Image: soccerrefereementors.com,
SOCCER QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> SOCCER
=======================
Sunday, August 31, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com
WRESTLING INSULTS
Insults by Chris Jericho
.
Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!"
.
"When hell freezes over and platypuses fly out of my butt."
.
"Well Stephanie, I'd like to thank you for giving me such a kind Christmas gift, but unfortunately I didn't get you any gifts. But then again, what can you get for the girl whose had everyone."
.
"Welcome to Stephanie is naked!!! Seriously Stephanie, you don't have to act embarrassed about what just happened. It's not as though three quarters of the locker room hasn't seen you undressed already anyway!!!"
.
"Your dad was on the road night after night while your mom was all alone, and you wonder why you and your brother look nothing alike."
=============================
Insults by Chris Jericho
.
Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!"
.
"When hell freezes over and platypuses fly out of my butt."
.
"Well Stephanie, I'd like to thank you for giving me such a kind Christmas gift, but unfortunately I didn't get you any gifts. But then again, what can you get for the girl whose had everyone."
.
"Welcome to Stephanie is naked!!! Seriously Stephanie, you don't have to act embarrassed about what just happened. It's not as though three quarters of the locker room hasn't seen you undressed already anyway!!!"
.
"Your dad was on the road night after night while your mom was all alone, and you wonder why you and your brother look nothing alike."
=============================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com
Image: blog.mainstreamshore.com.
WRESTLING INSULTS
.
Ivory: Jerry, you are a pervert.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and your point is?
.
"I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire."
-Jerry Lawler
.
"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!"
- The Rock
.
Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the bible."
-Jerry Lawler
.
"Don't take this ass-whippin' personally."
-A.P.A T-shirt
.
"Matt Hardy's quicker than a hiccup."
-J.R.
.
You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!"
-Shane McMahon
.
If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert."
Jerry Lawler
.
"Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's license photo."
- Jerry Lawler
.
Christian: "So are you in?"
Angle: "Six man elimination table match with Booker T and The Dudleyz? You bet your sweet asses I'm in!"
Edge: "Did he just say sweet asses?"
.
"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni."
-The Rock
.
"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!"
- Kurt Angle
.
"I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?"
~ Kurt Angle
.
Hardy Boys, Boyz with a Z. Is that Z supposed to scare us or something?"
-Christian
.
He's the game all right."
- Edge
"Yeah if the game is pin the tail on the two faced reekazoid."
-Christian
.
"Kurt Angle, you think you're really special because you've cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass slut?"
-The Rock
.
"Take a little walk down Know You Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima no-pancake-havin' ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!" -The Rock
.
When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.
-Jerry Lawler
.
"And ladies my bazooka is locked, cocked and ready to unload."
-Triple H
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: prosportsdaily.com
Image: alanstudt.com.
BASKETBALL INSULTS
Quotes by Michael Jordan
.
Famous MJ Quotes and Sayings (Critique on Teammates)
----------------------------------------------------------
.
"We're beating a lot of poor teams. So what? We won a lot of games last year, too. Will Horace and Bill still be playing at this level in the playoffs...Can Pip keep it up?"
.
"I hate being out there with those garbagemen. They don't get you the ball."
.
"They've got no idea what it's all about. The white guys, they work hard, but they don't have the talent. And the rest of them? Who knows what to expect? They're not good for much of anything."
.
"I know what's gonna happen. We'll wait until the last minute and then they'll say something like they couldn't get a deal done because of the cap or somebody pulled out at the last minute. It happens here all the time. I don't know why I'm surprised every year."
.
"He can't do anything with the ball. Don't give it to him."
- Michael yelling at Paxson who passed the ball to Perdue
.
"You ever hear of a guy, six-eleven maybe and two hundred sixty pounds, a guy big and fat like that and he can't get but two rebounds, if that many, running all over the damn court and he gets two rebounds? Big guy like that and he gets one rebound. Can't even stick his **** into people and get more than that...Big, fat, fat guy. One rebound in three games. Power forward. Maybe they should call it powerless forward."
- Michael ripping Stacey King a new one
.
"He was scared in there and panicking. He just lost it when Stockton scored."
- Michael on B.J. Armstrong's mental fragility
.
"...I call them 'the Looney Tunes.' Physically, they were the best. Mentally, they weren't even close."
.
"He's scared. He's got no heart...Nobody told me that. If I had spoken up, he wouldn't have been here."
.
"It's a hell of a lot easier to make Earl Monroe look good than it is Brad Sellers."
.
"I hope there's a jumpshot in there."
- Michael to Stacey King who was walking into the locker room with a box
.
"They don't need a ticket to watch you sitting on the bench. They can go to your house for that." - Michael to Charles Davis who was sorting through his tickets for his family and friends
.
"Give me the ******* ball."
- Michael to Doug Collins who drew up a play for Dave Corzine
.
"I hate when I have to read that in the papers the next day, that I couldn't do something. It wasn't my fault."
.
"You're an idiot. You've screwed up every play we ever ran. You're too stupid to even remember the plays. We ought to get rid of you."
- Michael to Horace Grant
.
"If you [pass the ball to Bill Cartwright], you'll never get the ball from me."
.
"We're not winning because of talent. We're just beating bad teams."
.
"Headache tonight, Scottie?"
- Michael asks Scottie, while showing him his 2-for-16 line
.
"It's probably a twelve-day. He needs two days to wake up."
- Michael on a ten-day contract teammate
.
"Five more years and I'm out of here. I'm marking these days on a calendar, like I'm in jail. I'm tired of being used by this organization, by the league, by the writers, by everyone."
.
"They're not interested in winning. They just want to sell tickets, which they can do because of me. They won't make any deals to make us better. And this Kukoc thing. I hate that. They're spending all their time chasing this guy."
.
"If I were a general manager, we'd be a better team."
.
"Will Vanderbilt. He doesn't deserve to be named after a Big Ten school."
- Michael on Will Perdue
.
"I want to prove the critics wrong...I want to see some serious moves from management, which I really haven't seen that much of yet, and I want to see more serious attitudes from my teammates this year when it comes to the playoffs. In the past, it's been more or less a joking thing, sort of a 'Well, we're here, so let's have a good time.'"
.
"I'm sure everything will be fine if we win, but if we start losing, I'm shooting."
.
"I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is."
.
"Your boy doesn't want to play. I'm tired of bailing his *** out."
- Michael yelling at Jim Cleamons about Dennis Hopson
.
"I don't know about trading a 24 year-old guy for a 34 year-old guy."
- Michael questioning the Oakley trade
.
"He's causing me too many turnovers."
- Michael on Cartwright's inability to catch
.
"Why the hell don't you ever set a pick like that in a game?"
- Michael yelling at Perdue after also hitting Perdue upside his head (led to the institution of the private curtain for practices)
=======================
.
You know the deal, Mike! Your ex-teammates cited
above said "Yo Ma Ma"! ;-)
Question? What do you think of the ex-Mrs. Jordan's
"in-your-face" jumper? ;-)
One final thing, your ex-teammates want to know why
you never invited them to watch you play a Double-A
baseball game? ;-)
.
Relax, Mike, with Chamberlain, you're the greatest I
ever saw on a basketball court!
.
But, Mike, don't be so mean to the peons!!!
Remember Double-A!!!
.
=======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rapworlds.com
Image: wallpapers.in-world.info.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Charles Barkley
.
I don't need to be on TV. If I had a good agent, I'd be on Temptation Island. I wanna be around a bunch of naked-ass girls. That's just good television programming
.
When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements
.
"You mean to tell me they're holding our plane and soildiers hostage, and we're giving this Chinese guy a three year contract"
.
After Wang ZhiZhi has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"
.
To a fan in the FleetCenter in Boston: "You guys are two players away from being good again -- Bill Russell and Larry Bird."
.
Before the Dream Team's game against Angola in the 1992 Olympics: "All I know about Angola is they in trouble."
.
On what it means having Rick Mahorn as a teammate: "All it means is that people will say that I don’t have the biggest butt in the league anymore."
.
On why he endorses Nike, even though its shoes sell for more than $100: "Hey, they don't stop selling Mercedes Benzes just because some people can't afford them, do they?"
.
Barkley in response to Charles Oakley saying that 60 percent of NBA players smoke pot: "What percentage of reporters who cover the NBA smoke pot? My poll is just as scientific as his poll. I am going to say 60 percent of writers smoke pot. I just came up with a number. You don't have to have any facts...you can just throw things out there. I like that."
.
On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."
.
On the news that the NBA would allow zone defenses: "This is a great day for bad NBA players"
.
"Dennis (Rodman) likes wearing a dress, I don't like wearing a dress. I tried it on a couple of times in the house, but I do it privately; I don't do it publicly."
.
"Just because I can dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
.
On throwing an elbow at an Angolan: "Well, he might have pulled a spear on me."
.
On why he didn’t attend a presidential inauguration: "They’re not my type. I like to be around low-class people, like reporters."
.
When asked about his grades at Auburn, he said, "As long as I was leading the SEC in rebounding, my grades would be fine."
.
His greeting to new Rocket Elmer Bennett: "Elmer? I ain't never met a brother named Elmer. I can't believe that. A brother named Elmer. I have been alive 33 years, and I ain't never met a brother named Elmer. I've heard of Elmer Fudd, but that's it. They named a fella Elmer."
.
"As long as Bird is around I will only be the second-worst defensive player in basketball."
.
"This is my schedule: I wake up in the morning, decide where to play golf and drink beer all day"
.
"It's my big fat ass vs. their skinny legs. It's basic physics"
.
They say it about brothers, but I can guarantee everybody in Finland look alike.
.
How long do you think Steve Nash spent on his hair? 5 seconds? 10 seconds?
.
I've been rich and poor. Being rich is better
.
I can't believe we're talking about high school guys being good in the NBA when they average six points a game. I could do that right now, and I ain't touched a basketball in a couple of months
.
Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
.
The main thing to do is relax and let your talent do the work.
=======================
Saturday, August 30, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mooviees.com
Image: amazon.com.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the movie "The Longest Yard"
.
To view the quotes, click here ===> THE LONGEST YARD
===================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesinternet.com
Image: brewskeeball.blogspot.com.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
-Wright, Steven
.
I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway you're on the same wavelength as the referees.
-Davies, Jonathan
.
Officials are the only guys who can rob you and then get a police escort out of the stadium.
-Bolton, Ron
.
Professional wrestling's most mysterious hold is on its audience.
-Neely, Luke
.
The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.
-Morley, Robert
.
If I lose at play, I blaspheme; if my fellow loses, he blasphemes. So, God is always the loser.
-Donne, John
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.sportal.com.au
Image: truthaboutit.net.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
.
We'll see how the game goes. If they're scoring, keep feeding them. If they're missing, then I'll do me. That's talent. I'm multitalented. Like Bo Jackson!"
-- Gilbert Arenas answering a question about whether he would be a distributor or a scorer against the Bulls tonight.
.
"There's always going to be criticism when your name is Jalen. You have to wear a bulletproof vest and be ready for it."
-- Jalen Rose
.
"There's Fredo, there's Sonny and there's Michael. The Godfather handed it over to Michael. I have no problem handing it over to Dwyane."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on comparing Penny Hardaway and Kobe Bryant to Dwyane
.
"I'm tellin' ya man, to be able to stroke it like that must be some kind of feeling"
-- Dick Vitale on J.J. Reddick's ability to hit 3s
.
"I don't think he's going to have a lot of fun over the next 31 games... But it could be worse. He could be going to the Clippers."
-- Bill Fitch on interim Timberwolves coach Kevin McHale
.
"I think it's a great city . I think it's a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars and New York isn't really the place you can do that."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on why he never wants to play for the Knicks
.
"I've got to stop this. My entourages are getting entourages."
-- Jalen Rose, on the trouble finding tickets for everyone when he returns to Detroit.
"I have never seen a fight like that in a game since I was in high school."
--Quentin Richardson on the Pacers-Pistons melee.
.
"Yes it was unanimous, 1-0, and I won."
-- NBA commissioner David Stern, after being asked whether the vote to suspend Ron Artest for the season was unanimous
.
"I think I'll get along real well with Brad. I can see us really going at it in practice every day, then going out and killing something to eat."
-- Greg Ostertag on new Kings teammate Brad Miller
.
"Some days you are going to be some place. Some days you can be moved tomorrow."
-- Kelvin Cato
.
"Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon!"
-Charles Barkley on the influx of high-schoolers into the NBA)
.
"It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again 'cause that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house. "
-Charles Barkley
.
"The mistakes I did with my first two kids, Penny and Kobe, I won't repeat with D-Wade"
-Shaq
.
"Wouldn't. I would just go home. I'd fake an injury or something"
-Shaq a hypothetical question on how he would defend against himself
.
Melbourne Reporter: Chuck what is the first thing you're going to try and do out there today.
Barkley: Score more points than them.
Barkley: We don't have a lot of plays here- most of them are just get the ball to me.
Barkley: Someone had to be me, might as well be me!!!!
.
Shaq quotes:
“Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That’s like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that’s 5-10, 480 (pounds).”
.
“We’re focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it’s not good enough to get you fat. We’re trying to get fat.”
.
“The stats win nothing. I’m still nasty. I’m still great.”
.
“If you go 72-11 and don’t win (the championship), it doesn’t mean anything. Actually it does. It means you’ve cheated and played an extra regular-season game.”
.
On why he barely acknowledged Kobe Bryant before a Lakers-Heat game:
“I didn’t say anything. Got nothing to say. I’m a married man; I don’t need a relationship with another man.”
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ryangiggs.org
SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from a soccer forum
.
Mar 10 2008
.
THE best footballers let their feet do their talking. And when you hear them speak, you understand why.
.
But soccer is lit up by hilarious or thought-provoking utterings as often as it is by moments of footballing magic.
.
Phil Shaw’s new Book Of Football Quotations has gathered together thousands of them.
.
Here is MARTIN PHILLIPS’ selection of some of the best.
.
“People used to say that if I’d shot John Lennon, he’s still be alive today.”
-Garry Birtles, former England striker, on his long goalless run at Manchester United, 2004
.
“Normally when you swap shirts they are soaked in sweat, but Beckham’s smelt only of perfume. Either he protects himself against BO or he sweats cologne.”
-Ronaldo, Brazil striker after the World Cup quarter-final win over England, 2002
.
“Becks hasn’t changed since I’ve known him. He’s always been a flash Cockney git.”
-Ryan Giggs, United colleague, 2003
.
“I’m so glad there will now be two good-looking guys at Real. I’ve felt so lonely in such an ugly team.”
-Roberto Carlos, Brazil and Real Madrid defender, 2003, on news that Beckham was joining the Spanish side
.
“You score goals as a kid. Then you grow up stupid and become a goalkeeper.”
-Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus and Italy goalkeeper, 2004
.
“He’s a smashing professional and a leader. He’s like Bobby Moore in that respect, though he wouldn’t have made it into Bobby’s drinking school.”
-Harry Redknapp, West Ham manager, 2000, on Paolo Di Canio
.
“Drogba - the strength of a bull but the pain threshold of a lamb.”
-Clive Tyldesley, ITV commentator, on Didier Drogba’s tendency to fall over, 2007
.
‘ I always had a reputation for going missing - Miss England, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World..’
-George Best, 1992
.
“We were driving back from Birmingham when Kieron (Dyer) suddenly shouted, ‘Stop the bus! I’ve left my diamond earring in the dressing room.’ Can you imagine in my playing days a player telling Bill Shankly, ‘Stop the bus, Bill, I’ve left me earring in the dressing room.”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2003
.
“You could put (Luis) Figo in a phone booth with 11 opponents and he would find his way to the door. He’d beat them all and dribble his way out.”
-Carlos Queiroz, Real Madrid coach, 2003
.
“It’s not nice going into the supermarket and the woman at the till is thinking, ‘Dodgy keeper.’”
-David James, then playing erratically in goal for Liverpool, 1997
.
“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week. Plus I was out of the side for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
-Clinton Morrison, then with Birmingham, on his disappointing display at Crystal Palace, 2005
.
“I reckon he tackles his girlfriend before they eat their tea. The lads tell me he met her in a nightclub, where he crunched her and liked the fact she got up so fast.”
-Ian Holloway, then Plymouth Argyle manager, on his club’s combative midfielder David Norris, 2007
.
“You always say something good about players who leave. (Laurent) Robert is leaving. Good.”
-Freddy Shepherd, then Newcastle United chairman, on the French forward’s departure for Portsmouth, 2005
.
“There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it’s been a compliment to me.”
-George Best talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, 2004
.
“(Wayne) Rooney has signed a deal to do five books. That’s an awful lot of crayons.”
-Johnnie Walker, Radio 2 DJ, 2002
.
“If brains were chocolate, he wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie.”
-Former Leicester City striker Alan Birchenall, talking about Robbie Savage
.
“Robbie had to come off with cramp - in his hair.”
-Steve Bruce, then Birmingham city manager, on Robbie Savage, 2003
.
“We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2004
.
“For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle.”
-Ian Wright, Arsenal and England team-mate, 1996
.
“At that moment I hated Gordon Banks more than any man in soccer. But when I cooled down I had to applaud him with my heart for the greatest save I had ever seen.”
-Pele after Gordon Banks had saved his header, Brazil v England, World Cup finals, 1970
.
‘ My next guest has fulfilled every schoolboy’s dream. He’s won the Double, he’s captained England, and he’s driven a car into a wall at very high speed. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Adams! ’
-Sanjeev Bhaskar, comic actor, on the spoof TV chat show The Kumars at No 42, 2003
.
“He’s the only player who, when he’s on the TV, Daleks hide behind the sofa.”
-Nick Hancock, compere on TV’s They think It’s All Over, talking about Peter Beardsley, 1995
.
“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around on defense.”
-New York Cosmos executive on the former West Germany captain Franz Beckenbauer’s deep-lying role, 1977
.
Michael Parkinson: “What was the nearest to kick-off that you made love?”
George Best: “Er...I think it was half-time actually.”
-Exchange on Parkinson’s TV chat show, 1980s.
.
‘ I’m a football fan now. In the papers this morning they said a nation’s thoughts were on Michael Owen’s groin. I thought, "Me too!" ’
-Graham Norton, gay talk-show host, during the World Cup finals, 2002
.
“He carried us for so long. It was an honour to carry him.”
-Derek Dougan, Northern Ireland team-mate and a pall-bearer at George Best’s funeral, 2005
.
“If Stan could pass a betting shop the way he can pass a ball, he’d have no worries.”
-Ernie Tagg, Crewe manager, who launched compulsive gambler and 70s England star Stan Bowles on his career
.
“For my next film role, I would love to play a psychopath or an unpleasant person.”
-Eric Cantona, 2000
.
“I’m very pleased for Paul, but it’s like watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car.”
-Terry Venables, then Tottenham manager, after Paul Gascoigne finally joined Lazio, 1992
.
“I’m no hero. Doctors and nurses are heroes. Surgeons, people like that. We had a real hero born right here in Stoke-on-Trent: Reginald Mitchell, who designed the Spitfire. He saved Britain. Now that’s what I call a hero.”
-Sir Stanley Matthews, 1995.
.
“Eyal is a professional and clearly wants to earn as much money as possible. But he is Jewish and I am Scottish so it will be difficult for us to reach a financial agreement.”
-Graeme Souness, then Blackburn manager, on the possibility of Israeli Eyal Berkovic, on loan crom Celtic, becoming as permanent transfer, 2001
.
“He was a magician on the park. He could have put a size-five football in an egg cup.”
-Sir Alex Ferguson on the late Jim Baxter, 2006
.
Q: “Most embarrassing moment?”A: “Trying to follow Craig Burley’s instructions on the park when he didn’t have his teeth in, and getting it hopelessly wrong.”
-Malky Mackay, Norwich defender, on his former Celtic colleague, 2001
.
“When he sold you a dummy you had to pay to get back in the ground.”
-Jim Baxter, Scotland team-mate, on Chelsea winger Charlie Cooke, 1976
.
“When he plays on snow he doesn’t leave any footprints.”
-Don Revie on the Leeds and Scotland midfielder Eddie Gray, 1970
============================
Quotes from a soccer forum
.
Mar 10 2008
.
THE best footballers let their feet do their talking. And when you hear them speak, you understand why.
.
But soccer is lit up by hilarious or thought-provoking utterings as often as it is by moments of footballing magic.
.
Phil Shaw’s new Book Of Football Quotations has gathered together thousands of them.
.
Here is MARTIN PHILLIPS’ selection of some of the best.
.
“People used to say that if I’d shot John Lennon, he’s still be alive today.”
-Garry Birtles, former England striker, on his long goalless run at Manchester United, 2004
.
“Normally when you swap shirts they are soaked in sweat, but Beckham’s smelt only of perfume. Either he protects himself against BO or he sweats cologne.”
-Ronaldo, Brazil striker after the World Cup quarter-final win over England, 2002
.
“Becks hasn’t changed since I’ve known him. He’s always been a flash Cockney git.”
-Ryan Giggs, United colleague, 2003
.
“I’m so glad there will now be two good-looking guys at Real. I’ve felt so lonely in such an ugly team.”
-Roberto Carlos, Brazil and Real Madrid defender, 2003, on news that Beckham was joining the Spanish side
.
“You score goals as a kid. Then you grow up stupid and become a goalkeeper.”
-Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus and Italy goalkeeper, 2004
.
“He’s a smashing professional and a leader. He’s like Bobby Moore in that respect, though he wouldn’t have made it into Bobby’s drinking school.”
-Harry Redknapp, West Ham manager, 2000, on Paolo Di Canio
.
“Drogba - the strength of a bull but the pain threshold of a lamb.”
-Clive Tyldesley, ITV commentator, on Didier Drogba’s tendency to fall over, 2007
.
‘ I always had a reputation for going missing - Miss England, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World..’
-George Best, 1992
.
“We were driving back from Birmingham when Kieron (Dyer) suddenly shouted, ‘Stop the bus! I’ve left my diamond earring in the dressing room.’ Can you imagine in my playing days a player telling Bill Shankly, ‘Stop the bus, Bill, I’ve left me earring in the dressing room.”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2003
.
“You could put (Luis) Figo in a phone booth with 11 opponents and he would find his way to the door. He’d beat them all and dribble his way out.”
-Carlos Queiroz, Real Madrid coach, 2003
.
“It’s not nice going into the supermarket and the woman at the till is thinking, ‘Dodgy keeper.’”
-David James, then playing erratically in goal for Liverpool, 1997
.
“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week. Plus I was out of the side for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
-Clinton Morrison, then with Birmingham, on his disappointing display at Crystal Palace, 2005
.
“I reckon he tackles his girlfriend before they eat their tea. The lads tell me he met her in a nightclub, where he crunched her and liked the fact she got up so fast.”
-Ian Holloway, then Plymouth Argyle manager, on his club’s combative midfielder David Norris, 2007
.
“You always say something good about players who leave. (Laurent) Robert is leaving. Good.”
-Freddy Shepherd, then Newcastle United chairman, on the French forward’s departure for Portsmouth, 2005
.
“There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it’s been a compliment to me.”
-George Best talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, 2004
.
“(Wayne) Rooney has signed a deal to do five books. That’s an awful lot of crayons.”
-Johnnie Walker, Radio 2 DJ, 2002
.
“If brains were chocolate, he wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie.”
-Former Leicester City striker Alan Birchenall, talking about Robbie Savage
.
“Robbie had to come off with cramp - in his hair.”
-Steve Bruce, then Birmingham city manager, on Robbie Savage, 2003
.
“We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2004
.
“For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle.”
-Ian Wright, Arsenal and England team-mate, 1996
.
“At that moment I hated Gordon Banks more than any man in soccer. But when I cooled down I had to applaud him with my heart for the greatest save I had ever seen.”
-Pele after Gordon Banks had saved his header, Brazil v England, World Cup finals, 1970
.
‘ My next guest has fulfilled every schoolboy’s dream. He’s won the Double, he’s captained England, and he’s driven a car into a wall at very high speed. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Adams! ’
-Sanjeev Bhaskar, comic actor, on the spoof TV chat show The Kumars at No 42, 2003
.
“He’s the only player who, when he’s on the TV, Daleks hide behind the sofa.”
-Nick Hancock, compere on TV’s They think It’s All Over, talking about Peter Beardsley, 1995
.
“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around on defense.”
-New York Cosmos executive on the former West Germany captain Franz Beckenbauer’s deep-lying role, 1977
.
Michael Parkinson: “What was the nearest to kick-off that you made love?”
George Best: “Er...I think it was half-time actually.”
-Exchange on Parkinson’s TV chat show, 1980s.
.
‘ I’m a football fan now. In the papers this morning they said a nation’s thoughts were on Michael Owen’s groin. I thought, "Me too!" ’
-Graham Norton, gay talk-show host, during the World Cup finals, 2002
.
“He carried us for so long. It was an honour to carry him.”
-Derek Dougan, Northern Ireland team-mate and a pall-bearer at George Best’s funeral, 2005
.
“If Stan could pass a betting shop the way he can pass a ball, he’d have no worries.”
-Ernie Tagg, Crewe manager, who launched compulsive gambler and 70s England star Stan Bowles on his career
.
“For my next film role, I would love to play a psychopath or an unpleasant person.”
-Eric Cantona, 2000
.
“I’m very pleased for Paul, but it’s like watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car.”
-Terry Venables, then Tottenham manager, after Paul Gascoigne finally joined Lazio, 1992
.
“I’m no hero. Doctors and nurses are heroes. Surgeons, people like that. We had a real hero born right here in Stoke-on-Trent: Reginald Mitchell, who designed the Spitfire. He saved Britain. Now that’s what I call a hero.”
-Sir Stanley Matthews, 1995.
.
“Eyal is a professional and clearly wants to earn as much money as possible. But he is Jewish and I am Scottish so it will be difficult for us to reach a financial agreement.”
-Graeme Souness, then Blackburn manager, on the possibility of Israeli Eyal Berkovic, on loan crom Celtic, becoming as permanent transfer, 2001
.
“He was a magician on the park. He could have put a size-five football in an egg cup.”
-Sir Alex Ferguson on the late Jim Baxter, 2006
.
Q: “Most embarrassing moment?”A: “Trying to follow Craig Burley’s instructions on the park when he didn’t have his teeth in, and getting it hopelessly wrong.”
-Malky Mackay, Norwich defender, on his former Celtic colleague, 2001
.
“When he sold you a dummy you had to pay to get back in the ground.”
-Jim Baxter, Scotland team-mate, on Chelsea winger Charlie Cooke, 1976
.
“When he plays on snow he doesn’t leave any footprints.”
-Don Revie on the Leeds and Scotland midfielder Eddie Gray, 1970
============================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: goteamsgo.com
Image: gardening.cornell.edu.
SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a sports forum
.
Quotes by John McKay, football coach:
---
"Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place."
---
"They keep records like most times sliding into second base on a Tuesday."
(Comment about baseball statistics)
---
On this significance of experience-- "If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important."
---
"The only problem with doing the impossible is that everybody expects you to duplicate the impossible."
---
.
Hey, how about this one from Terry Bradshaw's Hall of Fame Speech:
"What I'd give to put my hands under Mike Webster's butt one last time"...
.
Tennis pro Ille Nastase, on not reporting a stolen credit card to the police-"Whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
.
New York restaurant owner Toots Shor, sitting with Dr. Victor Fleming, who discovered penicillin, seeing Giants Hall of Fame slugger Mel Ott walk through the door- "Excuse me, somebody important just came in.
.
Bucky Harris, giving advice to his woeful Senators team on how to hit Bob Feller-"Go up and hit what you see and if you can't see it, come on back."
.
Joe McCarthy, Joe DiMaggio's Yankee manager, on if his star could bunt-"I will never find out."
.
Sports writing immortal Jimmy Cannon, when the lights dimmed during a baseball writer's dinner-"Thank God, they electrocuted the chef."
.
Baseball Hall of Famer Paul Waner-"They say money talks. The only thing it says to me is goodbye."
.
Announcer Bill Curtis, hearing the 1974 San Diego Chargers were being investigated for drug abuse-"The way they play, it must have been formaldehyde."
.
Baseball Hall of Famer Lou Brock-"When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. My dad solved the problem. He cut the legs off it."
.
Jimmy Cannon on Howard Cosell-"He changed his name from Cohen to Cosell , puts on a toupee and tells it like it is?"
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: aphidscommunications.com
SPORTS QUOTES
.
Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin
.
Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand
.
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.
-- Russell Baker
.
If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker
.
Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce
.
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
-- Robert M. Pirsig
.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
-- Fran Lebowitz
.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
-- Sidney Goff
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: futurehealth.org
SPORTS QUOTES
.
A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are.
--Ara Parasheghian
.
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
--Eugene McCarthy
.
When you don't know that you don't know, it's a lot different than when you do know that you don't know. He knows now that he doesn't know. Last year, he didn't know that."
-- New England Patriots head coach Bill Parcels, on 2nd year quarter-back Drew Bledsoe
======================
.
A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are.
--Ara Parasheghian
.
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
--Eugene McCarthy
.
When you don't know that you don't know, it's a lot different than when you do know that you don't know. He knows now that he doesn't know. Last year, he didn't know that."
-- New England Patriots head coach Bill Parcels, on 2nd year quarter-back Drew Bledsoe
======================
Friday, August 29, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.ie
Image: germancarscene.com.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
Alice Cooper American singer
I am past writing angst songs for kids. My angst is when I can't get my Porsche roof up and when I can't get my golf handicap down
.
Jay Leno American comedian
The US finally came up with an exit strategy. Unfortunately it's for the World Cup. (after the US soccer team were knocked out in the early stages of the World Cup)
.
Tommy Docherty Scottish footballer and manager
George [Best] was a fantastic player and he would have been even better if he'd been able to pass nightclubs the way he passed the ball.
.
Warren Buffett US businessman
It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
.
Gary Lineker English footballer
Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and, at the end, the Germans win.
.
Linda McCartney American photographer and animal rights activist
I don't eat anything with a face.
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wisn.com
Super Bowl XXXV Ring, Baltimore Ravens
Image: z.about.com
.
NFL QUOTES
Quotes from Super Bowl XXXV (Year 2000)
.
Giants defensive end Michael Strahan on why the Giants aren't as loud as the Ravens --
Giants defensive end Michael Strahan on why the Giants aren't as loud as the Ravens --
"I like boring. When we got boring, we started winning. If boring means winning, we'll be boring."
.
Ravens quarterback Trent Dilfer on the Giants defense --
Ravens quarterback Trent Dilfer on the Giants defense --
"I think the worst 10 minutes of football I've ever played in my life was against the Giants."
.
Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn on the Giants wearing their blue home uniforms --
Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn on the Giants wearing their blue home uniforms --
"If you really believe that a jersey is going to win or lose a football game, then you have more issues in life than that."
.
Ravens defensive tackle Tony Siragusa:
Ravens defensive tackle Tony Siragusa:
***
on his team having to wear white --
on his team having to wear white --
"I'm a little upset about having to wear white though. I wish we were the home team so we could wear purple and I'd look a little thinner. The white shirt is doing nothing for my abs."
***
on Trent Dilfer's return to Tampa --
"I think Trent should start picking names of Tampa Bay people who have told him that he couldn't play and sort of give them the finger. He wouldn't do that, but if he points them out to me, I would."
.
Ravens cornerback Duane Starks on how many points the Ravens will need to score to win the game --
"I think we only need 10. A touchdown and a field goal to seal things would be OK."
.
Ravens tight end Shannon Sharpe:
***
on Siragusa --
"Goose weighed 342 at the beginning of the season. I guarantee you he's not at 342 now."
***
on game-day rituals --
"I like to wake up in the morning -- that's my first ritual.
***
on Sehorn --
"I know him. I know him very well. I'm going to his wedding, and I'm not bringing a gift."
***
on comparing who has the better portfolio between him and Sehorn --
"Probably, he does, but I'm better looking."
===============================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jazz.com
Image: en.wikipedia.org.
BASEBALL SONG
.
Huge Cubs fan dedicates a musical tribute to the Hall of Fane great
Ernie Banks in a jazz CD reviewed on the jazz.com website.
.
To view the review, click here ===> BANKS.
------------------------------
Topics cited in review:
Ernie Banks
Jim McNeely
Dave Frishberg
Van Lingle Mungo
================
Disclaimer:
Post is for educational purposes only and bears no commercial interest in review cited.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk
ANA IVANOVICImage: objektiv.us
.
TENNIS QUOTES
Quotes from U. S. Open, 2008
.
Ivanovic is the earliest top seed to lose at the US Open since 1968
.
"If you are asking if I'm playing like a number one, no."
"If you are asking if I'm playing like a number one, no."
Ana Ivanovic is under no illusions about her current form.
.
"I guess when it was over."
"I guess when it was over."
Julie Coin is asked when she started to believe she might beat world number one Ivanovic.
.
"The most important thing is I finished quickly so I can get to bed early."
"The most important thing is I finished quickly so I can get to bed early."
Rafael Nadal feels the benefit of a swift demolition of Ryler DeHeart.
.
"Tiger Woods is my best man. No, I'm kidding. That would be cool, eh?"
"Tiger Woods is my best man. No, I'm kidding. That would be cool, eh?"
Mardy Fish is asked about his impending marriage.
.
"I think it's easy to come up with headlines in newspapers. I think I've seen almost every one of those. Like when I lose, you know, the Filleted Fish, kind of thing, Fried Fish. It's easy when I lose, because you throw one of those two out there. I tend to see those a lot."
"I think it's easy to come up with headlines in newspapers. I think I've seen almost every one of those. Like when I lose, you know, the Filleted Fish, kind of thing, Fried Fish. It's easy when I lose, because you throw one of those two out there. I tend to see those a lot."
Fish sets a challenge for headline writers everywhere.
.
"What's done is done. I've moved past it, and, you know, whatever gets him to sleep at night is fine. If he says after three hours he can't feel a ball hitting his racquet, then apparently every fifth set he's ever played he can't feel the ball."
"What's done is done. I've moved past it, and, you know, whatever gets him to sleep at night is fine. If he says after three hours he can't feel a ball hitting his racquet, then apparently every fifth set he's ever played he can't feel the ball."
James Blake is very much over the Olympic controversy when Fernando Gonzalez failed to call himself for a ball that touched his racquet on the way over the baseline.
.
"You know, to say that he didn't feel it hit his racquet is kind of a crock."
Blake's good friend Fish has a clear view on the Gonzalez incident.
.
"I think he was heckling Llodra. I think he said something like, 'Go back to France.' You know, 'The Queen's supporting you' or something. I don't know. I don't think he was heckling me. I think it was more towards him."
"I think he was heckling Llodra. I think he said something like, 'Go back to France.' You know, 'The Queen's supporting you' or something. I don't know. I don't think he was heckling me. I think it was more towards him."
Andy Murray is asked about a heckler.
.
"I think every time I lose is because of me, not because of the other person. So I think that's pretty much dominance."
"I think every time I lose is because of me, not because of the other person. So I think that's pretty much dominance."
World number three Serena Williams on her dominance of the women's game.
.
"To be honest, I didn't know that that was the date."
"To be honest, I didn't know that that was the date."
Venus Williams responds to a lengthy question about her feelings on the same day that Barack Obama is going to accept his party's nomination for presidency, and the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech.
=====================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk
Dinara SafinaImage: superspacestation.info
.
TENNIS QUOTES
Quotes from the U. S. Open, 2008
.
"When he plays his best, I would take everything what he has: his power, fighting spirit. I mean he reads the game very good, and when he plays he's the best everything. When he plays his worst game, then I don't need anything."
Dinara Safina on what she would most like to take from her brother Marat's game.
.
"I think forever I'm going to be his little sister.
"I think forever I'm going to be his little sister.
Dinara Safina on whether she will ever be able to overshadow her brother - as she spends an entire press conference answering questions about her brother.
.
"I think if she will do everything opposite of what I've been doing throughout the years she will be number one in the world for a long time. That's as simple as it is."
"I think if she will do everything opposite of what I've been doing throughout the years she will be number one in the world for a long time. That's as simple as it is."
Safin with some advice for sister Dinara
.
"Rodney Dangerfield. Vinny Spade. That's like my alter ego, actually, my rap name."
Spadea considers changing his name to bring about a change in fortunes.
.
"The Spadea line has kind of like been downgraded to like hats and T-shirts on my website."
"The Spadea line has kind of like been downgraded to like hats and T-shirts on my website."
Spadea admits his clothing range hasn't quite taken off as planned.
.
"I don't even remember holding up the trophy. I didn't even know I won this tournament."
"I don't even remember holding up the trophy. I didn't even know I won this tournament."
Has age caught up with 1999 and 2002 winner Serena Williams?
.
"The other thing I thought was weird too is the gymnasts are so much smaller than you actually think. On TV they're small, but when they walk in packs, looks like a group of second graders. They look about 14 and they're about 4'8"."
"The other thing I thought was weird too is the gymnasts are so much smaller than you actually think. On TV they're small, but when they walk in packs, looks like a group of second graders. They look about 14 and they're about 4'8"."
Sam Querrey shares his memories of the Olympic village.
.
"There was this guy, I think he's from Great Britain, playing badminton. Stocky guy. We were watching him on TV and he won. We were eating lunch and he walked in with a sleeveless shirt like he was the man of the Olympics. So kind of funny."
"There was this guy, I think he's from Great Britain, playing badminton. Stocky guy. We were watching him on TV and he won. We were eating lunch and he walked in with a sleeveless shirt like he was the man of the Olympics. So kind of funny."
Another Beijing tale from Querrey.
=========================
Thursday, August 28, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: deathby1000papercuts.com
Image: amazon.com.
BOXING QUOTES
Quotes by and about Don King
.
DBKP presents a baker’s dozen of Don King quotes, a Don King video and three documented Don King coined words.
.
To view the Don King package, click here ===> DBKP
====================
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: allthelyrics.com
GOLF SONG
Song lyrics by Bing Crosby
.
"Straight Down The Middle"
by Bing Crosby
.
F O R E !
F O R E !
.
Straight down the middle
Straight down the middle
It went straight down the middle
Then it started to hook just a wee wee bit
That's when my caddie lost sight of it
That little white pellet has never been found to this day
But it went straight down the middle like they say
.
Whack down the fairway
Whack down the fairway
It went smack down the fairway
Then it started to slice just a smidge off line
It headed for two but it bounced off nine
My caddie says long as you're still in the state you're okay
Yes it went straight down the middle quite a ways
.
The sun was never brighter
The sun was never brighter
The greens were never greener
And I was never keener to play
I heard it came down the middle
It went zing down the middle
.
Oh the life of a golfer is not all gloom
There's always the lies in the locker room
And I'm in my glory when wrapped in a towel
I sayThat it went straight down the middle today
.
Oh the life of a golfer is not all gloom
Oh the life of a golfer is not all gloom
Though they charge just for listening in the locker room
But I'm in my glory when wrapped in a towel I say
That it went straight down the middle
Where it wound up is a riddle
But it went straight down the middle far away
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: Various - see post
SPORTS QUOTES
.
If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
.
"Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
.
Above quotes by Charles Barkley from wikiquote.com (cited by mahalo.com)
.
Sailing isn't a sport, sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding a bus isn't a sport, why the fock should sailing be a sport?
.
Quote by George Carlin on foxestalk.co.uk/forums
======================
.
If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
.
"Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
.
Above quotes by Charles Barkley from wikiquote.com (cited by mahalo.com)
.
Sailing isn't a sport, sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding a bus isn't a sport, why the fock should sailing be a sport?
.
Quote by George Carlin on foxestalk.co.uk/forums
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk
Jelena JankovicImage: tennisforum.com
.
TENNIS QUOTES
Quotes from U.S. Open, 2008 (Flushing Meadows, N. Y.)
.
Click here to view quotes ====> U. S. OPEN
--------------------------
Other tennis players cited in article:
.
Sofia Arvidsson
Novak Djokovic
Arnaud Clement
Anne Keothavong
Andy Murray
Lindsay Davenport
Svetlana Kuznetsova
.
===================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cracked.com
Image: adminpick.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
.
11 Baseball Legends Who Were Legendary Assholes
By Chris Morgan
.
In his article, Chris Morgan cites the following 11 for his condemnation:
.
11. Jose Canseco
.
10. Charles Comiskey
.
9. John McGraw
.
8. Roger Clemens
.
7. Tom Yawkey
.
6. Keith Hernandez
.
5. Ugueth Urbina
.
4. Kenesaw Mountain Landis
.
3. Marge Schott
.
2. Barry Bonds
.
1. Ty Cobb
.
The condemnations begin here ===> A. H.
==============================
Comments on the author's article can be posted at the end of the article.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: searchwarp.com
Image: sawxblog.com.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes about Ted Williams
.
Excerpts from 17 Quotes about Ted Williams by Noel Jameson
.
There's only one way to become a hitter. Go up to the plate and get mad. Get mad at yourself and mad at the pitcher.
.
A man has to have goals - for a day, for a lifetime - and that was mine, to have people say, 'There goes Ted Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived.'
.
All managers are losers, they are the most expendable pieces of furniture on the face of the Earth.
.
By the time you know what to do, you're too old to do it.
.
God gets you to the plate, but once your there your on your own.
.
Hitting is the most important part of the game. It is where the big money is, where much of the status is, and the fan interest.
.
I've found that you don't need to wear a necktie if you can hit.
.
You have to hit the fastball to play in the big leagues.
.
To view the entire article, click here ---> 406
=========================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: givemefootball.com
SOCCER QUOTES
.
"We can't behave like crocodiles and cry over spilled milk and broken eggs."
Italian coach Giovanni Trappatoni makes Eric Cantona sound normal.
.
"We've got a monster around our neck after beating England, but we must feed it."
Former Aussie boss Frank Farina puts on his Crocodile Dundee hat.
.
"At the end of the day, it's all about what's on the shelf at the end of the year."
Steve Coppell has the January sales in mind.
.
"We have to roll up our sleeves and get our knees dirty."
Howard Wilkinson gets back to basics.
.
"Our goalkeeper didnt have a save to make in 90 minutes, and yet he still ended up conceding four goals."
Time for Joe Royle to get a new keeper, me thinks.
.
"It will be a cracking match and a close one - maybe decided by a referee's decision, an odd bounce or something like an over-the-line goal."
Neil Warnock keeps his options open.
.
"Dave has this incredible knack of pulling a couple of chickens out of the hat each season."
Mark McGhee enthuses about the qualities of new signing David Copperfield.
.
"Although we are playing Russian Roulette we are obviously playing Catch 22 at the moment and its a difficult scenario to get my head round."
Paul Sturrock's confused...and so are we.
.
"Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?"
Only fitting that we should end with another gem from the great man who is Sir Bobby Robson.
=======================
.
"We can't behave like crocodiles and cry over spilled milk and broken eggs."
Italian coach Giovanni Trappatoni makes Eric Cantona sound normal.
.
"We've got a monster around our neck after beating England, but we must feed it."
Former Aussie boss Frank Farina puts on his Crocodile Dundee hat.
.
"At the end of the day, it's all about what's on the shelf at the end of the year."
Steve Coppell has the January sales in mind.
.
"We have to roll up our sleeves and get our knees dirty."
Howard Wilkinson gets back to basics.
.
"Our goalkeeper didnt have a save to make in 90 minutes, and yet he still ended up conceding four goals."
Time for Joe Royle to get a new keeper, me thinks.
.
"It will be a cracking match and a close one - maybe decided by a referee's decision, an odd bounce or something like an over-the-line goal."
Neil Warnock keeps his options open.
.
"Dave has this incredible knack of pulling a couple of chickens out of the hat each season."
Mark McGhee enthuses about the qualities of new signing David Copperfield.
.
"Although we are playing Russian Roulette we are obviously playing Catch 22 at the moment and its a difficult scenario to get my head round."
Paul Sturrock's confused...and so are we.
.
"Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?"
Only fitting that we should end with another gem from the great man who is Sir Bobby Robson.
=======================
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: yourdictionary.com
SPORTS QUOTES
.
There's no skill involved. Just go up there and swing at the ball.
—DiMaggio,Joe (Joseph Paul)
—DiMaggio,Joe (Joseph Paul)
.
Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too
violent for the body, and stamp no character on the mind.
—Jefferson,Thomas
—Jefferson,Thomas
.
Play ball! Means something more than runs Or pitches thudding into gloves! Remember through the summer suns This is the game your country loves.
—Rice, Grantland
—Rice, Grantland
.
Conversation is like playing tennis with a ball made of Krazy Putty that keeps coming back over the net in a different shape.
—Lodge, David John
—Lodge, David John
.
All winter long, I am one for whom the bell is tolling;
I can arouse no interest in basketball, Indoor fly casting or bowling;
The sports pages are strictly no soap!
And until the cry Play Ball! I simply mope.
—Nash, (Frederic) Ogden
—Nash, (Frederic) Ogden
.
Even on the mornings when I creak out of bed, I still get pumped up about hitting that silly little white ball.
—Zoeller, Fuzzy
—Zoeller, Fuzzy
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com
SPORTS QUOTE
Quote from the 1970's
.
Now that Carter is taking over the Oval Office , an aide was asked about the President-elect's other sporting interests, specifically golf, which both Ford and Richard Nixon are so fond of playing.
.
"Golf?" the aide said, as though Carter had been charged with creeping Republicanism.
"No, Jimmy never took much to golf. He plays tennis a bit, loves fishing and is crazy about auto racing. But golf? Forget it."
===================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: greenspun.com
DENNIS MILLERImage: comicbookbrain.com
.
NFL QUOTES \ HUMOR
Quotes and humor from Dennis Miller
.
In the announcers' booth at Monday Night Football...
.
AL MICHAELS: Hello and welcome to another edition of ABC's Monday Night Football, tonight broadcasting from beautiful Fed Ex Field in Washington, D.C. I'm Al Michaels, and joining me in the booth are two new members of the ABC family, Dennis Miller and Dan Fouts.
AL MICHAELS: Hello and welcome to another edition of ABC's Monday Night Football, tonight broadcasting from beautiful Fed Ex Field in Washington, D.C. I'm Al Michaels, and joining me in the booth are two new members of the ABC family, Dennis Miller and Dan Fouts.
.
DENNIS MILLER: Wow, Monday Night Football. I don't want to appear nervous, but I'm under more strain right now than Linda Tripp's capri pants. I have to tell you, I'm conflicted about this. I usually like to be the outsider, the rabble-rouser, the iconoclast, but I also like a nice seat at a sporting event. And this seat is as nice as they get - except I think I took one of Boomer's old squeak toys up the ass when I sat down.
DENNIS MILLER: Wow, Monday Night Football. I don't want to appear nervous, but I'm under more strain right now than Linda Tripp's capri pants. I have to tell you, I'm conflicted about this. I usually like to be the outsider, the rabble-rouser, the iconoclast, but I also like a nice seat at a sporting event. And this seat is as nice as they get - except I think I took one of Boomer's old squeak toys up the ass when I sat down.
.
DAN FOUTS: I was a quarterback.
.
MILLER: Thanks for that insight, Mr. Peabody. Dan Fouts, everyone. I'm looking over here, and he's giving me that same blank stare I see when I put my dog on the phone. Hey, this isn't the Senior Tour, Chi Chi. Try to keep up.
MILLER: Thanks for that insight, Mr. Peabody. Dan Fouts, everyone. I'm looking over here, and he's giving me that same blank stare I see when I put my dog on the phone. Hey, this isn't the Senior Tour, Chi Chi. Try to keep up.
.
MICHAELS: Tonight the New England Patriots will try to get started on the right foot after a disappointing 8-8 showing last season. They take on the Washington Redskins, whose owner, Daniel Snyder, has paid out $65 million in free agent salaries and bonus payments in the offseason and is looking for results.
MICHAELS: Tonight the New England Patriots will try to get started on the right foot after a disappointing 8-8 showing last season. They take on the Washington Redskins, whose owner, Daniel Snyder, has paid out $65 million in free agent salaries and bonus payments in the offseason and is looking for results.
.
MILLER: Snyder is throwing around cash like a screech monkey playing with a pop-up Kleenex dispenser. But he's a real hard-ass - it must be great to coach this team. Norv Turner comes to work every day, hands his balls to Gus, the 80-year-old equipment guy, who puts them in a footlocker behind the Stairmaster until the end of the game. Did you catch that one ass-chewing Turner received last season? Lee Harvey Oswald got off easier in that little room at the Dallas P.D. And when Turner finally got out of there you could tell he was looking around, desperately praying for Jack Ruby to show up and end his fucking misery.
MILLER: Snyder is throwing around cash like a screech monkey playing with a pop-up Kleenex dispenser. But he's a real hard-ass - it must be great to coach this team. Norv Turner comes to work every day, hands his balls to Gus, the 80-year-old equipment guy, who puts them in a footlocker behind the Stairmaster until the end of the game. Did you catch that one ass-chewing Turner received last season? Lee Harvey Oswald got off easier in that little room at the Dallas P.D. And when Turner finally got out of there you could tell he was looking around, desperately praying for Jack Ruby to show up and end his fucking misery.
.
MICHAELS: The teams are on the field, and we're almost set for the kickoff.
MICHAELS: The teams are on the field, and we're almost set for the kickoff.
.
FOUTS: I was the quarterback. I didn't go on the field for the kickoff.
FOUTS: I was the quarterback. I didn't go on the field for the kickoff.
.
MILLER: Jesus, Shaggy, saunter on back to the Mystery Machine and take a breather, OK? Why don't you pick up your brain off that pile of papers it's holding down and see what happens when you plug it in? The game's starting, and I feel like Corporal Agarn trying to explain supply and demand to the fucking Hakowis.
MILLER: Jesus, Shaggy, saunter on back to the Mystery Machine and take a breather, OK? Why don't you pick up your brain off that pile of papers it's holding down and see what happens when you plug it in? The game's starting, and I feel like Corporal Agarn trying to explain supply and demand to the fucking Hakowis.
.
MICHAELS: As always, the Fuji Blimp makes its annual appearance at Monday Night Football. Glad to have you back, gentlemen.
MICHAELS: As always, the Fuji Blimp makes its annual appearance at Monday Night Football. Glad to have you back, gentlemen.
.
MILLER: It is balloooooooooon! (high-pitched cackle).
MILLER: It is balloooooooooon! (high-pitched cackle).
.
MICHAELS: Starting at quarterback for the Redskins will be Jeff George, whom I guess one could call a journeyman at this point in his career.
MICHAELS: Starting at quarterback for the Redskins will be Jeff George, whom I guess one could call a journeyman at this point in his career.
.
MILLER: I have to admit, when I saw George on the roster I thought he had as much chance of making the team as Linda Hunt on the set of Baywatch. This guy's been around - he's called a lot of plays under a lot of centers. He's seen more giant asses than a guest chair on the Jerry Springer Show.
MILLER: I have to admit, when I saw George on the roster I thought he had as much chance of making the team as Linda Hunt on the set of Baywatch. This guy's been around - he's called a lot of plays under a lot of centers. He's seen more giant asses than a guest chair on the Jerry Springer Show.
.
MICHAELS: Snyder spent plenty in the offseason to sign star players such as Deion Sanders and Darrell Green on defense.
MICHAELS: Snyder spent plenty in the offseason to sign star players such as Deion Sanders and Darrell Green on defense.
.
MILLER: Yeah, but look at that Fantasia broom army of social misfits the Redskins call an offensive line. I have a feeling that George's appearance tonight is going to be shorter than Mini-Me stooping over to pick up one of Dr. Evil's monocles.
MILLER: Yeah, but look at that Fantasia broom army of social misfits the Redskins call an offensive line. I have a feeling that George's appearance tonight is going to be shorter than Mini-Me stooping over to pick up one of Dr. Evil's monocles.
.
MICHAELS: George drops back to pass, moves out of the pocket and finds the veteran Michael Westbrook, who is tackled after an 11-yard gain.
MICHAELS: George drops back to pass, moves out of the pocket and finds the veteran Michael Westbrook, who is tackled after an 11-yard gain.
.
MILLER: Look, I'm new, I don't know that much about defensive schemes. But it seems to me right there that the middle was as vacant as an interview with Posh Spice.
MILLER: Look, I'm new, I don't know that much about defensive schemes. But it seems to me right there that the middle was as vacant as an interview with Posh Spice.
.
FOUTS: I was in a Miller beer commercial, and your last name is Miller.
FOUTS: I was in a Miller beer commercial, and your last name is Miller.
.
MILLER: Hey, Aristotle, save some of the probing insight for the rest of us, OK? How come I'm getting the funny feeling that this is an episode of The Munsters, and I'm Marian, the normal one? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the useful comments coming from your side of the booth could be counted on the one hand of a bad wood shop teacher. I can still see the jelly on your forehead where the electroshock terminals were attached. When I took this job, they didn't tell me that I would be teamed with Pepe the Human Hamster on one side, and on the other a broken-down ex-quarterback who makes Jethro Bodine look like David Niven. I want to find the psychotic network programmers who thought up this train wreck and point out that this shit has to be harder to watch than a sausage being made.
MILLER: Hey, Aristotle, save some of the probing insight for the rest of us, OK? How come I'm getting the funny feeling that this is an episode of The Munsters, and I'm Marian, the normal one? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the useful comments coming from your side of the booth could be counted on the one hand of a bad wood shop teacher. I can still see the jelly on your forehead where the electroshock terminals were attached. When I took this job, they didn't tell me that I would be teamed with Pepe the Human Hamster on one side, and on the other a broken-down ex-quarterback who makes Jethro Bodine look like David Niven. I want to find the psychotic network programmers who thought up this train wreck and point out that this shit has to be harder to watch than a sausage being made.
.
FOUTS: I like sausage.
FOUTS: I like sausage.
.
MILLER: Ah fuck it, where's my propeller hat?
MILLER: Ah fuck it, where's my propeller hat?
.
MICHAELS: The handoff is to Stephen Davis, who is tackled at the 39-yard line by defensive tackle Henry Thomas. But there's a flag on the play.
MICHAELS: The handoff is to Stephen Davis, who is tackled at the 39-yard line by defensive tackle Henry Thomas. But there's a flag on the play.
.
MILLER: I'd have to say that was the poorest result since O.J. took the lie-detector test. And look at that ref, will ya? He's got more nervous tics than a Belfast valet.
MILLER: I'd have to say that was the poorest result since O.J. took the lie-detector test. And look at that ref, will ya? He's got more nervous tics than a Belfast valet.
.
MICHAELS: That play will be brought back, making it first and 20 from the 49-yard line.
MICHAELS: That play will be brought back, making it first and 20 from the 49-yard line.
.
MILLER: Hey, who took my Raisinettes? Damn you, Roone Arledge! Damn you to hell!
MILLER: Hey, who took my Raisinettes? Damn you, Roone Arledge! Damn you to hell!
.
MICHAELS: George back to pass ... and the throw to Westbrook falls incomplete. Ty Law covering on the play.
MICHAELS: George back to pass ... and the throw to Westbrook falls incomplete. Ty Law covering on the play.
.
MILLER: I don't want to be a downer here, but how about throwin' the freakin' ball to the other side of the field, you know, cha-cha? You've got Westbrook drawing a bigger crowd than Anna Kournikova at the maximum-security lockdown at Rikers, while meanwhile the kid on the other side is lonelier than a hooker at a Star Trek convention.
MILLER: I don't want to be a downer here, but how about throwin' the freakin' ball to the other side of the field, you know, cha-cha? You've got Westbrook drawing a bigger crowd than Anna Kournikova at the maximum-security lockdown at Rikers, while meanwhile the kid on the other side is lonelier than a hooker at a Star Trek convention.
.
MICHAELS: To be fair, there have only been four plays so far.
MICHAELS: To be fair, there have only been four plays so far.
.
MILLER: Come on Al, you missing link. That receiver is being shunned like an Amish kid with a nipple ring. The left side of the field is to George as a shower is to the French. You've got a better shot at hearing Charlie Sheen give the keynote address at a Promise Keepers rally than you do of ever ....
MILLER: Come on Al, you missing link. That receiver is being shunned like an Amish kid with a nipple ring. The left side of the field is to George as a shower is to the French. You've got a better shot at hearing Charlie Sheen give the keynote address at a Promise Keepers rally than you do of ever ....
.
MICHAELS: Sorry to break in on you, Dennis, but Washington is guilty of a false start, and that will set them back another five yards.
MICHAELS: Sorry to break in on you, Dennis, but Washington is guilty of a false start, and that will set them back another five yards.
.
MILLER: The ref is whipping out that flag like it's the only lighter at a crack house.
MILLER: The ref is whipping out that flag like it's the only lighter at a crack house.
.
Later that evening:
Later that evening:
.
MICHAELS: So your final score is Washington 17, New England 10. We're headed off to San Francisco for our next Monday night broadcast, hope to see you there.
MICHAELS: So your final score is Washington 17, New England 10. We're headed off to San Francisco for our next Monday night broadcast, hope to see you there.
.
MILLER: I may be late; I don't fly. It'll be me in my Chevy Nova playing Mad Max with the Madden Cruiser all the way down Route 66, and you'll know I'm winning when Pavorotti starts hurling six-legged turkeys out the skylight for ballast.
MILLER: I may be late; I don't fly. It'll be me in my Chevy Nova playing Mad Max with the Madden Cruiser all the way down Route 66, and you'll know I'm winning when Pavorotti starts hurling six-legged turkeys out the skylight for ballast.
.
MICHAELS: What will you be doing with your remaining time in Washington, D.C.?
MICHAELS: What will you be doing with your remaining time in Washington, D.C.?
.
FOUTS: Doing a little sightseeing.
FOUTS: Doing a little sightseeing.
.
MILLER: I'll be back at the hotel, masturbating like a red-assed monkey watching the Banana Channel.
MILLER: I'll be back at the hotel, masturbating like a red-assed monkey watching the Banana Channel.
.
MICHAELS: So from all of us here at Monday Night Football, see you next week.
MICHAELS: So from all of us here at Monday Night Football, see you next week.
------------------------------------------------
-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), July 30, 2000
-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), July 30, 2000
==================================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: odt.co.nz
OLYMPICS SPORTS QUOTES
.
Olympics: New Zealand quotes from the Olympic Games, 2008
.
To view article, click here ===> NEW ZEALAND
===================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cbc.ca
Liu XiangImage: beijingolympicsfan.com
.
OLYMPICS SPORTS QUOTES
.
[ Includes Track and Field Sports ]
.
They said it - quotes from the Olympic Games, 2008
.
To view article, click here ===> BEIJING
====================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: myspacecutequotes.com
Image: county29.net.
SPORTS SAYINGS
.
Luge: The sport of lying down and trying not to die.
.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him tackle.
.
For the rich, there's therapy. For the rest of us, there is fishing.
.
If you can't break your nose at it, it ain't a sport.
.
Crew (Rowing) is the only sport in the world where an athlete is encouraged to sit on his butt and go backwards!
.
The discus throwers got the best seats at all the crucifixions.
.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
.
My drinking team has a soccer problem.
=====================
Monday, August 25, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hometownannapolis.com
"SPORTS STEVE"Image: hometownannapolis.com
.
NFL QUOTES
Quotes about a NFL Hall of Fame fan winner
.
The NFL season starts on 9/8/08 and its rabid fans
will be there in droves.
.
With so many rabid fans supporting the sport,
the NFL honors selected fans who qualify in a
very special way.
.
Meet ‘Sports Steve’, a Hall of Fame-worthy fan (see photo above)
.
On Sundays, Steve LaPlanche becomes Sports Steve, the Ravens superfan who was inducted into the Pro Football Fan Hall of Fame last week.
.
On Sundays, Steve LaPlanche becomes Sports Steve, the Ravens superfan who was inducted into the Pro Football Fan Hall of Fame last week.
.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
By E.B. FURGURSON III, Staff Writer
..
By E.B. FURGURSON III, Staff Writer
Published August 10, 2008
.
By day, Steve LaPlanche is a 32-year veteran Anne Arundel County Sheriff’s captain. On weekends he’s Sports Steve, the Baltimore Ravens uber-fan.
.
And last weekend, he was inducted into the Pro Football Fan Hall of Fame.
.
He has been a loyal Baltimore football fan since his dad took him to his first Colts game in 1956, when he was just 3 years old. He has not missed a home game for any Baltimore football team since.
.
That’s the Colts, Stars, Stallions and now the Ravens.“It’s really overwhelming,” he said during an interview at the county courthouse, where he commands the court security unit. “It’s the best thing related to football that has ever happened to me.”
.
And that’s saying something.
And that’s saying something.
.
After all, Johnny Unitas himself wrapped his Colts game cape on a young Mr. LaPlanche after a game in 1959. He still has it. The Colts Hall of Famer became good friends with Mr. LaPlanche’s father, and later, Mr. LaPlanche. On his Web site, http://www.sportssteve.com/, there are pictures of him with Mr. Unitas and others over the years.
After all, Johnny Unitas himself wrapped his Colts game cape on a young Mr. LaPlanche after a game in 1959. He still has it. The Colts Hall of Famer became good friends with Mr. LaPlanche’s father, and later, Mr. LaPlanche. On his Web site, http://www.sportssteve.com/, there are pictures of him with Mr. Unitas and others over the years.
.
However, the most famous picture of Mr. LaPlanche was the shot of the Mayflower moving van carrying the Colts off to Indianapolis. In the snowy frame one sees the van, and one lone Colts fan standing vigil in the cold. It was Mr. laPlanche.
However, the most famous picture of Mr. LaPlanche was the shot of the Mayflower moving van carrying the Colts off to Indianapolis. In the snowy frame one sees the van, and one lone Colts fan standing vigil in the cold. It was Mr. laPlanche.
.
These days he can be found in section 138 at M&T Bank Stadium exuding purple passion, with his face painted, including a trademark load of team-color beads, close to 50 pounds worth, around his neck.
These days he can be found in section 138 at M&T Bank Stadium exuding purple passion, with his face painted, including a trademark load of team-color beads, close to 50 pounds worth, around his neck.
.
“I try to lead cheers, get the fans going,” he said. “I try to do my duty as a 12th man.”
“I try to lead cheers, get the fans going,” he said. “I try to do my duty as a 12th man.”
.
But it’s not just his perfect attendance and game-day aplomb that won him the honor bestowed by the Professional Football Ultimate Fan Association in Canton, Ohio, last weekend.
But it’s not just his perfect attendance and game-day aplomb that won him the honor bestowed by the Professional Football Ultimate Fan Association in Canton, Ohio, last weekend.
.
It’s the charity work and good example he sets that added to the case for him to join 13 others in this year’s class of inductees.
It’s the charity work and good example he sets that added to the case for him to join 13 others in this year’s class of inductees.
.
“I don’t drink before or during the games. There are kids all around and I don’t want to be pointed out as some kind of wild man. I’m wild, but in a good way,” he said.
“I don’t drink before or during the games. There are kids all around and I don’t want to be pointed out as some kind of wild man. I’m wild, but in a good way,” he said.
.
He uses the Sports Steve moniker and Ultimate Fan persona to help raise money for various causes.
He uses the Sports Steve moniker and Ultimate Fan persona to help raise money for various causes.
.
His favorite is Maryland Special Olympics. “I am a Super Plunger at the Polar Bear Plunge at Sandy Point. You have to raise at least $10,000 to qualify, and last year I raised $12,664.”
His favorite is Maryland Special Olympics. “I am a Super Plunger at the Polar Bear Plunge at Sandy Point. You have to raise at least $10,000 to qualify, and last year I raised $12,664.”
.
Those top fundraisers spend the night before the actual winter event, running into the frigid waters every hour, on the hour, all night long.
Those top fundraisers spend the night before the actual winter event, running into the frigid waters every hour, on the hour, all night long.
.
“At 3 a.m. last year the water was 34 degrees and the windchill was 5 below,” he said. “But I love it, it’s my favorite charity.”
“At 3 a.m. last year the water was 34 degrees and the windchill was 5 below,” he said. “But I love it, it’s my favorite charity.”
.
He also makes appearances at other charity events, sometimes at Ravens Roost affairs. His own Ravens Roost 18 in Glen Burnie recently raised $6,000 for the Mackey Foundation, set up to help defer medical costs for former Colt great and Hall of Famer John Mackey who is suffering from dementia.
He also makes appearances at other charity events, sometimes at Ravens Roost affairs. His own Ravens Roost 18 in Glen Burnie recently raised $6,000 for the Mackey Foundation, set up to help defer medical costs for former Colt great and Hall of Famer John Mackey who is suffering from dementia.
.
“That’s what I hope comes from all this Hall of Fame recognition. I hope it helps me raise more money for charities,” he said.
“That’s what I hope comes from all this Hall of Fame recognition. I hope it helps me raise more money for charities,” he said.
.
Serving others has been his career. He has been working at the Anne Arundel County Sheriff’s Office for 32 years, starting in 1976 at a whopping $8,000 a year.
Serving others has been his career. He has been working at the Anne Arundel County Sheriff’s Office for 32 years, starting in 1976 at a whopping $8,000 a year.
.
The Professional Football Ultimate Fan Association started back in 1999 when VISA teamed up with the Hall of Fame to recognize super fans from throughout the league. There are all sorts in there, the famous Hogettes from the neighboring Washington Redskins, and six other Ravens fans.
The Professional Football Ultimate Fan Association started back in 1999 when VISA teamed up with the Hall of Fame to recognize super fans from throughout the league. There are all sorts in there, the famous Hogettes from the neighboring Washington Redskins, and six other Ravens fans.
.
“You think I dress crazy, you should see some of those others,” he said. Under new rules, a current member of the Fan Hall of Fame has to nominate another fan to represent the team. A Ravens fan known as Captain Dee-fence, aka Wes Henson of Waldorf, nominated Mr. LaPlanche this year. He had to submit a statement that was voted on by current super fan members of the association.
“You think I dress crazy, you should see some of those others,” he said. Under new rules, a current member of the Fan Hall of Fame has to nominate another fan to represent the team. A Ravens fan known as Captain Dee-fence, aka Wes Henson of Waldorf, nominated Mr. LaPlanche this year. He had to submit a statement that was voted on by current super fan members of the association.
.
Once elected, Mr. LaPlanche and his fellow inductees were presented engraved coins signifying their induction at a special “tailgate party” event held before the players were inducted last Sunday.
Once elected, Mr. LaPlanche and his fellow inductees were presented engraved coins signifying their induction at a special “tailgate party” event held before the players were inducted last Sunday.
.
They also got to be in the 2.5-mile-long Hall of Fame parade, which was a real treat for Mr. LaPlanche.
They also got to be in the 2.5-mile-long Hall of Fame parade, which was a real treat for Mr. LaPlanche.
.
“It was great. The crowd was all Redskins fans, as they had two guys being inducted, but I kept looking for Ravens fans,” he said. “Then I saw this young woman come running down the bleachers, and she came running right into the street yelling, ‘There’s our Sports Steve.’ That was neat.”
“It was great. The crowd was all Redskins fans, as they had two guys being inducted, but I kept looking for Ravens fans,” he said. “Then I saw this young woman come running down the bleachers, and she came running right into the street yelling, ‘There’s our Sports Steve.’ That was neat.”
.
He and other fans also spent time signing autographs at a children’s party held after the parade.
“I never turn down an autograph. I want to set a good example,” he said. A lesson learned by the example set by his childhood hero, Johnny U.
He and other fans also spent time signing autographs at a children’s party held after the parade.
“I never turn down an autograph. I want to set a good example,” he said. A lesson learned by the example set by his childhood hero, Johnny U.
=================================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wlky.com
Image: recipetips.com.
NFL QUOTES
Quotes from Super Bowl XXXV
January 24, 2000
.
"It tastes like chicken."
-- Gervase Peterson of 'Survivor' fame, when asked by Tiki Barber what the worm he ate on TV tasted like.
.
"I was looking to make a couple of extra dollars. I can't believe they shut me down like that."
-- Ravens 340-pound DT Tony Siragusa on recent limitations placed on Tampa-area strippers that restrict "personal dances" to a distance of no closer than six feet.
.
"I'd like my own show where I'd point out the better things in life. I know I'd ask a lot better questions than I heard here today."
-- Siragusa on his post-career plans.
.
"Do I have to wear one of those costumes? Man, why can't you put some shorts on those guys?" -- Siragusa to a Japanese television reporter who asked if he'd be willing to tutor a sumo wrestler-turned-TV host on a few football moves.
.
"It's amazing what 1100 people can do."
-- Giants TE Pete Mitchell, referring to a Web site survey (1100 people voted) that named him the 'Sexiest player in the Super Bowl' -- and caused nearly every question Mitchell faced Tuesday to revolve around his newly found mojo.
.
"I'm better looking, I got more rings, and I got more money."
-- Ravens TE Shannon Sharpe on why he's not jealous of Mitchell's new title.
.
"The one thing I've always prided myself on is not talking about anybody's wife or their mom
-- but anything other than that is fair game."
-- Sharpe on his policies on trash-talking.
.
"If you can't laugh at yourself, everybody else has a right to."
-- Ravens QB Trent Dilfer on his self-deprecating sense of humor.
.
"They don't need that kind of protection. There was no hidden agenda -- I'm not that smart."
-- Ravens head coach Brian Billick on his Monday tirade against the media and whether it was designed to deflect the spotlight from his players.
.
"I can if I needed to but I don't need to; that's why you pay somebody. You've got to have a broker. AmeriTrade is nice but it's not for you."
-- Giants CB Jason Sehorn when asked if he can calculate a PE ratio, referring to a commercial starring him and Sharpe.
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: larrybrownsports.com
Image: larrybrownsports.com.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
.
Charles Barkley Calls 80s Celtics ‘Ugliest Team in NBA History
By Larry Brown August 30, 2007 -
Posted in Basketball, LBS' Greatest Hits
.
You know the Celtics, their uniforms have gotten better. And they got a better looking team, because in the 80s, with McHale, Bird, and Parish, they had the ugliest team in NBA history.
.
They had Bill Walton [he] was ugly too. I think their team is much better looking with Paul and Ray and Kevin. But their uniforms have gotten better and their team has gotten much better looking in the 2000s.
.
Not as if Charles Barkley is the foremost representative on looks and fashion, but I have to admit, that is pretty freaking funny. I swear, nothing is out of bounds when it comes to Sir Charles. I guess that’s what makes him great.
=======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hogwild.net
Image: hogwild.net.
SPORTS PICTORIAL
.
Thanks, Tyra - it's sports-related, so you made the cut!!!
=========================
Sunday, August 24, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com
Image: nydailynews.com.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
"I never dreamed about being President, I wanted to be Willie Mays."
- George W. Bush
.
"The only difference between this and Custer's last stand was Custer didn't have to look at the tape afterwards."
- Terry Crisp, the ex-coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. This quote was after a 10-0 loss to the Calgary Flames.
.
"This has been a team effort. No one or two guys could have done all this."
- Casey Stengel, after the Mets lost 120 games in their inaugural season in 1962
.
John McKay had some really funny quotes as coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Bucs did not win a game during their first season in 1976.
"Well, we've determined that we can't win at home and we can't win on the road. What we need is a neutral site."
.
“There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says, ‘Sure, ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him.’ As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry.”
- Larry Miller
.
“The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event. Although I think I have a problem with that silver medal. 'Cause when you think about it, you win the gold-you feel good, you win the bronze-you think ‘Well at least I got something.’ But when you win that silver it's like ‘Congratulations, you almost won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you!’”
- Jerry Seinfeld
.
“Mario Andretti has retired from racecar driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on.”
- Jon Stewart
.
"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
- Tommy Lasorda
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com
PARIS HILTON!!! SOLITARY?Image: thewrongadvices.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes cited in July, 2007
.
----------------------------------------------
Late-night quote of the half year (2007)•
.
No. 7 on David Letterman's list of Top Ten Ways Paris Hilton Is Preparing For Jail:
"Attending Tampa Bay Devil Rays games to get used to solitary."
.
------------------------------------------------
The five funniest quotes of the half year (2007)•
.
Fifth prize:
From Cubs closer Ryan Dempster, on what Lou Piniella said to him during an especially brief April trip to the mound: "'
He said I looked good in my pants, which was nice. I hadn't noticed."
.
• Fourth prize:
• Fourth prize:
From Giants manager Bruce Bochy, after witnessing the hero's welcome that one-time Red Sox October icon Dave Roberts got on his return to Boston:
"I was hoping to get on his float from the hotel to the ballpark."
.
Third prize:
Third prize:
From Reds reliever Todd Coffey, to the Dayton Daily News' Hal McCoy, on whether there was any air conditioning in the bullpen in Philadelphia on a 96-degree night:
"There is no air conditioning and no electric fans. The only fans out there are full of hot air."
.
• Second prize:
• Second prize:
From Twins utility wit Jeff Cirillo, on why he decided he'd better go for arthroscopic surgery on his knee:
"It feels like I have a little person down there playing a little guitar on it."
.
• First prize:
• First prize:
From legendary quote machine Andy Van Slyke, to Booth Newspapers' Danny Knobler, on what he thought of Tigers pitcher Jeremy Bonderman's journey to first base for an infield single that was the first hit of his career:
"I've never seen an athlete get to first base hyperventilating. Even a poker player should be able to run 90 feet without hyperventilating. I thought I was going to have to revive him. I told him, 'I know CPR, but I'm not going to perform it on you.'"
.
---------------------------------------
Quote we can't figure out why we love•
Quote we can't figure out why we love•
From the Mets' Carlos Delgado, on his reaction to being informed that his May 9 homer into San Francisco's McCovey Cove gave him more Cove shots than any visiting player (three):
"Useless information."
============================
============================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fbva-west.org
Image: www.solarnavigator.net.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
"Don't tell me about the pain.... Show me the baby!" -- Bill Parcells
.
It's not the driver with the fastest car that wins. It's the one who refuses to lose. - Earnheart
.
"Basketball is like a chess game in which a move has to be made every second." - George P. Burdell
.
The more your players have to think on the basketball court, the slower their feet get." -- Jerry Tarkanian (1990 UNLV team won the NCAA championship)
.
It has been said that Knute Rockne would not run a play in a game until the team had run it 500 times in practice.
-----------------
WHAT WAS HE TALKING ABOUT, ALAN? ;=)
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com
Image: earlydaysproductions.com.
OLYMPICS SPORTS TRIVIA
Quotes and trivia about Sonja Henie, winner of 3 gold medals (Ice skating)
.
Ice skater, gold medal winner (3 times), movie star, Ice Capades star, entrepreneur!
Sonja Henie was one of the most successful Olympics stars ever.
To view more about Sonja Henie, click here ====> SONJA.
========================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: freelancenews.com
Image: christmastreepins.com/bowling.jpg,
BOWLING HUMOR
.
Bad Bowling Skills? It's Got to Be the Shoes
Nov 14, 2006 By Debbie Farmer
.
I've come to believe that as far as bowling goes there are two different kinds of people in the world: those who make strikes and break 100 almost every game, and those who can barely hoist the ball down the lane without breaking their wrist in half or falling on their backside.
.
I'd like to say I'm in the first category.
.
I'd also like to say I look like Michelle Pfeiffer and wear a size 4. But we all know this is the real world here. So let me just say my competitive bowling goal is to do my "personal best," which simply means I need to bowl less lousy than I did before. Luckily, this isn't too hard for me to do.
.
Oh sure, the concept of bowling may seem simple enough to the gullible and naive. All you have to do is to aim a really, really heavy ball down a really, really narrow lane and knock down twelve wily "pins," and all this while wearing exceptionally ugly shoes, ones that make bridesmaid shoes look chic.
.
Okay, let's just stop right here a moment and talk about bowling shoes. I mean, what in the heck happened with them? No matter where you go, they always look like a cross between clown shoes and corrective orthopedic footwear.
.
Perhaps it's because ugly shoes are crucial to successful bowling. Or maybe it's because no one with a clear mind and any sort of fashion sense would steal them. Or maybe, just maybe it's all a big, fat accident by the inventor of bowling who happened to have a spare pair of hideously ugly shoes that he wanted to get rid of.
.
Regardless of the reason, you'd think that by now someone somewhere would've designed a more attractive style. Mind you, one that's more like a strappy sandal or something with a spiked heal, pointy toes, and, oh let's see, a few crystal beads.
.
On top of unattractive accessories, the other problem with bowling is that if you want to win you have to have some kind of bowling strategy.
.
Yes, as shocking as it seems, there are clear-cut strategies to chucking a ball down a lane.
First there's the straight ball, then the curve ball, and finally the hook ball (all pretty self-explanatory).
.
However, my personal favorite is what I like to call the blind luck ball, which is to hold the ball close to my eyes, wildly throw my arm back, give a little yell, and fling the ball in the general direction of the pins.
.
While this may seem like a willy-nilly sort of a system to those of you more professional bowling types, with my strategy, sometimes even a pin or two gets knocked down. So there.
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: au.answers.yahoo.com
SWIMMING SAYINGS \ QUOTES
Quotes from public forum on Internet
.
Swimming is a sport, everything else is just a game.
.
H2O: two part heart one part obsession
.
water is MUST. you have a need for speed and like getting wet at the same time.
.
You might be a swimmer..
You might be a swimmer..
.
If whenever you hear an electronic beep, and you instinctively jump.
.
If you have rings around your eyes unrelated to the amount of sleep you got..
.
If waking up before dawn to exercise seems normal
.
If jamming a piece of Styrofoam between your legs is not a kinky sexual activity.
.
If you answer, "I don't need to" when someone asks when you showered last.
.
If you love a good lightning storm when you have outdoor practice.
.
When you learn how to squirt water 15 different ways
.
When you wake up before six for the free doughnuts
.
When you go through so much latex in one season you could wallpaper your room.
.
If a friend asks how a certain guy dresses and you reply, "I only see him without his clothes on"
.
If the first place you go when you're stressed out is a swimming pool
.
If your daily apparel is held together by knots or is torn and see through.
.
If the phrase, "50 double armed backstroke with a breast stroke kick" makes sense.
.
If your nightmares consist of a series of numbers ending in 0 or 5.
.
If you sweat chlorine even after showering
==============================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forums.sportingnews.com
BASEBALL INSULTS
Insults \ heckles from a sports forum
.
Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:47 pm
---------------------------------
when a new pitcher comes on..
"Fire up the grill! FRESH MEAT!!"
---------------------------------
i know one that our team uses....
when the other teams pitchers is throwing balls above the strike zone alot
some one from our dug out says "someone call a doctor!"
and the rest of the team says "He's throwing up!"
---------------------------------
A pitcher is getting hammered and someone from the hitting team yells,
"There's a fight at the bat rack!"
OR
"Start-up the Merry Go-Round!"
========================
Insults \ heckles from a sports forum
.
Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:47 pm
---------------------------------
when a new pitcher comes on..
"Fire up the grill! FRESH MEAT!!"
---------------------------------
i know one that our team uses....
when the other teams pitchers is throwing balls above the strike zone alot
some one from our dug out says "someone call a doctor!"
and the rest of the team says "He's throwing up!"
---------------------------------
A pitcher is getting hammered and someone from the hitting team yells,
"There's a fight at the bat rack!"
OR
"Start-up the Merry Go-Round!"
========================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thebaseballpage.com
MADONNA WHO?Image: positiveimagenews.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes, statistics and trivia about Alex Rodriguez
.
Click here to view ----> A-ROD.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: midgetmadness.com
NASCAR, SENIOR CITIZEN DIVISION Image: seniorcitizenhumor.blogspot.com
.
MOTOR RACING QUOTES
Quotes from NASCAR \ sprint car racing forum
.
Under steer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car and over steer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car.
.
Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall, torque is how far you take the wall with you."
.
"We're all a bunch of mugs! We work 24 hours a day, we don't eat, we don't sleep and we spend all our money just so we can go out again next Sunday and break the damned car." Horst Kwech, circa 1970
"We're all a bunch of mugs! We work 24 hours a day, we don't eat, we don't sleep and we spend all our money just so we can go out again next Sunday and break the damned car." Horst Kwech, circa 1970
.
"To finish first, you must first finish."- Rick Mears
"To finish first, you must first finish."- Rick Mears
.
"Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second."- Bobby Unser
"Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second."- Bobby Unser
.
"Aerodynamics is for those who cannot manufacture good engines"- Enzo Ferrari
"Aerodynamics is for those who cannot manufacture good engines"- Enzo Ferrari
.
"You've started a lot of engines."- Chris Myers, television host for FOX and FX NASCAR broadcasts, to All-Star Challange grand marshall Pamela Anderson.
"You've started a lot of engines."- Chris Myers, television host for FOX and FX NASCAR broadcasts, to All-Star Challange grand marshall Pamela Anderson.
.
"The crashes people remember, but drivers remember the near misses."- Mario Andretti
"The crashes people remember, but drivers remember the near misses."- Mario Andretti
.
"If I have to, I'll buy every piece of property around the track to make sure it stays open."- Tony Stewart in response to those around Eldora that complain about the noise and dust.
"If I have to, I'll buy every piece of property around the track to make sure it stays open."- Tony Stewart in response to those around Eldora that complain about the noise and dust.
.
“In what other sport do you get a 15-second break every hour?” - Dale Earnhardt Sr. on the "drvers aren't athletes" debate.
“In what other sport do you get a 15-second break every hour?” - Dale Earnhardt Sr. on the "drvers aren't athletes" debate.
.
In racing, I wanted to be a winner and to be a winner, you have to be willing to roll the dice. - Bobby Rahal
======================
In racing, I wanted to be a winner and to be a winner, you have to be willing to roll the dice. - Bobby Rahal
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: midgetmadness.com
Image: walpeperr.blogspot.com.
MOTOR RACING QUOTES
Quotes from NASCAR \ sprint car racing forum
.
Here's a list I have from various message boards ... ect. On a few I've lost the authors of the quotes tho.
.
Commenting on a new car. “It’s like taking a girl on a first date. You gotta keep playing with her to see how far she’ll let you go.”-Brian Tyler
.
Wings are for airplanes, birds, and certain insects. Race cars should be powered by strong engines and controlled by a big pair of kahunas.
.
When asked at Eldora....."Why do you race so close to the wall?"Jack Hewitt......"Cuz I ain't afraid of dieing"
.
Racing is life, everything before and after is just waiting"-Steve McQueen
.
“One other thing...to me, right now, there needs to be a mandatory drug test. ###### in the jar and get a pit pass, that's what they need to do. Being brave is one thing, but being brave cuz you ain't got the guts to do it naturally is another thing.”-Hewitt
.
“Big ovaries will never be a substitute for big Balls,”-Hewitt
.
"Some guys win with brains and some guys win with balls. The guy that wins the most is the guy that has the best communication between the two!"
.
"If there were just 5 more laps we would have won that show"....
.
"The driver ran out of talent about 25' before the crash began!"
.
"How do you make a small fortune in racing? You start with a big fortune!!"
.
"I drive race cars because I am to lazy to work and to honest to steal"-Brian Tyler
.
If you lift for a second that’s where you'll finish"
.
"There is no doubt about precisely when folks began racing each other in automobiles. It was the day they built the second automobile."
.
”racing is a profession in which we sometimes forget the inherent risks, only to be offered the most awful reminder.”
.
”It’s the emotional dichotomy that makes auto racing so fascinating, and yet so cruel. It's the ultimate win/lose situation, with the reality of its rewards and consequences.”
.
"Iffen you don't like it, you can kiss my ######." AJ Foyt
.
"You know, I learned quite a while ago that it's not racing that I love, it's winning," Jeff Gordon
.
"there is a guy who is a real race driver...I wouldn't walk where he drives a race car”-Steve Kinser
.
”The problem with being spectacular is that; you usually crash a lot of race cars”-Brain Paulus
.
”I've never won a race, but I've never lost a party”-Delma Cowart
.
“The one thing I am proud of is when I did crash; they were wadded up so bad you could’ve put them in the back of a pick-up. I always thought that if you were good, they’re totally destroyed when you crash, and if you’re a stroker, you can roll them onto the trailer and fix’em. When I crashed’em. I trashed’em.”- Doug Wolfgang
.
”Cars and drivers win races; engines break track records” Keith Kuntz
.
“Alcoholics can get help with their addictions. Drug addicts can also get help with their problems. But sprint car racing is an addiction for which there is no cure.”-Tom Chalk
.
"if we racers ever decided to work as hard at somethingelse as we did at racing, we'd all end up millionaires."-Eddie Flemke
.
”If you win races, you can win a championship, that's the way I look at, it’s not rocket science; there's no theories behind it.”-Tony Stewart
.
” It amazes me how people want to make more out of it than what it is, It’s a fascinating sport, and it always boils down to one thing: trying to be faster”-Tony Stewart
.
''Let's face it; no one would know me or Mario Andretti or Roger Penske if it wasn't for this place. This place is like the Kentucky Derby. You've got the Preakness and the Belmont, but they're not the Derby.''-A.J. Foyt
.
"The walls are white, the track is grey, the grass is green, and the sky is blue...your job is to keep them all where they belong."-Johnny Rutherford
.
"Drive it as hard and as deep as you can till you see God...then drive it 10 feet further...then brake"
.
"There comes a time in every race where money doesn't matter, living doesn't matter, winning is all that matters.
.
"It's like racing jet planes in a gymnasium."- on Anderson
.
“They’ve got big hearts, and a whole lot of horsepower. Brave souls and the will to win. They’re the local heroes. And they LIVE for Saturday night.”-Dave Despain
.
“Tonight it looks like we are bringing the car home in a wash basket.”
.
"It got real quiet and I knew when it landed it was gonna hurt."
.
"That's the 3rd time she's screwed me... and I haven't even kissed her yet!!"
.
“I didn’t lift until I got into the ambulance".
.
"Show me a GOOD loser and I'll show you a LOSER"
.
“Yea, I've crashed a few of them but never going slow!”
.
Winchester "you run'er down the straight away as hard as you can, then you spend the next 3 seconds trying to save your life"
.
Anonyms commenting on sprint cars compared to stock cars-“the tires are twice as wide and the cars weight half as much"
.
"Here beautiful (to trophy girl), take this home with you and I'll be by later to pick it up."
.
"Our driver had brain fade".
.
“When the front ends up that high ya, just follow the stars"
.
"I get three screw-ups a year...that was one of them"
.
“From the outside it cannot be understood, while from the inside it cannot be explained.”
.
"There are three easy ways of losing money - racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain."
======================
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
