Playboy magazine's preseason All-America basketball team. (12/97)
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"If screaming in a player's face was a crime, John Thompson and Bobby Knight would be on death row."
-- Washington Post writer Michael Wilbon. (12/97)
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"I think it's pretty simple. You choke a coach, threaten to kill him, if he didn't trade you, with intent to do harm, and it takes eight people to restrain you. If that's not grounds for the termination of employment, I don't know what is."
-- Warriors general counsel Robin Baggett, on the Sprewell situation. (12/97)
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"If I am the problem, I can be removed."
-- Detroit Pistons' coach Doug Collins, on the team's 11 losses in the first 15 games. (12/97)
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"No one sits on the bench in cross country. The worst players get the most playing time."-- Jesuit High School coach Walt Lange, one of the most successful cross country coaches in the country. (11/97)
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"I think my first name is Interim now. I've got to check my birth certificate."
-- former Sac State men's basketball coach and Arizona State Interim coach Don Newman, on his constantly being reminded about his temporary status. (11/97)
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"If the NBA doesn't happen, I can live with it. I gave it my best shot...I see disabled people, people in wheel chairs, and they keep going. That's my inspiration. If I don't make it what do I have to complain about ?"
-- 23-year old former Sac State basketball player Damond Edwards, the newest member of the world-famous Harlem Globetrotters. (11/97)
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"I'm not selling the house yet."
-- Chicago coach Phil Jackson on the Bull's 6-4 start. (11/97)
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"We're like Iraq. We're hiding missiles. We've got two missiles in reserve."
-- New Jersey forward Jayson Williams on the Nets playing without injured starters Keith Van Horn and Kerry Kittles. (11/97)
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"I have seen the future, and he wears No. 21."
-- Houston Rockets forward Charles Barkley referring to San Antonio Spurs rookie Tim Duncan. (11/97)
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"Anybody who doesn't believe in God, I ask them to explain this."
-- 5-foot-5, 120-pound Center High School (Sacramento) senior Anthony Colson, after he triple jumped 51 feet, 3 inches at the Sac-Joaquin Section Track and Field Championships at U. C. Davis. It is the longest mark in California and the 4th longest in the nation this year.
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"Aggie head football coach Bob Biggs could tell you the meaning of Solo East Wing Trade Z Sail, Fake 53 294 Y Switch, but then he'd have to kill you. Wouldn't he ?"
-- a Wall Street Journal representative who attempted, but failed, to obtain that most closely guarded of all documents: the football playbooks of U C Berkeley, UCLA and U C Davis.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: buckeyefansonly.com

WOODY HAYES WITH HIS ALL-AMERICAN PLAYERS FROM OSU

Image: garyt.com
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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes and anecdotes by and about coach Woody Hayes, OSU
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Click here to view ===> WOODY HAYES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golfchannelclub.com

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GOLF QUOTES
Quotes of the Week - 08/25/2008
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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References to:
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Vijay Singh
Hunter Mahan
Inbee Park
Danny Lee
Padraig Harrington
Mike Weir
Nick Faldo
Darren Clark
European Ryder Cup
Brady Exber
Fred Couples
Tiger Woods
Greg Norman
Davis Love III
Sergio Garcia
The Barclays
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: asylum.com

HEALTH AND NUTRITION PICTORIAL
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Pictures of packaged food or bottled drinks named after sports stars
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Click here to view ===> YUMMY FOR THE TUMMY
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: asylum.com

HEALTH AND NUTRITION QUOTES
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Know the stats on your favorite stadium food
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Click here to view ===> CALORIES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: asylum.com

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SPORTS STARS PICTORIAL
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Sports' Most Distracting Ladies
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Click here to view ===> PICTORIAL
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