FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: zimbio.com

Image: vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Bill Parcells
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Here are a few excerpts from an article in the NY Times from 2006 about BP, his philosophy and a few interesting tidbits.
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On his famed reluctance to talk to reporters:
“We’re in the business of collecting information,” Parcells likes to say. “We’re not in the business of exchanging information.”
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On the extent of his commitment to and passion for the game (after a loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars):
He woke up not long after he nodded off, choking on his own bile. “It only happens to me during the football season,” he says. “It happens no other time of the year. And it wasn’t something I ate.” After that, he couldn’t sleep at all. He found that his ex-wife, Judy — they divorced in 2002, after 40 years of marriage — had left a message on his answering machine. She saw the game on TV. “Please don’t let it affect your health,” she said.
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As to the widespread reports of him being furious with Jason Taylor, as 'obviously' evidenced by his continued silence towards him:
“Coach doesn’t say too much,” Newman says, “unless you do something bad. If he’s not saying anything to you, you must be doing something good.”
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On how he organizes strategy, practices and assesses success/failure:
His obsession is with space — creating it on offense and filling it on defense. Parcells is interested especially in the first step or two that players take, because that is when almost all of their critical mistakes are made. He’s looking for bad angles, missed assignments, confused play. He’ll watch the first one-third of a second of a play, stop the video in a fury and holler for an assistant coach.
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A few of the quotes he puts up in the locker room:
“Blame nobody, expect nothing, do something.”
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“Losers assemble in little groups and bitch about the coaches and the system and other players in other little groups. Winners assemble as a team.”
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“Losing may take a little from your credibility, but quitting will destroy it.”
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“There are many exit doors in pro football. Don’t take them.”
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“Don’t confuse routine with commitment.”
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On how he demands as much from his coaches as he does from his players (no favorites, no caste system):
*************************
Rich Dalrymple, the Cowboys’ director of public relations, walks in and says, “Gibbs is saying Portis isn’t playing.”
“Get out of here!” His defense just spent the week focusing on Clinton Portis, a Redskins running back.
“It was on the wire,” Dalrymple says.
“That means Duckett’s playing,” says Parcells. That would be T. J. Duckett, acquired just three weeks earlier by Washington from Atlanta.
“I don’t know,” Dalrymple says.
“Find out!”
“How am I supposed to find out?” Dalrymple asks.
Parcells shakes his head: not my problem.
“Give a guy a morsel and he wants a fillet,” says Dalrymple, and Parcells laughs.
********************
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===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: whatquote.com

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Image: cdn.overstock.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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"Being number two sucks.” Andre Agassi
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“I feel old when I see mousse in my opponent's hair.” Andre Agassi
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"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.” Bill Gullickson
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“Hell, if KY jelly went off the market, the whole California Angels pitching staff would be out of baseball.” Bill Lee
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"If it had been me out there, I'd had bitten him his ear off. I'd have Van Gogh'ed him.” Bill Lee
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I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.” Bill Lee
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"Boys, I'm one of those umpires that misses 'em every once in a while so if it's close, you'd better hit it.” Cal Hubbard
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“I didn't have evil intentions, but I guess I did have power.” Harmon Killebrew
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“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass"; "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys";” Harmon Killebrew
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"This taught me a lesson, but I'm not sure what it is.” John McEnroe
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"If, in a few months, I'm only number 8 or number 10 in the world, I'll have to look at what off-the-court work I can do. I will need to do something if I want to be number 1.” John McEnroe
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"I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.” Johnmy Bench
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"A catcher and his body are like the outlaw and his horse. He's got to ride that nag till it drops.” Johnny Bench
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“I'm the guy that made Joe DiMaggio famous.” Lefty Gomez
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"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill.” Leo Durocher
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“In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you.” Leo Durocher
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"God watches over drunks and third baseman.” Leo Durocher
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“Buy a steak for a player on another club after the game, but don't even speak to him on the field. Get out there and beat them to death.” Leo Durocher
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"I never met a man I didn't want to fight.” Lyle Alzado
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"I don't really trust a sane person.” Lyle Alzado
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"When you can whip any man in the world, you never know peace.”Muhammad Ali
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There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.” Muhammad Ali
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"I've come to accept that the life of a frontrunner is a hard one, that he will suffer more injuries than most men and that many of these injuries will not be accidental.” Pele
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“When badminton was accepted into the Barcelona Olympic Games it showed that there was an acceptance of my sport internationally.” Rhonda Cator
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“If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach.” Willie Davis
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“I think I have already signed some scrap of paper for every man, woman, and child in the United States. What do they do with all those scraps of paper with my signature on it?” Vida Blue
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.blogs2k.com

President Kennedy, Mrs. Kennedy, Caroline, and John, Jr.
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Image: historicaldocuments.com

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SPORTS QUOTE

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Materazzi quoting JFK?

SOCCER

June 6th. 2008

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The Italian defender lashed out to critics of his play with a gem:

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'I think it was Kennedy who said: 'Forgive what they have said but don't forget their names,' he told a news conference on Friday when asked about those who have derided his character or style of play.

===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pbnation.com

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Image: msnbcmedia4.msn.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a Sports Forum
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There is no pain. Pain is a state of mind. But you wanna know whats permanent? The score at the end of the game."
My football coach to me after i had sprained my ankle, and they had nobody to send in for me. Needless to say, the pain went away, and we won the game.
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More from high school coaches:
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my lax coach: "they suck, lets go beat their *** and this way you guys can impress their bitches while your at it, At***D you better share!"
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"They are going to come out with their shiny helmets, flashy jerseys, and new shows, but highschool football isnt about looking cool, its about knockin the **** out of someone"-Chris Haddock (one of my HS coaches)
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"It's not over until I win!"
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or my friends high school football coach:"your tenacious, like a baby in a dumpster, you can play special teams."
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BLOCK You sissy pissing banana faggots!"
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**** if we include HS coaches heres what mine say
Youre pissin me the **** off. Get it up right now! All I need is 11 swingin dicks to play football. Now ****ing play!
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We are gonna go to their stadium, steal their bitches, win the game, steal their bitches in their cars, key their cars and then call it a day.
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XXXXXXX (lineman) you are spread out like a goddamn 8 year old prostitute.
***End of high school quotes
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"Athletes row. Everyone else just plays games."
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This ------ game is over!"
- Chuck Bednarik
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Q: How many times have you and Tie Domi fought?
Probie: Not enough
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If you've never had a beer, dropped the mitts, or packed a lip, you're probably not a hockey player, and if you are, your probably not very good."-Todd Bertuzzi
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"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up."
Vince Lombardi
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Steve Prefontaine quotes:
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"Some people create with words or with music or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, 'I've never seen anyone run like that before.' It's more than just a race, it's a style. It's doing something better than anyone else. It's being creative."
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"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."
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"From now on, I’m going to be a dirty son of a bitch. I’m going to foul a lot of people. I’ll get thrown out of a few races, but it's time we Americans learned to run like the Europeans." Steve Prefontaine in an interview with Bert Nelson of Track & Field News, following his courageous run at a gold medal at the 1972 Olympics, after being cut off twice by Mohamed Gamoudi of Tunisia in the 5000 meter final, who edged an exhausted Pre in the last five meters for the bronze medal.
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"Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it."
=======================

OFF TOPIC HUMOR FROM DICK GREGORY:
On Comics Unleashed, Gregory said he's so old
now that when his wife asked him to run
upstairs to have sex, he replied,
"Make up your mind, I can't do both!"
---------------------------------

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stop-the-shanks.com

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Sports Figures about Golf
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Walter Camp
In golf as in life, the attempt to do something in one stroke that needs two is apt to result in taking three.
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John Madden
There are certain things you don’t do in public, and for me it’s playing golf.
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Dan Marino
Swing hard in case you hit it.
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Babe Ruth
How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?
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Steve Sax
You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stop-the-shanks.com

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Image: amazon.com
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GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Jim Murray, Sportswriter
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If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie.
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Actually, the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do that.
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Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
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Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
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Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
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Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: articles.latimes.com

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Image: starclustermusic.de
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SPORTS MASCOTS \ FANATICS

Dancing Barry of the NBA (Lakers, Rockets)

January 08, 2007

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A transplanted New Yorker carved a special niche for himself in the Lakers’ Showtime era of the 1980s, his kinetic energy and unbridled flair repeatedly sending the oft-placid Forum faithful into a frenzy. Though neither a scorer, playmaker nor lockdown defender, he nevertheless retained an uncanny ability to bring dormant fans out of their seats and ignite game-changing rallies.

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But then Dancing Barry just stopped showing up. Sixteen years ago this month, he says, he walked away, never to shimmy down an aisle for the Lakers again.
“It stopped being fun,” he says.

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Two years ago, when the Lakers played host to a 20-year reunion of their 1985 championship team, he declined an invitation to attend.
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"Now using the stage name Magic Barry – “I’m a professional magician,” he says, “but I couldn’t be Magic Barry in Los Angeles because they already had Magic Johnson” – he lives outside Charlotte, N.C., and danced for a short time at Hornets games before the team moved to New Orleans four years ago.

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He works as a territorial manager and trainer for a veterinary laboratory, selling lab services and training vets on how to promote their businesses.

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Very little of his time, he says, is devoted to performing.
“Charlotte is not a great show business city,” he says.

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He is married and, based on his comments, probably in his mid-50s. “That, I can’t reveal,” he says of his exact age. “I can’t disappoint my fans.”

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He is still spooked, he says, by an altercation with a “crazy fan” from 21 years ago. Performing at an NBA Finals game between the Houston Rockets and Boston Celtics at Houston in 1986, he says he was accosted by a fan who grabbed him, shook him and shouted, “You traitor, you traitor. I’m going to get you.”

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Barry’s alter ego was created in April 1975 in Houston, where Barry went to college, and was based on a man who called himself Dancin’ Harry and performed at games, including the New York Knicks matchups at Madison Square Garden.

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“He was a black guy who wore a big, sloppy beret and a cape,” says Barry, who grew up in the Bronx. “He would go out on the baseline and put like a hex on the opposing team. He was very well known at the Garden.”

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Barry at the time was taking dance lessons “to meet girls,” he says. But when the Rockets and the Knicks met in the first round of the 1975 playoffs, friends urged him to test his moves at Hofheinz Pavilion, “to counteract Dancin’ Harry.”

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And when the Rockets cut into a big Knicks lead, he says, “The fans started going crazy and I ran out and started dancing. I became Dancing Barry.”

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In 1982, after dancing at Rockets and Astros games for several years and at a handful of Knicks games in New York, the longtime basketball fan moved to Los Angeles, where naturally he gravitated to Lakers games at the Forum.
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In March 1983, he says, during a fourth-quarter timeout in a game matching the Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks, Dancing Barry made his Forum debut.

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“It was so intimidating, how quiet it was,” he says. “I was like a whirling dervish, dancing around for about 30 seconds. The place went crazy. The Lakers came out of the timeout, ripped off eight points in a row and won going away.”

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For the next seven full seasons, into the early ’90s, Dancing Barry was a Forum fixture in his white tuxedo, his brief but electrifying performances adding an air of spontaneity and revelry to the party atmosphere that was a Showtime staple.

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At first, he says, the Lakers paid him $35 a game, same as what they were paying the Laker Girls. Later, when the Clippers said they’d pay him $200 to dance exclusively for them, the Lakers reluctantly matched the offer, he says, “but every year after that they refused to give me even a single penny more.”
In 1991, Dancing Barry decided it was time to waltz away.
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But it was fun while it lasted.

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“I made a lot of people laugh, a lot of people told me it was great,” he says. “I had a seven-year run with the Lakers, in supposedly the entertainment capital of the world, and no one supplanted me. They never came up with anything better.

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I’ve got Chick Hearn on tape saying, ‘This guy is winning games for us. This guy’s worth coming to see.’ That’s the best thing I have. I’ve got the videotapes.”

======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseballreliquary.org

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Image: sidesalad.net
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BASEBALL MASCOTS \ FANATICS
Hilda Chester, Baseball Fanatic of the Brookln Dodgers
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The following biographical profile of Hilda Chester has been excerpted from Bums: An Oral History of the Brooklyn Dodgers, written by Peter Golenbock and published by G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1984.
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“The most famous of the Dodger fans -- perhaps the most famous fan in baseball history -- was named Hilda Chester, a plump, pink-faced woman with a mop of stringy gray hair.
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Hilda began her thirty-year love affair with the Dodgers in the 1920s. She had been a softball star as a kid, or so she said, and she once told a reporter that her dream was to play in the big leagues or to start a softball league for women.
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Thwarted as an athlete, she turned to rooting. As a teenager she would stand outside the offices of the Brooklyn Chronicle every day, waiting to hear the Dodger score. After a while she became known to the sportswriters, who sometimes gave her passes to the games.
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In her twenties Hilda worked as a peanut sacker for the Stevens Brothers, Harry, George, and Frank, who owned most of the concession stands across the country.
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In those days peanuts came in fifty-pound sacks, and it was her job to put the peanuts into the individual bags before the ballgame. She enjoyed most sports, including horse racing, and in her capacity as peanut sacker she was able to work and attend the Dodger games.
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By the 1930s she was attending games regularly, screaming lustily, one of hundreds of Ebbets Field regulars.
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“Shortly after suffering a heart attack, she began her rise to fame. Her physician forbade her from yelling, and when she was sufficiently recovered, she returned to Ebbets Field with a frying pan and an iron ladle. Banging away on the frying pan from her seat in the bleachers, she made so much noise that everyone, including the players, noticed her.
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It was the Dodger players in the late 1930s who presented Hilda Chester with the first of her now-famous brass cowbells.
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“In 1941 Hilda suffered a second heart attack, and when she entered the hospital this time, she was an important enough personality that Durocher and several of the players went to visit her.
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As a result Durocher became Hilda’s special hero, and by the mid-1940s she was almost the team mascot. Sometimes during short road trips, Hilda even went with the team.
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Hilda loved Leo, and when Durocher struck a Dodger fan with brass knuckles and was sued, Hilda perjured herself in court, trying to trump up a reasonable explanation for Leo’s barbarity. ‘This man called me a cocksucker,’ she lied to the judge, ‘and Leo came to my defense.’
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“During the games Hilda lived in the bleacher seats with her bell. Durocher had given her a lifetime pass to the grandstand, but she preferred sitting in the bleachers with her entourage of fellow rowdies.
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With her fish peddler voice, she’d say, ‘You know me. Hilda wit da bell. Ain’t it trillin’? Home wuz never like dis, mac.’ When disturbed her favorite line was, ‘Eacha heart out, ya bum.’”
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wapedia.mobi

"Dancing" Harry, Basketball Mascot

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Image: remembertheaba.com

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SPORTS MASCOTS \ FANATICS
"Dancing" Harry of the ABA and NBA
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Dancing Harry was a staple at Madison Square Garden in the early 1970s at all New York Knicks home games. He would dance on the sidelines during timeouts and give the Whammy to the opposition. Apparently he was a sidekick to Earl Monroe as he was also the mascot for the Baltimore Bullets when Earl played there.
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His real name was Edward Cooper, who, as of 2001, was spending his days as a skycap at BWI Thurgood Marshall Airport in Baltimore, Maryland.
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: en.wikipedia.org

Image: profile.myspace.com
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SPORTS HECKLES
Heckling in the World of Sports
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Hecklers can appear at sporting events, most notably baseball games, and usually (but not always) direct their taunts at a visiting team.
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Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles American football team are notorious for heckling; among the most infamous incidents were booing a performer dressed as Santa Claus in a halftime show in 1968, and cheering at the career-ending injury of opposing player Michael Irvin in 1999, as well as routinely booing the Eagles themselves if they do not perform up to expectations.
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Often, sports heckling will also involve throwing objects onto the field; this has led most sports stadia to ban glass containers and bottlecaps.
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Another famous heckler is Robert Szasz, who regularly attends Tampa Bay Rays baseball games and is known for loudly heckling one opposing player per game or series.
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Former Yugoslav football star Dejan Savicevic is involved in an infamous incident with a heckler in which during an interview, a man on the street is heard shouting off-camera: "You're a piece of shit!" Dejan berated the man, and went on to finish the interview, without missing a beat.
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Australian sporting audiences are known for creative heckling. Perhaps the most famous is Yabba who has a grandstand at the Sydney Cricket Ground named after him.
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The sport of cricket is particularly notorious for heckling between the teams themselves, which is known as sledging.
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In the NHL one of the most famous heckling incidents was with Tie Domi and a Philadelphia Flyers fan. After exchanging some words and squirting of water at each other, the fan fell into the penalty box, where Tie started to punch the fan.
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At the NBA Drafts of recent years, many fans have gone with heckling ESPN NBA analyst and host of, Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith, Stephen A. Smith.
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Most notably, The Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen heckles him with a sock puppet dubbed as Stephen A. himself.
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In a game between Futebol Clube do Porto and Sport Lisboa e Benfica, one minute of silence was held for the passing of Goalkeeper Manuel Bento, former Benfica player. Porto fans proceeded to whistle and sung insulting chants.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: houserockbuilt.blogspot.com

Image: basspro.com
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COLLEGE FOOTBALL HUMOR
Humor by Andy Rooney
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Two Minutes on College Football
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College football is a game played by collegians. In France, when you talk about "football", they assume you mean a bunch of fruitcakes with long hair and mustaches kicking around a round ball. It's probably best not to start an argument with a Frenchman over this, because it will only lead to further frustration.
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Some teams have nicknames. Some are Lions, some are Bears. Some are Nittanies or Bruins, which are just needlessly fancy ways of saying Lions and Bears.
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You don't get one point each time you score, each time it's worth something different. Sometimes you get six points, sometimes you get three points, and still other times, for no reason at all, you get an "extra point".
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Have you noticed that there are some coaches like Joe Paterno who are very very old? Then, there are other coaches like Pat Fitzgerald who are very young. However, most of the coaches in football fall somewhere between those two in terms of age.
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Every conference thinks that they're the best, and even the teams that aren't in a conference think they're better than teams that are in a conference. Since it's not possible for all of them to be right, it's very likely that none of them are.
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And doesn't it seem strange that every college football team is composed of dozens of full-grown adult coaches and several dozen college students, and yet for some reason they're all obsessed with "impressing" a bunch of "computers".
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With all the education on those sidelines, you'd think somebody would point out the implicit absurdity of that very train of thought.
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Football is a physical, aggressive sport, and sometimes the players get into fights. When things get really heated, a player will take off his helmet and swing it around.
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Does it strike you as strange that their first instinct is to remove their most vital piece of safety equipment? I don't care if you're out of ammo in a foxhole, the last thing you'd want to use as a weapon is your bulletproof vest.
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I've been told that they don't sell beer in college stadiums, so I probably wouldn't want to go to a game. However, I'm also told that people drink it in the parking lots, so there are clearly two sides to every issue.
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: foulballs.net

BASEBALL HUMOR
Thursday, August 23, 2007
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Andy Rooney Is A Senile Idiot
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You know, most 88-year-olds are content to play a little canasta, gum some tapioca pudding and complain about the weather.
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But not 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney. The unibrowed curmudgeon has way more important stuff to grouse about.
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Like baseball. Rooney hates it. Always has, even as a kid.
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But according to his latest column, it's much worse now. Why, you ask?
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Cuz of those damned foreigners with their crazy names, that's why!
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"I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today's baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me."
You tell 'em, Andy!
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But you might want to put down your quill pen and check your pants.
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Yeah, I know. You've peed yourself.
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No problem, just push the "Nurse Call" button.
Rodriguez will come and clean it right up.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cbsnews.com

Image: commons.wikimedia.org
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SPORTS HUMOR
Humor by Andy Rooney
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This is the big time of year for baseball fans. I've never been much of a baseball fan myself. My father took me to a Yankees game when I was young and Joe DiMaggio struck out twice. I think that's what cooled me off on baseball. I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig but today's baseball stars are mostly unknown to me.
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I think baseball needs some rules changes, too. For example, managers are too big in the game. Every time I see a game on television, the manager is walking out on the field to butt in. Players ought to be making all those decisions themselves. Whose game is it anyhow?
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There are 30 major league baseball teams and there have been 102 World Series since the first one in 1903. The Yankees have been in 39 of those and they've won it 26 times. Four big league teams have never won a World's Series because they've never even played in one. And, by the way, isn't it sort of silly that they call it "The World Series" when most of the world doesn’t know baseball from ping pong?
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It's easier to understand why our football game isn't played in many other countries. It's complicated for one thing. Cricket is not played in many countries either of course but that's because cricket makes hopscotch seem exciting.
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In most countries they play what they call "football" but it's what we call "soccer." All the players need to play soccer is a ball and a pair of shorts. Our football is a better game but it takes expensive equipment.
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The figures they give us when they broadcast a game are things like batting averages and the number of first downs a team has made. When a player comes up to bat in a baseball game well I want to know his batting average, his salary and how smart he is. But then I’d also like to know the cumulative IQ and the cumulative salaries of the New York Yankee baseball team, compared to the New York Giants football team.
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As someone who never misses a Giants game myself, I don't want to talk about the IQ of football fans.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.aol.com

Image: logodesign.com
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OLYMPICS TRIVIA
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Olympics Champions - Where Are They Now?
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Mary Lou Retton
Then: (1984) Gymnastic gold medalist, two-time silver medalist and two-time bronze medalist.
Now: Resides in Houston and is the host of a children's program titled "Mary Lou's Flip Flop Shop" in addition to commercial endorsements.
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Mark Spitz
Then: (1968, '72) Nine-time swimming gold medalist. One silver and one bronze.
Now: Lives in Los Angeles and is self-employed as a corporate spokesperson (Medco Tour of Champions) and motivational speaker.
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Bruce Jenner
Then: (1976) Track and field gold medalist decathlon.
Now: Stars in E! reality series "Keeping Up with the Kardashians".
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Jim Abbott
Then: (1988) Baseball gold medalist.
Now: He currently works as a motivational speaker and resides near Harbor Springs, Mich.
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Bart Conner
Then: (1984) Two-time gold medalist -- gymnastics.
Now: Married to former Romanian gold medalist Nadia Comaneci. They currently own and operate Bart Conner Gymnastics Academy in Norman, Okla.
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Edwin Moses
Then: (1976, '84, '88) Two-time track and field gold medalist -- 400-meter hurdles; one silver -- 400-meter hurdles.
Now: Since election in 2000, Moses has been chairman of the Laureus World Sports Academy, which seeks "to promote and increase participation in sport at every level, and also to promote the use of sport as a tool for social change around the world."
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Greg Louganis
Then: (1976, '84, '88) Four-time diving gold medalist; one silver.
Now: Works in TV and is the subject of a current public affairs program titled "Sharing Moments". He will also star in an upcoming TV show called "So You Think You Can Dive" with Louganis as the host/judge.
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Carl Lewis
Then: (1984, '88, '92, 96) Nine-time track and field gold medalist -- 100 and 200 meters, 4x100-meter relay, long jump; one silver medal -- 200 meters.
Now: Currently lives in Los Angeles and continues to pursue an acting career.
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Michelle Akers
Then: (1996) Women's soccer gold medalist.
Now: Currently lives in a small central Florida town and dedicates herself to rescuing horses.
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John Carlos
Then: (1968) Track and field bronze medalist -- 200 meters.
Now: Track and field coach at a Palm Springs, Calif., high school. Recipient of 2008 Arthur Ashe Courage Award.
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Sugar Ray Leonard
Then: (1976) Boxing gold medalist -- light welterweight.
Now: Currently involved in TV boxing reality series "The Contender".
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Jim Ryun
Then: (1968) Track and field silver medalist -- 1500-meter race. Former world record holer for the mile.
Now: Member of US House of Representatives for Kansas' 2nd district.
.
Summer Sanders
Then: (1992) Swimming gold, silver and bronze medalist.
Now: Currently a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador of the US and cover girl for Oxygen Women's Fitness Magazine's "2008 Glutes Special Edition".
.
Rulon Gardner
Then: (2000, '04) Greco-Roman wrestling gold medalist at 130 kg in 2000. Bronze medalist at 120 kg in '04.
Now: Owns a business called "Gardner's Country Village" in his hometown of Afton, Wyo. It sells snacks and other items to travelers.
.
Joan Benoit
Then: (1984) Track and field gold medalist -- marathon.
Now: Resides in Maine. Operates a running clinic and is also a motivational speaker.
.
Michael Johnson
Then: (1992, '96, '00) Five-time track and field gold medalist 4x400-meter relay, 200 and 400 meters.
Now: Serves as BBC commentator, sports agent and writes a column for the London Daily Telegraph. Currently lives in Mill Valley, Calif.
.
Leroy Burrell
Then: (1992) Track and field gold medalist -- 400-meter relay. Former world's fastest man.
Now: University of Houston track and field coach.
.
Tommie Smith
Then: (1968) Track and field gold medalist -- 200 meters.
Now: Recipient of 2008 Arthur Ashe Courage Award. Until recently was a faculty member at Santa Monica College in California.
.
Dan O'Brien
Then: (1996) Track and field gold medalist -- decathlon.
Now: Resides in Phoenix. He owns Gold Medal Acceleration gym in Scottsdale and is a volunteer track coach at Arizona State.
.
Mary Decker-Stanley
Then: (1984) Did not medal in 3,000-meter run after falling.
Now: Resides near Eugene, Ore. Married to British discus thrower Richard Slaney. They share a 55-acre property with three dogs and five cats.
.
Chandra Cheeseborough
Then: (1984) Track and field gold medalist -- 4x100, 4x400 relay; silver medalist -- 400 meters.
Now: Assistant coach for 2008 US track and field team.
.
Clyde Drexler
Then: (1992) Men's basketball gold medalist.
Now: Color commentator for the Houston Rockets.
.
Karch Kiraly
Then: (1984, '88, '96) Three-time volleyball gold medalist -- two indoor, one beach.
Now: Will serve as volleyball commentator for NBC in Beijing.
.
Mitch Kupchak
Then: (1976) Men's basketball gold medalist.
Now: General manager of the Los Angeles Lakers.
.
Leo Randolph
Then: (1976) Boxing gold medalist -- flyweight.
Now: Resides in hometown of Tacoma and works as a transit operator and supervisor.
.
Gwen Torrence
Then: (1992, 1996) Three-time track and field gold medalist -- 200 meters, 4x100-meter relay twice; silver medalist -- 4x400-meter relay; bronze medlaist -- 100 meters.
Now: Works as a hairdresser and is raising her two children.
.
Lee Evans
Then: (1968) Two-time track and gold medalist -- 400 meters and 4x400-meter relay.
Now: Recently accepted an offer from the United Nations to work in refugee camps and perform additional humanitarian work in New Guinea after eight seasons as director of track and field at the University of South Alabama.
.
Zina Garrison
Then (1988) Tennis doubles gold medalist; singles bronze medalist.
Now: Battled bulimia and depression in late 1990s. Current serves as captain of U.S. Federation Cup team.
.
Maurice Greene
Then: (2000, 2004) Two-time track and field gold medalist -- 100 meters, 4x100-meter relay; silver medalist -- 4x100-meter relay; bronze medalist -- 100 meters. Former world's fastest man.
Now: Retired from competition in February, 2008. Currently dates Claudia Jordan, who holds case No. 1 on NBC's "Deal Or No Deal". Also appeared in reality TV show "Blind Date".
.
Nicole Haislett
Then: (1992) Three-time swimming gold medalist.
Now: Works as activities director for an assisted-living facility in Boca Ciega Bay, Fla.
.
Butch Reynolds
Then: (1988) Two-time track and field gold medalist -- 400 meters and 4x400-meter relay.
Now: Resigned in April as speed coach for Ohio State University football program.
.
Frank Shorter
Then: (1972, '76) Track and field gold medalist - marathon; silver medalist in '76.
Now: Resides in Boulder, Colo. runs his own sportswear company, Frank Shorter Sports. Former attorney.
.
Joe Frazier
Then: (1964) Boxing gold medalist - heavyweight.
Now: Trains fighters and maintains "Smokin' Joe Frazier Foundation" benefiting inner city youth and families in Philadelphia.
.
Phil Ford
Then: (1976) Men's basketball gold medalist.
Now: Assistant coach with NBA's Charlotte Bobcats.
.
Roger Kingdom
Then: (1984, '88) Track and field gold medalist 110-meter hurdles.
Now: Track and field coach at Division II California University of Pennsylvania.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: chessville.com

Image: commons.wikimedia.org
.
CHESS QUOTES
.
I don’t allow takebacks; get a better mouse or a better brain. – Pablo Sierra
.
The money and the women. – Jeremy Silman (when asked what had attracted him to chess)
.
Just ignore my girlfriend sitting behind me in the gallery. She's the one in the front chair with the tight semi-transparent halter-top, in the micro-mini skirt. – Walter Browne
.
The reason they call it chess, is that all the four-letter words were taken. – Source Unknown
.
Most arguments about chess consist very largely of one person arguing that all the other participants in the discussion are jackasses. He usually proves it, and he also usually proves that he is one himself. – Adapted from H. L. Mencken
.
I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chessboard in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered. – Robert Benchley
.
I drink, I smoke, I gamble, I chase girls - but postal chess is one vice I don't have. – Mikhail Tal
.
A bad day at chess is better than any good day of chasing some silly little dimpled ball all over somebody's cow pasture. – White
.
The worst thing a wife can do is learn how to play the game herself. First, she will want to accompany her husband to chess tournaments. Then she will play the chess computer. Soon she will prove to be too much competition and may beat her husband in an off-hand game. That does it. It is time to give up chess, sell or give away his chess books, and take up golf. – Bill Wall
.
The wife of an addicted chessplayer is a lonely creature who must put up with her husband’s obsession with chess. The chessplayer’s widow sees her husband as a vague person who is more interested in a checkmate than his own mate. He is studying his board; she is bored of his studying. He is thinking of knight moves; she is thinking of the nightlife; he is looking for mate in one; she is looking for one to mate. – Bill Wall
.
The chessplayer’s widow probably suffers more if her husband has won. He brings home a small trophy and already spent his prize money by taking all his chess friends to a pizza house. The wife must listen with interest as he gives her a move-by-move description in detail with added explanations of how brilliant each move was, including all variations. The wife must follow her chess-playing husband from room to room, so as not to escape a single move of a particular game, or else suffer the consequences of him setting up the pieces all over again and starting over from move one. – Bill Wall
.
According to Nigel “Romeo” Short, this move is more solid than 15…b5, which he describes as being similar to a playboy’s concept of marriage: ‘too committal’. – D. Ebrahim Al Mannai
.
Short was struttin’ his hot stuff with some of the attractive ladies in attendance. They somehow managed to resist his studly hands-in-pockets-with-shoulders-hunched in mating stance as he worked his mojo. – D. Ebrahim Al Mannai (on Nigel Short in attendance at the pre-match festivities for the Kramnik-Deep Fritz match in Bahrain)
.
Do not be alarmed about the state of your adversary's health, when, after losing two or three games, he complains of having a bad headache, or of feeling very unwell. If he should win the next game, you will probably hear no more of this. – Richard Penn
.
Once while walking over Waterloo Bridge, in London, with stout-hearted Teichmann, we conversed of the ingredients that associate to make a chess player. I ventured a remark that, if he would name one indispensable ingredient, I would name an able player wholly destitute of it. And Richard very tolerantly said, "Have you given any thought to vanity'?" – William Napier
.
I would probably have taken cyanide that night, had I been a few years younger. – Edward Lasker (on losing a won game to Janowski, New York 1924)
.
Tartakower was once playing in a tournament on a very hot day. He called for a glass of iced water. The waiter prepared him a drink with lavish care, squeezing out fresh oranges. He brought it to the table where Tartakower was deep in thought. Without looking at it, Tartakower picked up the glass and poured the contents over his head. – Source Unknown
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesjunction.com

Image: amazon.com
.
GOLF QUOTES
.
May thy ball lie in green pastures… and not in still waters.
Author Unknown
.
Born to golf. Forced to work.
Author Unknown
.
A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
Author Unknown
.
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
Author Unknown
.
If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.
Percey Boomer
.
Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
Princess Anne
.
I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.Chi Chi Rodriguez
.
His driving is unbelievable. I don’t go that far on my holidays.
Ian Baker-Finch
.
One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.
George Archer
.
Golf is hockey at the halt.
Arthur Marshall
.
The worst club in my bag is my brain.
Chris Perry
.
Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain’t no game.
Burt Shotten
.
The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
Author Unknown
.
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.
Lee Trevino
.
Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
Paul O’Neil
.
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.
Barry Fitzgerald
.
I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
Jim Dent
.
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
Bob Ryan
.
If I can hit a curveball, why can’t I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?Larry Nelson
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: megaquotes.info

Image: pfeiffer-photo.com
.
GAMBLING QUOTES
.
Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~Gloria Steinem
.
A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. ~Author Unknown
.
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn’t come in until half-past five. ~Henny Youngman
.
You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. ~Will Rogers
.
A race track is a place where windows clean people. ~Danny Thomas
.
No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him. ~Bud Flanagan
.
Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit. ~R.E. Shay
.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something. ~Wilson Mizner
.
In most betting shops you will see three windows marked “Bet Here,” but only one window with the legend “Pay Out.” ~Jeffrey Bernard
.
The house doesn’t beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself. ~Nick Dandalos
.
In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there. ~Author Unknown
.
Man is a gaming animal. He must always be trying to get the better in something or other. ~Charles Lamb, Essays of Elia, 1823
.
The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. ~Heywood Broun
.
For most men (till by losing rendered sager)
Will back their own opinions by a wager.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, “Beppo”
========================
.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hubpages.com

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Comedians
.
I'm the kind of guy who has to tell his wife he's going to Hooters so he can go play golf. - Ray Romano
.
Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass. - Adam Sandler (in Happy Gilmore)
.
Anyone who likes golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens. - Andy Rooney
.
Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before when he knows that the safest place to be is right down the middle. - Jackie Gleason
.
When you start driving your ball down the middle, you meet a different class of people. - Phil Harris
.
He didn't wear the green jacket [from the Maseters Tournament] did he? Why would he do that? Who wears a green jacket if you're not spanking a hooker? - Brad Garret
.
O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment. For the rest of his life, he has to associate with golfers. - George Carlin
.
I did not want to turn to golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. - Bill Cosby
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pickuphockey.com

HOCKEY QUOTES
Quotes from a Hockey Forum
.
"Hitting is a part of the game. You've got to be a man to play this game and you've got to be able to keep your head up. Clean hit. Nothing more to say."Jordin Tootoo
.
Great Line my personal favorite is basically
" That hit was a joke, thats a definition of a joke right there, the knee on knee with Jochen thats a joke, its a f**in joke, its a complete joke."
I tried my best to paraphrase it in to my own words but thats Lindy Ruff on Tucker's hit on Jochen Hecht.
.
And: "If you can't beat them in the alley, you can't beat them on the ice" and that was Conn Smythe, I believe.
.
Dave "Tiger" Williams......"Dat Teams Done Like Dinner"
.
Even though I dont like him, Pronger has a great line when asked if he'll miss any time with an injury."I'm day-to-day with hurt feelings"
.
I forget who said it and who posted it,,, but apprently some old hockey icon on his death bed said to his wife..."I love you more than hockey" at least he gave his wife some peace of mind before he left.
.
Im not sure if this is right word for word but I liked Brian Burke's saying last year "If you come looking for a square dance in our barn you'll find one". Instant classic.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: boxingbanter.com

Image: ringmemorabilia.com
.
BOXING TRIVIA
Bert Sugar's Top 100 Fighters of All Time
.
Posted: September 26 2006 Post subject: Bert Sugar's top 100
------------------------------------
.
1) Ray Robinson
2) Hank Armstrong
3) Willie Pep
4) Joe Louis
5) Harry Greb
6) Benny Leonard
7) Muhammad Ali
8)Roberto Duran
9) Jack Dempsey
10) Jack Johnson
11) Mickey Walker
12) Tony Canzoneri
13) Gene Tunney
14) Rocky Marciano
15) Joe Gans
16) Sam Langford
17) Julio Cesar Chavez
18) Jimmy Wilde
19) Stanley Ketchel
20) Barney Ross
21) Jimmy McClarnin
22) Archie Moore
23) Marcel Cerdan
24) Ezzard Charles
25) Ray Leonard
26) The Original Joe Walcott
27) Jake Lamotta
28)Eder Jofre
29) Emile Griffith
30) Terry McGivern
31) George Foreman
32) Johnny Dundee
33) Jose Napoles
34) Pascual Perez
35) Billy Conn
36) Ruben Olivares
37) Joe Frazier
38) Tommy Loughran
39) Sandy Saddler
40) Kid Chocolate
41) Abe Attell
42) Evander Holyfield
43) George Dixon
44) Maxie Rosenbloom
45) Larry Holmes
46) Ted 'Kid' Lewis
47) Marvin Hagler
48) Pernell Whitaker
49) Carlos Zarate
50) Thomas Hearns
51) Battling Nelson
52) Beau Jack
53) Ricardo Lopez
54) John L Sullivan
55) Carlos Monzon
56) Alexis Arguello
57) Carmen Basilio
58)Pete Herman
59) Charley Burley
60) Ike Williams
61) Kid Gavilan
62) Jack Britton
63) Dick Tiger
64) Pancho Villa
65) Panama Al Brown
66) Bob Fitzsimmons
67) Philadelphia Jack O'Brien
68) Tiger Flowers
69) James J Corbett
70) Tony Zale
71) Tommy Ryan
72) Georges Carpentier
73) Sonny Liston
74) Kid McCoy
75) Bob Foster
76) Freddie Welsh
77) Joe Jeanette
78) Jim Driscoll
79) Jersey Joe Walcott
80) Peter Jackson
81) Ad Wolgast
82) Jack Dempsey nonpareil
83) Manuel Ortiz
84) Jim Jeffries
85) Salvador Sanchez
86) Jimmy Barry
87) Carlos Ortiz
88) Roy Jones jr.
89) Wilfredo Gomez
90) Aaron Pryor
91) Bernard Hopkins
92) Mike Gibbons
93) Jack Delaney
94) Johnny Kilbane
95) Willie Ritchie
96) Wilfred Benitez
97) Packy MacFarland
98) Rocky Graziano
99) Lew Jenkins
100) Mike Tyson
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: huffingtonpost.com

BOXING QUOTES
Quotes by Bert Sugar
.
Sanford D. Horwitt
Jake LaMotta in a Pantsuit, and Other Presidential Contenders
Posted April 8, 2008
---------------------------------------
.
Campaigning in Philadelphia last week, Hillary Clinton threw a bucket of cold water on the growing chorus calling for her to concede the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama. Evoking the image of Philadelphia's fictional fighting hero, Rocky Balboa, Hillary said: "Let me tell you something. When it comes to finishing the fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up."
.
Her identification with Rocky got me thinking about boxing and presidential politics from a neutral corner, so to speak. What legendary, real-life fighters are reminiscent of Clinton, Obama and John McCain?
.
As a kid growing up in the Midwest in the 1950s, I was often glued to the TV set watching the Friday nights fights from Madison Square Garden. Partly, it was the wonderful, exotic names--Kid Gavilan was one of my favorites.
.
But mainly I was intrigued by the contrasting styles of the sluggers, counter punchers, southpaws and so forth. And in boxing, style counts for a lot, as it does in politics.
.
The other day, I tracked down the Boxing Hall of Fame historian Bert Randolph Sugar, and asked him to share his pugilistic insights on the three political heavyweights still in the ring.
.
The author of 80 books, Sugar, 72, answered the phone at his home in, of all places, Chappaqua, New York, where Bill and Hillary also live--and nearby. "I can see their house," he says. "Seamus, their dog, leaves presidential souvenirs on my lawn."
.
As soon as I popped the question, Sugar was off and running. "The person that Hillary reminds me of is Jake LaMotta. He had grit, guts. He was a rough, tough brawler. He didn't mind taking two to the face to land one to the body."
.
LaMotta was the middleweight champion when, on the night of February 14, 1951 in Chicago, Sugar Ray Robinson dethroned him in the 13th round. The ending of that brutal fight, which some call the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, was immortalized in the movie, Raging Bull. In the movie, when the referee mercifully stops the fight as LaMotta is pummeled on the ropes, Jake defiantly shouts at Robinson: "You never got me down, Ray, you never got me down." That, Bert Sugar says, "reminds me of Hillary."
.
In his book, Boxing's Greatest Fighters, Sugar ranks Ray Robinson and Henry Armstrong as the top two of all time. His third best, who lost only once in his first 136 fights, was the featherweight champion Willie Pep, who fought mainly in the 1940s and 50s.
.
"Obama is a Willie Pep," Sugar says. "Pep had great moves, and was always on the move. He once won a round without throwing a punch. He was as eloquent in his movements as Obama is in his speech. And you couldn't lay a glove on him."
.
Indeed, Sugar, who prefers Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination, thinks Obama's dazzling style has allowed him to elude potential haymakers such as his association with the Chicago pastor Jeremiah Wright, Jr.
.
In recent weeks, John McCain has portrayed himself as an amalgam of Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan. McCain's incorporation of several styles and images reminds Bert Sugar of the 1920s heavyweight Gene Tunney.
.
"Tunney was a boxer with predecessors," is the way Sugar puts it. "He appropriated from others. He would take a little of this fighter, James J. Corbett, a little of that fighter, Benny Leonard, a little from Hank Dillon, a light heavyweight champion. And that made him what he was.
.
" Tunney had a highly successful career, losing only once in 83 bouts, the loss occurring in a 1922 bout when he absorbed a terrible beating from Harry "The Windmill" Greb. "Tunney's blood was all over everybody in the first five rows," Sugar says. But like McCain, who was bloodied in the 2000 South Carolina primary and left for dead by Karl Rove and his boys, Tunney's tenacity and smarts ultimately paid off. In four subsequent bouts with Greb, he won them all.
.
Last year, Bert Sugar and the fabled boxing trainer Angelo Dundee coauthored the book, My View From the Corner. Sugar suggested I give his friend Angie a call, which I did. Dundee, gregarious and energetic-sounding at 86-years old, said he didn't follow politics. "I know boxing; I don't know anything else," he assured me.
.
But when I asked Dundee, who trained Muhammad Ali and George Foreman among other champions, about Willie Pep, you could almost see his eyes widening. "Oh, God. The most magnificent boxer I ever saw. He was so graceful. It was like watching a ballet dancer in mid-air. He was my hero. I told him: 'Willie, you were the greatest I ever saw.'"
.
And come Election Day in November, John McCain may discover what Hillary Clinton already knows: it's hard to beat somebody as talented as Willie Pep.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: robneyer.com

Image: robneyer.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes about Boston's Fenway Park
.
Talkin' Fenway
I hoped to include a section of quotes at the beginning of the book, or at least insert a quote to lead each chapter. But I wasn’t able to get either done, so instead here are the best quotes I’ve found about Fenway Park and Red Sox baseball.
.
.
“… the Wall giveth and the Wall taketh away.”
-- Roger Angell
.
“Fenway Park, in Boston, is a lyric little bandbox of a ball park. Everything is painted green and seems in curiously sharp focus, like the inside of an old-fashioned peeping-type Easter egg.”
-- John Updike
.
“Baseball isn’t a life-and-death matter, but the Red Sox are.”
-- Mike Barnicle, Boston Globe, 1977
.
“All literary men are Red Sox fans. To be a Yankee fan in literary society is to endanger your life.”
-- John Cheever
.
“The Yankees belong to George Steinbrenner and the Dodgers belong to Manifest Destiny, but the Red Sox, more than any other team, belong to the fans.”
-- Steve Wulf, Sports Illustrated, 1981
.
“An almost inexorable baseball law: A Red Sox ship with a single leak will always find a way to sink ... No team is worshipped with such a perverse sense of fatality.”
-- Thomas Boswell, How Life Imitates the World Series, 1982
.
“Boston has two seasons: August and winter.”
-- Billy Herman, Red Sox manager, 1965
.
“The Red Sox are a religion. Every year we re-enact the agony and the temptation in the Garden. Baseball child’s play? Hell, up here in Boston it’s a passion play.”
-- George V. Higgins, Time, 1980
.
“Almost anywhere in Fenway you feel connected. There are no distant seats. There really is a feeling of connection and intimacy.”
-- David Halberstam in Fenway
.
“There’s no place like it, and it’s ours.”
-- Stephen King in Fenway
.
“... I’ve got this ace in the hole in the back of my mind that it will never happen because Boston is so goddamned corrupt that it’s be forty or fifty years before they grease enough palms.”
-- Stephen King in Fenway
.
“Great stretches of Canadian forests have been destroyed to print the paper on which people have written paeans to Fenway Park. There’s something in its intimacy, there’s something in that incredible green-ness. There’s something in the peculiarity of the way that the outfield follows its meandering pathway from right to left ...”
-- Dan Okrent (source?)
.
“The Great Wall of Boston, the left field fence, the Tombstone of the Red Sox. It has done more to bury their pennant chances year in and year out than the generations of scatter-arm shortstops, banjo hitters, crooked-arm pitchers and even the unfriendly press. The Wall is the biggest enemy to Boston since the Redcoats.”
-- Jim Murray (L.A. Times, 1967)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: angryclam.com

Image: commons.wikimedia.org
.
OLYMPICS TRIVIA
.
[ Includes Track and Field Sports ]

.
Not every Olympic event has been a success. Some, like live pigeon shooting and equestrian high jump, lasted just one year. Here’s a look at some other sports no longer in the Olympic program:
.
Rope climb (1896, 1904, 1924, 1932): Using only their hands, competitors try to see how fast they can get to the top of the rope.
.
One-hand weightlifting (1896): Similar to the modern snatch event, but athletes were only allowed to use one hand.
.
Tug-of-war (1900-1920): Two teams of eight try to pull a rope six feet; if neither team reaches the mark after five minutes, the team that pulls the farthest wins.
.
Standing high jump (1900-1912): Same as the traditional high jump, only without a run-up.
.
Standing broad jump (1900-1912): The long jump without a run-up.
.
Standing triple jump (1900-1904): Also known as the hop, step and jump; started from a stationary position.
.
Underwater swimming (1900): Swimmers were awarded points for how far they went and how long they stayed under water.
.
Swimming obstacle race (1900): Racers had to swim through the River Seine, climb up and down a pole, then go over and under several boats.
.
Live pigeon shooting (1900): The birds were released and shooters tried to kill as many as possible.
.
Equestrian high jump (1900): Riders see who can jump the highest on horseback.
.
Equestrian long jump (1900): Long jumping on horseback.
.
Basque pelota (1900): A form of handball played mostly on the border of Spain and France.
.
Rugby union (1900, 1908-24): One of the most popular team sports in the world still waiting to get back into the Olympics.
.
56-pound weight throw (1904, 1920): A 56-pound weight affixed with a handle that’s thrown over a pole vault bar.
.
All-around dumbbell contest (1904): Competitors performed 10 different lifts with dumbbells over two days.
.
Club swinging (1904): Similar to rhythmic gymnastics, only the competitors swing clubs around their bodies.
.
Plunge diving (1904): From a standing position, divers see how far they can go without taking a stroke.
.
Duelling pistol (1906): Shooters fired at mannequins wearing frock coats and bull’s-eyes on their chests.
.
Motor boating (1908): Three categories of races in boats; IOC later decided against allowing anything with a motor.
.
Jeu de paume (1908): Similar to squash, only competitors use their hands instead of a racket to strike the ball.
.
Plain high diving (1912-24): Divers were not allowed to do any acrobatic moves; they just dove straight into the water.
.
Tumbling (1932): Athletes do flips and twists along a two-foot-wide strip; now part of the modern gymnastics floor exercise.
.
Solo synchronized swimming (1984-92): Swimmers were awarded points based on routines synchronized to music.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cleveland-sports.spaces.live.com

Image: profile.myspace.com
.
BASEBALL TRIVIA

Proof That Baseball Is A Weird Game

.
If you want more proof that baseball is a funny game, look no further than the Indians four game sweep over the Tampa Bay Rays this weekend. The Tribe came into the series on a 10 game losing streak, and the Rays had the league’s best record. Cleveland has a journeyman just up from the minor leagues (Matt Ginter) and a guy who hadn’t won a big league game all year (Jeremy Sowers) pitching the last two games of the series, yet won both games. Weird, indeed!
.
Want more proof? Look at SS Jhonny Peralta. Peralta was struggling all season long at the plate. His strike zone judgment regressed, his batting average was in the .220 range, and he couldn’t seem to get a hit with a man on base. For some reason, Eric Wedge decided to put him into the clean up spot in the batting order. Since that move has been made, Peralta has torn the cover off the ball. Over the last 30 days, the SS is batting .340 with 5 HR’s and 24 RBI. He’s raised his batting average to .261, and his OPS is approaching 800, which is above average league wide. Very, very strange.

===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: billiards.about.com

Image: clown-ministry.com
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BILLIARDS HUMOR
.
Pool Beats Golf
Why Pocket Billiards is the Superior Game

As much I love golfing, I must say pool trumps it in so many ways:
.
Don’t have to bring my own ball(s)
.
Dress code is more chic
.
Fewer are allergic to felt than mowed St. Augustine grass
.
I can shoot pool when it snows or sleets and I hardly ever lose a ball in the water
.
No out-of-bounds stakes
.
One cue, not 14 different clubs
.
Open until dawn, not waking before dawn
.
Pool: $5 per hour; Golf: $5,000 per membership
.
The higher the score the better you scored
.
The National Sporting Goods Association ranked Golf in 2006 as the 16th most popular participatory sport (24.4 million US golfers). Pocket Billiards firmly ranked as eleventh.
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mndaily.com

Image: riogrande.com.br
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HANDBALL QUOTES
May 7, 2008
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U instructor inducted into handball hall of fame
.
More than 40 years ago, a young man serving in the Navy began noticing men congregating in a cement room - the men were playing handball. And the rest is history for Jim Carlson, who's loved the sport ever since.
.
On Wednesday, Carlson, who instructs handball at the University, will be inducted into the Minnesota State Handball Association Hall of Fame as a coach and teacher. Only one other player has been inducted for his coaching and teaching abilities alone.
.
"To be able to retire and teach young adults is amazing," Carlson said. "Even the ones who can't throw the ball in the beginning can volley and are smiling at the end."
.
Carlson has taught about 500 University students since he began teaching handball at the University Recreation Center in 2003. Carlson began teaching the sport at the Midway YMCA in St. Paul in the early 1970s.
.
Carlson said while players can quickly develop talent in some sports, handball requires years of practice to master the fundamental skills.
.
"It takes everything you got to play handball," Carlson said. "You can't think about anything else. It consumes all your thoughts and energy."
.
Carlson said the sport, which dates back to 1840s Ireland, is perfect for former high school and college athletes because it keeps them in shape.

Professional sports teams like the New York Yankees and the Minnesota Vikings require their players to play handball during the off-season to keep up their hand-eye coordination, strength, quickness and endurance.
.
Carlson recruited the help of two volunteers, Ted Bergstrom and Ron Causton, to help him instruct the students.
.
Like Carlson, both Causton, 70, and Bergstrom, 78, have been playing the sport for four decades.
.
Bergstrom said he lettered in four different sports in college - boxing, track, football and wrestling - none of which could he perform in his later years.
.
"You can play handball anywhere at any age," Bergstrom said.
And all three men consistently conquer college students on the court.
"Old age and trickery will win over youth every time," Causton said, laughing.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: icing.org

Image: rottentomatoes.com

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CURLING HUMOR

.

For those not that familiar with curling terms and slang

please see below curling lingo to help the curling novice

appreciate Men with Brooms, a movie about the sport pf

curling.

.

CURLING TERMINOLOGY (humorous take on each term):

°A

.

°B

° Beginner: The new curler who makes great shots with wrong turns and crappy deliveries.

° Biter: That one rock in the last end of a tied game that has been shot at and missed 6 times in a row.

° Blank: The look on a Skip's face when he/she flashes a hammer-shot past an open hit and gives up six.

° Blanked end: Nobody had draw weight.

° Bonspiel: An excuse to get together with a bunch of guys, drink some beer, curl a few ends, drink more beer, curl a few more ends, drink more beer, smoke cigars, drink more beer, ....

° Broom (Brush): Something for a Skip to lean on when he/she gets tired from yelling at the front end to "Hurry! Hard!" (See Off the Broom.)

° Broom Bag: An extra large carrying case that will hold 1 curling broom, 24 cans of beer, 1 bottle scotch, 1 large bag of ice cubes, 3 bags of pretzels and more.

° Bury: What you do with your head when you hog your rock in the eighth end.

° Button: The thing on which you put your tired butt, after you've swept 16 light rocks. (Also known as a bench).

.

° C
° Chip: A short shot with a short back-swing in order to land the ball on the green .. oops .. wishing it were summer! (See Tee-line.)

° Curling: A game in which you slide rocks along a surface of ice. Rocks which you expect to curl will go straight, and rocks which you expect to go straight will curl. It's lots of fun and the outcome of the game is often left totally up to chance.

.

° D
° Delivery: That beautiful, fully-balanced, rink-long slide with a controlled, smooth release that allows the shot to miss anyway.

° Double: What every losing curler wants to order when the opposition asks what he/she is drinking. (See Triple.)

° Draw: The best outcome of a game between a husband and a wife.

° Draw-master: The Skip you beat in your last game. He/she makes certain your next game is against the defending World Championship team which is playing its way out of your club.

° Draw weight: Damned if I know!

.

° E
° Eight-foot: The space between the object rock and the Vice's shooter as he/she misses a takeout. (See Four-foot and Twelve-foot.)

° End: What the front end thinks a hard-swept game will never do.

° Extra end: The favourite(??) part of a game for Leads and Seconds, especially when it comes in the 3rd 10-end game of the day.

.

° F
° Flip (Toss) of the coin: A very important part of the game. It determines the colour of the handles on the rocks upon which you will blame your poor shots.

°Four-foot: The space between the object rock and the Second's shooter as he/she misses a takeout. (See Eight-foot and Twelve-foot.)

° Free Guard Zone: The area of the ice where all shots that were too light end up.

° Freeze: What you do until you sweep the first 2 stones.

° Front End: The 2 players who make the Skip look good.

.

° G
° Gallery: The 100's of people who witness your miss of a simple hit and stay for the win. Also, the 1 lone soul who witnesses your quadruple angle-raise takeout for 8.

° Guard: A shot that was supposed to take out an opponent's stone but came up short of the house. (See Hit.)

° Good Curling: Being healthy enough to be at the rink and able to participate. (Consider the alternatives.)

° Great Shot: Any time Lady Luck is on your side.

° Gripper: The guy who knows why every shot was a miss: "The ice was too wide! A straw caught the stone! There was frost on the ice!" .. Wait .. I thought you said "GRIPER"!

.

° H
° Hack: A hopelessly untalented curler.

° Hammer: What you want to use on your Skip after he/she misses an open hit and gives up 6.

° Hard: The shot you are expected to make to save the end.

° Heavy: The rock that Bubba picks up and wipes on his sweater, in order to clean its running surface.

° Hit: A shot that was supposed to be a guard but was too heavy and knocked out a stone or 2 or 3. (See Guard.)

° Hog: The first guy to the buffet table at a curling banquet.

° Hog Line: The rest of the people at the buffet table at a curling banquet.

° House: A dwelling a curler owns and inhabits during summer months but only visits between bonspiels in winter.° Hurry: A way to make it to the washroom between shots.

.

° I
° In-turn: When all players throw their rocks in the proper order. (See Out-turn.)

.

° J
.

° K
° Keen: The attitude of a curler in the first end until the opposition scores 6.

.

° L
° Lead: Short for Leader .. truely, the most important member of the team.

° Losers: The most skilled players with the best excuses. (See Winners.)

.

° M
° Measurement: The 3 fingers laid against the side of a tall glass to indicate how much rum you want in the glass.

.

° N
° Negative ice: A skip's explanation for missing his/her shot by a mile.

° Nice try: What a kind Skip calls the shot that you missed.

° Narrow: Not wide. (See Wide.)

.

° O
° Off the broom: The brief moments in a game when the Skip isn't leaning on his/her broom. (See Broom.)

° On the broom: Not wide! Not narrow! Just lucky!

° Outside, Inside, Pinched the broom! Expressions used by your Skip to say you missed the shot. The terms never imply that the broom was positioned wrong in the first place.

° Out-turn: When a team member throws one too many rocks. (See In-turn.)

.

° P
° Pebble: That huge piece of something that snags under a rock to make it come to a sudden and untimely stop.° Pick: The reason given by the Skip for his/her stone coming up 12 feet short on a free draw.

° Q

.
° R

.
° Raise: The 100% increase in pay earned by an unpaid player after he/she makes a good shot.

.

° Release: Remembering to let go of the rock, remembering to put on the correct turn, remembering to apply the correct weight, remembering you were supposed to be throwing the other colour, just as you let go of the rock.

° Rings: Gifts brought home to abandoned curling wives.

.

° S
° Second: The amount of time between a button draw and a hack weight take-out.

° Sheets: What the East Coast curler suffers after 3 jugs of crummy draft beer.

° Shit shot: The shot nobody saw. It often has "parking lot" weight and, after unforeseen rubs and hits and rolls, leaves the team which was sitting 4 (buried) looking at its opposition counting 2.

° Shitty shot: According to your Skip, anything you miss. (See Tough shot.)

° Skip: The position that each member of the team thinks he/she is playing.

° Slider: A common expression heard 2 hours after the game, at one of the lounge tables, as in .. "That thar beer .. slider over here!"

° Stats: The record of the shots you made .. this number will rarely exceed 30%.

° Stone: That extremely heavy piece of granite that seems to slide and slide and slide and slide with very lttle effort.

° Sweep: Something a curler (except a Skip) will almost kill him/herself doing on ice, but wouldn't be caught dead doing at home.

.

° T
° Take-out: The meal wolfed down between shots in the 3rd game of the day.

° Tap: The long handle the bar maid pulls to fill the jug.

° Tee-line: The place where you set up the ball before you .. oops .. thinking of summer again! (See Chip.)

° Tie-breaker: The game between the 2 teams tied for 5th place, scheduled at 6 AM, Sunday morning. (Players would have preferred winner to be declared on Saturday, by flip of a coin.)

° Toss (Flip) of the coin: A very important part of the game. It determines the colour of the handles on the rocks upon which you will blame your poor shots.

° Tough shot: According to your Skip, anything he/she misses. (See Shit shot.)

° Triple: A double, but even better, especially if you lost. (See Double.)

° Trophy: The prize given to a winning team. Usually, it will not fit inside a mini-van, takes 4 gloating grown-ups to carry it, takes up 3/4 of a photograph and has not been engraved for the past 12 years. Smaller varieties fill attics, garages and basements everywhere.

° Twelve-foot: The space between the object rock and the Skip's shooter as he/she misses a takeout. (See Four-foot and Eight-foot.)

° U

.
° V
° Vice: What non-curlers say fanatic curlers have.

.

° W
° Wide: Not Narrow. (See Narrow.)

° Winners: Those that Lady Luck liked the most. (See Losers.)

.

° X
.

° Y
.

° Z

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: medawarcorner.wordpress.com

TENNIS HUMOR
.
The Tennis Player’s Prayer
.
Please don’t let me be so nervous
When I toss the ball for service.
.
Give me speed and strength unhaulting,
Aces and no double-faulting.
.
Instill in me the skill and dash
Of Agassiie, Williams, Roddick and Ashe.
.
When a high lob starts to fall,
Must I always miss the ball?
.
Lord, I know you could, I’m sure,
Find me a Tennis Elbow cure.
.
With the guidance from above,
Never let me fall in ‘love.’
.
And, Lord, while on matters of this sort
Please let me find an open court!!
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bodybydesignonline.com

TRACK AND FIELD QUOTES
Quotes about Running
July 17, 2008
.
I’m never going to run this again. Grete Waitz after the first of nine NYC Marathons
.
Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity. Michael Johnson
.
I started running in high school. I found out if you run fast then you can get girls. Kim Collins
.
To be number one, you have to train like you're number two. Maurice Greene
.
When the gun shoots, you got to go. Ato Boldon
.
I became a great runner because if you’re a kid in Leeds and your name is Sebastian you’ve got to become a great runner. Sebastian Coe
.
I was pushed by myself because I have my own rule, and that is that every day I run faster, and try harder. Wilson Kipketer after being asked is the $50,000 prize on offer tempted him to break the world record.
.
The decathlon is nine Mickey Mouse events and the 1500 metres. Steve Ovett
.
World records are only borrowed. Sebastian Coe
.
If a man coaches himself, then he has only himself to blame when he is beaten. Roger Bannister
.
The will to win means nothing if you haven’t the will to prepare. Juma Ikangaa
.
If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a board and knock me down, because that means I didn’t run hard enough. Steve Jones
.
Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder. William Sigei
.
We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon. Emil Zatopek
.
Running is a lot like life. Only 10 percent of it is exciting. 90 percent of it is slog and drudge. David Bedford
.
School cross country runs started because the rugby pitches were flooded. There was an alternative: extra studying. This meant there were plenty of runners on sports afternoons. Gordon Pirie
.
I prefer to remain in blissful ignorance of the opposition. That way I’m not frightened by anyone’s reputation. Ian Thompson
.
I ran for myself, not Finland. Paavo Nurmi
.
The only tactics I admire are do-or-die. Herb Elliot
.
First is first, and second is nowhere. Ian Stewart
.
Mind is everything: muscle–pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind. Paavo Nurmi
.
Hills are speedwork in disguise. Frank Shorter
===========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timelessquotes.com

Image: x-fire.biz
.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Lou Holtz
.
If you burn your neighbors house down, it doesn't make your house look any better.
.
A lifetime contract for a coach means if you're ahead in the third quarter and moving the ball, they can't fire you.
.
Coaching is nothing more than eliminating mistakes before you get fired.
.
It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.
.
There's nothing is this world more instinctively abhorrent to me than finding myself in agreement with my fellow-humans.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timelessquotes.com

Image: illustrationsof.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Sparky Anderson
.
Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.
.
A baseball manager is a necessary evil.
.
Casey knew his baseball. He only made it look like he was fooling around. He knew every move that was ever invented and some that we haven't even caught on to yet.
.
I don't want to embarrass any other catcher by comparing him to Johnny Bench.
.
If I ever find a pitcher who has heat, a good curve, and a slider, I might seriously consider marrying him, or at least proposing.
.
If I hear Bowie Kuhn say just once more he's doing something for the betterment of baseball, I'm going to throw-up.
.
It's a terrible thing to have to tell your fans, who have waited like Detroit's have, that their team won't win it this year. But it's better than lying to them.
.
My idea of managing is giving the ball to Tom Seaver and sitting down and watching him work.
.
Players have two things to do. Play and keep their mouths shut.
.
The great thing about baseball is when you're done, you'll only tell your grandchildren the good things. If they ask me about 1989, I'll tell them I had amnesia.
.
We're the best team in baseball, but not by much.
.
You give us the pitching some of these clubs have and no one could touch us, but God has a way of not arranging that, because it's not as much fun.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timelessquotes.com

Image: jtrue.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Whitey Herzog
.
I'm not buddy-buddy with the players. If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.
Whitey Herzog
.
Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.
.
Some people asked me if I would be interested in managing the A's. I said a definite no thank you. At night, that place is a graveyard with lights.
.
The only way to make money as a manager is to win in one place, get fired and hired somewhere else.
.
We need just two players to be a contender. Just Babe Ruth and Sandy Koufax.
.
We need three kinds of pitching: left handed, right handed, and relief.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.teamxbox.com

Image: thesportshernia.typepad.com
.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
.
"So, which one of you guys is going to come in second?"--Larry Bird, in the locker room before the first three point contest.
.
I’m a GM in fantasy basketball and I’m a GM on PlayStation, so on PlayStation I probably would have got a little more, but this is real life, so I don’t know.” – Jalen on the Vince Carter trade
.
"But can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. I've still got a good 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left."--Shaq
.
Reporter- " How do you feel abou the T's the refs put on you tonight?"
Shaq-"Teach the damn refs how to call a **** game"
Reporter- " Shaq! We're live on TV"
Shaq- " I dont give a ****!"
.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" -fan to MJ after dunking on John Stockton
"Is he big enough?" -MJ after dunking on Utah's 7 foot center
.
Bob Costas announcing a St. Louis game, "You can bet the last thing Coach Bob McKinnon wants is a repeat of last Friday night's blow job" (followed by 2 minutes of radio silence I'll bet)
.
Horry: I din't touch him!!! I didn't touch him!!! (unbelieving face) REF: Then who was it?? Will Smith???
.
"Unstoppable, baby!" -Warrior rookie Marc Jackson to the Mavericks' bench, after hitting a lay-up during a 29-point loss.
.
Barkley, to then rookie Cuttino Mobley : "Say, Cuttino. What are those Godawful clothes you're wearing? Man, this ain't Rhode Island anymore. You're in the NBA. The girls have teeth here."
.
Me shooting 40% at the foul line it's just God's way to say nobody's perfect" -Shaq
.
"that guy is an idiot, i-d-i-u-t" -shaq
.
I will miss him a lot. He was a good friend. And he owes me $80." - Yao Ming, on Bostjan Nachbar getting traded
.
My favourite American song? Star Splanged Banner, I listen it 82 times every year. - Yao Ming
.
"This is one o' my most rememorable...did I say that right? Rememorable? Whatever, man, y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout. I'm gonna remember this game." - Allen Iverson
.
William Gates in his Marquette University dorm room: "People always say to me, 'When you get to the NBA, don't forget me.' Well, if I don't get to the NBA, you don't forget about me."
.
"The thigh bone is not connected to the free-throw bone" - Shaq after hitting 6-7 FTs in the 4th quarter of Game 4 against Detroit.
.
One of my favorites also came from Shaq. A few seasons ago he had to have surgery during the season that Phil Jackson had said he should have taken care of during the off season. Next year, Phil Jackson had to have some kind of minor procedure (kidney stones?). When asked about it Shaq said "He should of had it taken care of in the off season".
.
We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at home, neither." -- Dion Glover, on the Hawks.
.
Charles Barkley- On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."
.
After cops pull him and some of his fellow Trail Blazers over (i think it was DA and stoudamire) and asks him if they have any more weed (cuz he smelled weed) "nope we smoked it all up" -Sheed
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forums.usms.org

Gym in Dodgeball, the Movie

Image: wearyourbeer.com

.

SPORTS HUMOR

.

(Sports references can be found in the image above and in the commentary below. Enjoy!)

...............................................................

.

Good Laugh: Joke from a female swim coach
------------------------------------------------------

.
I got this joke via email from my female coach. If you are easily offended, please go straight to another thread. This is just a joke. It is not an opinion, theory or religion.

.

----------------------------------------------------

.
Why men are never depressed

.
Men are just happier people -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park. You can wear no t-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world and the pool is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a bolt. You never ask for directions. You never ask for permission to go to practice.

.
Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. Having a chest does not eliminate backstroke. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You use great big paddles and no fins. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't know what "chlorine damage" means. You only have to shave your face and neck unless it's taper time.

.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your hips. Your bodyskin sucks in your belly and covers gray chest hair. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nflcheerleader.blogspot.com

Eagles Calendar Cover Cheerleader Contestants

.

Image: polarbearrepublic.com

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NFL CHEERLEADERS BLOG

.

To view NFL Cheerleaders Blog,

click here ========> BLOG

==========================