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BOWLING HUMOR
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Bad Bowling Skills? It's Got to Be the Shoes
Nov 14, 2006 By Debbie Farmer
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I've come to believe that as far as bowling goes there are two different kinds of people in the world: those who make strikes and break 100 almost every game, and those who can barely hoist the ball down the lane without breaking their wrist in half or falling on their backside.
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I'd like to say I'm in the first category.
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I'd also like to say I look like Michelle Pfeiffer and wear a size 4. But we all know this is the real world here. So let me just say my competitive bowling goal is to do my "personal best," which simply means I need to bowl less lousy than I did before. Luckily, this isn't too hard for me to do.
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Oh sure, the concept of bowling may seem simple enough to the gullible and naive. All you have to do is to aim a really, really heavy ball down a really, really narrow lane and knock down twelve wily "pins," and all this while wearing exceptionally ugly shoes, ones that make bridesmaid shoes look chic.
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Okay, let's just stop right here a moment and talk about bowling shoes. I mean, what in the heck happened with them? No matter where you go, they always look like a cross between clown shoes and corrective orthopedic footwear.
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Perhaps it's because ugly shoes are crucial to successful bowling. Or maybe it's because no one with a clear mind and any sort of fashion sense would steal them. Or maybe, just maybe it's all a big, fat accident by the inventor of bowling who happened to have a spare pair of hideously ugly shoes that he wanted to get rid of.
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Regardless of the reason, you'd think that by now someone somewhere would've designed a more attractive style. Mind you, one that's more like a strappy sandal or something with a spiked heal, pointy toes, and, oh let's see, a few crystal beads.
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On top of unattractive accessories, the other problem with bowling is that if you want to win you have to have some kind of bowling strategy.
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Yes, as shocking as it seems, there are clear-cut strategies to chucking a ball down a lane.
First there's the straight ball, then the curve ball, and finally the hook ball (all pretty self-explanatory).
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However, my personal favorite is what I like to call the blind luck ball, which is to hold the ball close to my eyes, wildly throw my arm back, give a little yell, and fling the ball in the general direction of the pins.
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While this may seem like a willy-nilly sort of a system to those of you more professional bowling types, with my strategy, sometimes even a pin or two gets knocked down. So there.
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